The QOTW should be Valentines day or course.
Last Year we decided that as we were married now we should no longer send each other Valentine's Day cards.

Little did I know the little creep would fail my test and not give me chocolates, roses and an ankle chain as my heart desired.

The B3tard did it again last Christmas!!

What was your most memorable valentines day?
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Tue 13 Feb 2007, 20:54, Reply)

Worst thing you've swollowed and never told anyone about
Not got a good one myself as I usually brag about drinking the contents of ashtrays etc but what have the rest of the dirty monkies here consumed in private?
( SiX and his hat, Tue 13 Feb 2007, 14:37, Reply)

Bootlegged.
Have you ever sold anything you shouldn't have sold?

Some old guy asked me at the end of Cov Convos one week if I could get a copy of the interview from the week before, I did and he paid for it.

Anybody else bootlegged office work to make a 'quick buck'?
(Factorandvibration, Mon 12 Feb 2007, 22:39, Reply)

The strangest people you've met
For a year, while I was a student, I lived with a a dole-scrounding cordon-bleu chef who was a Marxist and a dungeon master. He was so lazy that he survived on takeaway burgers (always without salad - hence the grey skin). He was was also nocturnal.

Has anyone known anyone stranger?
( Parmesan Quality b4 Quantity, Mon 12 Feb 2007, 21:40, Reply)

When have you been a hero?
Helped someone in need and become everlasting adoration from them?
( morrybyte made a subtle namechange at, Mon 12 Feb 2007, 18:48, Reply)

If you could go back in time and change 1 thing..
What would it be? How would your life had been different? Naturally the correct answer is nothing, you live without regrets. But we all know thats bollocks really. So what would you pick?

I would have broken the legs of my rival for the last bowling place in the middlesex under twelve colt squad when I had the chance.

I didnt, and look at the state the England team is in now.
(The_Greyhound wrote www.luckymcdanger.blog.co.uk on, Sun 11 Feb 2007, 22:47, Reply)

Fave song lyric
What song lyric makes you flap at everybody to shut up and you turn the stereo up? It doesn't have to be soppy, it could be something that your dad used to sing to you to make you laugh, or it could be something that reminds you of a happy time.
(Linus Van Pelt, Sun 11 Feb 2007, 19:56, Reply)

Oddest dreams
The other night had a really odd dream, I won't recount the full story as none of you would know the people I was talking about. Anyway, it culminated in me sitting on the roof of my car holding an enormous pair of scissors. The next thing I know i'm running down the road with aforementioned scissors being chased by two grizzly bears. I can hear voices shouting 'STAB IT IN THE EYES WITH YOUR SCISSORS' then I turn round and the bear is right behind me, at which point I woke up sitting bolt upright holding the (now imaginary) scissors screaming at the top of my voice.

What other freaky dreams have you all had?

(My brother once had a dream where Danni Minogue was projectile vomitting whipped cream and giant foam shapes out of her mouth...)
( HoratioFellatio Taking the the out of psychotherapist, Sun 11 Feb 2007, 19:32, Reply)

The sound track to your life
For me, even now, when I hear the ending theme tune to Lovejoy, I still get that 'eurrrrnnngh' feeling.

As a child, I would be allowed to watch Lovejoy, then it'd 'up the wooden hill to bedfordshire', thus signalling the end of the weekend and the promise of another shitty week at school.

What pieces of music evoke powerful emotions whenever you hear them?
( HoratioFellatio Taking the the out of psychotherapist, Sun 11 Feb 2007, 19:19, Reply)

Skin of your teeth, seat of your panties
I've been successful in every panty-raid I've ever launched, but I'd be lying if I said there weren't a few close calls.

What have other readers JUST managed to get away with? Or maybe you were caught, and had to explain your way out of an embarrassing situation?
(misteroz, Sun 11 Feb 2007, 1:12, Reply)

just read derick acora's sprit guide sams post
and I would like to add I live in Hull. 'nuff said.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 9 Feb 2007, 16:26, Reply)

tips to keep fit
I try and keep healthy, for instance the roll up im smoking as i type this has a filter in it.

I also have my black coffee unsweetened and avoid a beer gut by drinking absinthe and neat gin instead.

come on b3ta " how do you keep fit?"
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 9 Feb 2007, 16:23, Reply)

I love b3ta...
...a good question of the week gets me through my ridiculously boring job, BUT....

it irritates me that B3tans cannot spell WEIRD. To detract from the irritation, I've been know to rub salt and vinegar crisps into my eyeballs.

What irritates the hell out of you on B3ta?
(Jugular, Fri 9 Feb 2007, 14:04, Reply)

Bad first impressions?
I work in an office in the middle of Vienna for the Austrian army. It's a bit of a posh place, it's the military accademy. I'm just a lowly recruit who writes all day and surfs the internet.

Anyway I have a General as boss, but I'd never seen him until recently. And oh boy. Going for lunch, I saw someone walk into the toilet from the hallway, and I needed a piss anyway and decided to follow. Walked in to the toilet, went to the urinals and noticed that one of the shitters was locked. Aha. Cue a massively long fart, *splat* (Austrian toilets have a platfrom so you can look at your poo) and me laughing and calling my comrade a dirty bastard. I was in fits of giggles until the door opened.

shit.

needless to say, he doesn't like me very much. My mate had walked into the kitchen next to the toilets and obviously found this hilarious later.
( morrybyte made a subtle namechange at, Fri 9 Feb 2007, 13:01, Reply)

The local bike....
This bird "Sam" aka the local Bike had a bit of a reputation....

Not totally unwarranted either....

Just a couple of examples of her escapades...

Walking into a crowded room during a party and sitting on a chair and proceding to, how can I put it, er, go to work on herself in front of everyone and announce she "would take all comers", she wasnt shy and not even bat an eyelid..

And then...While 7 months preggers, getting done over a sofa by someone other than her boyfiend..


And she doesnt care..

From what I last heard, she is still going strong..
Some rumors going round said she was 'making a living from it'

Classy lady.


Every towns got one..
Most workplaces have got one..
You have probably been there...
Tell all...
(CaptainSpaulding is the leader of the lost cause., Fri 9 Feb 2007, 11:41, Reply)

have you ever stolen anything?
well, have you? and what was it? was it important or are you just a common or garden meff who likes other peoples stuff? WELL?
(harestylenumber1 loves weiner, Fri 9 Feb 2007, 8:06, Reply)

Red Wings
You know what I mean.

Picture the hugely romantic setting.....
One pissed up squaddie and one nasty Company/Batallion/Regimental bike sharing a kebab whilst staggering back to barracks.
Said squaddie stops for a piss in a shop door way, said nasty bit can't wait to get to a bed and invites squaddie to swap his juicy donner for her minging flange.
All goes well. Nasty bit shudders to a squealing climax in front of squatting squaddie and then returns the favour. Sated, both parties go their separate ways. Next morning, bleary eyed and baggy tailed, squaddie heads for the showers. "What the fuck happened to you? Who did that? We'll hunt the twunt down tonight and get even" opines squaddie's oppo.
"What the fuck are you on about?" replies our hung-over hero.
"Look in the mirror, claret all over the place. Can't you feel anything?"
Ah fuck.
Squaddie checks mooey in mirror, pukes in sink then proceeds to scrub nasty bits' time-of-the-months seepage from oral area.
Ah well, we live and learn.
That's the last time a kebab was purchased for a very long while.
(behold the golden sausage has never been bi-curious., Thu 8 Feb 2007, 18:53, Reply)

Shitty Cities
I live in Leeds, home of all the best types of people. But I used to live in Bradford. Home of rats, prostitutes, murder, thick people and an air of racial tension.

What's the shittiest place you've lived?
(Northern Lovely, Thu 8 Feb 2007, 18:00, Reply)

Fancy meeting you here!
Have you ever met anyone you know in a unusuall situation?

For example I know of someone who met his old teacher while at his drug dealers house. Not as exciting as my personal experince of working with someone my bartender mate had refused service to and forced to go all the way home to get ID. Still im sure you could come up with some good ideas.

Before you disregard this QOTW idea, spare a moment to consider what frankspencer could potentally come up with for this post.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 7 Feb 2007, 22:46, Reply)

Mistaken identity
have you ever been mistaken for someone else?
Have you used it to your advantage, or has it been turned against you?
( ArthurTheRat, Mon 5 Feb 2007, 22:52, Reply)

boner. yea you heard me, HARD-ON..... STIFFY BONERY COCK
where is the most innapropriate place where you have unexpectedly become the owner of a big fat boner......

mine was during a medical examination with a old male doctor while i was stood in my pants, age 16. i dont know who felt more uncomfortable. please ask this as your QOTW!!!!
(mr kyle he's a silly bastard, the one who posted before me, Mon 5 Feb 2007, 22:22, Reply)

Embarrassing ends to an otherwise romantic/sexual encounter...
Once upon a weekend I was stupid enough to indulge in an act of drunken ruderies with a guy from work, and somehow I had (possibly due to vast amounts of inhibition-numbing dutch courage) managed to convince aforementioned bloke that I was in fact some kind of brazen sex goddess.
Needless to say, upto this point things were going swimmingly.
That is, until it is time for me to leave...
After donning the previous nights' killer heels I head for the door and, preparing myself for a lingering made-for-the-movies style goodbye... promptly go arse over tit down his stairs almost killing his cat in the process.

I wouldn't invite me back...

The worst part is I can still see the look of sheer terror on poor moggy's face as my arse came hurtling towards it...

What ways have you managed to royally screw up an almost beautiful moment??
(Peek_a_Boo forgot how fun B3ta was until, Sun 4 Feb 2007, 21:07, Reply)

I fucked up
A friend mine screwed up and dumped a load of waste water (human excrement) on his boss yet somehow he managed to keep his job.
What is your biggest mistake at work?
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Sat 3 Feb 2007, 23:54, Reply)

What's the biggest number you've ever counted to?

( Paster of Muppets is an incredible screen name, Sat 3 Feb 2007, 0:53, Reply)

Found anything great?
A somewhat naive friend last night announced if she found $1000 on the street she'd hand it in to the police immediately. Hours later when we'd stopped laughing in her face I wondered what's the best thing any B3tard's ever found... and did they keep it?
( difficultchild, Fri 2 Feb 2007, 1:15, Reply)

In The Guardian, on Thursdays, in the G2 section ...
... there's a kind of "readers act as agony aunt" feature ... someone writes in with a problem (my brother hates his son so what should I do?/how can I tell my best friend he's morbidly obese? etc) and the following week, good Guardian readers have written in with sage advice ... b3ta could shadow this with some b3tan advice?

The Guardian online also has this feature and the latest is at:
lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/privatelives/0,,1600401,00.html

Or perhaps b3tans could just write or email direct?
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Thu 1 Feb 2007, 22:36, Reply)

Underage
Smoking, drinking, movies, pubs, clubs - it seems a vital part of teenage life to attempt to partake in the illicit activities for which you are but a few years too young.

The first time I tried to buy some beers from an off licence aged about 14, I had the cunning plan of purchasing some crisps at the same time, so as to appear "casual". It's safe to say I was sent on my way, although the barbecue beef Hula Hoops were of some comfort.

Let's hear your stories, excuses, successes and failures for attempted underage activities.
(osmouk, Thu 1 Feb 2007, 16:39, Reply)

My greatest moment
Was it that threesome with glamour models? Passing your driving test on the 53rd go? Proving your univeristy professor wrong in front of a lecture theatre? Scoring 15 goals in the cup-winning match? Or is it yet to come ...

Emos need not write anything.
(frankspencer, Thu 1 Feb 2007, 10:12, Reply)

americans
looking back at previous QOTWs the theme of stupid yanks never fails to ticckle me...
so yeah...
...americans...

need i say more?
(sweatytramp, Thu 1 Feb 2007, 10:06, Reply)