What drives you mental?
What do people do/say that annoy the living crap out of you. The thing for me is when people use double-negatives. It drives me absolutely bat-shit mental. Whats yours?
(BLA_man, Wed 11 Apr 2007, 2:48, Reply)

Since everyone puts them in their stories anyway,
how about a challenge that doesn't make us dredge up memories - One that would be accepted by all - One that will go down in history...

The best length joke you can think of.
(EasilyRecognisable I’m back baby, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:28, Reply)

Most interesting thing you've ever stolen/accidentally permanently aqquired.
Just start ever post with ALLEGEDLY, and then go crazy telling us of your ALLEGED mini crime waves, or small pools of poaching, or a piss streak of pilfering...
(Ultimo LJ, Sun 8 Apr 2007, 13:28, Reply)

What was
your most memorable "What The Fuck!!" moment.

This QOTW would cover so many different areas that it is bound to be both funny and informative.

So, how about it? "Your Best WTF! Moment"
(barrycounty, Sun 8 Apr 2007, 5:10, Reply)

Personalised 'plates
Credit for this must go to nameleft for setting me thinking. I live in a place where we have no letters to play with. Apart from 69, can anyone present me with reasons & y?
(spikeofax, Fri 6 Apr 2007, 22:50, Reply)

What did it take to send you over the edge?
What event pushed you over the edge: it could be a bar incident that resulted in fisticuffs or just a boss that was such a wanker that you had to leave.

So what was it?
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Fri 6 Apr 2007, 15:28, Reply)

How about the best thing you've invented when drunk/stoned...
I'm always one for inventing thigs when I'm pissed, usually along the lines of a particle accelerator made from biscuits and copydex or some such rubbish.

My mate Haggis took the biscuit litterally when he invented the unholy genius that will forever be known as the 'kitkat chunky sandwich'. The story is a delight to hear, and I NEVER get bored of it.
( SubCulture Hero ... ... He... .... Comes ... ...., Fri 6 Apr 2007, 14:25, Reply)

Mad Stuff You've Done To Get Someone To Sleep With You?
We've all gone a little too far at one time or another to get a girl, or a guy, to sleep with us. Those stories are brilliant. I've a friend who spent close to a thousand pounds orchestrating a terrible day for a collegue, so he could comfort her and get in her knickers only to find out she had a boyfriend, who proposed to cheer her up.

I'll only tell you what she said if you make this the QOTW.
(Alexxx It wasn't me, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 19:49, Reply)

Suggestion
It's got to be Date Disasters... The QOTW the masses have been screaming out for.

Are you listening chthonic?

Mod edit: Yup, it's just we've done it before: www.b3ta.com/questions/dating/
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 5 Apr 2007, 15:35, Reply)

TV they'd rather you forgot
Clearly the “Life on Mars” phenomenon in the UK has us reminiscing about the good-ole-days of our pre-politically correct past. I recently watched a 1996 episode of “Midsomer Murders” (John Nettles gentle British police drama) and was quite surprised to hear them referring to one of the villains as an “Arse Bandit” and one of the suspects “shitting themselves”.

What historical mainstream TV shows do you recall that wouldn’t make it past the censors in these tolerant-of-all noughties….
(bridggar, Wed 4 Apr 2007, 13:25, Reply)

Could turn up some funny answers....
1) When was the last time you were caught naked on your own?

2) Most embarassing thing that's happened to you on a date.

3) Best spelling mistake you've seen.
(Ketzer Miller, Tue 3 Apr 2007, 20:37, Reply)

Childhood Cartoon Trauma
Any cartoon that Traumatised you as a child, for example mine was that weird 80's movie 'When the wind blows'.
(BobbyDarin Was somewhere Beyond the Sea on, Tue 3 Apr 2007, 15:29, Reply)

What bollocks have you recieved to a sensible question?
When I was young , very young
I had heard about this growing epidemic called "A.I.D.S". I was unsure on what risks but i knew from what i heard it was cought from bodily fluid contact. I asked my father if , presuming that the wiping of piss off of the seat of a public toilet is not completly sterile , it was possible to catch the AIDS from sitting on a public toilet seat. the answer was

"Only if the guy before you hasnt got up yet"

What bollocks have you recieved to a sensible question?
( Damion International - now taking orders., Mon 2 Apr 2007, 12:20, Reply)

The final straw
I've just hoofed my lodger out for shitting all over my living room, hall & shower. He was a foul lodger before this incident, but I'm a patient landlady. What was the final straw for you?
( Whodathunkit, Sun 1 Apr 2007, 23:20, Reply)

FACTS! real true FACTS!
Post your "real" facts, the weirder the better
For example...
FACT! Tom Jones sweats gravy
FACT! David Baddiel invented toast
FACT! The human intestines, when straightened in a line would never work again
(TheHotFuzz Liking it long time at..., Fri 30 Mar 2007, 20:20, Reply)

Mates
Have you friends that have become famous since you have known them
( The Lurker Plenty One, Thu 29 Mar 2007, 16:52, Reply)

Thisngs to do before you're 30
As it's coming up to my 29th birthday, I thought it would be a good idea to compile a list of things to do before I'm 30.

Suggestions gratefully received.
(birdwoman pissed herself at least once on, Thu 29 Mar 2007, 15:34, Reply)

Neighbours you've hated
In a lovely little village in Bedfordshire there is a terrace of 4 cottages just next door to the pub. The people that live there were a very happy bunch. They all got on very well, until, a complete and utter twunt moved into one of the houses between them. He has so far got the terrace on rat alert with the council and somehow managed to ascertain that one neighbours stairs are 200mm short of building standards and reported him for them being too noisy, despite the fact that the neighbour is decorating the entire house and the stairs are not yet carpeted. Add to this the fact that he is a very strange man and has aggravated some of the most lovely pacifistic people I know just by speaking to them and has some very strange people going in there and it makes for quite an uncomfortable situation.

What neighbour from hell type situations have you been in and how did you get rid of them?
( 99redbuffoons Reversed the polarity of the neutron flow at, Tue 27 Mar 2007, 13:59, Reply)

Little things which give me pleasure
In the interests of getting some decent responses can we sort of re-do 'Guilty Pleasures' (which is possibly my all time favourite) and do 'Little things which give me pleasure' [stop it now - that was NOT a cock gag].

Your starters for ten:

Cutting open a new bag of coffee and inhaling deeply,
Either: smiling broadly to myself in the street about something, which then starts someone else (preferably of the opposite sex) grinning to themselves as they pass you on the pavement; OR, seeing someone (pref...etc) smiling to themselves which then starts you off.
Being brought a pot of coffee and some toast and marmalade in bed by the one you love on a sunny morning when you don't have to go to work.
Sharing a tray of savoury goodies and a decent bottle of red wine in same bed with same one you love later that day after a marathon sex session.
(E-mail Zola Son of Che, Tue 27 Mar 2007, 13:41, Reply)

I'm great me
I've been looking for a job for ages, without a great deal of success. I'm beginning to think that I should make stuff up about how I cured cancer, or somesuch.

What have you managed to get from lying about yourself?
( littlefish I like cheese, Tue 27 Mar 2007, 13:34, Reply)

Bad English
We know it's not politically correct, but what hilarious language-based misdemeanours have you been party to?

I used to have a Spanish flatmate who told me that when she was little she used to read books about "Whinnie the Shit"
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Mon 26 Mar 2007, 10:58, Reply)

Stupid things you've said whilst drunk
At a party on Saturday night, I saw fit to inform a skinny girl with short hair that for a split second out of the corner of my eye, I'd thought she was an incredibly short bloke. She didn't see the funny side.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Mon 26 Mar 2007, 10:29, Reply)

Chat up lines
Funniest chat up lines you've said/recieved/overheard. My mate came up with a fucking belter on friday "You. Me. Friction. Fact or fiction? .... Fact." Classic
(Formaly Over say's hello, Sun 25 Mar 2007, 22:07, Reply)

Work experience
mine was hell; it was a church/heritage centre run by a massive toothed middle aged woman who looked like a chicken (but 5 foot tall and like a twig...) who made me do countless amounts of dishes and tedious stapling.

It was also used as a conference centre, so i got to serve coffee to balding middle aged men who pronounced "coffee" in a New York accent to try and be funny. Which it wasn't, as it only pissed me off more.


So yeah...stories about your work experience.
(Snailfighter Mk VIII MASTER of the bits underneath the ledges on fences, Sun 25 Mar 2007, 3:14, Reply)

When I grow up i'm going to be a....
At the tender age of 13, my little hairless clockweights squirted their first dose of testosterone into my blood stream.

The result was a mental alarm clock shouting "I NEED TO LOOK AT GIRL'S FANNIES".

Now being one of the smarter boys in the class, I reasoned that if I became a Gynaecologist, i'd get to look at fannies all day.

It was only when I reached the age of about 16 and learnt about STD's and yeast infections that I realised I'd only ever get to see diseased ones.

Tell us about your childhood career ambitions and the moment at which your aspirations crumbled into a pile of broken dreams.
( HoratioFellatio Taking the the out of psychotherapist, Fri 23 Mar 2007, 19:14, Reply)

customers
everyone has an awful-customer story. i think that would make a fun qotw
(dr3wrocks, Fri 23 Mar 2007, 9:24, Reply)

Break Up Psychosis
What have you done, or had done to you in that phase of temporary insanity that follows a relationship break up...
(flash, Thu 22 Mar 2007, 7:38, Reply)

Pets
We all like to torment our beloved pets at some point.

My Dad as a kid use to feed his sticky toffe and laugh when it got stuck to the roof of its mouth.

Then I threw a cup of water at our next door neighbours cat, it ran away from me for months!

These examples are pretty dull, but its fun to torment animals- not in a sadistic way though!
(purplefairy, Wed 21 Mar 2007, 22:50, Reply)

Stupid Stuff Your Mates Have Said
Happened to me the other day. Now, if you havent guessed, my mate isn't the brightest crayon in the box...

We were clearing out his flat, as he had got a new job, and whilst in the cupboard under the stairs, he came across his old chemistry book. Flicking through, he came to a page about Polymers.

He had noted in his book that polymers can be used to make things like clingfilm, So he asked me:

Mate: Dan, if polymers are used to make clingfilm, what are condoms made out of?

Me: Latex Morgan....

Mate: Oh

*long pause*

Me: Wait a second, you thought condoms were made from clingfilm!?
(DanS like you've never DanSed before!, Wed 21 Mar 2007, 20:33, Reply)

what about an entire week of

complaining about / defending me?

That's what every QOTW seems to turn into anyway.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 21 Mar 2007, 18:02, Reply)