Stuff never happens to me in the week it applies.
My creepy just happened yesterday. :-( My father in law copped a feel when everyone was hugging goodbye after Easter dinner. There were dirty-old-man fingers resting atop my ass.
(ladydyani, Mon 25 Apr 2011, 19:58, 2 replies)

In Bradford Interchange, an otherwise sane-looking fellow started making conversation at the urinal(!)
As I didn't want to be rude, and it would have been far more awkward to ignore him, the conversation went something like this:

Him: A lot of people don't like me.
Me: Why's that?
Him: It's because I'm black.
Me: That's not right.
Him: Do you know where cowboys live?
Me: Eh?
Him: Do you know where cowboys live?
Me: ...America?
Him: What bit of America.
Me: The wild West?
Him: Yeah, Texas.

At this point I made an excuse and swiftly left (a genuine one, mind - I was in danger of missing my bus.) Shortly after, I saw him starting up the exact same conversation with someone on one of the other stands. Very odd.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 25 Apr 2011, 19:56, 1 reply)

i was walking through the graveyard early one morning....
and saw an old man crouching down behind a gravestone i was passing..."morning" says I cheerily......"no mate, taking a shit" he replied


tres strange
(spinks its only kinky the first time, Mon 25 Apr 2011, 19:52, 3 replies)

My favorite bit of graffiti ever
On a temporary road sign at the top of Brixton Road about 5 years ago. Sign said "Pedestrians Look Both Ways"

Graffiti underneath said "and drivers take it up the arse".
(cymrococh, Mon 25 Apr 2011, 19:12, 1 reply)

Whilst in the sea at Weymouth, about 11 years old
A beachball landed in the water a few feet ahead. It was retrieved by a lady in a swimsuit who spotted me, waded over and with a sly grin on her face uttered the immortal words

"sugar is sweeter than shit"

before rejoining her friends.

:oS
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 25 Apr 2011, 18:47, 3 replies)

Page 400. GAG GAG what the hell?!
This is why laughing with your eyes shut is bad move. It was just like swallowing a fly; the blasted little devil-cube hardly touched the sides.

In the following days you will discover that - while you are no Gillian McKeith poo-hound - you are pretty sure the die never left the cavernous casino that is your arse. Its immovably lodged somewhere in your innards.

You will forever wonder if you've rolled a six...
(IChewCandlewax, Mon 25 Apr 2011, 16:42, 3 replies)

Page 312. Ye gods! An actually funny moment in the movie!

You open you mouth and guffaw loudly, just as the die randomly bounces back off the wall.

Go to page 400 if you've swallowed it.
(IChewCandlewax, Mon 25 Apr 2011, 16:41, Reply)

Page 101. Wow, the War of The Roses is bitter, vicious little film.

These are not the empty headed LOLs you were looking for. And its on a home cinema: does anyone really needs to see Danny DeVito up this closely?

If you bounce your die off the wall in abstraction, savouring the nice 'thwunk' noise it makes bouncing off some trapestry thingy they've nailed up, go to page 312
(IChewCandlewax, Mon 25 Apr 2011, 16:40, Reply)

Roll 2 dice.
If the total is the same or less than your current luck score: You are very bored. Your mates stoned choice of a 'comedy' film... isn't.

Turn to page 101 if you decide to idly play with a tiny wooden die you just found.
(IChewCandlewax, Mon 25 Apr 2011, 16:40, Reply)

Over the weekend
I went to a dinner get-together at my g/f's co-worker's place. We were talking to a couple people about how we had just moved. One girl (the co-worker's sister's college roommate, it turns out), who we had only just met, asked where we had moved from and we told her about the busy intersection in our nearby city. She got a curious look and said, "I used to live at that intersection."

We looked at each other and then at her.

"Wait... which house?"

"The big four-plex."

Turns out, she not only lived in the same building we did, she was in the same apartment, and of the 4 roommates living there, she even stayed in the exact same bedroom as we did.

Of all the millions of apartments and all the dozens of millions of bedrooms in all of Los Angeles, how the hell do we end up meeting one stranger that lived in our exact space?

We felt instantly connected by something so weird that we didn't really have anything else to say to each other for the rest of the night.
( intesvensk can't recall when I last checked the newsletter, Mon 25 Apr 2011, 16:23, 7 replies)

Submissions
I work for website where people (mainly American teens for some reason) submit stories in under 300 characters. We get a lot of weird stuff (and since reading one of the entries on the first page of this QOTW I'm not sure I even know what random means any more). Anyway, most of the stuff that is submitted to us is rubbish, but I stick some of the weirdest ones on here:

www.itdefinitelyis.com/

Some MUST count as random, surely.
(Alaning, Mon 25 Apr 2011, 15:30, 6 replies)

I was on my way to a job the other day somewhere near bristol
about 10 minutes after driving through Shepton mallet there was a massive pile of white powder in the corner of the field with a pair of wellington boots sticking out of it like someone has dived in it head first. Then there are 3 signs, one reads "Jasons stash" one says "snort your own" and one says "police aware". I asked the guy I work with about it, he says its been there for about 7 years now.
( Glovington, Mon 25 Apr 2011, 12:11, Reply)

I'm sure other people on here know or have heard of Horace of Finchley
Horace is a homeless gentleman who resides in Finchley and the surrounding areas, he's been spotted in Muswell hill, Golders green and Hampstead garden suburb. During the day he is often spotted outside budgens or at the doctors quietly singing to himself or mumbling something. Nighttime was when he'd come to life though. Every saturday night around 2am he'd march along east finchley high road bellowing FUCKING BASTARDS...FUCKING CUNTS...FUCKING BASTARDS...FUCKING CUNTS. I lived above a shop on the high road and was a bit worried when I first heard him, now whenever I'm back there it works like a lullaby and I can sleep much easier.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 25 Apr 2011, 11:18, Reply)

A few short randoms
A few weeks ago I was waiting for my bus home, as you do. I have seen plenty of strangely dressed people before from the hobos in odd clothing with more holes than cloth to the goth guys in tights etc however this particular day, a girl walks past in black high heals, a white leotard, a tiara... and a cape! I was quite jealous of the cape.

The other oddity, again while walking to my bus was someone dressed as a 6ft condom running around. Not giving out samples or advising against safe sex, just running around the street.
(Fishbone-didi, Mon 25 Apr 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Actually, one more before bed.
I remember roaming around Philadelphia several years ago, and I kept running into the strangest fellow I'd seen there.

img577.imageshack.us/i/n6880682675644245019.jpg/

I haven't seen him since I've been back, so hopefully he's on to better things, but seeing him riding about on his bicycle, wearing a viking helmet made my day back then.
( Ithyphallophobia, Mon 25 Apr 2011, 8:56, Reply)

First thing that comes to mind
is seeing a crack head who had stolen a fire escape dragging it down the main street. One of the great, big metal ones, about three floors worth, that it seems he'd nicked off the side of a nearby apartment. I can only imagine how disappointed he was when his dealer (at least if the dealer was sane) told him he couldn't accept fire escapes as payment for crack. Mind you, this took place in the middle of the day, just to make things more bizarre.

I'm sure I'll remember some more this week.
( Ithyphallophobia, Mon 25 Apr 2011, 8:39, Reply)

Gordon B owned an old Holden utility.
The type that had the spare wheel in a compartment under the load tray. He often left the car in the street.

commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Holden_FJ_Ute_02.jpg

He had just got home from work one afternoon and the kids came rushing up.

"Hey Dad someone's pinching the spare from the ute!"

He pounded outside only to see another FJ ute disappearing into the distance.

Bugger!

The following afternoon he heard a loud thump and a voice shouting from the front of the house:

"Thanks for the loan of the spare mate!"
(Redemption blamed it on the Bossa Nova since, Mon 25 Apr 2011, 0:03, 4 replies)

How i got my nickname
They call me Rooster, everyone asks why this is my nickname, the truth is so random/bizarre/strange/whatever that they dont believe me and assume I'm lying to protect some sinister truth

Roughly 2002, working on a rewire in a posh part of Sheffield, with 2 other lads roughly my age, we finish it at at an early enough time to just sit relaxing in the van until its time to set off home, the sun is in my eyes as I'm slumped in the drivers seat, so i reach out and pull the sun visor down, and notice a photograph shoved into it, i take it out and the photo is of a little old lady, blowing out candles on a birthday cake, the cake tells us its her 80th birthday. "where's this come from?" says I. "dunno" comes the reply, I casually flip the photo round to be greeted by the phrase (my name replaced by asterix here).... *** "Rooster' ****** loves Doris Hepplethwaite TLA" the other 2 lads in the van dont claim responsibility, neither do any of the other 11 people working for the company at the time, each and every one of them bemused by the photo, its appearance in the van or indeed the message on the back.

To this day, I dont know who wrote it, why they chose to give me the nickname Rooster or why they didn't own up to something that nearly everyone who witnessed it found very funny. A truly strange little situation
(whorsepower needs an amusing sig, Sun 24 Apr 2011, 23:06, 7 replies)

Second Hand Bath
We'd had our bathrooms ripped out & redesigned, and the skip stood proudly on the drive. Just before we went out on Friday night we placed the old bath at a tantalising angle to the road, hoping someone would avail themselves of a freebie. Sure enough, four hours later when we came back, the bath was nowhere to be seen. Result!

I even walked around the estate to see if any naughty chav types had deposited it on anyone's front lawn for a bit of a wheeze. Nope. All Gone!

Still gone when I went off to golf at 8 the next morning.

Arrived back at 1pm to find the bloody thing sat back on top of the skip. Words (for once) failed me.
( The Lone Groover has mal des nuts., Sun 24 Apr 2011, 20:52, 4 replies)

The Bicycle Thieves
[scene_setting_bit]
back in the mid-90's I went to a free festival in New Cross. drove up from leafy Surrey with a mate, plan was to see the bands, drink some beer, crash in the car & drive home the next day

anyway, said mate pulls & disappears (this is in the days before ubiquitous mobile phones) & I find a note on the car saying that he'll meet me back there at 9 the next morning (didn't she mate a mate ffs?!)

so I wander around for a bit & then crash in the car for the night. being the middle of summer, it's light at stupid o'clock & I wake up & can't get back to sleep, so I go for a wander to see if I can find somewhere open for some breakfast whilst my mate is no doubt getting his morning oats
[/scene_setting_bit]

so, I wander through the park, where the festival was held. in the park, amid the detritus of yesterday are two gentlemen having a spirited argument over a bicycle. obviously having met an impasse in the negotiations, one of our protagonists grabs the bike, jumps on & cycles off. protagonist #2 is obviously not too happy about this because he picks up a brick, runs after protagonist #1 & twats him around the head with it. #1 falls off the bike, #2 drops his brick, picks up the bike & cycles off. #1, bleeding from the head, then picks up the brick, runs after #2 & twats him around the head, causing him to falls off. this goes back & forth maybe half a dozen times each way, with each getting progressively bloodier & shoutier until eventually one manages to escape on the bike, leaving one angry, bloody man with a brick in his hand in the park. at which point I decide that there's no breakfast, but perhaps a brick to the head, to be had in the park, & depart
(weaselinajetengine, Sun 24 Apr 2011, 19:10, 4 replies)

I often go caving
and honestly, the things (and creatures) you find are incredibly strange and out of place. Honestly, who would put a tripwire in the depths of a cave???

It's like God is just rolling dice and looking up the results on a table or something.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 24 Apr 2011, 17:39, 11 replies)

My family and I used to go camping in Yorkshire
and we often went walking. And on this occasion we'd made our way to the Great Stone of Fourstones , which is just a big ancient rock on the moors about a mile or so from the nearest village.

So, being about 10 years old, I was clambering about, thoroughly enjoying climbing to the top of a sacred marker. And from my lofty vantage point, I spied a curious fellow cresting the top of the hill, riding a bicycle.

As he came closer, he turned down the path leading from the road to the stone, and rattled across the mud towards us. He was on a old folding bike, and wearing tattered looking pink cords, and a tweed jacket with leather patches on the elbows. Odd. And he'd appeared from further within the moors, meaning it was at least ten miles from the nearest village he could have come from.

He stopped at the bottom of the stone, produced a old looking camera, and asked my mum to take a photo of him on top of the stone. "Right-o" she says, and he disappears around the back. With his bike. And tries to climb up. With his bike. The stairs cut into the rock are steep, and the bike was heavy. I was helping him up with it, and I swear if I hadn't been there he'd have fallen. The stone is 18ft high, so it's no small drop.

He finally managed to make it up there, my mother took the photo, and he descended with almost literal break-neck speed back down the rock, before retrieving his camera and cycling off into the distance.

I wish I could post a photo, but we were stunned into inaction by the sheer oddity of the guy.
( Mr.Ons knows you can hear him, Earthmen., Sun 24 Apr 2011, 17:06, 1 reply)

when he was a little boy
We were walking back from a happy evening spent in the pub, myself, my daughter and my son. We'd had a lovely time, eaten from the barbeque, they'd played on the slides and climbing frames with the other kids, the sun was setting, and we got to talking as we walked.
"I know it's been a bit strange, moving to another school, a new house with only a little garden and all that, but you've both held up really well, and I'm proud of you both"
Both littlies went a bit quiet, then my son tucked his hand into mine and squeezed,as he said "It's OK Mum, in fact it could be a lot worse"
"How's that son?" I asked
"We could live in a potato!" he shouted over his shoulder as he scampered off after his big sister.
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Sun 24 Apr 2011, 10:01, 15 replies)

Pavement paint
Walking home from a party a couple hours ago I spy something sat in the middle of the pavement.
'Oh whats that?" I say to my companion
"Its a tub of paint with a rock on it , i saw it earlier on my way here" says he
And sure enough slap bang in the middle of the pavement there is a sheet of newspaper laid out, on top of which stands a large plastic paint tub with a big slab of rock on top of that.
I did think about taking a photo of it, but decided that was probably a bit weird.
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Sun 24 Apr 2011, 4:17, Reply)

Shepherd's Bush Green = Nutter Island
It's probably gentrified a bit since they built the bloody great Westfield shopping centre, but when I lived there it was a haven for nutters.

Memorable examples include:

A bloke with no shirt, or shoes (in January) running across the green eyes spinning shouting: "I AM ON CRACK! SOMEBODY KILL ME!"

The guy who sold drugs at the tube station by asking people if they wanted to buy a "Travelcard". (Not only is selling fake/used Travelcards still a crime thus a crap cover story, but confused tourists would regularly try and buy Travelcards from him)

The bloke who mugged a friend of mine with the immortal line "Give me your wallet, or I'll break your glasses"

The scary looking guy who jumped out on me and a mate and shouted "I've got a knife, Give me all your money!" and then playfully patted my shoulder and said "Only kidding mate" and walked off chuckling to himself.

I don't miss the place...
(monquixote, Sun 24 Apr 2011, 2:23, Reply)

Lynchian ducks
A few years ago I opened my front door and found two ducks standing there waiting outside. We looked at each other for a few seconds before the male duck started quacking quietly, as if he was trying to tell me something. I closed the door behind me and edged around them. All the while they kept their eyes on me.
The whole episode had a David Lynch bad-dream movie feeling about it.
(mudskipper, Sun 24 Apr 2011, 2:14, 4 replies)

Sparrow
Raspberry.
(Lythium deals in lead, my friend., Sun 24 Apr 2011, 2:10, Reply)

More weird than random
I was hiking in the woods near where I live and I came upon an odd sight as I turned a corner.



More cushions and pillows were scattered along the rocks and streams. It wasn't anywhere near the entrance to the trail. I wonder how many people it took to drag it up there and why?
(evil_penguin_17 Robots of Doom... Attack!, Sun 24 Apr 2011, 0:21, 8 replies)

Royalty
1). Many moons ago i walked to the local shop a bit stoned and not very with it. This was at the edge of a run down housing estate next to an over grown forgotten industrial wasteland. As i looked both ways so as to cross the road in true green cross code style i saw Queen Elizabeth the First and Sir Walter Raleigh just a few feet away. I had crossed the road before I realised what i had seen and had to make sure they were really there. They were. It was a week before i found out they were local historical reenactment types on their way to an event.

2). First time on any kind of notable dosage of acid (LSD). Not sure of myself to begin with but just getting into the groove of it when there is a knock at the door. A complete stranger is standing there, looks a bit of a hippy type, and he says not a word but slowly and silently points up the hill towards the park. I squeeked (to my GF's undying hilarity) "I don't know who you are!" and closed the door with wide terryfied eyes. I have always regretted not going to the park. I now think something magical was awaiting me and i missed out.

I would like to point out i am not the druggy type these stories make out. I should also get my GF to list some of her escapades as i've heard and witnessed some of the oddest things and people in her company. I think she alters reality with simply her presence.
(DreddPirateBob has watched every scifi film ever on, Sat 23 Apr 2011, 23:28, 1 reply)