Strip joint in Soho
10 pounds for a pint of warm lager whilst a woman old enough to be my mother took off her clothes.
(veniceboy lives in California, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 20:35, Reply)

London to Liverpool
I once flew from London to Liverpool for work. Cost 360 quid. Bargain.
(veniceboy lives in California, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 20:32, Reply)

My brother
is a hardcore Liverpool FC supporter - latest strip, season ticket, the works. So when he spotted a shirt on Ebay a couple of years back, signed by the whole squad, he got bidding pretty much straight away.
He won, he paid - some 60 or 70 quid - the package winged its way up the A6, and was opened...
The signatures were there, alright. Each player's name, in the exact same handwriting. More specifically, the same handwriting as was on the envelope.
Sympathetic noises trumped hysterical barking laughter, somehow...
(doran, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 20:19, Reply)

Honeymoon
Just thought of another.

Stayed at a hotel in Mexico on honeymoon that advertised itself as a luxurious, ecofriendly paradise.

Well by ecofriendly they meant no electricity so it was fucking hotter than hell and God knows how they kept the food cold. No running water and certainly no hot water. Beer cans were littered all over the beach.

When you took a shit you had to place the paper in a bin by the side of the toilet which they would pick up once a day (as a result of the rotten food above there was quite a lot of paper in there by the end of the day).

All this for a bargain $395 a night! We checked out after one night.
(veniceboy lives in California, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 20:18, Reply)

Steak
I once went to a fancy restaurant where a steak cost $65. 65 fucking dollars for a steak. God damn. What kind of cow was it?

I had a salad. (Gay boy)
(veniceboy lives in California, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 20:14, Reply)

Two...
As usual..

First was me..

I wasn't really ripped, but I went to Kos a couple of years ago. Excellent place. Bought a stunning Nike belt (which was a good belt), bought it back home and found out Nike don't make belts. While in Kos, I went for a day out in Turkey. Bought a couple of dodgy VCDs. One was Road Trip (crap copy of a crap movie) and the other was Scream 4.. Yes, I know, Scream 4 has never been released. I actually knew it at the time, just thought it was funny.

Another, serious one, happened to a friend. Against my advice, he went (and dragged me) in to one of these "auctions" where they sell "top make" goods and give you them in black bags.

He, again, against my advice, bid on a "Pentax" SLR camera. So, he won the bid. Paid over his £50. Well, he paid £35, I had to lend him the other £15, and the auctioneer bagged up his purchase.

When we got outside, we opened the bag, and found the cheapest, nastiest camera I have ever seen. Not worth anywhere near a tenner, let alone £50.
(Ok, I'll get me coat, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 20:13, Reply)

My flatmate and I....
...got landed with an unbelievably large estimate for our electricity bill just before Christmas (we're talking £850 for a 2 bedroom flat) so we decided instead of contesting or trying to resolve the issue and be forced to pay we would simply change the name on the bill (we were due to move out on Dec 22nd).

Cue one phonecall to nPower, my flatmate getting the name changed from his to the landlord's (I offered my best impersonation service and pretended to be the landlord "accepting" the name change).

We left no forwarding address or contact information, and put the bill for the new flat under my name (nPower have never heard of me) so we cant be traced.

I believe we well and truly ripped off our twat of an ex-landlord!

length? your mum had no complaints last night.
( Mister B is eating an icanhazcheezburger with lmaonaise, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 20:12, Reply)

london
once went to a little gig in london. Bought me and my friend a drink, I got a double vodka and coke he had a double jd and coke. Came to £11.10. I nearly cried.

didn't stop me getting wasted mind.
(lei, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 20:07, Reply)

Hmm
I keep paying all this money to this group of geezers. I have no choice really, they'll do pretty horrible things to me if I don't. You could say that it's demanding money with menaces, and this lot have big menaces let me tell you.

I am told that the money they are taking is for my own good, that they'll see it all gets to the right right people and that, by forking over to them, I am helping the community at large (not that I can see jack shit of a difference).

And who are these people? The Government, namely Labour. The cunts. 30%+ if my wage goes to funding illegal wars, torture, white elephants like the Olympics, back-handers to the private sector, bribes to foreign leaders, vast sums to feckless wasters who can't be fucked to get a job, the EU, PFI/PPP and Christ knows what else the twats are getting away with.

THAT my friends, is a rip off.
(SpangleDangle >->)))'>, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 20:06, Reply)

Chinese Food
Great chinese food place near my house. Cheap prices unless you buy a drink. It's like 3 bucks for a can of soda.
(ditfart7, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 19:52, Reply)

I rip people off every day


...Okay sir, that will be £465 for your service.

*smile*
(mercemployee, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 19:40, Reply)

Funnily enough, British Gas
If you've "Come back to British Gas" before Xmas just gone, then the likehood is that they've cocked up your bill. Their systems are up the shitter, so if you start with them it seems that they take your initial reading and change it to "0", then charge you everything upto what you are currently on.

I live in a 1 bedroom flat with the missus, and for the summer months we got whacked for £135, for using the heating about 3 times for an hour. Bless.

They still aint sorted it out yet, haven't paid a penny though :)
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 19:38, Reply)

Ripped off? Almost kidnapped by White Slavers!
Years ago I spent some time in India, I’ve mentioned it before in a previous QOTW.


I spent a few days in the beautiful city of Jaipur which is renowned for its jewel trade.

I was there with a couple of friends – all girls and we were having a great time visiting the Pink City.


One day myself and Wendy (for that is….blah, blah) decided to do a bit of extra shopping.

We hop in a taxi (a pedalled rickshaw actually) and off we go into town.
En route a couple of young local guys on motorbikes draw level with the taxi and start to chat to us – the usual stuff, Do you like India, Are you from England, etc. etc.
Then they ask us if we want to go get a cup of tea with them…..Oh…go on then, we say (well, actually it was me that said it, my friend wasn’t too sure….).


So soon we are drinking the best British Rail tea you can get - foul stuff; they seem to boil up the water with the tea, milk and sugar all in it.
We chat about our studies – they wanted to improve their English….They asked us about where was good to visit in the UK, what sort of things should they buy as gifts for their parents, where to eat, everything necessary for a visit….even asking for our details back home as immigration references (oh God, yes, I feel ashamed of giving that one out now!

The things I’ll do for a fit looking man….)


After all of this chat they invite us back to their home to meet the family…..Come on, they say, You can ride on the back of our bikes…..


At last my common sense started to kick in….”I want to walk thanks”…you see, I’d worked out that it might be safer if I walk there – then I won’t die horribly in a motorbike accident…
My sensible friend Wendy whispers to me, “Aren’t you worried about where they might take us?” Oh, I think, that’s a thought….


Anyway, we walk through Jaipur, through the tourist areas where all the jewellery shops are, past carpet sellers, deeper and deeper we go into the Muslim part of town.
It was full of women wearing the full burka – pretty much the first time I’d seen it, and it was a little scary not being able to see faces….
But we still had the two local guys with us and they kept chatting about how nice it would be for us to meet their family, so on we go.


When we had reached the point at which I no longer knew where we were I started to feel scared…the roads and narrow lanes we had taken all looked the same and I wanted to get back to the safety of our hotel…
But just then the guys said their home was around the next corner and also there was a policeman directing the traffic on the very same corner.
We’re safe, I thought, if we scream now the policeman will hear us.


Around the corner the narrow street was lined with small shops and even smaller doorways. They led us through one tiny door, into a courtyard and then through a smaller door with led up a narrow staircase.
Even now I still remember vividly the white stairs and walls and thinking to myself that we’d passed the point of no return…we were going to be sold into White Slavery….yes, even then I had an overactive imagination…


We were led into a simple room where the women of the family were eating, as soon as they saw us, strangers, they left the room and shortly the men joined us instead.
Only the two guys that had brought us there spoke English, so conversation was a little stilted – in fact I can’t even remember what we spoke about.
They offered us fruit to eat – which, to my shame I refused because I thought they were going to drug us and take us off to live in UAE as sex slaves….ahem….


They did however invite us to join them for supper…..and I agreed – all the while Wendy was going paler and paler, and bearing in mind I’d refused the fruit on the grounds of being possibly drugged…I can only presume that my young self believed that cooked food would be safe….


Shortly we were all sitting cross-legged on the floor and eating the hottest curry I have ever tasted in my entire life while all the men laughed at us….


After we had finished the meal they tried to chat to us about our lives in England and then one of them asked us if we’d like to see something interesting…And if we could guess what it was we could have it…..


Out of a concealed cupboard they dragged a white pillowcase sized sack, it was filled to the brim (just like in a film) with what looked like green marble chips – like the ones that are put around graves sometimes.
That’s what I guessed they were, marble chips….No…not marble….so we didn’t get any….no, these were Uncut Emeralds…..


Then things moved on quickly, did we like jewellery?
Would we like to see their shop, their workshop?
If we went now we could meet their grandfather who was in the shop right now ready to take our order.
We could draw our own design for any piece of jewellery and they’d get it made up for us in a couple of days….


We went to the shop, grandfather was praying, so we didn’t have to go in…it was late by now and we managed to finally say goodbye – they would come to our hotel the following morning for our order…

How did we get away?

“Thank you for your kind offer, but you must understand that I need to speak to my father about this – my father would be very angry with me for going to a man’s house without his permission. He would also be angry if I spent his money on jewellery without asking first.”


They believed me….but still turned up the following morning waiting for our response….So I told them I’d spoken to my father and he was very angry with me and forbade me to talk to strange men again….


They left us with their apologies.

A taxi drew up, Wendy and I asked the driver to take us into town and could he recommend a good jewellers….
I bought a very nice half-carat emerald ring, still got it actually….
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 19:09, Reply)

Money well spent... I think. And hooge disappointment...
So, ordered a Wii from GAME in teh middle of the November of the '06. Nae bother.

Lovely, good news from the buggers, wot emailed a few days later. "We be DELIGHTED!!1 [ROFLXORZ etc(actual email quoted) to tell you: you will very soon be the proud owner of a Wii with a reduced sale price!" They went and saved us a whole entire 1p off the initial cost. Christ's Righteous Jizzflakes. Cheers, you chode-faces. There you go: GAME = shatterers and burgerers of the raised hopes of crippled wheely-people. Twice over.

Email comes on December 10 or sumfink: "We've not got many machines at the mo - blame Nintendo - but you WILL get one for Xmas. Defo." Did I fuck... Got it eventually, arriving at home late in January - but by this time I'd gone back to uni to get me work done.

Roll on Easter hols just after St Pady's Day in March, or have GAME delayed these too? Psssssh.
(Dan of the Crippled Nipples, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 19:05, Reply)

drugs ripoff
before i knew him well enough to admit to anything myself, the bedsh1tter once made me drive him down to coldharbour lane so he could "score".

turned out his idea of scoring was to hang around lamely until he was able to spend £50 on something he thought might be an "E".

so we got it home and i unwrapped it. i said i had never seen a brown E and he told me i was being stupid. i told him i had never seen a short, skinny, brown, wooden E with a red end that could be used to light a fire and that had been broken into pieces and wrapped in clingfilm. then i asked him who was the truly stupid one...

i spent the rest of the night laughing and saying things like "you've really met your match" and "you really struck out this time" and "bet this really burns you up".

well, i thought it was funny!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 19:01, Reply)

Celebrity ripoff
Me this time!

When he was over here filming Snatch, Brad Pitt bought several ounces of the lamest, weakest bright green home grown grass off me through a mutual friend. He thought it was 'really good'. £120 each. Cost me £40.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 18:43, Reply)

Get stoned
My mate Paul sold someone a small stone wrapped in clingfilm for £13 once. And some girls I know also paid a similar amount for an Oxo cube. Well done ladies.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 18:39, Reply)

Food and drinks at theme parks
$2.25 for a 20oz bottle of coke, and that was from the vending machine! They had metal detectors at the gates and confiscated any sodas you tried to bring in.

$5 for a pizza the size of a CD. I think it had three pepperoni.

You pay for parking, you pay for the ticket, you pay for food and drink. Might as well cut off your arm and leg and give it to them at the start.
(evil_penguin_17 Robots of Doom... Attack!, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 18:34, Reply)

Tokyo
Paid £5.00 for a pint of Guinness and £2.50 for 330ml glass of draught lager :(
but the wasabi peas were free :)
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 18:25, Reply)

I have an awesome ripped off story!!
If you click "I Like This", I'll post a great story tomorrow about how I was ripped off once.
(chase, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 18:22, Reply)

Reminded by the signed parsley story from last week...
While vistint my grandparents and uncle/auntie in Edinburgh as a child, I was taken to a restaurant. It was large and posh and my mum had made us dress properly... *scowl and stamp foot*

The Lasange and chips piqued my interest... I wasn't at the age where i realised that a good steak was fun, I knew what I liked and i was having it.

The adults were talking and drinking, my brother and I were bored, and it was then that
my brother handed me a chip and said "eat it"... I tried.

You'd be amazed how painful it is when you chomp on a chip placed vertically in your mouth... and find that it has a toothpick inserted into it along it's length. Relaising that we'd be in trouble i stifled my yelp, and drank coke until the bleeding stopped.

We giggled, and for no apparent reason decided to put a toothpick in each and every remaining chip on the plate. My brother got our dad to eat one and after being bollocked for being irresponsible little bastards, we sat in silence awaiting pudding.

Main course was cleared away, and we waited in morose and dutiful silence for what the pretty waitress had said was the "stickyest most chocolaty chocolate pudding in scotland"

Just as the chocolate pudding arrived, and just as my brother and i were looking at each other with a look that said "This is just a chocolate sponge-cake..." the respectful silence of the psh restruarnt was broken by a yelp... a scream, and then 5 second later a big scary hairy bastard shouting "WHY IS THERE TOOTH-PECKS IN MAH WHIFE'S FUCKING CHEPPS???"

I suspect that was the last time they re-cycled food in that restaurant... the cheap-skate bastards.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 15 Feb 2007, 18:21, Reply)

Funny you should mention British Gas...
I moved into my new flat on the 21st of September. Not only did British Gas take the next direct debit out of my account, but they kept sending me electricity bills for £18.01 - they owed me over £200 for my gas account!!!! It took many many phone calls (at least 10) to get them to finally sort this out (in the mean time I was getting threats of them to take legal action over this £18.01!). Finally got the bloody cheque for £200 quid this morning - 5 months after I moved!!!!!!!!! I should really charge them for interest and all the bloody phonecalls I had to make - inept bastards!
(mmm....beer, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 18:17, Reply)

Mot garages,be afraid very afraid.......
Checks my cars mot Xmas week ,due up in 8 days shit! My regular garage is closed till second week in the new year, no probs I,ll take it close to where I work in Cardiff. Drops of car and says see you later,Finishes my shift and goes to pick up car only to be told its a long list of faults,20 mins later( i,m thinking here we go) the guy comes out with a failure list which frightened me to death ,13 faults 3 dangerous ,repair bill? £340.....Fuck this thinks me somethings up.On the way home my regular garage was open ,so books it in for 4 days time.Anyway the car was mot,d .This time?5 faults none dangerous, 4 for the handbrake 1 for the windscreen washers,repair bill? £85 .So if the guy on SLOPER ROAD in Cardiff is reading this your still a FUCKING RIP OFF(I told him to his face)If anyone who,s reading this needs an mot try and find a garage that only does mot,s, obviously the twat was looking for a quick £200 to do fuck all off of me.
(andycrass loves two hats on, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 18:14, Reply)

At a local copyshop
they charge 10 euros (6,69 BP) for a digital scan. One single scan. TEN crunting euros. For a JPG image. I informed why. 'Because we would have to scan it'. I ran.
(Le Man Marathon in English 'The Marathon Man', Thu 15 Feb 2007, 18:09, Reply)

Banksy
Just watched a news report about Sotherby's sale of Banksy's work. A modern day Warhol in many opinions, and I personally like it too.

Banksy's own opinion is on his home page www.banksy.co.uk.....

"I can't believe you morons actually buy this shit"

Post-post-pre-modernism I think

[Edit] - Further more, go to www.banksy.co.uk/shop where our painty troubadour actively encourages you to download his prints for free.
( The Lurker Plenty One, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 18:03, Reply)

Ahhhh.... here we go.
I live in Sweden.

A pint: £4.50, and that's in a normal pub.

Length? A pint's a pint, but they last for AGES when they're that expensive. :o)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 15 Feb 2007, 18:01, Reply)

Flying North West Airlines.....
Had a month long holiday with the ex back in 1999. We lived in Hong Kong and decided to do a huge trip over to New York for New Years Eve via Tokyo, Hawaii and Minneapolis/St Paul then on to Vancouver for two weeks ski-ing.

Every bloody flight was cancelled or delayed during the entire trip. On the final return leg upon arriving back in Minneapollis they announced the cancellation of the flight to Tokyo- so I quite rightly demanded a decent hotel to sleep in (having felt completely ripped off for the cost of the flight). I also demanded they pay for my food and drink- after a bit of an argument they relented (the fools!).

Forward my walking into the hotel bar and saying 'Drinks are on me' to the entire place.

$800 odd bucks later I went to bed. They weren't too impressed in the morning, serves them right for being such a shit airline.

Girth? Pah!
(Mr. Ploppy, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 17:55, Reply)

Ryan Ground
I was ripped off by Ryan Air when I paid them money to fly me from one place to another. In the end, I had paid them money to sit for hours in an airport then make my own way home. And let me tell you, no matter how many times you bang your head on Ryan Air's brick wall, you never get any money to come out.
(Alice The Camel is one of the soon to be extinct 1-humped variety, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 17:43, Reply)

I do the ripping off.
I stopped at a convenience store once and there was a 14 or 15 year old girl standing by the door. She asked me if I'd buy her a pack of smokes. Being the nice guy that I am, I took her $10 and went inside. I bought my stuff (a few chocolate bars) and her smokes, paid for it with the money she gave me and went outside.

After getting the cigarettes, she asked for the change (the pack cost about $5). I told her there was a service charge, got into my car and drove off.

I always think of that day as a great life lesson for the young girl.
( Grampa, Thu 15 Feb 2007, 17:43, Reply)

A certain Italian car company...
I was en route to a date in my then three year old Italian saloon with a name that sounds a lot like "Awful Romeo", when it died on me by the side of the road and refused to restart. Anyway, as luck would have it I was 300 yards from the main agent dealer in Chelmsford so I left the car by the road, went for the date and had the car towed the short distance in the morning.

I popped up to the service desk and explained the problem and left my keys with them before going on my way and preparing for a large repair bill.

Anyway, by the Wednesday I'd heard sod all, so I gave them a call:

Me: "I'm calling to see how you're getting on with V*****D as I haven't heard anything?"
Service Monkey: "Oh, we've got no record of that car here".
Me: "WTF!?"
Service Monkey: "Are you sure it's here?"
Me: "I suggest you get your manager immediately!"

Turned out the Johnny No-Stars who'd taken my keys forgot to tell anyone my car was there. After physically searching their car park, they found it.

Service Monkey: "Is your car registration V*****D? We've, ah located it in the car park"
Me: "What's the news?"
Service Monkey: "Well there are nine other Awful Romeos which broke down since and they're all newer than yours so we haven't got round to looking at it yet. Probably next week I'm afraid"
Me: "So you mean to tell me that you had a strange car in your car park for four days before anyone noticed, because someone forgot to inform the service department and that it's now my problem that I have to wait because of your inability to count?"
Service Monkey "Is you car still under warranty sir?"
Me: "It's a month out of fucking warranty! I suggest you fetch your manager immediately."

Anyway, I get the car back on Friday after being stung for a bill of £300. What had they found? Turned out the earthing point had corroded, so some spanner monkey unbolted it, sanded it a bit and bolted it up again. Three hundred fucking sniffs...

The dealership manager lost his sense of humour when I asked if dinner and champagne with his fetching lady service receptionist was incluced and suggested that he fired his service monkey who advised "Well you really should expect problems with an Awful Romeo".

No refund or discount later, I was contacted by Awful's head office.

"How would you rate the standard of service from ### in Chelmsford?"
"Dismal, surly, cynical, disorganised, poorly trained and obscenely expensive".

Again, I walked away with fuck all. Since then my car has developed an appetite for air-mass meters. At first it was amusing, but it's on it's fifth and the cost of replacements escalates by £20 per year. They're now £210 for a piece of plastic pipe with a wire in it. Bizarrely a piece of metal which holds the suspension together and wears out quickly due to piss-poor bearings was replaced for £26. But a year on the same part now costs £52. Someone obviously saw an opportunity there...

The most interesting thing is that Italian engineers have been specially trained to construct a part which will fail exactly two weeks outside of warranty expiry (the last three air mass meters have done this).

Then there is the radiator. A simple device for cooling an engine, but in an Awful Romeo they corrode and last five years before they have to be replaced at stupid cost. I pity the poor people who bought them with "Selespeed" gearboxes (which have push buttons to change gear, so you can feel like Michael Schumacher in your front wheel drive saloon). Apparently it's not a case of "if" it will break expensively, but "when". £2k gearbox rebuild, just out of warranty? Yep.

Cunts, cunty, cunting rip-off merchant, simian employing, cunts.

I'm now boycotting pasta.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 15 Feb 2007, 17:36, Reply)