nasty piece of work
one fair day, the mrs. host and i were driving to that hole in the world called preston. as we approached a roundabout a land rover over took us and then cut in front, causing us to slam the brakes on and press our foreheads on the windscreen.

mrs. host pressed the horn. then pressed it again. and again. as the land rover pulled out onto the roundabout the maniac opened his door - whilst still moving' leaned out and shook what could only be described as a foot long cudgel at us in a threatening manner.

this caused me to yell 'lock the doors!' in a cowardly manner.

mrs. host drove the car behind the land rover and took the exit after him.

loon.

lh
(localhost, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 12:59, Reply)

Child on board notices...
..are for the emergency services so that they know to double check the car for kiddie-winks. (It might be yours one day -apart from some of the drink/drug driving idiots, please don't pollute the gene pool.)

Must admit, those who cannot be bothered to take them off are either lazy or the child in question.

Oh, QOTW -tail-gaters. A flash of the brake lights is normally enough or a quick step on the brakes. I haven't yet slammed the brakes on, jumped out of the car and lumped the driver yet.......

Edit: Voodoo Mary -you just beat me to it!
(CdrVimes, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 12:58, Reply)

Twunts in VW Golfs ...
What is it with them? If one more cuts me up EVER I will staple the driver to the nearest tree, nuke the fucking VW factory and shoot any driving examiner who's ever passed a learner without asking if they want to drive one first.
Ah that's better, lunch anyone?
(Technotrousers is a caffeine-based lifeform, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 12:52, Reply)

Kitescreech
"Kids who cycle on the pavement - adults are beneath content but cmon kids - if you're man enough to cycle, at least use the FUCKING ROAD YOU CUNTS"

Id rather ride on a pavement feeling safe, than be on the road with big fucking trucks, buses, and all the wankers listed on here, than ride on the path to please those like yourself.

OK I dont ride a bike now, but if I did id still be on the path!
(steh30, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 12:47, Reply)

Baby on Board
Can we just settle this matter? The stickers were originally designed to alert the emergency services in the case of an accident that there was a very small person on board, who they might otherwise miss. The automotve version of a medic-alert bracelet. A noble reason and sensible, which has been corrupted by people's stupidity. Particularly the ones that say "Child on Board - Back off!!!"
(Cryptoprocta has abandoned the username of Voodoo Mary, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 12:44, Reply)

Go on, one more.
Every day on the way to work I have to go nearly all the way around a motorway junction's roundabout. Of course, I'm in the right hand lane as I'm taking 4th exit.

At least once a week there'll be a twat in the far left lane who is heading for the same exit. I can see them pissing off all the other drivers who are struggling to turn off around them as they sit in the wrong lane all the way around, so recently I've started fighting back.

This only works about every fourth time, but keeps me giggling for weeks. If I time it right, I can end up next to one of these twats as they approach the motorway slip road that is before our exit. I'm in the correct lane, he's on my left with no indicators on. My lane continues, his turns off.

Oh, the looks they give me as they get forced onto the motorway...

Next junction's a good 5 miles as well.
(smorgasbord, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 12:31, Reply)

Ooh, I've got another
more recently, driving to work, there's a few cars coming the other way, waiting to turn right, across my path.
I flash for the front guy to go, of the course the guy behind reckons he'll make it (echoes of previous post).
I'm going at a fair whack and have to slam on, skidding all over the road in a quite impressive way.
In the meantime, he's realised he's not going to make it and decides that stopping is the best plan. Not floor it, maybe he'll just clip me, no, just stop right in my path.
So, he's come to a halt blocking my path, his arse is blocking all the cars behind him, and I've stopped in a cloud of burning rubber inches from his passenger door.
What do I do? Again, I start clapping, he flips and starts getting out of the car. I start cheering. He starts towards me, then suddenly realises that he's in the wrong and there are at least ten cars all blocked by him, all watching him.
I'm sure he actually shrank as he sheepishly got back into his car and drove off.
(smorgasbord, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 12:20, Reply)

Oh, there was rage in this car
I was driving along. It was a peaceful day. The sky was clear. The air was clean. A red car pulled up next to me, gesturing frantically at the red light before me.

"Drive," he cried, "Drive motherfucker!" Nay, I thought. Who is this man to tell me what to do? So I turned to him and said:

"Fuck you. I won't do what you tell me.
Fuck you. I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!"

Rage Against It Baby!
(Alexxx It wasn't me, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 11:29, Reply)

Woo-ness!
Further to my previous posting regarding road rage experience from the point of view of a spacky learner, this morning I sat my driving test and passed.

Don't ruin the euphoria by asking how many attempts. But if you live anywhere near Walthamstow, give a wide berth to any Opel Zafiras sporting P-plates!
( weebear1974 discovering the joy of cat rape since, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 11:16, Reply)

I love driving
Trying to get to that eden project thing through 10 miles of traffic jam, when we approach a roundabout. Big two lane one.

I'm on my way around, slowly because the roads are so snarled up, and decide to let a lady out. Off she trots and I can see a twat behind her who so obviously is going to try and squeeze out behind her. Now if he wasn't being a twat I'd gesture for him to go, but he was so I sped up a little to ensure he was going to very nearly go into the side of me. He still goes for it and gets a BLAAAT from the horn, inches from his ear as he barely makes it through. He's looking at me as if I'm in the wrong, so looking right at him I starting applauding shouting "Yes, Brilliant Mate!".

Oh they love that. If there's one thing bad drivers like, it's being appreciated.

Instant red mist from him. He floors it screaming indecipherables as he goes off around the roundabout. I pull off and rejoin the back of the traffic jam on the other side of the roundabout.

I then noticed I could still hear his car screaming away in 1st gear, looked in the wing mirror to see him hurtling back around the roundabout, still mouthing away. as he passes, he somehow managed to turn too sharply (possibly because he was looking at me), scrape his lovely alloys on the big kerb in the middle , then fucks his suspension as he somehow half mounts the kerb and fall back off again like a outtake from the Dukes of Hazzard. I thought he was going to come around again for an encore, but his girlfriend must had a word with him.

Good job the traffic wasn't moving because I couldn't stop laughing for 5 minutes.
(smorgasbord, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 11:12, Reply)

Every time I see a "Baby on Board" sticker
it makes me want to ram the car. Why would a baby being in the car in front alter someone's driving? Surely you should be far enough back already. And yes, I have a baby due in 6 days and will not be succumbing to this.

Also car stickers saying something inane really get my goat.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 16 Oct 2006, 11:11, Reply)

car bocking
when i was about 14, my best friend vik and i were hanging out in my bedroom at about 8pm at night. we heard the front door as my parents arrived home, and then, to our intense glee, we heard my dad drag my brother and his friend into the lounge and yell at them to sit down.

we promptly lay on the carpet and pressed our ears to the floor.

from the outraged howling, we realised my brother and his friend chris had been bocking cars with stones. they had been thrilled to hit one really big shiny car and smash the headlights. turning into the dark park road where we live, they had legged it.

unfortunately, the driver had also turned into the park road. his powerful remaining headlight shone down the hedge and picked out the two boys hiding there. the driver jumped out, easily outstripped the fleeing boys, and banged their heads together.

yes, it was my dad. of all the thousands of poseur cars in cheshire, they had managed to aim, fire and smash my dad's car...

it was about 3 weeks before my brother saw the light of day. tee hee.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 10:59, Reply)

Bottle Rage
Another time, in a similar era to the previous story (20 years ago I reckon), we had been away camping and had met some other guys who seemed like good blokes. Sunday afternoon came and it was time for everyone to head for home (about 3 hours away).

We were driving along (me in the passenger seat) and these guys came flying past us and threw an egg into our car. Perfect shot... through the drivers window and smashed across the dashboard. Game on.

This was a hatchback so my mate in the back rummaged around in the boot for ammo. We didn't have much, but as luck would have it, we did have a few eggs. We tried to catch these guys and egg them back, but they were in a much faster car and we could only get close enough if they let us. We did our best though.

Anyway, they seemed to have a good supply of eggs and kept slowing down, pelting us, speeding up etc.

But eventually they ran out... and they started throwing empty beer bottles at us. Obviously things had stepped up a few notches and it was no longer a bit of silliness. To their credit I don't think they were actually trying to hit the car because their eggs had been pretty accurate but no bottles actually hit us.

So by now I'm saying to Darren in the back 'What else have we got?' The best we had was a big tin of baked beans and a tub of margarine, so I got him to pass them to me.

Meanwhile the bottle-throwers had sped off... and we had throttled off to avoid the missiles.

10 mins or so later we get to a shop, and there was their car parked outside... they had obviously thought they were safely away and had gone in to buy more eggs. So I am out the passengers door like a shot and I ran over to their unlocked car, opened the door and violently shook the now opened can of baked beans all through their car, and then squashed/smeared the tub of margarine into the headlining and seats.

While I was doing this they came back out of the shop with plenty of eggs. They saw me and started throwing eggs like nobodies business. I zigged, I zagged and no way they were going to get me.

My heroic mates drove off while this was happening and waited a little way down the street, out of range. To get to them I had to run through a car yard selling new cars while being chased by egg throwing lunatics. I didn't get hit, but I guess plenty of new cars did because I remember some big bloke in a tie coming out and yelling something.

I made it to the car unscathed and jumped in and we headed off. The other guys came flying past us again and egged the car on the way through and sped off into the distance. We caught up with them eventually... on the side of the road accompanied by a cop car. My guess is the car yard owner called the police and reported their rego, but who knows.

Either way, their car was a lot bigger mess than ours, thats for sure :)
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 10:43, Reply)

Chortle
A long time ago I was off on a long-weekend-holiday with a pillion passenger on my motorbike. We were fair zipping along, full of youthful exuberance/foolishness. Most drivers are pretty good and will let a bike pass without causing any drama, but one car just was not about to let us through.

This guy (I forget what sort of car it was but it had a distinctive paint job) was fair zooming along, and as he saw us coming up he obviously decided a race was on and gave it full throttle to try and stay in front of us. He was no speed match for a bike but every time we went to overtake he would pull out to block our route. I tried a few times but decided his aggressive antics were making the situation too dangerous so I buttoned off and let him do his thing. He zoomed away and I went back into cruise mode.

About 10 mins later we got to a place where we had arranged to meet some friends. We sat outside a takeaway eating and carrying on, waiting for some other people to turn up. The wait for the stragglers turned out to be a long one but it was worth it because about an hour later a tow truck came past. No need to tell you what was on the back of it... front stoved in. No ambulances so I assume (hope) no one got hurt. But it did make me smile :)
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 10:34, Reply)

Summer 1976, somewhere on the M6.
My little brother was sitting in the middle, even though it was clearly my turn, and he was wearing shorts and he kept banging his clammy leg against mine on purpose. Fucker.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 9:36, Reply)

My dad
He's actually quite easy-going, but while on the road he can be really quite aggressive. For example, if someone's tail-gating him he'll slam on the brakes, just enough to give said tail-gaitee a little to think about.

Anyway, the most famous incident was when he was driving up the side of a cliff near the old Geelong Cement Works.

Several kids were standing up the top and chucking water balloons at all the cars passing. Throwing things at cars is very dangerous and just plain stupid - especially if it's at my dad (I won't go into it but there's a horror story about how a guy was killed by kids chucking a stone at him as he drove under a bridge).

Anyhow, one hit the car and dad jumped out and sprinted after them. They scampered off as quickly as possible, leaving their bikes behind!!

He grabbed one of the bikes (very good bike, and bran new) and yelled at them, and then took it back to the car and drove off!

He actually tried to give it back by advertising in the paper but nothing came of it...
(satellite blows, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 9:13, Reply)

How a BMW ruined my day
Picture the scene.

After waiting three months, I finally went to to my local car dealer to pick up my shiny new sports car that I've been dreaming about for weeks. Feeling a little wobbly - something I ate perhaps - I collected the keys and went off for a nice drive. Forward 5 hours, I'm in Harrogate General suffering from acute food poisoning. Bah!

Anyway, car sits on the drive for another week until I feel well enough to drag myself out of bed. Saturday morning dawns, bit damp, but that wasn't going to stop me...

Managed to enjoy a lovely 3 hours behind the wheel before *BANG* some wanker in a BMW drives into the side of me while I'm stationary waiting to cross a main road. BASTARD!

As it happens, I was turning into a restaurant to meet my family, who come out to see what the fuss is about. By this time, I've worked out that the BMW driver was disabled, with hand-controls and was lighting a fag at the time. He was thus unable to grab the brake and thus unable to stop. WANKER!

Realising what happened, my dad goes absolutely ballistic! He was standing at the window of the beemer yelling obscenities at the driver who, to be fair, looked absolutely terrified. When the police turned up and asked the BMW driver if he would like to get out of his car, he took one look at my dad and politely declined. And there he sat...

...for 4 hours...

...until eventually, a recover truck turned up and the BMW was lifted, driver, passenger and all, onto the back and driven off into the distance with my entire family laughing and pointing as they went. Ha!

Oh well, good news in the end 'cos I got a packet out of the insurance :-)

Longer winded, with pics here:
www.s2ki.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=158105

Length, girth. Ah, fcuk 'em.
(daern, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 8:50, Reply)

Cockweasle
HE was a prick & YOU'RE the one driving ripped up (coming down whatever) on coke & MDMA?
( Fathter Puddytat Kill Kill dat widdle boid is mine on, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 8:28, Reply)

Me wife gets Road Rage
She randomly screams at everyone else on the road. Anyone speeding behind her, she gets real nervous and starts shouting in the mirror. Anyone goes past on a mobile, it's a five minute lecture on the safety of other motorists. People without a seatbelt, it's the same.

Basically, what I'm asking anyone in the South Wales to do is DRIVE SAFELY. Not because of obvious potential accidents, oh no. It's just because I don't want to hear about it AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. I mean I'm not the cunt driving dangerously, but I get the fucking lecture.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 7:50, Reply)

After much deliberation

and after a message I recieved from 'buggerlugs (22567)' earlier on, I have decided not to post on here anymore. I'm sure this is a welcome relief to most, especially fuckerlugs, but I would like to point out a few things before I depart.

Fuckerlugs, direct from your profile......

-I really hate writing profiles+anyway, here goes=I'm a cretin

-I'm 30 years old+but look 12=I'm an old cretin

-I play Xbox+PS2+my Xbox live=I'm an old cretin clinging on to my youth

-send me a friends invite=I'm a desperate old cretin clinging on to my youth

-Currently playing Wolfenstein+Burnout 3+Halo 2+Rainbow 6 3=I'm a self confirmed desperate old cretin clinging on to my youth

-In a band called The Plague, The London Plague or Triphazard=My band's so crap we have to keep changing our name in order to get giggs

-We play Pshych rock up your arse=My band's so obscure and crap we have to keep changing our name in order to get giggs

-Come and see us soon=We're desperate.....boy are we desperate.....help.....

-Hmmmmm+.....=Nothing more to say here as I already seem to have confirmed that I'm a desperate old cretin clinging on to my youth along with the fact I play in a shit band

Oh yeah, back to QOTW....Well, they should never let idiots like Fuckerbuggerer onto the internet highway is what I say, but then again, I'm sure the same has been said about me.

My last words, let me be remembered forever for them......

I say, "goodnight and godbless, and lugbuggerhead, I fart in your face"

thankyou B3ta XXX
(Lt Columbo, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 4:24, Reply)

Road rage
I don't think i am a rageful driver but i am definately the most forgetful driver I know. It took me and hour and a half to find my car today after parking it in town and when I found it I had a £50 parking ticket. Gayness.
(betterpants, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 3:26, Reply)

David vs Goliath.
Just remembered one.

Whilst riding through a carpark in York (the one near the castle), I come face to face with a monsterous Chelsea Tractor. It was huge. Armoured divisions go to war in smaller vehicles than this thing. Of course, it was all gleaming paint and chrome; never been off road, and never will.

The carpark has a one-way system, and this beast had turned against the arrow. So there I am, on my tiny little motorbike (Chituma CTM-125: images1.reviewcentre.com/sent-in/item97959.jpg), a dinky little Chinese toy, a machine that Noddy's little car could outperform, facing down this giant of a machine.

Of course, I could have just nimbly squeezed past and gone on my way, but nope. I stopped, went into neutral, and took my hands off the handlebars; a sure sign that I'm going nowhere. The driver of the beast, the monster, the titan, gestured angrily. I pointed at the white arrow emblazoned on the road in front of me. His gestures got angrier. I pointed at the arrow again. This went on for a little while...

...and then he reversed and went round the proper way! I sat stunned for a few moments, hardly believing what had just happened, then proceeded to find a parking space.

Turned out, though, it was something stupid like £4 an hour. I left to find myself a nice council-run parking space, where I would be exempt from paying. :)
(Musuko, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 0:40, Reply)

Hey ho
I'm eating some home-baked cheesecake right now. Yummy.

Now don't go getting all upset that I've gone off-topic eh?
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 0:12, Reply)

driving
i hear a fair bit of road rage when I'm with my parents, my mum's choice of words include "fuckwit" and "stupid tart", and often shouts at these idiots. and my dad tail gates, drives aggressively, uses the horn a lot, you name it he does it, but he calmed down a bit since we got him out the range rover and into a lower, smaller car that doesn't make you feel like god.

these stories are putting me right off driving.
(RooRooRasputin Lover of the Russian Queen, Sun 15 Oct 2006, 23:48, Reply)

Some Wanker
Coming home today along a country lane by a Church, its a narrowish road with cars parked on the left (my side). I look ahead, nowt comin so off I go, then some twat in an Audi appears. Now, if he was to wait I can approach him, pull into a gap and he can pass.

But nooooooooooooo

He comes on as far as he can, looks at me (the rich CUNT) and waves his hand at me to back up. So I did, flipped him the bird and got a very apologetic look from the woman behind Audi CUNT.

Also:

Im a sensible, polite (generally) driver BUT I hate:
Taxi Drivers - How many times have I let you out not for you to say "Thankyou" ? Too many is the answer.
Child on board signs - WHY ?
CUNTS WHO DRIVE WITH THEIR CUNTING FOG LIGHT ON WHEN IT'S NOT CUNTING FOGGY !!!!!!!!
Wankers who sit in traffic blaring their CUNTING dance music - ARE YOU FUCKIN DEAF AS WELL AS TONE DEAF ? Chav Cunts the lot of ya !
Men who drive in hats. And pipes.
Women - why do you need to get into the car then do your make up/fiddle with the radio/mirror/seat ?
How many people out there cannot change a tyre or (and as I worked in a petrol station the answer is " a lot") take their petrol cap off without assistance !
Kids who cycle on the pavement - adults are beneath content but cmon kids - if you're man enough to cycle, at least use the FUCKING ROAD YOU CUNTS.

...time for a lie down now, Mrs kite will soothe my fevered brow...

Christ I hate you all .
(kitescreech still here, Sun 15 Oct 2006, 22:37, Reply)

A few years ago...
My mate was a new driver and was taking us for a spin (as you do) and accidently pulled out a little too soon and NEARLY collided with another driver in a Green Golf (it wouldn't have been much of a crash luckily as both parties were only doing about 20mph).... So my mate drives off (unsure as to what to actually do in a near crash situation) and this guy starts following us...

For about ten minutes, my mate is driving round corners and side-streets and soon traps himself at a dead end... and still this guy is behind us... my mate manages to turn his car around and we end up almost bumper to bumper... with the green golf blocking us in.

So, we're both sat there as this guy slowly drives closer to us and stops. He doesn't get out the car or anything, he just STARES at us through the mirror. This goes on for well over a minute or two as we're both sat silent in his car, unsure as to what was going to happen. He wasn't looking at the reg plate or anyhting.... he was just STARING at us.
None of us moved for a good few minutes, as I say....

Eventually the guy must have bottled it and reversed away awkwardly into the distance.

Come to think of it, it wasn't really road-rage... Just road staring...

(You probably had to be there...)

* - Length? The don't call me the HORSE for nothing y'know.









** - A three legged one at that.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sun 15 Oct 2006, 22:26, Reply)

more sort of house rage...
My mate had a four story house, in a pretty remote bit of Devon, overlooking a junction. It was a straight drop down to the road, and a car would come up every four or five minutes and stop.

One VERY bored evening we were casually dropping handfuls of sodden toilet paper out of the window on to cars waiting to turn off. We had the room lights off, so we were effectively invisible. It was hilarious, to our 14 year old minds, to watch people get out of the car in a HUGE fit of rage, and see absoluetly NOBODY to blame. Some people went really rather bonkers, and just started screaming incoherently at this mysterious god of phantom soggy toilet roll. Yeah, you kids in cities who moan 'you've got nothing to do' really don't have a clue.. ahem..anyway...

One chap though, actually drove off and (unknown to us at that point) parked and walked back, keeping to the shadows like a road-rage ninja to find the source of the mystical bog-roll from the sky.

So we carried on casually bombing people when suddenly the road-rage-ninja appeared, four stories below us, going completely batshit mental at us for daring to, well, make his car a bit damp.

'OI YOU LITTLE BASTARDS GET DOWN HERE I'M GONNA KILL YOU LITTLE CUNTS YOU ARE DEAD GET HERE NOOOOOOWWWWWW!'

yeah, righto.

'Ah, sorry mate, it was, err, our little brother. We've told him to stop now.'

road-rage ninja goes, literally, purple and screams, I mean really rips his throat out screams..'DON'T FUCKING LIE'.

'Chill out mate, it's over now.'

'AAAAAAAARGHHHHH!!!!...AAAAAARRRRGHH....YOU ARE FUCKING LYING!!!!....AAAARGH' While sort of doubling over at the sheer effort of yelling. It was quite an impressive tantrum, or would have been if he'd been two years old.

So, obviously, we threw some soggy toilet paper at him and closed the window. And then didn't dare leave the house until the next morning.

Next morning, every window downstairs was coated in what appeared to be Elmlea dairy cream. No really, that isn't a euphamisim, it really was Elmlea.

We were quite impressed that the screaming nutcase road-rage ninja had driven the 3-4 miles to the nearest shop, carefully selected some psuedo-dairy product, driven back, parked out of sight, and then steality coated all our windows with it.

It really makes you wonder how some people make it through the day at the way they kick off at the slightest thing, including some of the people posting stories here.

NOOOOOOO, MY SHOELACE IS UNDONE...AAAAAAAARRGGGHHH!!AAAAAARGHH!YOU FUCKING PIECE OF CUNTING STRING....AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHH! I'M GONNA BE LATE NOW COS I HAVE TO DO IT UP!...AAAARRRRGH...
(inflateable, Sun 15 Oct 2006, 22:18, Reply)

Early Morning Screaming Maniac
I went to a large Tesco early one morning before work. Seeing as it's a big place, it has a big car park, but as it was cold I parked as close to the door as I could, which just happened to be beside just about the only other car parked there.

As I prepared to get out, a man strode across the car park and stood in front of my car, his face screwed up with rage.

"You fucking idiot!" he began, "All this car park and you park next to my car, you shit! All this fucking car park! You fucking, fucking, fucking idiot!"

By this time he was trembling. I sat where I was, astounded at this outburst. I just wanted to buy a box of Miniature Heroes for someone who was leaving work.

He strode round and got into his car, still screaming at me. My last glimpse of him was as he mouthed the words "fucking bastard", before reversing at high speed and screeching off. And that was that.

I have also seen a man drag another man out of a car onto the verge of a dual carriageway, only to call him a cunt and stomp away. I love driving.
( Smallbrainfield, Sun 15 Oct 2006, 21:57, Reply)

From road rage to attempted treason...
In one easy step.

I used to go to university in St Andrews. In case you didn't know Prince William went there. I was there when he was there, and was less than impressed by the whole thing. I don't give a crap who he is, and was happy for him to keep out of my way.

Now I tend to drive in a way that has been described as manic. Or insane. I was hurtling along in my mini one day and he stepped out in front of me.

I crammed on the anchors, as best I could. The brakes were a bit shit, but I tend not to brake much so it generally wasn't a problem. And I didn't hit him. Because it would have scratched my paint work and the car had a limited edition paint job. But I did roll down the window and roar "Watch where the fuck you're going, you cunt!" before speeding off.

My passenger's face was white. She asked if I knew who that was. I did. I didn't care. But I did spend a week sweating it thinking that MI6 were going to have me chucked out of uni for swearing at our future king and endangering his life. Thankfully they didn't.

Note to royals and dignitaries: Step out in front of me and I will mow you down. The car I drive now is crap...
(The Oncoming Storm, Sun 15 Oct 2006, 21:47, Reply)