Requires a time machine,
or some extremely prescience:

Buy a house on a mortgage at 0.49% above the base rate (current total interest on my debt is 0.99%);
Lose job 2 years after buying said house;
Convert mortgage to interest only for duration of unemployment;
Claim mortgage interest support from DWP.

Now, due to some penny-pinching government knob wanting to cut a few back-office jobs in the last administration, rather than paying the punter an allowance of debt times interest charged, there is a flat rate payment of debt times the Bank of England "average mortgage interest rate". Which is currently 3.63%.

This means that the DWP are paying about £180 a month more to my mortgage supplier than needed to service the interest. I can, and do, claim that back as an overpayment.

I don't agree with this, as effectively it's another tax on the poor who, almost invariably, pay much higher interest on their loans. I've even explained this to the DWP and their response is "it's the rules, so you're entitled to the money". Also, if I leave my overpayment in the mortgage account, it will show up as such and the DWP is entitled to claw the excess back at a yearly review.

As the payments are not enough to cover the repayment side of my mortgage, I'd be an idiot not to just take the money.

I still don't think that it's just though.
( P-MONKE We're all fucked, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:26, 4 replies)

Bwap. glorious bwap.
I cook something I like to call Bwap.
Its verious veg and bulk stewed in a pot.

Iv started to get my food budget down to 20 quid a week, some times a tenner.

Always by veg from a market/ green grocers.
supermarkets tamper with veg so much they only last a few days and you end up chucking alot of it away.

Stock up with spices and grow herbs such as basil and corrinder.

In a pot stew random veg with all the lovely spices and bung it with rice (really cheap) pasta or even a nice bread roll.
I'm making bwap right now :)
(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:20, 15 replies)

Can't afford a third car or house?
Simply get the tax paying public to foot the bill.

Signed.

The government.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:06, 3 replies)

Never call someone on a non-geographic number.
0870, 0845 and to a lesser extent 0844 numbers may be advertised as being 'local rate' but are never included within call packages and if you need to call from your mobile phone, it will leave you with an invoice that's comparable to Hitlers gas bill.

Use www.saynoto0870.com/ to find a geographic alternative which will generally prove to be much cheaper, or even free depending on your provider and packages!

Never call an 0800 number from your mobile phone either, these generally charge unless the people you're calling have an arrangement with the phone operators. Use a phone box instead, if you can still find one.
( Muns, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:50, 9 replies)

I have a few
With the state of the economy as it is, I’ve started doing quite a few bits to save money. Some seem a bit silly, some just common sense, others seem almost as if you’re ripping someone off:

Bubble Glazing. My bathroom, like most, has frosted glass. It’s also single glazed, which makes it bloody freezing in winter. I solved this by buying a roll of bubble wrap, wetting the window, and sticking the bubble wrap to it, bubble side against the window. The moisture holds it in place, it doesn’t affect the light, and the room is noticeably warmer.

Trade-in Bargains. Handy for the gamers. A few weeks ago, Tesco were offering £28 trade in on Deus Ex: Human Revolution. Gamestation were selling it for £18. I bought 5 copies, and took them straight to Tesco. Result: £140 in gift cards. Only redeemable in Tesco, but it’s paid for my groceries for the last month.

Check Your Receipts. It’s already been said, but make sure you know what you’re being charged. Tesco offer Double The Difference if they overcharge you. If it’s a half price offer and it doesn’t show at the till, it ends up costing you nothing, so stock up then visit customer services.

Downshift Your Shopping. Next time you go shopping, drop a brand level. If you usually buy Heinz beans, buy own brand. If you usually get own brand, get value. Just give it a try. I’ve done this over the last few months, and now a lot of the stuff I buy is value, from buying only premium brands a few months ago. It’s made a staggering difference to my shopping bill (Bread – 55p instead of £1.40, custard – 28p instead of 85p etc). If you still like your brand names:

Discount Runs: Every month, I do a round of the 4 main supermarkets around me, and I only buy things that are on offer. Once that’s done, I redo my shopping list, and only then do I pick up what I still need at full price. A lot of the time, I’ll have made enough substitutions that I don’t need to worry about doing a full price shop.

Pub Quiz Night: If there’s a few of you with half a brain between you, it’s worth doing. Most of the time, the prize is at least 8 pints. That’s 2 pints each for a team of four. If the quiz is free entry, it’s rude not to have a go.

I have various other money saving means, which encounter varying degrees of resistance, but all totally legal, and frankly, I have no idea how I managed without doing half the stuff I do now.
(bblgoose, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:46, 6 replies)

Condoms are expensive
but are available FOR FREE from your local family planning centre. Don't be a muppet and pay for them.


EDIT: This reminded me that I was almost out, so I went to the clinic last night on the way home.

They've recently joined forces with the GUI clinic, so it's a little scuzzier than it was, but there was a 'very nice young man' there, who obviously took a shine to me, because when I got home and opened my goodie bag, there were: 6 'large', 8 'ribbed', 6 'mint', 6 'blueberry', 4 'banana' and 2 'vanilla'.

Not sure what to think about that!
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:31, 8 replies)

Moneysavingexpert.com Demotivator Tool
I'm not a big fan of this website, it can be occasionally useful and here's a good tool.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/protect/demotivator/

Enter something you buy each day/week/month that you don't really need (magazines, cigarettes etc), how much it costs you each time and how often, then it works out how much better off you would be in a year if you stopped buying those things.
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:28, 4 replies)

Crime does/doesn't pay, but be carefull and
DON'T STEAL!
GOVERNMENT HATES COMPETITION!
(rhatanu, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:14, Reply)

Check your receipt
My money-saving tip may be obvious, but it's worth remembering; Always check what you've been charged. And try not to be put off by the Herculean task of getting a refund. Bought a bag of frozen chips from Tesco the other day, priced £1. As it was in amongst a load of other stuff, I didn't pay too much attention to the prices ringing up as the cashier flung everything over the scanner. It was only once I got outside that I checked the receipt and discovered the robbing sods had charged me £2.20 for £1's worth of chips. More than double! Cheeky scrotes.

Of course, the fun part comes when you try to get your money back. Whilst Tesco make the paying-for-stuff part super-efficient, training staff to whizz a trolley-load of shopping through the scanner like passport checks under Theresa May (whoop, biddapolitics etc), getting them to fix the cock-ups is slower than passport checks in a decommissioned military airport on the outskirts of Slovenia (or, as Ryanair call it, 'Bristol East').

First you have to queue at Customer Services, waiting as two overwhelmed and utterly miserable 'team members' deal with angry customers trying to return badly-shat duvet covers and pairs of high-heels stained with Blue WKD vomit. When you finally reach the desk, you explain to the harassed assistant what the filthy rob-dogs have charged you for the chips, and what they should've cost. With a hefty sigh which knocks over a passing pensioner, the assistant takes your receipt, takes your chips and ambles off to the far side of the store (as the growing queue behind you audibly plots your murder).

Ten minutes later, she returns with a face as grim as Jordan's soul. You cast your mind back and try to remember whether you asked her to check a price, or whether you accidentally asked her to see if she could fit a whole dog up her arse. Without a word, she jabs a few keys on her till. She scribbles something on your receipt. She mutters a curse under her breath, something to do with a pox and your genitals. She then hands you some coins to refund the difference. There is no eye contact, no words of explanation, just the cold, resentful handover of chips and coins. It's like the returning of belongings after a particularly harrowing break-up.

You decide it's probably best not to ask about the 'Double the Difference' refund policy displayed behind her.
(costas, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:13, 4 replies)

The Sales of Goods Act
basically makes the majority of Extended warranties useless (apart from accidental damage)

Wind the clock back 5 years I was 10 days outside my 12 month warranty with Comet. I had bought a HP laptop (quite a decent model at that time) and it had died.

Looking up the symptoms on the net revealed it was probably the motherboard... which pretty much meant replacing the entire laptop to getting it fixed. I rang Comet who told me to f' off as it was outside the warranty and to contact HP. HP told me it would cost £360 to get fixed - not including labour and postage.

Then i heard about The sales of good act, and that the laptop was not fit for purpose as it didnt die from accidental damage etc.

One quick re-worded phone call to Comet later, and a guy from their service desk was actually at my house to collect the laptop.

1 week later, a brand new motherboard fitted, laptop fixed, and a very happy me.

The motherboard failed 12 months later, by which point i had had enough.

I think it was down to the AMD processors, as they get very hot.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:11, 5 replies)

Some words from the sponsors
Feeling Skint?

Life got you down? Can't pay the bills?

Have you considered a career in petty crime?

Reduces household costs! Pays £££££!

With petty crime, expensive things can be made cheap or even free!

Phone 01555-USTEAL for more information.

* * *

Broke?

No sign of a promotion in sight, but don't fancy life as a criminal?

Try - ALL NEW - being a bit of a dick!

By being a bit of a dick, you can avoid all the expensive costs associated with being responsible, considerate or honest!

**Want to get wasted in a pub but don't fancy paying pub prices?**
Just sneak in with your own drink in a hipflask like some scummy student! After all, it's not like some paying customer could be using that seat you're sat on.

**Don't want to pay the council to take that fridge away?**
Ever wonder what the grass on roundabouts is for?

**Other half costing you too much money?**
Replace them with someone who has much lower self esteem! Works wonders - save real money on pretty frocks and divorce settlements!

**Spending too much on hobbies and interests?**
Try developing a weary, cynical attitude to all forms of culture - all that music and film and art is shit these days anyway - right?

**Pissing away money on your kids?**
Pretend likes it's 1954, and start instilling some real discipline!

Become a tight arsed, penny pinching, joyless, anti-social misanthrope today, and receive a free pen!

Remember - why should you have to pay just because everybody else does?

Call 0906 664 3130 today!
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 14:39, 3 replies)

Baked bean ammendment.
Crappy beans can be made palatable by the following recipe.
1. Open tin.
2. Remove watery sauce from surface (2-3 tablespoons)
3. Pour beans into microwave container.
4. Stir in 2 tablespoons HP sauce and a good shot of ground black pepper.
5. Heat and serve.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 14 Nov 2011, 14:11, 10 replies)

If you really want to save money
Don't take any money to work, don't take your debit/credit cards either.

Take a packed lunch, drink water or make your own drinks, eat fruit as a snack.

Walk or cycle if you can and never contribute to collections for weddings/babies/leaving etc.

Shop in charity shops, don't EVER buy a newpaper, give up smoking, don't go out...

...and never buy anything new unless YOU HAVE TO.

Never buy on credit, don't take out loans - be happy with what you've got.

If you have to get married, do it on the cheap! Don't give a flying fuck what other people will say/think - it's YOU that'll be paying for it for the next ten years.

Do a shopping list AND STICK TO IT.

Spuds go a long way, so do carrots and cabbages.

Think Middle Ages and you won't go far wrong.



Of course, your life may well become dirty, brutish and short, but at least it'll be cheap.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 14:09, 3 replies)

Mobile phones and car insurance
Mobile phone contracts..

I was recently on a mobile phone contract with Orange and was paying upwards of £60 per month for a £35 per month contract, i enquired as to why and they said i had consistently gone of my data allowance, despite never downloading files on my phone obviously visiting webpages all day everyday can cause large(ish) amounts of cookies to be downloaded, also streaming YouTube videos hammers it quite considerably too. So, after procuring my desired phone through work i decided to not renew my contract when it ended in September and went looking for a decent pay as you go tarrif and i found a network called Giff Gaff, these guys are UK based (call centres too!) and run on the O2 network but it is run by volunteers and so those savings made by not paying wages and outsourcing to India are passed onto us.

For £10 a month i get
-250 Minutes (i never use that in a month as i text all the time)
-Unlimited SMS
-Unlimited web access / downloads.

Not found a catch yet, done my first month and still have 235 minutes left to use, web still works and because it's pay as you go i dont have to worry about any nasty surprise on my bank statement.

Also working for a rather large Tech Support partner for an equally large UK mobile phone company i deal with the public almost daily, and a lot of their gripes with mobile phone contracts are that they are being billed to much, what they dont know is that even though they are not accessing the web through the phones browser, smartphones are almost always sending and recieving data to check for updates to things like Facebook, Emails etc.. and that will also ramp up your internet charges. You dont need to come off contract and join Giff Gaff to save money on this, just go into your mobile network settings and turn off mobile data when your not using it.

Car Insurance
also quite recently i renewed my car insurance, my previous insurer (Direct Line) wanted an extra £300 a year despite me having no claims since i got my licence, i enquired as to why and was told that the price for the previous year was an "introductory offer" so i dutifuly informed them that i would be introducing myself elsewhere. Wankers.

So i went on using these comparison websites except the one with the fat wanker yelling through his equally fat and fake moustache (because of him) and then did some calculations and worked out that the prices offered by places like confused.com et al were on average 30-40% more expensive than the insurers were offering directly (possibly their commision) so i found the best possible price over a number of comparison sites and narrowed it down to one insurer (Admiral)and went to them directly who offered me a massive £400 less per year than Direct Line last year, it's also worth mentioning the price they offered me was also £80 less than i found for them on the comparison sites (commission) so i signed up with them.

I also put about £100 a month away to save for insurance and tax so the following year i can renew it without worrying about my current wage packet taking the hit, and with my insurance always coming down by switching theres usually a nice couple of hundred quid left over.

It's also worth mentioning Direct Line AND Admiral told me that No Claims Discount is practically useless once you have 4 years worth, no insurer will ever let you save more than that on your policy despite what Michael Winner wants you to believe.

Apologies for length etc..
(Boiled_Tater is not the messiah, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 14:04, 6 replies)

Save your toenail clippings in a large jar for a year.
You will then have a large jar of toenail clippings.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 14:00, 3 replies)

OK - HAVE kids, but sell them immediately on arrival.
...

6. Profit!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:34, Reply)

Save the money you'd spend on kids
annd instead invest in a private healthcare scheme to look after you in your infirmity.

Save yourself £££s, and the stress of being a bad parent, suspecting it but not being told by even your closest friends.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:16, 3 replies)

Don't have kids
I've not had time to read any posts yet, so don't know if anyone's else mentioned it yet, but if you really want to save money, don't have kids.

They cost a fortune for at least two decades of your life.

I don't expect any financial return until it's time to put me in a home, but I'm already planning how to decorate my granny flat.

Just ignore me.

As usual.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:05, 6 replies)

Was going to reply to Sandetties post below, but rather than hide this
other things;

Saturday, called Virgin (acting on a suggestion form another board member). My TV/broadband etc was costing £57.50/month.

Told them Sky were cheaper. result, exactly the same package, £41/month.

Called Halifax, home insurance is £51/month. Told them they're too expensive. Got that down to £34/month. Same policy.

British Gas - were charging £190/month (gas and electric). Gave them a reading, worked out are paying £30 month too much, and changed it. This one isn't a saving as such, it's just what they take each month, I have to make sure we're not using more than we expect.

Bike insurance - due for renewal on 20th of this month, got a renewal notice for £620. Asked the meercats, got it for £340. And I get a free meercat toy.

Without the prodding from this QOTW, it wouldn't have occured to me to do any of this.
(username failed moderation, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:00, 5 replies)

If you get a fairly large weekly shop
consider missing a week out every few months, there's a good chance you have enough in the cupboard to last the week
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:58, 1 reply)

Oh, and also
on "Love Honey", you can part-ex old sex toys for new ones. Just make sure they're clean before you send them and they recycle them somehow.

Edit: When I say recycle, I don't mean they service them and resell them, they recycle the materials, melt stuff down and so on.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:49, 4 replies)

It seems the entire QOTW can be summed up with
Go for generic brand medicines, you're still getting the same dose of the active ingredient (which is what you're actually buying) rather than paying for a premium brand.

Make the effort to shop around. Most people are too lazy to bother and are thus are wasting a stack of cash. A couple I know never changed their utilities supplier since before the deregulation in 1997 and are too lazy and cynical to change. It seems 5 mins on uSwitch isn't worth the savings.

Discount stores such as Wilkinsons and Home Bargains (I don't know how nationwide they are though) sell cheap cleaning products that are just as good as Mr Muscle etc. Asda baked beans are good, I find Heinz beans too sweet.

Store brand dishwasher tablets are good, though if you see big boxes of Calgon/Fairy on offer then get them. The chances are by the time you've used 90 tablets, a similar offer will be on again.


However, there are some things you don't scrimp on. Cheap washing up liquid is a false economy. A sink full of pots needs just a few drops of Fairy compared to a hefty squeeze of cheapo brand. Get nice coffee and tea bags. Store brand tea is rough, get Tetley/PG Tips. Store brand coffee is dire too. Mind you, so is Nescafe. Get Douwe Egberts or better still Carte Noire. And toilet paper, your nipsy will thank you for it.
What you save on everything else, you can use to treat yourself to proper meat from a butcher rather than the pre-packed stuff in supermarkets.

The key is to make the effort
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:48, 2 replies)

Credit agreement
Found this out by chance from a mate in the pub. Checked with the CAB and its true! If you have a loan with a bank, ask for a copy of the signed agreement that you made when you took the loan, or credit card out. If they can't provide you with the signed copy, then they can't enforce any loan and they'll be laughed out of court. The banks can only act if you signed the damned thing.
(Wrecked Tums, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:44, 13 replies)

Hip Flask
Expensive drinks in London bars and pubs being has already been discussed, and I agree that they can be on the pricey side.

So when it's getting towards the end of the month and the remainder of my paycheck is thinning out, I tend to take a hip flask of vodka to the pub. I buy a lemonade and add my own dash.

Sure it makes you feel like a bit of a povo, but it's not a regular habit, and it's handy when funds are low, or when you want to stay out longer after running out of cash. Plus, bars which charge £18 for three drinks can shit off.

This also worked out well in Norway.
( awayfromthenumbers, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 10:43, 7 replies)

buy all your money
from moneysupermarket.com
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 10:13, 1 reply)

Save money on cleaning products
Instead of wasting money literally pouring cleaning products down the bog, why not just aim your piss at that stubborn bit of poo that's stuck to it?

Also works for cleaning the sink.
(Kushan just wants to fit in..to your mum, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 10:04, 12 replies)

Recession biting?
Can you no longer afford to buy a lavatory cleaner which cleans right up under the rim?

Simply try to avoid licking the bit under the rim.


(Pearoast from /toptips... never thought I'd see the day I'd get to write that!)
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Driving
Seems there are a lot of possibly bollocks tips for driving more economically, but here are a couple that might actually make a differemce - obvious though they may be;

- Tyre pressures. Under inflated tyres can increase fuel consumption by 5 - 10%. Lots of garages have free airlines (Sainsbury's do), take 3 minutes to get your pressures right. You'll also get better mileage out of your tyres.

- Air con. Your aircon is run by a compressor. It creates a load on the engine. Unless it's a hot day, switch it off and open a window. That could be another 5 - 10%.

- Anticipate. It's hard and probably a waste of time to tell people they're not driving efficiently, but it is possible . . .

Try the following. Next time you make a journey, see if you can do the whole journey without using your brakes. Chances are you can't, but try it.

You will probably take a bit longer to complete your journey, but if you do it right, you will find yourself looking further forward, anticipating slowing down and possibly using your gears to regulate speed more. Do it a few times, and you start forming habits. These are fuel saving habits, and a good thing.

I'm not suggesting you become an irritation to yourself and other road users, just that if you use your noddle, you save money.
(username failed moderation, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 10:03, 21 replies)

Save money on expensive cleaning products
by not cleaning

( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 9:15, 18 replies)