The world's most pointless shoplifter.
I took place in what I can only refer to as a very dadaist crime spree, between the ages of around 8 and 14, where I would steal steal AND STEAL AGAIN...but only free stuff off the front of magazines. Sweets, toys, and pretty cool stuff too. I once lifted half a dozen pairs of flip-flops thanks to the new Cosmo summer edition.
To add to this pettiest of thefts, I sold a huge box full of said junk for a tenner at a car boot sale for a tenner.

Crime pays kids!
(bobman500 enjoys a grope as much as the next fella, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 20:35, Reply)

screwing over Woolworths
I used to work on the entertainment counter in the Croydon branch of Woolworths. Between me, the assistant manager and my best mate, we must have swiped thousands of pounds worth of stock.

The scam went like this. My mate would come in once a day and would walk around the store filling two baskets with whatever took his fancy. This meant anything. Playstation games, cd's, videos etc. We would divide the loot later, and our house became a treasure trove of goodies.

Then he would come and see me at the counter, I would pretend to swipe the goods over the scanner, then put them all in bags and off he went. To get the till to open, I would use a special code and charge him 5p.

The assistant manager went one further and wrapped up a playstation in christmas giftwrap, then boldly marched towards the security guard at the end of her shift, when he asked what was in the package, she said it was a present for the local orphange!

Fuck em, they paid shit wages and deserved all they got.
(drshipman iz in yr shower killing yr nan, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 19:39, Reply)

Genius Pikey
The following happened whilst I was under the employ of Woolworths plc.
I worked on the entertainment desk, and experienced a lot of pikey scum trying their best to obtain refunds on cds etc that they "hadn't used, honestly mate" despite the finger prints in jam on the back of the disc! (seriously!)

The story I want to tell is of a rather inconspicuous pikey who bought an XBOX console. I wasnt serving on the tills when this happened, but was on the shop floor on security duties (oooh, get me and my power trip!)
He paid for it with cash, which was checked with UV lights etc to make sure it was real etc, and all was well and good.

The guy left the shop with his new toy and was gone a mere 3 hours before returning it to the shop. He wanted a refund on his console because he had apparently bought a duplicate (wouldnt you check that you already had a £300 console before going out to buy another one??)
Anyways, pikeyman was being served by a Saturday girl who was very nice and trusting, and gave him his refund.

It was only afterwards that a regular member of staff decided to check the console box, and found that it was full of bricks....
(Kezmo, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 19:23, 1 reply)

a more recent steal
One of my good friends decided to have an 18th birthday celebration at his house.

Later into the night, when I was pretty trashed, I overheard the birthday boy and some others discussing road signs and a great idea came into my head: I'LL GET A ROAD SIGN!!

Down a couple of roads and at the bottom of a very steep hill I went and picked up a huge 'ROAD CLOSED' sign: it was an armspan's wide, about 4ft high, and I am as weak as a kitten, so imagine the mirth of the people emerging from the pubs at the sight of a mashed girl in a very obvious bumblebee costume carrying (but mostly dragging) a road sign up a bastard steep hill.

However, when I got back the ungrateful cunt wasn't that impressed with his birthday present and I quickly forgot about it... until the morning. While sitting in the living room, painfully hungover, his mother asked us all who had taken the sign from the bottom of the hill that was now leant against the side of the house and everyone pointed to me. After getting the evil eye and a talk on how my drinking is getting 'out of hand', his father sternly told me to move it back.

I forgot to do so on my way out, and have been advised to steer clear of the house when his parents are in ever since.
Serves him right though for not taking his birthday present!!
(dogman, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 18:37, 3 replies)

oranges and lemons
This has to be the most up to date, and pathetic example of shoplifting gone wrong.

It actually happened on Saturday in Brixton market.

A man was ejected from a stall for attempting to steal an orange last Thursday.

So what's the most calm, level headed reaction?

That's right! return to the stall on Saturday with a knife and stab the three stall holders in the face, then finish by stabbing one of the men in the heart, and killing him.

what a fucking wanker.
(drshipman iz in yr shower killing yr nan, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 18:09, 1 reply)

Last day of year 11
On our last day of school before entering the 6th form, our year decided to do a scavenger hunt. Throughout that day doorhandles, parts of school drumkits, tables, chairs, soap dispensers from the bogs, and many more things were taken and made into a large pile on the school field. It wasn't untill someone was wheeling out the new large TV for the english department that staff noticed and did something about it.

twas fun tho
(apo-dap, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 17:43, Reply)

Drunk Pizza
One fateful evening after spending eternity in the 8th level of hell that is the provincial nightclub, my companions and I decided tomato and cheese on toast, or pizza, was the order of the day.

Whilst waiting for my greasy, scooter riding Italian national dish cooked by Iraqis I got bored and in my drunken wisdom decided to steal some menus that had just been delivered. from the printers.

They were heavy and coupled with my lack of balance and the necessity to wait for my pizza I made a poor getaway and was stopped just outside.

"Oi, where the fuck are you going with those" the irate Iraqi shouted.

Mustering the kind of indignation that only a drunk person can I replied, "they're for my mates, I'm doing you a business favour".

"You've got 20,000 mates have you?!"

"Yes, well no, but, you can never have too many and anyway i got loads of mates, look thats one over there!"

"Give them back"

"OK.... sorry, can i have my pizza now please".

"Yeah, now piss off".

Rubbish steal.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 17:35, 1 reply)

going to hell??


I stole a tea towel & a packet of postcards of the sistine chapel from the Vatican. I figured the catholic church didn't actualy need my money
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 16:29, 1 reply)

Not me but someone else story
When i was at uni I was part of a group that went flying and drinking and was involved with the forces.
We also had to do the odd sporting event as well, and obviously, because we were students things had to be taken.
One year we attended a sporting event down south and had to steal somehting for the group. Cue two of our finest getting a ladder and stealing a local shop sign (proper shop lifting I suppose).
We managed to get the sign back up north but a couple of days later our CO gets a call from the local police explaining that the 2 muppets had been caught on CCTV, and not only that but they were wearing clothes that marked them as being from our group!
Result of the story is that they had to drive all the way back (was quite a trek) and return said sign to avoid punishment!
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 16:27, Reply)

Stealing screws from B&Q.
Well, you can't blame me.

Needed a nut and a bolt to fit new indicators to my bike. Rather than pay £2.50 for a pack of 4 nuts and bolts, I slyly opened the pack and pocketed one.

£2.50? They must be taking the piss.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 16:01, 2 replies)

Lock, Stock & Two Smoking 32x's
This is a retelling of a mates story. As I don't think I've ever nicked anything from a shop, not intentionally anyway.

My mate discovered an aptitude for thieving at an early age, and being smarter than your average criminal was also more successful than your average criminal. He'd started small, the odd bag of sweets here, the odd item of clothing there. The items being thieved did escalate, to effectively anything that people asked for, shoplifting to order.

So after growing more and more confident in his criminal endeavours, my mate accepted an order for not one, but two, 32x megadrive addons (a slightly obscure peripheral, for what is now, a slightly obscure videogames console), retailing about £100 I think, about 15 years ago. Each of these items came in fairly large boxes, so getting them out in their packaging was not an option. A diversion was hastily arranged, packaging was discarded, and items were stashed. All in all, quite successful trickery.

Now for the escape; my mate realising that legging it arouses suspicion, sauntered out of the shop. Well, he would have done, had the shops security guard not detained him on his exit.

The two 32x's were wrestled from his possession, authorities were notified, but worst of all his mum was phoned.

He maintains that the look of disappointment on his mum's face was enough for him to never try his hand at shoplifting again.

Length, girth, depth, etc.
(ShiftyBastard won the World Cup on World Soccer Champs 2010!, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 15:53, Reply)

not paid for this...
when i was a shelf stacking monkey for a small inner city version for a pucker celebrity backed supermarket chain, i used to chase shoplifters down the street...if i spotted them in time.

i worked in the Beers, Wines and Spirits (BWS) dept where all the high value stock was kept, namely spirits and batteries (Jack Daniels was the spirit of choice for most junkies).

now this is in Edinburgh, close to Princes St. Seen the start of Trainspotting? It was like that, except the one occasion when an entire van of policemen happened to get in the way of our chase, making my task a whole lot easier.

to try and cover up his deceitful intentions the junkie had picked up a box of sushi first, nothing suspicious about that all is there!?
(Zutroy started without you, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 15:39, 2 replies)

My earliest experiences
I've shoplifted for years. I'm now 23 and can't stop myself. Oh well, c'est la vie.

It all started aged 10. My parents were rebuilding a classic yacht in a run-down boat yard on the sussex coast in England. I wore blue overalls all weekend to avoid trashing my clothes. The overalls had a large pocket in the front centre position, with access from both sides. we regularly visited a secondhand hardware store for spare parts. This store was a beautiful, dark, cavernous stockpile of bits and pieces. For some reason, I was fascinated by padlocks. I promptly made it my mission to collect them all, pokemon style. I also had various tool, keyrings, sweets, etc. I reckon I must have lifted about £200 before growing my first pubes.

Then, racked with fear one day, I decided to ditch the evidence. Pouring all the gear into a backpack (which I could barely carry), I decided to ditch the bag into one of the giant bins at the boat yard. With the gear in the bag I went for a shower. Upon returning to my room, I walked in on my dad sorting through the bag with a horrified look on his face. That feeling of doom washed over me (you know the one).

Long story short, my dad was majorly pissed off at me. Threatened cops, adoption, etc. Said he'd ditch the gear, but I couldn't help but notice a great deal of the items I'd stolen making their way into his toolkit over the years. Eventually, one of the padlocks I'd stolen locked the boat, and the key was on a floating cork ball keyring of mine as well.

Since then, I went through a phase at secondary school of raiding WH Smiths for parker pens, and now it's pretty much whatever I feel like whenever I'm in the mood.

I wonder if I'll always be like this.
(mofoitk Vulcanising the whoopie stick in the ham wallet, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 15:38, Reply)

I don't shoplift
However if anyone is thinking about buying a scart cable, make sure it's the last thing you buy before you go home.

Otherwise you'll end up setting off lots of alarms when entering shops, but this can lead to a very fun game.

Make sure you walk through the sensors with a scart lead while someone else is leaving, for bonus points don't get yourself trapped in the store. Act like you're a helpful citizen in detaining the thief.

Otherwise you'll have to ditch the scart lead inside.
(g256, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 15:10, 1 reply)

My first shoplifting experience
When I was around 8 I lifted a rubber ball with a plastic ladybird inside it from Au Naturale. I felt so cool and dangerous. But on the way home I started to regret it. I had commited a CRIME. I was CRIMINAL. Surely I was going to Hell.

The shame burning a hole in my pocket, I deposited my illicit cargo through the letterbox for returning movies at Blockbuster.
(jesusaurous, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 15:04, Reply)

Lucky, lucky, lucky.
At the beginning of our 6th year at school myself and three mates found ourselves in the local 50/50 shop (not that local really - about a twenty minute drive and for those who don't know a 50/50 shop is one where you give them stuff to sell and split the profits - like ebay before the internets). We were looking for fancy dress stuff but never really found any. Instead we bought a couple of bow and arrow sets with the suction tips and a small cricket set - probably cost less than £5. Anyway in the car heading back to school a hand shoots forward between myself and the driver "'ere stick this on" he said brandishing a copy of the first Kylie album on tape. It still had the bloody 80p sticker on it but my mate decided it was only worth a five finger discount.

He's a doctor now.
(cannonfodder fodder for cannons on, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 14:53, Reply)

I'm a Kleptomaniac have been for years,
did'nt think there was a cure so just took things for granted, until recently found out there is a self help group called 'Kleptomania: you can help yourself' which was nice.....
(djgalaxe, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 14:37, Reply)

I bought a copy of X-men
still with magnetic tags on from a dodgy looking bloke in the pub last night.

I'm anticipating opening it tonight to find out that there's no DVD inside.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 14:31, Reply)

Oooh... Just remembered another one!
Me and my brother once went into the local video shop and saw that Grand Theft Auto and Grand Theft Auto London (How truly ironic!), were available as a box set for £20! 'Wow' we thought, that's really cheap, 'we'll buy that'. Our next stop that day was the town centre, this had a Virgin Megastore and an HMV. Now, in these shops, the GTA games were selling individually for £20. A lightning bolt of inspiration hits us and we open the box set and took one game back to HMV and one back to Virgin, which we exchanged for credit and went and got even better Playstation games! Result!

I don't even feel guilty about this as HMV and Virgin used to be such rip offs in the the days before play.com!
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Tue 15 Jan 2008, 13:52, Reply)

The Corner Shop
When I was about 10 a new corner shop opened on my estate with extra cheap prices to drive the lady who owned the shop next door out of business. Me and my friend decided to go on a bit of industrial sabotage and would go into the new shop, buy a 10p fudge, thus to make them think we were real customers, but paw everything making it look like we actually wanted some of his overpriced wares. Our item of choice were Jolly Ranchers(mmmmm). This went on until one day the shop keeper saw my friend, who claimed it was an oversight on his part, he had 'accidently put the sweets in his pocket', and this scared us so much we never stole again.

He won the price war and the old lady shut down. I feel a bit bad now though as every time I go in he is really friendly, he even remembers where I went to university, which is more than some of my friends!
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Tue 15 Jan 2008, 13:44, Reply)

Toddler Shoplifting
When i was a lot younger I went to the shops with my mum, I'd just got used to walking so wandered here there and everywhere.

One fateful day my mum took me to the local shops for some bits and bobs, i pick up some sweets (i think they were Jelly Babies) and get told that no, I can't have them so they get put back. Job done and heading home when mum sees a very small Obitim carrying a nice, new bag of jelly babies as proud as you like.

Yep, that's right, I'd managed to pick up another pack, wander past the counter and out with my prize!

Got back and mum spoke to dad and asked what to do and the sweets were placed in a cupboard out of my way and I was told off, but was later given these small babies of jelly anyway! Not sure what supernanny would say about that but I've never stolen since so perhaps it all worked out in the end!

Apologies for length but it's my first time
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 13:41, Reply)

More Fraud, really
When I was a little Slut Monkey, at the age of 10, I and my primary school chums had just discovered a fascinating new game, called 'Dungeons & Dragons'. It had books, with cool pictures of monsters and big breasted elf girls, lots of fantastically shaped dice, and NO PLAYING BOARD!

WOW. Utterly amazing. Deciphering how to play it was like learning the black arts, and we gleefully worked our way through the first levels, imaginarily killing imaginary monsters with our imaginary magic and imaginary swords. Great fun. Then suddenly it came to a halt. We needed the next 'set', which cost a whopping 10 pounds! I begged and begged my mother to buy it, but she correctly noticed 'there's something wierd about that game...' and refused.

Cow.

So what do I do? Well, one day while poring over ads for shops in 'White Dwarf' (jazz mag for chronic nerds) I noticed an ad that immediately got my attention. It was a toy shop, in Alderney (a channel island) which, alongside listing their wares also had a little box showing that they accepted credit cards. To illustrate this, they also showed a tiny picture of a credit card.

Not tiny enough. Out came the magnifying glass... its an actual picture of a credit card! I can even remember the name, 'John Williams', it was an 'Access' card, it was now my new 'flexible friend'!

So I phoned the shop, put on my best deep voice, and ordered it, using the credit card details on the ad. I asked for it to be sent to my nephew, 'Master Ginger Slut Monkey', at his home address.

It was done. All I had to do was wait.

It only bloody turned up! Trouble was, I was at school at the time, and my mum got it. Naturally curious as to why her son had recieved a package from the Channel Islands, she opened it, finding the game I had been pestering her for, and the credit card invoice.

Shit. I was in lots of it. I'll never forget the look she gave the appaling monster she had given birth to.

Still, it only taught me one thing.

Planning is everything, plausible denial is all.

Blah blah length blah di blah.
(Ol' Ginger Bastard a role model for the children, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 13:34, 4 replies)

9/11 Piss Up A Thon. Not me but my dad
You may remember an Incident a few years back involving a few aroplanes and a couple of buildings in the USA. While all that comotion was taking place I was on holiday in Spain with my Family and some family friends.
On the the day of 9/11 We all went to Porta Ventura Theme park. All except Dad and his mate. We expected to be back at the hotel by 6pm but we did not end up back there until gone 11pm.
Dad and mate had left all their money and clothes in the Hotel room and got pretty bored so they went into a Pub opposite the complex which did a Bogof on all driks every night of the week and proceeded to get bladdered on everyone elses free booze.

We returned at 1130pm to find the both of them sat on the wall outside the pub with bloody noses wearing nothing but speedos and flip flops. They had been caught pilfering the pints belonging to some rather large german blokes.
( One More Fatty on the pile since, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 13:21, Reply)

Not shop lifting but on the same lines as...
Back in the summer of 96, being only 14 or 15 years old, too old to be playing man hunt and alas too young for the pub, most of your days were spent at the local playing field smoking herbal cigarettes and wishing we were 18.

It was a hot day and as usual we were lazing about on the playing fields, which incidentally, were next to the Leeds Liverpool canal. Mid afternoon, my friends and I spy a mini bus pulling up at the other end of the fields, attached to the minibus was a trailer with several one man canoes on it.

The minibus belonged to an adventure youth group from a local village, as was the logo on the side of the minibus. We watched as the two adults supervisors gathered the kids together and unloaded the several of the canoes off the trailer and trouped out of site with them. The driver of the minibus then unhitched the trailed and drove off.

Being bored and hungry, a friend suggested we take a trip to the shop, which, involved walking past the now parked trailer. We were a just passing it when a car came flying round the corner and pulled up next to us. A guy then jumps out and turns to me and mate "Here lads, I’ll give you £20 if help me get this into the back of my car" pointing at the remaining canoe on the trailer.

My mate and I looked at each other for a second, shrugged, grabbed the canoe and rammed it into the back of this guy’s car. He then, as promised, took the a crisp £20 note out of this wallet and handed it to us, then he jumped into his car and sped off, canoe sticking half way out the boot of his car. It all happened in about two minuets, it was very surreal.

Long after the £20 had been spend on cheap cider, cigs and weed, a week or so later I phoned my mate and arranged to meet him, he said he had something I might find interesting. I meet my mate and he pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket, it's a newspaper clipping, the head line on the clipping reads "CANOE STOLLEN FROM CHARITY YOUTH VOLUNTEERS". Oh dear, we'd made the local paper, the first and last time I have ever done so.

Length: It was about 10Ft long and Yellow.
(HungOver, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 12:52, Reply)

No wonder I had a hard time at school
It was 1993, I was 15 and I was in my school tutor room waiting for lunchtime to end. The hard kids were boasting about how one of them had swiped a Nike Air trainer from a sports shop in town. Not a pair of trainers mind you, just the one on top of the box for display. Without thinking it through I turned to them and said, "You know, shoplifting raises the price of goods for the rest of us"...

Looking back on it, i'm amazed I got out of that place alive.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 12:23, Reply)

Gallic beating
I was sitting in a street cafe in Greece when a gaggle of Gallic teenagers wandered along, all sullen pouts and seething hormones. They gathered round a display of cheapo necklaces outside a souvenir shop and it became clear that some clumsy shoplifting was taking place.

After completing their browsing, they ambled off and the shop owner came out to look at his display. He noticed immediately that there were gaps in it and deduced that Les Kids were the culprits. Rather than make a swift call to the local police (which would have been quite useless as they were probably asleep) he raced after the kids, grabbed the first one he came to and beat the crap out of him, knocking him to the floor and kicking him while he was down. The others stood around in horrified amazement.

The missing merchandise wasn't returned, but the kids were presumably less likely to shoplift during the remainder of their trip.
(frankspencer, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 11:55, Reply)

My Life as a Thief
I can distinctly remember many times when I have felt that terrible, guilty night time dread that is the consequence of juvenile crime. Although, I can only really recall a few episodes of childhood larceny.

It was one summer in the early 90s, and i must have been ten years old or so. I had befriended James, an enthrallingly charming if slow-witted thug whose family owned much of the farmland surrounding my home town. We spent our days enjoying the sort of marvellous childhood adventures that would send today's parents into a blind panic; exploring the fields and local villages, camping out in the woods, building fires, treehouses and rope-swings, firing air-rifles, catching and breeding wild mice, torturing and killing animals- good wholesome stuff now sepia-tinted with nostalgia.

James gave me a flick-knife that I always carried round with me 'for protection'. Hmm. That bit seems a little less romantic. As does the early introduction to sluttish girls, pornography and booze. James also introduced me to shoplifting, which was very easy to do with one of us cute whippersnappers distracting the shopkeep and the other filling his pockets with sweets, crisps, chocolate, Pogs (remember Pogs?), dinosaur trading cards, magazine freebies and cans of coke.

One day, coming back to the farmhouse after a particularly successful haul, we find James' mum in the kitchen. She is eating a packet of Walker's cheese and onion crisps and is very pleased to see her rapscallion son and his polite, nervy friend. Now- most of you should remember when Walker's ran that promotion of putting little blue sachets of real money or vouchers in with your crisps. Yes? Good. Well- James' mum offers me a crisp, and as I stuff my grubby paw into the packet, I feel that unmistakable square of blue plastic. She hadn't noticed it. Quick as a flash, I palm it expertly and cover my crime by taking a big handful of that disgusting potato snack.
"Cheeky." She says. She doesn't know the half of it.

I sneak off to the toilet to examine my spoils, an lo and behold, within the shiny sachet is a real five pound note. I remind the reader that in those days five pounds could purchase more chocolate than could be eaten in one sitting. A truly wonderful windfall for a ten year old child.

Soon I am excitedly telling James about my exploits, showing him the note, and expecting waves of approval and appreciation from my mentor in crime. His brow darkens. His fists clench. He snatches the fiver and proceeds to give me the beating of my life. He takes my sweets and Pogs and leaves me as a bruised and bloody pulp in the chicken barn.
"Nobody steals from my Mum." He says.

My days as a thief were over.

That is, until last week, when I started this temp job in the office that I am sitting in right now. I haven't done a lick of work since I got here, and have instead been reading b3ta every day from nine till half five. I don't think I'll be caught, either.

This is my first post. I hope you enjoyed it, because my contract doesn't end for another three weeks. L x
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 11:31, 2 replies)

as at least 35 years have now passed
and the shop in question long since shut, i can confess that me and my gang of little urban tearaways used to frequently raid our local spar shop for jif lemons, you know the sort, those wonderful little plastic lemon shaped squirty things, after consuming the contents we would retire to the local public toilet, fill the the empty containers with water and while away many a happy hour making a nuisance of ourselves with our lemon shaped water pistols,
if memory serves me they were also available in other flavours and shapes but we preferred the lemons.
i might also add that the saying 'crime doesn't pay' is tosh, none of my little gang have ever suffered from scurvy, i put this solely down to our earlier criminal activities.
p.s don't tell my mum.
( god save the queen making another unremarkable comeback, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 11:30, 1 reply)

HMV Exchange Programme
As a teenager my musical tastes would change on a monthly if not weekly basis and as such I would end up with a load of CDs I no longer cared for. My scam was to round up all these unwanted CD's in january and return them to each of the counters of the three HMV's in the centre of Birmingham as "unwanted christmas presents". I never had the receipt so always asked for an exchange instead. Result! A brand new collection of CDs.

I was also spectaularly proficient at pilfering clothing in Rackhams by picking up stuff in menswear on the second floor and putting it in my bag whilst alone in the lift up to the third floor. Never got caught.
(superfly78, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 11:01, Reply)

Donuts post reminds me
My wife, despite my huge disagreement and annoyance, likes to use a certain retail brands (The one after the current one) catalogue shopping service.

The contracted courier is an odd person with a shifty glint in his eye and an overstated limp. I hate to cast aspersions on his -probably good- character, but I wouldn't leave him alone with any children, if you know what I mean!

Anyway, he, or someone at the depot gained my begrudged appreciation by mixing up two random items. The statement showed a vest my wife had ordered months previously that had been out of stock. I doubt that the 10p cost was correct. What was delivered was a 58-piece dinner service, plain white, simple design. When I looked for it in the 'directory' it should have cost £130.

Score! And we didn't even have to leave the house!
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 10:49, Reply)