Mine are great
I have an older sister and 2 younger brothers. The brothers still live with the parents as they are 15 and 12 years old.

I'm going with a christmas theme, as many of you seem to have done.

My sister and her partner are great, he is quite well off, so me and the wife received some decent gifts from them this xmas.

The eldest of my two brothers is a good lad at heart, despite his chavvy appearance. He has a morning paper round and saved up a good few months of his money to buy xmas presents, something I never would have done. He managed to get 3 or 4 decent presents for each member of the family, what a top fella.

The youngest brother saved up a few week's pocket money and could only afford cheap gifts, but I am surprised at how well he saved up, he didn't get it from me.
(porkinator is a Rock n Roll nerd!, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 12:58, 1 reply)

Elephant
A few years back, my brother had a telephone number that was only one digit different to that of the online insurer Elephant. He was plagued by mis-diallers trying to buy car insurance.

One such occurence went as follows:
Phone: "Brinnng Brinnng"
Brother "Hello"
Stranger: "Hello is that Elephant dot com?"
Brother: "Do you mean Elephant dot co dot uk?"
Stranger: "Yes"
Brother: "No"
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 12:27, 3 replies)

I possibly have one other older brother, too
Found out a few years ago that my Dad may have fathered another child, a few years before he met my mum - no proof as yet though
(ricky_darkholer is blonde on the inside, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 12:19, 2 replies)

My Sister
I really love my sister; no, I REALY love my sister

Jaime.
(kitescreech still here, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 12:17, 5 replies)

I have 2 brothers, 1 sister, all older than me
When they were children, my eldest brother, G did the following to my other brother, R:

- Gave him razorblades to play with when R was about 4 months old
- Taught him to ride his bike at 15 months old, down a concrete staircase
- Almost taken his eye out with a plastic sword when they were about 5 & 4 respectively, then complained about sitting in the hospital while R was given stitches for the cut under his eye, as G should have been at a birthday party...
- Threw " a little stone" at R, resulting in more stitches across the top of R's head - we found out about 6 years ago it was actually half a brick!
- Pushed R into a doorframe, knocking him out and resulting in more stitches


R has done the followong to my sister, L:

- Chased her around the garden, where she fell on a rake and had to have stitches in the back of her head
- Slammed a door in her face, which caused her bottom teeth to come through her lip - more stitches

Things L has done to me:

- Gave me a box of chocolates for my 14th birthday, that my nephew had "tested" beforehand, leaving all the ones he didn't like in the box, complete with bite marks
- Once gave me a can of Pepsi for Christmas
(these were both joke presents, I got real ones afterwards!

G has not been injured by my siblings or I, and I have not been hurt by any of them, unless you count R holding me down on his 21st birthday (I was 14), and forcing me to smell his armpit...
(ricky_darkholer is blonde on the inside, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 12:16, Reply)

Bath time
When I was 3 my brother who was 11 was forced to share his bath with me. My mum had washed my hair after which, I stood up proceeded to wee all over my brother's back. He protested, but my mum told him to stop whinging and that he was in the bath anyway.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 11:26, Reply)

I went with my parents and brother (related post, honest) to see the Grandparents yesterday
Had a lovely day.

However, it turns out that another branch of the family (my grandmother's brother's son's wife; my first-cousin-once-removed) is trying to set up a get together so the family can stay in touch. My side of the family has never met this other lot, despite being so closely related (relatively) and her father (my grandmother's brother; keep up!) recently died so she's keen to organise this a.s.a.p.

Anyhoo, this comes up in conversation yesterday and there is some serious suggestion that I might like to come along as there are three lovely daughters. I got the distinct impression I was being match-made with one of my second cousins.

That said, having seen the photos, I can confirm that they are HOT! Yes: their mother sent my grandparents for Christmas a digital photo frame mostly full of pictures of, I kid you not, the three lovely daughters.

So the question is this: how wrong is it for me to seriously consider boning my own second cousins? Preferably all three at once.

Also, am I actually living sometime in the eighteenth century?

Since this is b3ta I should probably point out that they are all of legal age...
( IHaveABadFeelingAboutThis most likely working from home on, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 11:22, 23 replies)

I love my brother.
Very much. I would do anything for him anytime he needed me.

But that hasn’t stopped me being a right cunt to him down the years.

One summer I broke his nose three times in the space of three months.

1: I elbow smashed him in the face while we were playing WWF Wrestling. I hit him so hard there was blood on the ceiling.

2: We were having an ‘apple war’ with some friends in our garden. This basically involved lobbing apples that had fallen off the trees at each other. I threw one the length of the garden and it caught him dead square in the face. I am still proud of the accuracy of my throw today.

3: I punched him in the face because he annoyed me.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 10:29, Reply)

Plate glass door
Ooo, I'd forgotten this one.

My sister and I were 20odd and we'd had an argument over something - I forget what (might have been over whether the sun was shining or not), but my sister had, earlier that day, threatened me with a knife (don't ask) and we were fighting in the hallway.

I can't remember the circumstances, but I got shoved towards the reinforced glass front door (the inner one fortunately) with such force that it shattered.

Mum was not amused....
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 10:13, Reply)

Sister
Don't think I've posted much about my sister, but she's a special one. Extra special that is :)

We get on these days and we actually talk without wanting to kill each other, but that's only happened in tha past year or so. And we're both in our 30s.

We've historically never got on - and I mean never got on - in recent memory we've had shouting matches, slagging off sessions and phone calls where we've hung up on each other (hard to believe that we were in our mid to late 20s then) - my mum had separate conversations with each of us to find out if we actually hated ecah other - that's how bad it was.

Going way back, we were at boarding school together which, in theory, meant that we'd look after each other. Or so you'd think. I remember times where we've had to be physically dragged apart as we were proper fist fighting/kicking/scratching, etc - and this was a regular occurence - over nothing really. The worst I think was when she hit me in the face/head with a hockey stick...

The reasons? Well, we just did because we could...

I love her now, but it's taken 30 years for me to realise that I am actually allowed to like her without wanting to rip her arm off and beat her with the bloody end.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 10:10, Reply)

De plane! De plane!
An oldie but a goodie.

One time when we were younger, our Father had to fly to Melbourne for business. We went with Mum to collect him, in the days when airport parking wasn't extortionate, and when airports were fun.

We were waiting for Dad's flight to come in, watching all the planes through the big thick glass windows.

I put my ear to the window, and 'listened' for a while. "Hey, if you put your ear to the window, you can hear the planes as they take off and land." I told my younger brother.

As he moved his head towards the window, my plan sprung into action. I placed the palm of my hand against the side of his head, and slammed it into the window.

Rest assured, his head made a satisfying "Thunk" on the window.

He was too shocked to even cry.

Score 1 for me.
(David CopAFeel Used to be The_Elcat - Spouting crap since 1970., Mon 29 Dec 2008, 9:45, Reply)

Well I'm fucked on this QOTW
being an only child and all...
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 9:14, 2 replies)

Down the hall, and left
When I was 5 or so, I was 90% asleep, and walked to the toilet to drain the lizard.

However, I took a right when I should have taken a left, and proceeded to piss all over my sister's floor.

I'd claim it as deliberate, but was too young and naïve to hatch such a plan.
(David CopAFeel Used to be The_Elcat - Spouting crap since 1970., Mon 29 Dec 2008, 8:26, Reply)

I left him stinking...
I had to wreak vengeance on my older brother - he teased me relentlessly and shaped the barren landscape of my childhood.
As a precocious 8 year old I had to find some way of curbing him - I knew girls were for some reason, important to him all of a sudden so I swapped out his Brut aftershave (new product then - sampler bottles all round!) with vinegar... and when that worked I followed it up with a 1/2 an onion in his bed that night.
My mum went ballistic and had to replace the oniony matress and my brother is very nice to me now and has been for several decades.
See, kids, vengeance DOES work...
(entropydave hates unnecessary commas on, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 7:45, Reply)

my sister's a cow.
signed,
A cow.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 7:22, 2 replies)

Farmers and bulls
The name of the game me and my older brother used to play.
Quite simple really: the bull (my brother) charges into the famer (myself).
I had a broken leg when I was about 5y ears old from this game.
Fun times :D
My eldest brother broke my older brother's collar bone (don't remember/know how), my older brother broke my leg, so I guess I need to break something belonging to my younger sisters...
( xihpete A neutrino walks straight through a bar, with v>c., Mon 29 Dec 2008, 2:34, Reply)

My older brother part 2.
When he was 7 and I was 5, he challenged me to a short race to our front door. His constant teasing got to me and so even though I was a good deal smaller I couldn't refuse. He of course won easily, and stuck his arms out to gain that extra bit of distance and touch the door first.

Except he didn't just touch the door but ploughed straight through one of the panes of glass in the door, cutting his arms badly in the process. I don't remember much else except that he ran up the road to where our mum was chatting to a neighbour, leaving a trail of blood up the pavement which was there for days. He needed lots of stitches and has some cool scars.

Also, I'm told I cried more than he did. Embarrassing.
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 1:34, Reply)

My older brother part 1
When he was very young he took a permanent marker and wrote 'Bok Bok' and 'I'm a chicken' all over my parent's extremely tasteless* cockerel alarm clock. My parents, when questioned but a year ago (I'm now 22, my brother is 25), thought that it was me. Grrr!

* it goes cock-a-doodle-doo and when you push down the comb on its head to make it stop it says 'good morning'.
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 1:28, Reply)

I was my sister's best customer
When I was young enough to not know any better, my sister started a "Stationary Store." She made greeting cards and nice little designs on paper. Her biggest sell, though, was that she would take my broken rubber bands, staple them back together, then sell them back to me for about $0.05 each.

What a sheister.

Don't get me started on the time she put me in a dress and arm-length gloves and sent me downstairs to my parent's soiree.

I think she still would if she had the chance.
( intesvensk can't recall when I last checked the newsletter, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 0:57, 1 reply)

As I have a knack of bringing poo into every conversation
I remember a couple of years ago, probably about 6 or 7 in fact, my memory is shit. Me, my sister and my 2 stepbrothers were round my dad's, and their mum's, house and we were confronted with the question "Who did the big shit in the toilet that won't flush?"

Me: Not me
Sis: Wasn't me
Big Stepbro: Nor me
Lil Stepbro: (starts bawling) It wasn't me honest (then runs out the room crying)

No prizes for guessing who the culprit was. We then named it "Nick's Big Log" after him.

Apparently my dad had to get rid of it by chopping it up with a fork into flushable chunks.
(Stu in the hat is frothing at the gash, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 0:35, 2 replies)

One real sibling and a load of spares
I used to just have the one big sister, 2 years older than me for about 12 or 13 years, until Pa decided to have a new sprog with his new wife (you'd think I'd know how old my half-sister is. I'm guessing at 8... definately 7 or 8). Then about 3 years ago my dad did finally get married so I got 2 stepbrothers added to the family, one about 9 months older than me, the other just under 2 years younger. So I'm effectively the middle child of this messy affair.

I used to have a love-hate friendship with my sister. We got on pretty well, but at stages my temper got the better of me and I tried to smother her with a pillow, strangle her and push her down some stairs. Nevertheless she still lives, so that's good. Now we're both classed as adults by law, we get on a lot better.

I'm waiting for my little sis to get to the dating age, so when I'm in my 30s, I can be that angry big brother that scares the snotty teens away from her seed. However I reckon the other 2 brothers will do the job, especially as one is 6'6, and managed to get served booze at 16 as the barmaids laughed at the notion of him even 'needing' to carry ID.

The other stepbrother recently spent a night in a cell for innocently trying to use a forged note he got that same night when out on the town. Best line I got from him the following day was 'they confiscated my shoes'

1st proper post of QOTW so apologies for length... hmmm actually by the look of it on the board, it's not that long. Sweet as a nut
(Stu in the hat is frothing at the gash, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 0:10, Reply)

Yes - she was a bitch........
I was 4 years old and me and my sister shared a room. I had to go to bed early, cos I was the youngest - grrrr, so she came to bed about an hour later.

Whilst I was biding my time for her to come to bed, and evil as she was, the boredom to end - I found a black crayon under my bed.....

Anyhoooooos - she came to bed and I said to her 'Oooh - found a crayon... shall we do some colourings?!?!'..... 'No, no, no' says she. 'Lets scribble all over the walls!!'.

I don't know about anyone else that has an elder sister/brother, but when you are 4 you believe anything they say and, that for me, was a pass to do my damndest to graffiti our bedroom within an inch of its life..

I had a ball scribbling on anything that didn't move and thought that my dear, dear, sister was behind me doing the same.... I'm just glad that my mum hated that house and had a good sense of humour. I had coloured the wall next to my bed as black as I could get get it and when I turned round all I saw was my sister with a look on her face saying 'Oh my f*cksies - I can't believe she actually did it'..... Bitch

However... I DID get her back... moooo-ah-ah-ah-ahhh!!!!
(Senora Veranos cannot and will not so ner..., Sun 28 Dec 2008, 23:08, 1 reply)

I could go on all day but...
As it is the festive season I will choose the biggest of all evils my sister laid upon me - and the earliest I remember... swirly lines, all the rest of it..

Twas when I was probably 3 and a bit years old (which makes it 17 years ago then... could be a bit of a lie but I digress)... ahem... and my darling older sister led me by the hand to our mum's wardrobe and showed me a hoard of dollies, teddies, prams, etc and said 'Don't tell mummy but this is where presents come from - Santa doesn't exist. HOWEVER, don't tell mummy I told you 'cos she really likes us believing in Father Christmas'.....

Yep - ta sis. Didn't realise that your evil deed had to have me smiling and whooping like a lying so and so until I was about 9 writing a letter to 'Santa' just to keep our mum happy... ROBBED!!

Weep, sob, bleugh... evil witch... nevermind. I got her back.... story to follow :-) Bitch.
(Senora Veranos cannot and will not so ner..., Sun 28 Dec 2008, 22:59, Reply)

Bastard siblings
I have the worst siblings in the world. This is what I got for Christmas from them. In the interests of fairness, they both work (Sibling A part time) and earn decent money.

Sibling A

- A small tube of jelly beans
- A Cadburies cream egg (!)
- A DVD of ‘The Candyman’ (which I know for a fact is £2.99 in Morrisons). I also already possess this DVD.

Sibling B

- A small tube of jelly beans
- A Mars bar (regular size)
- The book ‘Wheel of Time: Eye of the World’. I fucking introduced the books to her years ago! And it was from a fucking charity shop because it still had the Safeway’s sticker on it!

I got them fucking Louis Vuitton bags! Next year I will get them boxes of teabags. Only 48 though.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Sun 28 Dec 2008, 22:24, 16 replies)

Eldest
I am the eldest of nine sibilings.

No - we aren't catholic
Yes - its a blended family
Yes - we can fight
No - I can't drive you to the coast, I have an exam on
Yes - Mum, I told her I couldn't
No - We can't stop at Maccas on the way to the coast, stop asking
No - I didn't stop the car and turn around Mum
Yes - I won't be getting any fuel money for fucking up the trip, I know Mum. *sigh*
No - I bloody well don't have time to study now, I have to go to work.
Yes - I still passed the exam.
No - a thankyou? Never.
( glasnt is playing herself off., Sun 28 Dec 2008, 21:17, Reply)

Evil Sister
Picture the scene, easter, we had all been given our easter eggs of joy, I decide to save mine and place in room for safe keeping, some hours later I go there for a bit and find it's all been eaten by my 4 year old sister who was supposed to be in bed. Not a happy bunny was I and I never got a replacement, 25 years on I still remember the look in her eyes when confronted with the truth.

It was huge and chocolatey.
( SQUID, Sun 28 Dec 2008, 21:11, Reply)

I snogged my brother once
... but in fairness I had no idea it was him at the time and he had just saved me from the Death Star and almost died in the frozen wastes so it was a vulnerable moment for the both of us.
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Sun 28 Dec 2008, 18:33, 1 reply)

All men are brothers,
which I suppose explains the constant beatings.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 28 Dec 2008, 17:49, Reply)

I have
a younger brother who is a bit naive at times..

last christmas, my mum bought him an xbox 360, along with two games- project gotham racing and halo 3

after playing halo for a brief time he decided he hated it, and the very next day he went down to gamestation and traded it in for....Virtua tennis

maybe I should put him down...
(Lord Chode, Sun 28 Dec 2008, 17:38, 10 replies)