I'm pathetic.
Fandom Aristocrats.

A variation on the "The Aristocrats" joke.
( Sydney Bintstow, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 19:25, Reply)

Pub joke...
A barman is in his pub serving customers, when a tramp comes in, "Quick! I need a cocktail stick!"
The barman is a little bemused by this, but nevertheless hands over a cocktail stick. The tramp thanks him and hurries out.
A moment later, a different tramp comes in and once again urgently asks for a cocktail stick. The barman hands one over and the hobo hurries out.
A minute later, yet another tramp hurries in and says, "Quick, I need a straw"
The barman is getting tired of this and says, "Look, I've just had two of your mates in here asking for cocktail sticks and now you're in here trying to blag a straw... What's going on?"
The tramp replies - "Just give me a straw quick! Someone's been sick outside and all the chunks have already gone..."
( Beastie is doing science with his arse, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 19:17, Reply)

What's more fun than spinning...
...a baby around at 60mph on a rotary washing line?


Stopping it with a criket bat.
(Speccy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 19:14, Reply)

What's blue and swings?
A baby on a meat hook.
(Speccy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 19:13, Reply)

Joke
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can see the look on it's face.
(scoob668, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 19:11, Reply)

What's the worst thing about raping a 4 year old boy?
Getting blood on your clown suit.
( helmetcream, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 19:09, Reply)

erm
If Linda McCartney was alive today what would she be doing?

Scratching at the lid of her coffin probably!.

(incidentally why wont i eat linda McCartney sausages?? cos they should have f*cking buried her like anyone else thats why!)
(www.nufc.com, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:57, Reply)

Sick Joke
Q: What should you do after you've f*cked a deaf, mute 12 year old girl?

A: Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone!

or ....

Q: What file can turn a hole this size 'o' into a hole this size 'O'?

A: A Paedophile.
(Muttley, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:56, Reply)

"Masturbating with your grandma's ashes under your foreskin"? What the fuck? o_O
(Sorry, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:55, Reply)

What's green and got 12 tits?
A garbage disposal bag in a breast cancer clinic.

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A quadraplegic in a house fire.

What did the mongoloid say to his dog?
Down Syndrome!!

What's the difference between Christopher Reeves and OJ Simpson?
Christopher Reeves got the electric chair!....and O.J walked!

What’s sicker than sick?
Masturbating with your grandma's ashes under your foreskin.

What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, it's not your phlegm.

What's better than winning a gold medal at the Para-Olympics?
Walking.

Why do you wrap duct tape around a hamster?
So it doesn't explode when you fuck it
(Speccy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:47, Reply)

bored on the bus to hell etc
q: what goes "what's blue and doesn't fit?"
a: a b3ta user

q: how do you know if an elephant has been in your fridge?
a: the whole house is destroyed, not least the fridge, which is rendered completely unserviceable.

q: how do you know if 5 elephants have been in your fridge?
a: there is a mini parked outside your house.

q: how do you know if hitler is in your
fridge?
a: his bicycle is parked outside and stevie wonder is looking for him in the blender

q: what's blind?
a: stevie wonder

apologies for the non-sickness of some of my jokes, i accidentally removed all references to linda mccartney, rendering them, of course, completely unfunny!!!!!!!!111111111111111
(grippa93, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:44, Reply)

please, please forgive me for these...
What's blue and doesn't fit?
A dead epileptic

What part of a cabbage can't you eat?
The wheelchair

What's blue and screams?
A baby in a polythene bag

What's green and doesn't scream?
Same baby two months later


I'm truely sorry.
(carpediem, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:37, Reply)

sickest
Whats the best thing about fucking a three year old boy, ?

You can roll her onto her stomach and pretend its a three year old girl !
( ratman, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:35, Reply)

hell etc!!!!1111111111
q: what's the difference between ray charles and stevie wonder?
a: he was waiting back in the van!!!!1111111111

q: how do you put a dead baby in a blender?
a: put it in a blender!!!!1111111111

q: two paedophiles are walking from the beach to the forest?
a: you can't unload the contents of my ice cream van with a bowling ball!!!!1111111111

q: what's the best thing about stevie wonder?
a: there's twenty of them!!!!1111111111

just waiting for my 1 day emergency travel visa to hell!!!!1111111111
(grippa93, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:33, Reply)

Another one!
What's got two legs and bleeds

Half a dog
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:31, Reply)

Whats the difference between a black man and a bucket of shit?
The bucket
(Biggsy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:30, Reply)

Three prostitutes walk into a bar
but there is only one stool left so what do they do?

turn it upside down
(fluffytail, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:29, Reply)

What do vegetarian worms eat?
Linda Macartney

Why don't blacks like chainsaws?

Run-nigga-nigga-nigga-nigga
(Biggsy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:29, Reply)

(www.nufc.com, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:25, Reply)

How do you make a dead baby float ?
Lemonade
Ice Cream
and
a couple of scoops of dead baby
( The Mighty Gusset Doesn't Care - And Doesn't Care Who Knows It !, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:22, Reply)

q
What do you call a lepper in the bath?
Porridge.

Why did the lepper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
(www.nufc.com, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:21, Reply)

hope this has been posted already
what's the worst thing about getting blood on your clown suit?

wiping the blood off your clown suit
(grippa93, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:18, Reply)

w
whats pink, wrinkly and hangs out your pyjamas in the morning?
granny.
(www.nufc.com, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:17, Reply)

my last i promise
What's blue and doesn't fit anymore?
A dead epileptic
(word_grubber, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:15, Reply)

and another
What's the best thing about shagging twenty two year olds? There are twenty of them
(word_grubber, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:14, Reply)

hitler-radcliffe
Why is Hitler a better person than Paula Radcliffe?
At least Hitler tried to finish a race. I'm going to hell now aren't I
(word_grubber, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:13, Reply)

Ticket to Hull on mantelpiece
What's the best thing about shagging two-year olds?

Hearing their pelvis crack

What's the worst thing about licking out a bald pussy?

Putting the nappy back on afterwards

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest ?

Acne dosn't come on your face when you're eight years old

(dunno if their already there - I'm not trawling through them all)
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:10, Reply)

Joke
What's better than winning the paralympics?

Having two f**ing legs!
(ninjadoug, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 18:07, Reply)