Redneck in a diner
A redneck from Mississippi walks in to the local diner with an alligator on a leash. He says to the waiter "Do you serve Muslims here"? The waiter replies "Of course we do....we serve every type of man regardless of race, color or religion". The Redneck says "Good, I'll have a Cheesburger...and give me a Towelhead for my alligator"!
(JTsteelblu, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 4:36, Reply)

JFK Jr.
JFK Jr. was about to leave on that last imfamous flight when his wife Carolyn Bessette asked if he thought they ought to take a shower before boarding the airplane, to which he replied "No, I think we'll just wash up on the beach"!
(JTsteelblu, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 4:29, Reply)

The girls all get prettier at closing time...
A single 25 year old fellow, who hasn't had a woman in over a year wanders in to a bar with the hope of getting lucky. He buys most of the single gals there a drink, but it doesn't even get him a good conversation, let alone getting laid. He keeps trying, but within a half hour of closing time most of the women have wandered out of the bar.....all except one. She not what he had in mind, as she's at least 60 years old and sort of ugly. But he figures "Any port in a storm". So he buys her a quick last drink, and find that she is also desparate for sex, so they wind up in the back seat of his car in the parking lot. After some necking, he unclips her bra and starts sucking on her tits. He get some white milky substance in his mouth, and says to her "Hey, you're a little old for child bearing aren't you"? And she replies "Yeah, but I'm not too old for breast cancer"!
(JTsteelblu, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 3:52, Reply)

What do you call someone in a wheelchair?
A Retard
(getdown is not spanish, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 1:40, Reply)

Another baby joke... Yay!
What do you do after you've had a baby girl?

Turn it over and have it like a baby boy.
(Grubbles, Wed 15 Feb 2006, 0:45, Reply)

Whats red and fucks kids?
Me in my lucky red shirt!
(captainhazzard, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 23:59, Reply)

Sick Joke
How can you tell the barmaid doesn't like you?

She left the string in my bloody mary.
(gilesmthomas, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 22:54, Reply)

why did the girl fall off the swing?
because she had no arms
( You drive like a mong in a dodgem today is, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 22:26, Reply)

Whats the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
You cant fuck a rock.
(furey, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 22:26, Reply)

Losing my religion.. (& b3ta cherry! woot!)
CBA to see if its already on here..

A Catholic priest in a small rural town was very fond of his 10 chickens and 1 handsome cock he kept in a hen house behind the rectory. One Saturday night the priest discovered that the rooster was missing.

At the same time the priest heard rumors of cock fights being held in town. Shocked and dismayed, he decided to say something during Mass. During Mass he asked the congregation, "Who among you will confess to
sporting a handsome cock?"
All the men stood up. "No, no," he said. "That's not what I mean. Who among you will confess to having seen a handsome cock?"
All the women stood up.
"Oh, no," he said. "That's not what I mean either. Who among you will confess to having seen a cock that doesn't belong to you?"
Half the women stood up.
"Oh Lord," he said. "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody seen my cock?"

All the choirboys stood up.

& no apologies for length. If the priest didn't, then why should I?!
(godbox 3rd best prostitute in London, after mum & sis, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 21:22, Reply)

The Sickest Joke
The ginger one is going to get rich from this
(smoglane!, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 18:44, Reply)

The one about the grand canyon
Ok, so a family goes on holidays, the mama, the papa and the brother and sister. They go to the Grand Canyon, and are looking out over it, leaning on the railing. All except little Timmy, who's afraid of heights, so he's hanging back a bit, which is good for him, sort of, because the cliff suddenly collapses and his family plummets to their deaths, along with everyone else nearby.

So there's little Timmy, standing at the edge of the cliff crying, and along comes a friendly-looking man on a bicycle, who asks him what's wrong. "My family fell down!" he sobs through his tears.

The man looks thoughtful for a moment, and then says "Man, today just ain't your day, kid," and unzips his pants.
(revjtoad, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 18:39, Reply)

sickish
Q: what did the disabled man say to his dog?

A: Down syndrome
(ginger crumbs, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 17:09, Reply)

Not so sick joke but funny anyway
Blind man with his guide dog walks into a shop, the blind man picks up his dog and swings it round his head..... Puts the dog back down.
shop keeper - "excuse me sir.... why are you swinging your dog round like that?"

Blind man - "i'm just having a look around"
(ginger crumbs, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 17:07, Reply)

joke
Q: What do you call a stack of wheel chairs?


A: A vegetable Rack
(ginger crumbs, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 16:59, Reply)

Sick joke
Q. What's funnier than a drunken clown?


A. A drunken clown with Down's Syndrome.


Boom boom! (etc)
(griffin147, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 15:39, Reply)

Sick joke...
Q. What do you get when you stab a baby?

A. A hard-on!
(griffin147, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 15:38, Reply)

Joke..
What's pink, stiff and makes women scream??


A dead baby.


Sorry.
(Cockchops, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 15:02, Reply)

Sick Jokes Book--->WKD Idea!!!
You've already used some of my sickest!
But...
"Whats black and blue and doesn't like sex?

The 8yr old in the back of my van!"

Oh and the dads cock one is...
"How do you know when your sisters on her period?
'Cos ya dads cock tastes of blood"

Sorry to be so sick etc, but then otherwise I won't make the book!
--->Cheery popped<--
(stupidboy23, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 15:01, Reply)

..
How can you tell your sister's having her period?

Your dad's cock tastes of blood...
( Goatpod, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 14:53, Reply)

Shortest joke ever....
This seal walks into a club.
( Goatpod, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 14:49, Reply)

always makes the girls cringe
Q: Why dont women like sex in the morning.

A: have you ever tried opening a cold cheese toastie.
(collector, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 14:39, Reply)

Very Dirty Joke
A young man has just started a new job. The office happens to be only 20 minute walk away so on his first day he decides to walk there. As he's walking along the road he trips and falls in a very very muddy puddle

pa dum tsch (don't shoot me)
(Phagenius, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 14:31, Reply)

oh no!
please dont make any pictures for that joke!
(zaitsevrogue9, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 14:10, Reply)

My brothers freinds joke
What noise does a baby in a blender make?


Dunno i was to busy wanking
(zaitsevrogue9, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 14:09, Reply)

The sickest joke I ever heard
Young lady gets pregnant, doesn't want to have the baby, but can't afford the abortion which costs hundreds of dollars.

As a last resort she turns to the internet - and finds a site advertising abortions for twenty bucks. With nothing to lose, she calls them up to be told "Ok - Come along tomorrow at 8 with twenty bucks, and apple and a cookie"

Puzzled, but desperate - She does so.

Walks into the doctors surgery, and he says "Right - let's not muck around here feet up in the stirrups and spread 'em wide!...Now give me the apple."

Before she can protest, WOOP! the doc has stuffed the apple fair up her twat. "Ok - Now the cookie." And SCHLUP! Without so much as a How's Your Father?...The cookie disappears as well. "Right - treatment's over for today - Now come back tomorrow - with an apple...and a cookie" says the Doc.

This goes on for a week - WOOP! SCHLUP! WOOP! SCHLUP! WOOP! SCHLUP!...Until, on the 7th day the Doc says "Ok, I want you to come back tomorrow with an apple...and a hammer" Once again puzzled - but not knowing what else to do - she complies.

Next day it's up in the stirrups...WOOP! with the apple....then the doctor picked up the hammer...and waited.

Eventually this little head pops out and says "OI!...Where's me fuckin' cookie!??!" then BAM!.....

Ahhhhhhhh look - no-one said it had to be FUNNY, ok!?!?

Ahhh, what a simply LOVELY way to spend my first post too! Hello B3TA! :)
(Ecky Thump Mozzarella you eh?!, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 11:51, Reply)

quite tame, really..
A woman from (insert hated place here) was involved in a car accident. She was trapped in the car so she had to be cut out by the fire service.

When a paramedic came to the window, he shouted in, "How many fingers am I holding up?"

She said, "Oh no, I can't feel me legs!"

===============

How do you make a baby cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock on its teddybear.
(psychostorm, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 11:23, Reply)

I was at the
Holocaust memorial in Berlin at the weekend, and it is lots of black blocks of stone.

and my response was, with all this black stone it must be like an oven in the summer
( Neon Blue Ah ha ha haa! I feel positively capital!, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 10:30, Reply)

job centre
black guy goes into a job centre

"Im looking for a job please?" he enquires

"Ahh what a stroke of luck, we have a vacancy for a personal assistant of a multibillionaire model who is a complete nympho. As part of your duties you must shag her twice a day and the rest of the time she expects you to sit around with her watching TV. the salary is negotiable but will be upwards of 6 figures" replied the job centre assistant.

"it sounds too good to be true, you must be pulling my leg" exclaimed the black guy


"Well you started it"
(barronshark, Tue 14 Feb 2006, 10:11, Reply)