We three King of Orient are
One in a taxi, one in a car.
One on a scooter, beeping his hooter.
Smoking a fat cigar.
(Begbie, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 14:51, Reply)

Some Puddle of Mudd dross
I think it's Blurry. With the chorus

"Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
Explaining it to me"

It was only recently I was told what the proper lyrics were. For months I thought it went...

"Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
Spanky can you hear me?"

Not to mention the Spandau Ballet, Karaoke classic "You are GOLD!" replaced with "You are GAY!".

Oh how we laugh!
( Joliet, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 14:48, Reply)

We used to sing the school hymns in reverse.
Singing the same tune, but starting at the final word and working backwards (as an attempt to summon up the devil during assembly).
(Seebeedee, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 14:12, Reply)

Didn't we have a lovely time
the day we went to Baghdad..
(Seamus O'Blimey, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 14:04, Reply)

Another Shepards one...
While Shepards wash their socks by night
All watching ITV
The Angel of the lord came down
And switched to BBC
(Mr Slippyfist, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 14:00, Reply)

further monkeyness
then she sat on my face
she had a good beaver
not a trace
of clag in my mouth

repeat to fade
(magictorch, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 13:47, Reply)

The Pretenders
I'll never forget Chrissie Hynde singing:

"I've got bras
in my pocket"
(bloodydoorsoff, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 13:33, Reply)

atomic kitten
Baby you're the one
you still turn me on
you can fill my hole again

ahhh if only it were true :)
(big finger, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 13:08, Reply)

Europe- Final Coutdown
Joey Tempest, who always reminded me of what a transgender rock star would look like pre-op, sang...

"We're heading to Venus...
.....(Penis)......"

Well thats what is sounded like! Joey was a twat anyway, poddle haired spacker who looked like Widow Twanky on drugs and spandex
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 12:41, Reply)

for the scousers
Sign on
Sign on
with a pen in your hand
Cos you'll never get a job,
Yoouu'llll neeeevverrr get, a job
( Moonraker isn't the droid you were looking for, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 12:29, Reply)

Anyone remember The Shamen?
with their classic hit LSI (Love Sex Intelligence)?

Me and my sister were convinced the chorus went:
"Love, sex, intelligence,
Ooh! Coming on like a set of stamps..."

Doesn't make a whole lot of sense I admit....
(Frustrated IT Support Person - now with added network support., Mon 31 Jan 2005, 11:46, Reply)

Anyone else? Ahhh sweet childhood memories
'Zippy and Bungle
Went to the jungle
To have a bit of fun.
But Zippy got silly
and chopped off his willy
and shoved it up Bungle's um'
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 11:33, Reply)

Achy Breaky Heart *screams in horror*
Years ago, my mum had a friend who was a hardcore Billy Ray Cyrus fan. And no, that's not the part you're supposed to laugh at.
She got quite worked up when me and my brother and I invented our own lyrics:

"Don't smell my farts,
my egg and bacon farts,
I just don't think you'd like the stink.
And if you smell my farts,
my egg and bacon farts,
they might float up and kill these men.
(train whistle part) POOOOOOO-OOOOO!!!!!!!
(Addie81, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 11:16, Reply)

Def Leppard - Animal
Here's one song that I got very very wrong -

"I gotta feel it in my butt,
Oh whoa,
I need your touch don't need your love,
Oh whoa,
And I want,
And I need,
And I lust,
Enema!"
(Addie81, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 11:09, Reply)

Dear Soapy Norris
I would like to associate myself with your remarks re the Bedingfield siblings. Wankers the pair of them. Wankers. Wankers.
( BobbyParadise, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 10:59, Reply)

Natasha b'DING-field
I must admit I appear to have misheard Natasha Bedingfield's lyrics quite substantially.

Apparently she's saying things like -
"Read some Byron, Shelly and Keats
Recited in over a Hip-Hop beat"

and
"Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you"

whereas everly time I listen I seem to hear-
"MUUUUH! I'M A FUCKING IMBECILE! BWUUUUUUUH!!
I'M TRULY, TRULY SHITE! DUUUUUUUUUUUHHH!!!!"

Must be my ears I guess. I am getting on a bit.


And her brother's a right cunt too.
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 10:46, Reply)

I'm A Believer (Again)
Saw some alternate lyrics in an earlier post and remembered my own version:

"Then she sat on my face,
now I'm a muff eater."
(Addie81, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 10:13, Reply)

news police
sue lawley
sue lawley
sue lawley
dah, dum - dah, dum

sue lawley
sue lawley
sue lawley
dah, dum - dah, dum
(magictorch, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 9:19, Reply)

Postman Pat
Postman Pat Postman Pat ran over his cat
Blood and guts went flying
Postman Pat was crying
You've never seen a flatter cat than that.....
sung every time the little bro watched Postman Pat, its no wonder he turned out so strange!
(NotSaying lurking is fun, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 9:00, Reply)

School Assembly
The old classic......
So light up the fire let Man U burn
Open the door let Derby return
..... I have no idea to the original lyrics as they were rarely sung.
(NotSaying lurking is fun, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 8:55, Reply)

Queen - Bisexual Race
If there was one Queen song bad enough to make a dirty parody of, it's Bicycle Race. I made it up after I heard for the first time about Freddie's preference for men.

"All I wanna do is......bisexuals! Bisexuals! Bisexuals!
I want to ride my bisexual,
I want to ride my bi.
I want to ride my bisexual,
I want to ride him where I lie."
(Addie81, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 8:42, Reply)

Drugs as trucks
My mate thought that The Verve classic

"The Drugs Don't Work" was actually
"The Trucks Don't Work".

Rather than being a poignant song about substance abuse, the fuckwit thought it was about traffic jams and failed deliveries...
(antney_b, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 7:43, Reply)

Librarian Girl
A mate at Uni was convinced (until shown the Bad album notes) that Jacko had done a ballad about a Librarian Girl who came and changed his world...

My sister and I used to love Sometimes by James with the line "There's an old man taking Polaroids". Only when she was 20 did it come out that she thought Polaroids were a type of drug.
(gibletwarrior, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 6:35, Reply)

right you are then
For reasons I can't quite remember, myself and a former flatmate used to regularly perform a particularly energetic version of Reef's godawful Place Your Hands that involved the line:

"Oh place your arse, on my face. Do your shopping, at the Mace ... wellallrighta!"

While I'm here, a few quick ones.

"And then I saw her face - it was like a retriever's ... "

"I bought you a brand new bicycle - and I took off the seat (da na na na) ... "

"People try to put him down - talkin' 'bout my blind alsatian ... "
( coco, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 6:31, Reply)

Rainbow
Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh a pie.
( Box of Rabbits, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 6:22, Reply)

Shepards
nobody else got this right so

The shepards washed their socks by night
all seated round the tub.
A bar of 'Sunlight' soap came down and they began to scrub.
( Box of Rabbits, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 6:19, Reply)

The worst school song ever!
In highschool our school song was so over dramatic it automatically made anybody singing it look like the biggest NAZI bum-wanker that ever walked the green earth. One verse as I recall went something like this.

In words of flame,
On the scroll of fame,
we will write our name.
In classrooms working
never shirking.
All hail to the school that we love.
(rattus, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 6:14, Reply)

My dad didn't like this one
Decorate your father's belly (fa la la la la la la la la)
While he's sleeping by the telly(fa la la la la la la la la)
Jelly smeared in patterns festive (fa la la la la la la la la)
Makes a centrepiece suggestive (fa la la la la la la la la)

Coloured lights his belly wreathing (fa la la la la la la la la)
Blend so gaily with his breathing (fa la la la la la la la la)
Crowning all a star above it (fa la la la la la la la la)
Show the neighbours they will love it (fa la la la la la la la la)

If your dad begins to waken (fa la la la la la la la la)
Hide the tinsel covered bacon (fa la la la la la la la la)
Tell your dad he looks delicious (fa la la la la la la la la)
Run like hell, he might get vicious (fa la la la la la la... la... LAAAAAAAAAAA!)
(dragonrose, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 4:27, Reply)

Papa Roach
My Brother's drunken embarrasment when he was told the real lyrics to Papa Roach were slightly less funny than hearing him sing
"cut my eyes into pieces, this is my last retort..."
A week or so later, I was singing GreenDay's Deadbeat Holiday "...granddad's in a two-plate soup fight. But you're living on a landmine..."
when my friends cut up laughing.
Seemingly the line is actually "Grounded in a duplex to find/That you're living on a landmine." Damn!
I hope to god that we don't pass this trait on to our children!
(DippyFi, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 4:16, Reply)