Went 10 pin bowling
in the most run down, cancer ridden bowling alley, ever. The balls kept getting stuck, we could see them spinning about behind the pins. Every time this happened we had to go fetch the guy, unfortunately 'the guy' seemed to be the only employee on that day. He took your money, got your shows, poured the beer, fixed the lanes, he done everything.

So, after about the sixth time of the ball getting stuck we decided to just keep bowling balls into the melee, until we had about 10 balls trapped behind the pins, oscillating and looking as though something was about to break. Enough was enough, and my pal went to look for the guy, who was nowhere to be seen, the place was deserted and my pal was standing, getting irate when all at once Tiffany's 'I think we're alone now' boomed out over the speakers. Couldn't have been more apt if it had tried.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 16:27, Reply)

To anyone who is having a bad day:
Put Yakety Sax on your MP3 player. It is physically impossible not to crack a smile to this, even if you hate it.
(Sir Harrington Titsmith disgraced himself on, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 16:24, 6 replies)

Interpol
Turn on the Bright Lights.

Brilliant BRILLIANT album which will always be about my first term at university. To get the full effect Obstacle 1 needs to be played loudly in a darkened room. Although this now causes me to get weird looks (or worried comments from my mother asking if I am OK) as I always rush to turn lights off if this is possible at the time.

As for inappropriate, turns out even people in Germany will look at you if you start singing "Who mistook the steak for chicken, who'm I gonna stick my dick in" or "Who's got the crack" in a crowded bus.

Yes, the Moldy Peaches are wonderful. My habit of singing along loudly and tunelessy to whatever am listening to on the way to work is less so.
(Picotee, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 16:16, 3 replies)

So you're saying Simon Cowell stole it?
Surely REM sold it.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 16:15, 3 replies)

Pulp - Common People
I was travelling around Canada in January 2007 where Id met a particularly nice English girl in a bar in Toronto. Shed been trying to convince me to go to Australia with her to work for a while. At the time I wasnt sure, Id been out of uni since the previous summer working in a bar in Birmingham and was thinking maybe I should go home and get a career etc. One day sitting on the sea wall in Stanley Park, Vancouver listening to that song I had a complete change of heart. Fuck it I though, Ill only regret if I dont. Two days later I had a work visa and a one way ticket to Melbourne. She stayed a month, I stayed two years.
Even now it still reminds me of that afternoon in Stanley Park and how excited I was about everything that was happening in my life at the time.
(reesy22, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 16:12, Reply)

Everyone has a "music not to shag to" story
but a glorious combination of factors conspired to ruin my chances when I was 20.

During my student years I was in a long-distance relationship. This, coupled with a frankly stunning degree of ineptitude with the opposite sex in my teens - I was hardly given much of a chance, I went to an all-boys, rugby-playing school, and emerged straight - meant that it took me some good time to lose my virginity. Yes, it was all due to my better half's unavailability. Nothing to do with big-night nerves manifesting themselves every time I got a shot at the title. Oh no.

Anyway. My first mistake was telling my flatmates this while I was plastered. By this point I'd actually managed to achieve the feat and thought that owning up to previous deficiences would show character, or some bollocks. I forgot that my flatmates were men and therefore bastards.

On one occasion when the ex (then current) Mme. Foxtrot (she was from Chesterfield) was visiting, I decided we were going to enjoy a night of romantic filth like no other, to make up for my previous shortcomings. I cooked her dinner (badly), dimmed the lights (well, turned them off) and stuck Massive Attack's awesome "Mezzanine" album on my fancy new (SHUT UP I'M OLD OK) 3-CD changing stereo.

I'm sure you can see where this is going, but stick with me, it gets better.

After nearly an hour of quality foreplay we finally got around to threading the needle. I have no idea why that euphemism sprang to mind. Shortly thereafter, my stereo disposed of Massive Attack and rumbled around to the Wu-Tang Clan. As difficult as it is to make the woman you love feel respected whilst several huge black men are philosophising on the various ways in which it's possible to degrade the fairer sex, it's much harder to keep her interest in the task at hand when, during the track "Incredible", you yourself start giggling at the dubious claim by (insert name of Wu-Tang Clan member here) that "I devour planets like Unicron, shoot neutron bombs from my arm like Galvatron".

What?

Just as I was congratulating myself for not pointing out that Galvatron's neutron cannon shot beams rather than bombs (although I can appreciate the superior rhyming quality of bombs), she makes me stop - yes, MAKES ME STOP - and turn the CD off. I know! Just for giggling mid-sex at a hip-hop Transformers reference! What's wrong with her? Anyway, I dutifully bob over to the stereo like a human divining rod, and head eagerly back to the bed.

The walls in this flat were very thin.

My flatmates are having a typical evening - listening to Slayer and playing Tekken 3. Unfortunately "Diabolus in Musica" ends shortly thereafter. As we're both trying to get our rhythm back, I can hear mumbled conversation, which I have transcribed below.

"Has the music coming out of Foxy's room stopped?"

"Yeah, think so"

"Oh, brilliant idea... give me a hand with the speakers"

(oh, fuck)

pause... silence

Maybe they're not so ba...

"LIKE A VIRGIN... TOUCHED FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME... LIKE A VIR-IRR-IR-IR-GIN..."

I can still hear that song every time sexual congress goes awry. It's a guaranteed de-stiffener.

No apologies for length - frankly, it was the least of my worries
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 16:12, 1 reply)

Lucy
The Album: Songs In the Key of Life by Stevie Wonder, the song: Joy Inside My Tears.
The Occasion: A New Years Eve house Party waaaay back in 1996 (back in the pre-millennium days when it was cool to have a house party and not an credit crunched necessity), after spending all night talking to an amazing blonde girl called Lucy someone started playing this song in the morning. Everytime I hear it now it takes me back to that morning. I tend to focus on that feeling when I hear it and not the abysmal mistake of completely failing to make a move on her due to the fact that I'd vomited early in the evening due to teenage drinking excitement and was too polite/scared to go that near her with Vom-breath. Hence the talking all night. Was I brave enough to get her number as she very slowly left the house that morning? No. No I did not. Did I ever see her again? No. Did I learn my lesson, Of course.....sigh ...No. Sob.
(Anarchy Duck, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 16:08, Reply)

Chondrosarcoma
This word became part of my vocabulary when I was in my early twenties. I always thought it was a pretty word, had a sort of a silky, velvety feel to it. But when you translate it into everyday English it becomes ugly and incredibly brutal: Bone cancer.

I was waiting outside HMV for the store to open, as soon as the assistant unlocked the door I made my way inside, grabbed one of the shiny new cellophane wrapped double cds, strolled over to the counter, paid, and then made my way over to Greg’s.

His mum opened the door, saw it was me and directed me up stairs. Greg was in bed – of course. I found it hard to remember the last time I saw him on his feet. We’d grown up together, Greg and I, and he’d always been a little on the porky side. I’d been calling him a “fat bastard” from the age of eight, so it was strange to see him the way he was now. Wasted. Used up. His skin so pale I could see the network of veins hugging his bones. He was constantly off his head on strong painkillers and the usual wicked sense of humour only surfaced in flashes.

He was as excited as me about the cd. It’d just been released that morning and I was the first person to buy a copy from that particular branch of HMV, the assistant told me.

I broke open the cellophane, pulled out disk 1, placed it in Greg’s cd player and we sat back to listen. Greg scanned the artwork. Then as the first track started he said: “The Fragile... This album was made for me...”

I told Greg to stop being such a morbid cunt, I sat in a chair he had near his bedroom window, Greg remained in bed – we listened to the first disk of Nine Inch Nails new album without saying a word. Then, as I changed the disk and after Greg’s mum had brought us up a cup of tea and some biscuits, we listened to disk 2.

We had a crafty cigarette each – dousing down the smell of Benson & Hedges with a can of air freshner so Greg’s mum wouldn’t go mental. After the disk finished, we listened to it again and had one of our long chats about absolutely nothing at all. After a few hours I left.

Greg lasted another few weeks. Then he died.

The funeral took place and I attended, bleary-eyed and numb. Afterwards a select few friends and Greg’s entire extended family went back to Greg’s mum’s house for a bite to eat. Never been very good at funerals, and after Greg’s mum passed me a note from Greg, a sentimental one-word note which stated simply: CUNT !!!, I was in no mood to hang about, I was feeling far too sentimental. But then Greg’s mum said:

“Greg knew this day was coming, of course – he didn’t want it to be a sad event. He said he wanted this song to be played because it reminded him of his best friend, here, why don’t you put it on for us?” Greg’s mum singled me out and offered me the burned cd to put on. Feeling particularly frozen, I went through the motions, placed the disk in the big old-fashioned stereo and waited in front of the assembled strangers (Greg’s relatives) and handful of friends for the music to start.

And when it did I felt pretty damn good. I could tell the music wasn’t much to the tastes of some of the people there, but hey, this is what Greg wanted. And by the end I couldn’t help but have a big shit-eating grin on my face. As the track ended and the room returned to awkward silence, Greg’s mum approached and gave me ‘that look’, which suggested her dearly departed son and I should try once in our lives to act our age.

And from that day to this I can’t listen to this song without smiling and thinking about my best mate who passed on about ten years ago now. Sometimes I even put it on in a pub or request it at parties.

Always gets a few pointed looks, makes a few people nervous. But fuck it, I’ll maintain til the day I die that It’s Raining Men by the Weather Girls is a damn, damn, damn fine song...

Cheers Greg.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 15:56, 41 replies)

inapprooopriate
I went to a wedding of a friend of a friend who has MS and was facing a not-very-bright future in a wheelchair. The Wedding was lovely, right up to the ceremony, where a lady stood up and sang 'One' by U2.
Very romantic, lovely song bla bla bla until the lyrics got to "we've got to carry each other, carry each other"...
Cue embarassed squirming until she finished and we tried to forget all about it.
(chesty, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 15:56, 2 replies)

iTunes shuffle bleh
My new boyfriend and I were getting down to it in my room, and for ambience I had my iTunes library playing on shuffle in the background (of which I have an awful load of she*t on).

Getting carried away as you do we hadn't bothered with protection, just as we were going to do "it" Team America's "Everyone Has AIDS!.." suddenly pops up on iTunes.

We then decided to use a condom.



(*Happy ending, neither of us have aids!)
(flying-fox, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 15:56, 2 replies)

Blur - Leisure
Knew the words to every song on this album and used to always play this as a kid. Even had a tape of it where somehow i'd managed to record myself singing along.
(Dr. Gonzo, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 15:50, Reply)

The Corrs
When having an already emotional End Of Relationship Heart-to-Heart with the Might As Well Be Wife of 7 years the Corrs 'What can I do to make you love me' came on the TV Music station that was on in the background.

The Soon To Be Ex started softly singing along whilst staring blankly into space.

That period of my life wasn't at all fun and whenever I hear this song it takes me right back. :(
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 15:47, 6 replies)

Nothing complicated
I'm not much older now, nor were they songs most of my friends listen to, but anything from the 'Forever Changes' album by Love, particularly 'Old Man', makes me feel like I'm 18 and about to start uni again.

Makes me want to sit on my block's balcony and stare out over Durham for hours, preferably with a generously proportioned Gin and Tonic (four gin to three tonic, no ice nor lemon, preferably out of a mug).
(zeppelin boy, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 15:38, 2 replies)

At a beer festival:
It was a truly glorious summer's day in the middle of July, I was sitting on a bench with a beer in my hand, talking to an attractive barmaid. I wondered if life could get any better. Then the band started playing "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd, which I consider to have the best guitar solo of any piece of music ever written.

Whenever I'm feeling grumpy I think back to that day and grin... Like I am now.

Click if you think Pink Floyd are awesome.
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 15:35, 9 replies)

It’s going to come back to haunt me…
Lying in the arms of a newly acquired (via the sadly defunct “casual relationships” section of gumtree) lady friend, our nocturnal athletics had been soundtracked by the popular beat combo of the day, the nu-folk outfit Mumford & Sons. Pleasant enough background music, but generally I prefer things a little rockier. Also, the whole nu-folk thing is a bit twee, and quite popular at the moment (cf. Florence and the Machine, Laura Marling etc); so worthy of distrust in my continuing campaign against being trendy.

However, I managed to suppress this, and hoped the relationship would turn from “casual” to serious (proper boyfriend/ girlfriend stuff) – in hindsight, I really fell for this girl.

Unfortunately, the relationship didn’t work out; and I have a sneaking suspicion that those acoustic guitar and banjo wielding bastards are going to make it big, reopening that wound to rub salt into it, every time a song of theirs is played on the radio…

Apologies for the lack of funnies – she dumped me, and I’m still slightly bitter!
(yellowperil Is shirking from home, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 15:34, 3 replies)

Forest Temple
Hearing the Forest Temple music from The Ocarina of Time takes me back to a time when all I had to worry about was my GCSEs. It's my go to track when having an "my life is not going the way I planned" moment. And sounds even more amazing when driving home during a thunderstorm at night.
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Thu 28 Jan 2010, 15:34, 2 replies)

Jilted John
Now this is before my time but my dad used to sing this in the car some days so i got curious and looked for it. Me and my best friend loved it.
As a result of a night of drunken antics the best friend and i found ourselves at the bus stop waiting to get the night bus home. I'm not sure how exactly but something reminded us of this song.
The tramp at the bus station got a full rendition (his poor eardrums)

Only to look at me and say:
"s'gordon yer boyfriend, doll?"
(stitched, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 15:33, 1 reply)

Baker Street (Gerry Rafferty version)
My wife had long said that if she got a little red sports car she would drive it with the roof down and this playing at top volume..

As it was she passed her test near christmas and the weather wasn't too good but that didn't matter as it was almost easter before we could get her a car. We bought a little Fiesta Firefly in flamenco red (some things just stick).
The first day she had it was brilliantly sunny so we took it for a drive. I opened the sunroof and turned the stereo on. I had already made sure the right tape was in. I turned to her and said "Not quite a little red sports car but it'll do."
The look on her happy little face made my day and I still remember it well. Which is some achievement at my age.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 28 Jan 2010, 15:26, 4 replies)

Waiting for my driving test
With several others in a gloomy room, the scent of misery and desperation in the air.

The radio begins to play "I feel good" by James Brown.

I started laughing maniacally which did not help the mindsets of the other victims.
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 15:20, 1 reply)

Hysterical
One of the happiest, most amazing moments of my life occurred at Leeds Festival last year. The sun was out, it had stopped raining and I was stood watching the Yeah yeah yeahs and Karen O go a bit mental on the main stage. I was stood with my head leaning on the shoulder of a good friend of mine. Things had taken an interesting turn at the festival and weeks of joke-flirting had turned into the realisation that we both actually really liked each other. As we stood in the crowd, arms wrapped around each other, both of us absolutely filthy and probably starting to smell a bit, he gently kissed the top of my head. I looked up into his face and realised that for once in my life my terrible, terrible fear of commitment and reliance on someone else had completely disappeared, and for the first time I actually wanted to get into a relationship with someone. Just as Karen O launched into the chorus of ‘Hysteric’:

“Flow sweetly, hang heavy. You suddenly complete me, you suddenly complete me”

I later fell in love with him, but sadly things didn’t work out as hoped due to poor timing and circumstances beyond our control (me going off to uni and him having to work full time to fund his gap year travels). And although us calling it a day was a mutual decision, and the fact that we’re still just as close now as we were before Leeds, that song still makes me tear up every time I hear it, because I would do anything to be back in that field, ankle deep in that mud and thinking that this could be the beginning of something pretty fucking awesome. In fact, the screen is pretty blurry right now.

He gets back from his five month trip to New Zealand in May. And I have no idea if I should let this one go or tell him I still feel the same way about him when he does.

Apologies for emo soppiness and lack of funny etc.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 15:19, 16 replies)

Everlong by Foo Fighters
I saw, mashed, and sucked upon my first set of norks whilst this song was playing.

Spuffed in my pants to boot.
(Spaff_Quaffer Wise fwom your gwave., Thu 28 Jan 2010, 15:09, Reply)

I don't even like the song
It’s almost two years since our little boy was born and a happier, healthier little bundle of joy you couldn’t hope for. The pregnancy had gone reasonably well and we were two weeks short of the due date when Mrs Mork noticed some bleeding at about 1am. We called the maternity ward who told us it was probably nothing but, as we were clearly worried, suggested we come in for a check up. So, laughing and joking, we piled into our little 2 seater (another story…) and packed up all the paraphernalia we had been told we would need in the event of the birth: we were treating it as a “test run”.

So, we arrive at the hospital at about 2am and Mrs Mork gets strapped up to a monitor and through the sleepy haze we watch readout of our baby’s heart rate. All seems under control. The midwives, and doctors, however, are not happy; the heart rate suggests the baby is asleep but does not seem to be waking up, so they ask Mrs M to roll on to her side to wake him up. The effect on the heart rate was astounding, it dropped to about half. Cue, much muted conversation amongst the medics. After a little while the consultant comes in and says “We’re going to do a caesarean. Now.”

“Er, no, we’d rather not if possible.” (Mrs M has severe claustrophobia and the thought of being conscious but immobile on an operating table was seriously worrying)

“No, you don’t understand: we’re doing a caesarean because your baby is in distress.”
At this point things went a bit mad and my recollection is unclear. I remember Mrs M signing a consent form and I remember being taken aside to get “scrubbed up” while my wife was being prepped. I also remember being dragged into the theatre to try to calm my wife down (she was screaming) so that the anaesthetist could get the epidural in.
In the end we were all ready and I spen t the next however long (no idea) talking to Mrs M about holidays, sitting on the beach anything in fact to take her mind off what was happening to her. But eventually we saw the nurses carrying our baby around, weighing him, checking him and finally handing him to us. I will never forget those dark eyes and that rather perplexed looking face as he was handed to us. It was then that I noticed the radio was on, Snow Patrol, Chasing Cars:
“All that I am, All that I ever was, Is here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see”
I still can’t even think of that song without a knot in my stomach, a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye. At that time we didn’t know that the hours and weeks ahead would involve a dash across London in an ambulance for a possible heart operation, intensive care and special care units and more pain, worry and tears than I had had in my life up to that point. For that brief moment we had peace.

Length? No idea. Weight 5lb 13oz.
(Mork, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 15:05, 4 replies)

I had a compilation
cassette containing songs about "eyes"

In the space of 8 months I had 3 minor traffic accidents when "Betty Davis Eyes" was playing.

I threw the cassette out the window.
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 15:03, Reply)

Narcissus
La-lad by Joyce Grenfell and Norman Wisdom

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nux1RWcIn64

Reason? Explained in the clip.
(roysin, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 14:59, Reply)

My proudest moment
was when my 2 year old daughter told my wife, that the song "Poker Face" was rubbish and that she wants to listen to "Wadiohead".
By wadiohead, she means the song "No surprises" by Radiohead. It is now impossible to take a car journey anywhere with her, without having to listen to it at least once. Could be worse though, could've been Poker Face.
(Fausted Sticking his faust where the sun don't shine, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 14:57, 3 replies)

My neighbour at Uni was a massive Phil Collins fan.
EVERY night, the bald midget's cd was played at full volume. Every sodding night. I disliked his music anyway, but at the end of the year I would happily have shot him. My neighbour that is.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 28 Jan 2010, 14:57, 3 replies)

*BEEEEP*
Many a time I've been walking along the street, headphones on listening to something or another, when I hear the long, shrill *BEEEP* of a car horn at the exact moment a swear word is uttered in the song.

I can't help but chuckle every time.
(porkinator is a Rock n Roll nerd!, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 14:48, Reply)

Car Rental upgrade...
Hot Summers Day and I was handed the keys to a relatives Saab convertible, Result.
I had turned the volume nearly all the way up and stopped at a red light, next to a black limosine, singing my heart out to the Pulp Fiction Soundtrack. Noticed the sombre people in the back giving me evils but cared little. I was a little slow pulling away from the traffic light and saw the flower arrangements in the back of the Limo, which I now quite clearly recognized as a hearse.
There was definitely a "To Our Little Girl" motive going on there.

My only thought as I passed them was: "Well she won't be a woman anytime soon..." Approximately 0.3 seconds after that thought went through my head I put everything together. Wasn't proud of myself.
(Fausted Sticking his faust where the sun don't shine, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 14:45, 3 replies)

Warsaw by David Bowie, (sorry Monty).
I played the album Low to death when I was a depressed teenager and even now when I'm feeling miserable I can still hear the music in my head like some ghostly dirge.
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 14:42, 4 replies)

My Favourite Movie Soundtrack
Would have to be 200 Cigarettes... I do love it so...
( awayfromthenumbers, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 14:39, Reply)