inside a tauntaun
bloody thing stank
( Iananan Formerly known as el-rodente, not that you care, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 15:40, Reply)

A Few..
Possibly worst place I slept was the Gare De Lyon in Paris when i was trying to deliver a video to a conference in Grenoble (long story).

I fell asleep on a bench and woke up to find a well dressed french bloke with his sleeves rolled up injecting smack into his arm. The sight of the blood trickling down his arm still haunts me. So I legged it and managed to find an empty train where I slept for the rest of the night.

On the same trip I eventually got to Grenoble and then crashed out in a mates car as I was knackered. Thing was, I'd been travelling for 48 hours without a change of clothes and my feet stank. So much so that *I* couldn't sleep for the smell. So I opened the car windows and slept with my feet hanging out.

Reaching a hotel that night with showers and sheets and clean clothes was a certain kind of bliss.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 15:33, Reply)

John Prescott's bed
I woke up with a soar throat.
(abignumber, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 15:33, Reply)

Standing up in an arsonist's bedroom doorway.
I worked in a naughty kids' home, looking after 'out of control' teenagers. Some were on bail for quite serious offences. One of my jobs was to stop them running off, by nonphysical means if possible.

One good method was to stand in their doorway facing inwards at night. After about half an hour, they'd quietly open the door and peer out, to be confronted by my ugly mug staring back at them.
They'd usually jump out of their skins, admit defeat and go back to bed, and I'd adjourn to the kitchen for a brew.

Sometimes I'd stand in the doorway for a bit longer. It was very boring, and it's easier to fall asleep standing up than you'd think.

I thought this was my little secret until one of the arsonists peeped through the crack of the door and saw me leaning on the door jamb, arms crossed, fast asleep, gob wide open, snoring loudly.

This was ten years ago, before mobile camera phones and digital photography, so it was my word against his. If he'd had proof I'd have got the sack. Wouldn't get away with it now!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 15:30, Reply)

Living my teenage years on an island
I quite frequently woke up in fields and the like. Once I woke up curled perfectly around a cow pat, arms above it and knees below. It was moist and fresh too, so I'm not conviced it was there before I fell asleep. And I once woke up in the scoop of a JCB in a locked building site with 8ft high fence, no idea how.

Also, once I had a dream where I was trying to crawl head first back into my mother's vagina to get back to her womb. I woke up in fetal position under my desk with my feet in my laundry basket, very strange.
( IFallDownALotThud, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 15:24, Reply)

After a party.
Pretty rubbish really, but my most surreal wake-up was in a cheap central London hotel room, that I hadn't paid for, with my trousers around my ankles. Not particularly exciting. Apparently, some mates had found me wondering around at about 2am, looking for Paddington station. I was in Victoria. Yet, with their impressive blagging abilities, they got me a room for the night.
(lardaholics anonymous, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 15:20, Reply)

Ha Ha Ha !!!
Right, another good QOTW!

As a cub scout aged around 7 or 8 there was a sponsored sleep, I managed to get about £10 for sleeping on the stairs for one night.

Many drunken nights at Uni I recreated this, one night I managed after many attempts to open the front door, trip over the step and fall asleep in the open door way with most of my body inside and my legs outside, I don't know how we weren't robbed!

After a mates 21st I fell asleep in full Black tie penguin kit on top of a climbing frame at the bottom of the mates garden.

I've slept after many drunken parties on stairs, landings, hallways, baths, under kitchen tables but my favourite has to be behind the TV. I remember looking at the after party chaos, seeing no space on the floor, I looked around for other possible sleeping sights. I spyed a tiny gap behind the TV, success! I managed to squeeze into the small space without pulling out any wires, it was warm but I could only sleep on one side due to the lack of space.

There was one teen party I remember, where about 6 different people had been violently sick on the floor of this room. I was the last to sleep and could not handle the stench of the puke that everyone was now snoring sweetly in, I found a deck chair in the garden and woke around dawn, surrounded by bunny rabbits!

There was one time a friend and I decided to get pissed up, deep in the woods, in the morning I opened the tent to see a huge deer grazing the debris that we had left in the night, I lay there for about 30 mins just in awe of the beauty deer, then had to move because I desperately needed a piss, scaring the deer and making it run off.

I used to walk home 8 miles from the pub, regurlarly. I have a route which is pretty much as the crow flys through fields, farms and two golf courses, I've woken up in bushes, hedges, in the middle of fairways and greens, half over stiles and fences and in the odd ditch by the side of the road.

My ultimate sleeping achievement has to be sleeping whilst on a 17hr - 21hr bus journey from Cairo to Dahab, whilst strange Egyptian comedy blared out of the TV screens at full volume.
( 42 Loves Teh Funphenschnaffles, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 15:17, Reply)

A bit like Dixon's story
But following a cup final win with the team I played with and it was my step mother that found me (AAAARRRRGGGHHH)

AND...

A grave...on my first stag night
( Attila the Bun is not in a right cunt of a mood, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 15:07, Reply)

Oh and as for me...
Underneath the Mancunian Way.

I woke up covered in change.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 15:02, Reply)

A Wardrobe
I was at a school trip in which I basically got to sit around with some VERY good looking guys and play guitar for three days. On the last night, we bought some noodles from Aldi (Woo, cheapness!!) We were staying in student accomodation, and as we weren't allowed to use anything in the kitchen, we "borrowed" the kettle, stole some cups from a party, and ate instant noodles in one of my friend's bedrooms. There were two teachers on the trip: a hormonal thirty-something geography teacher, and a dance teacher whose boyfriend narrated the Swedish "Learn English" tapes used in schools.We were more worried about being caught by the Geography teacher - even though the dance teacher's room was nearer to where we were - as the dance teacher would probably have just asked for some noodles. As it was about two in the morning, we couldn't be bothered to go back to our own rooms, so we slept where we could in the room we were in - two people under the table, one in the shower, one under the bed and two in the bed (We were all girls, and still are) I got to sleep in the wardrobe, with the door shut.
Not very interesting; but Eve, who stole the kettle, met a boy called Adam there. They have been going out since.
Oh, and I had also forgotten my nightwear, so I ened up sleeping in a pair of tracksuit trousers and a piece of material one of my friends had donated. When I woke up the next morning, the piece of material I had tied around my upper body had slipped, so I had been sleeping half naked in a wardrobe.
(Pretty strangers and promises, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 15:01, Reply)

Our Kid
Fell asleep in a grit bin.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 15:01, Reply)

Not me but a friend...
Huddersfield
In the middle of a roundabout
With a broken arm

at 10AM (i.e. after the rush hour - so everyone had seen him there)
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 15:00, Reply)

nothing very exciting...
the usual alcohol induced sleep in the bar loo...

and the time i had a nasty stomachflu and fell asleep while sitting on the toilet, resting my forehead on the edge of the sink...that left a nice big red mark for my family to ridicule me over...
(this week i am mostly - medicated, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:37, Reply)

On a mountain
in the drizzle after going abseiling in the small hours.

My mate woke up on the concourse of Derby train station after his 21st a few years ago. He didn't know why he was there, or why he's slept with both his arms and legs out like a star.
( thistle, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:33, Reply)

Well..
While still living with my parents, I used to earn my living as a baker, getting up at 3am, working till 1pm and then still trying to have a social life in the evening. This of course meant that I was surviving on 4 hours sleep a night - which caught up slowly over a period of several months. I would simply fall asleep whenever I stopped moving - Buses, trains, supermarket aisles (sitting on a cardboard biscuit display case), on the loo, in restaurants, etc. Usually I would feel the sleep wave arriving and would simply lie down on the floor wherever I was and sleep.

I finished work one afternoon and ran myself a nice bath (after warming up the bathroom with the hairdryer - top tip #46), got undressed and realised the water was too hot. Then the wave arrived. I lay on the bathroom floor and was asleep in less than 30 seconds.

I was awoken by the distressed shouts of my mother, having come home from work and finding her bollock-naked 20 year old son lying 'dead' on the bathroom floor, still clutching a hairdryer.

I tried to go to bed at sensible times after that.

My mother apologises for length.
( Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:29, Reply)

the floor of the hammersmith palais...
...just in front of the stage during an iggy pop gig

the support band was the highly overrated psychedelic furs, so i had 24 neat vodkas instead of watching them

positioned myself for a good viewing position for when iggy came on, must have sat down on the floor, which was so comfy i decided to have a nap

woke up with the house lights up and the place emptying, two concerned and very polite/helpful bouncers (the palais had excellent bouncers in those days) enquiring if i was ok, said yes, stagered up, snogged a girl who was also there (and a complete stranger) had a little dance

went home feeling bad because i missed iggy

i also have slept in a gutter in phoenix, but i think the palais was stranger
( empire of the pussycat requires more champage, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:26, Reply)

A few places...
Top of the stairs in a 4 storey house, I guess it was furthest place away from the noise on the ground floor. My friends did at least give me a blanket.

Underneath a pool table in my local too, afternoon drinking had taken its toll on me...
(Grobie, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:26, Reply)

Sleep learning.
In my year 7 report for German I got "Surprised at her results, she must be learning German in her sleep."

Warm room, in the corner. Sleep was good. Only got disturbed every now and then when the teacher asked a question.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:18, Reply)

I once awoke
after an extremely heavy night of drinking, on a stained mattress in a strange room, with my flies undone, next to my also half-undressed best friend (also male), with an enormous terrifying portrait photo of my future (and now ex) wife staring down at us.

You don't want to know the back story to any of that, believe me.

AND

Again after heavy drinking, I woke up in a small forest, which was really scary because it was around the time The Blair Witch had come out, and there was a fox screaming in the distance.
It was like my brain was sober but my body was wrecked and it took me six hours to stagger the 5 minute journey home. Where I proceeded to wank over the all ladies on dial-a-date.
Apparently that night I'd evaded the police (who'd have thought they were THAT incompetent?) and ran off into the night, while my friend was arrested.
Good times.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:16, Reply)

A Field
I grew up in a small village down here in the south, it has two pubs and a local shop and nothing else. We used to entertain ourselves by drinking and taking illicit drugs, after one such evening I woke up at just after 3 in the morning in a field on my own. It was still dark and I had no idea where I was, I was utterly soaked and all I could do was start walking in a random direction and hope for the best.

I walked around for over two hours (falling a lot over for most of it as I couldn’t see a thing) before eventually finding a road, after walking along the road for a little bit I suddenly realised I knew where I was and was only about an hours walk from my house, unfortunately I also realised if I’d walked in the opposite direction when I’d woken up I would have been home in about two minutes.

The next day I asked my friends what had happened and was told that at about eleven the night before I’d suddenly declared that I wanted a lollypop and went off on a solo mission the bring back enough for everyone, the more they tried to get me to sit back down the more I would keep winking and gesturing like I knew something they didn’t so they simply let me go in the end.

Did I learn anything from that experience? …well not really, the next night we did it all again but I luckily woke up in my own bed.
(Sub-Lingual Hates You, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:11, Reply)

Tribute to Mog
My friend Moggy is a hairy-arsed biker, biiiiig full beard, whom no-one has ever seen without his donkey jacket on. Legendary for falling asleep in a pissed stupor anywhere and being impossible to move, he regularly popped up from behind the DJ booth in a pub I ran, scaring the crap out of the early-morning cleaner.

His finest hour had to be when he awoke to the screaming of some poor mother and child, who had disturbed him as he "rested" in a shop doorway, thinking he was a bundle of rags. He had been there since staggering out of the boozer the night before and evidently had a coating of frost all over his Viking-style beard. The kid thought he was a monster troll.
Poor Mogs had to go to hospital after that one, though I would think treatment for hypothermia is a lot easier than the years of therapy that poor kid had to go through afterwards.
(Rsoles, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:05, Reply)

several ...
in the bois de boulogne (in a tent) - arrived paris v late with little money and decided to have a go at camping in the only place we'd heard of with trees (with which to conceal ourselves from, er, le parkie) - bemused the hookers no end (1981)

in a field before led zeppelin at knebworth - the crowd rushed the gates in the middle of the night before the gig, so those in charge just opened up - got separated from mates and slept surrounded by some hundred thousand plus strangers, clutching several cans of heineken which had to keep me going for the next 24 hrs ... (1979)

staghills road, rossendale (1988/89) ... traumatic

A beach in northern belize by a burned out drug transport seaplane (1983)

two of us in the back of an austin metro somewhere in kintail (forgot the fekkin tent) (1988)

a lake district cow pasture. with cows. very silly that one - they ate the tent (1982-ish)

&c
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:59, Reply)

Sadly..
.. The weirdest place Iv slept.. or fell un-conscious was a hallway at a high school leaving party...

Or on the bus home from town.. at rush hour.. mouth open and all.. got some funny looks..

I do have trouble sleeping if im not in my bed.. im 18.. and this was my first big boy bed.. =]
(Samsquanch, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:52, Reply)

You are feeling veeeery sleepy......
As a Narcoleptic, I have, unsurprisingly, loads of tales of where and when I have fallen asleep. A taster :

1. In my seat at an Iron Maiden gig, Birmingham Odeon, during the support band (whose name escapes me). Apparently, according to my colleagues, the band could see me from the stage and were getting most agitated about "kicking that fucking asshole's ass" with their particular brand of HM mayhem, only for me to stir as the final notes of their last number died away. Don't give up the day job lads!

2. On the floor of my warehouse, trousers and grunts round my ankles, with the door wide open. Waking up with the sun shining, I breathed a sigh of relief that my neighbours were yet to arrive for work, thinking I would just make myself decent and shut the door, no-one would have glimpsed my pellet.
Then I noticed the pile of mail, thoughtfully left by the postie, by my leg. (Note. That has nothing to do with Narcolepsy, more to do with the Demon Alcohol)
(Rsoles, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:52, Reply)

At a wake...
Back when I was in college in Dublin, as it was grant day we all decided to go for a few lunchtime drinks..which turned into an almighty one. I remember very little of the night itself but woke up the next day on a farm...in Co. Roscommon..in the middle of a Wake. Some people even offered their condolences (I was a goth a the time so musnt have looked out of place?).The priest had to driver me home to Dublin.To this day I'll never know...Tragic.
(crapmonkey, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:47, Reply)

It was the absinthe shots wot did it.....
Night out with my mates in Brixton about 6 years ago, in brass-monkeys January, ending up with an ill-advised series of shots of absinthe in a rough pub somewhere. Every time I think about it I end up thinking of yet another bullet I dodged:

1. Staggering around the rougher side of Brixton trying to find my equally pissed mates, late at night, not a soul in sight
2. Crossing over the main road through Brixton not once but several times, in an absinthe-induced vomiting/staggering/hurting state
3. By now (drunk, January, freezing) I was just wearing a shirt having discarded vomit-covered jacket somewhere. I think it was in a hedge.
4. Learning the next day that continental artistic types frequently used to die of absinthe poisoning, although I think it had bad juju added to the recipe in them olden days.
5. Drunken staggerings finally led me to my mate's street - I have no idea to this day how. Futile pounding on his door led me to believe they were still out (they weren't - they were passed out indoors). So I slept in my car in -5 degrees weather.
6. At some point in the night I woke up, cold, so turned the engine on and went back to sleep. In hindsight I like to think I had performed a thorough risk assessment of risk of carbon monoxide poisoning vs freezing to death vs getting arrested for being in charge of a vehicle while drunk, but this might not be strictly true.
7. Drove home a few hours later. I tell myself I vomited out all the alcohol but good job no policeman put this to the test.
(Thomas_The_Spankengine, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:47, Reply)

When I was in my teens
my friends and I used to go clubbing but could never get home due to no transport and no money.

We used to sneak into a block of flats (the back door was always left open) and sleep in the lift.

I've also slept:

On the roof of the Key West police station.
On a park bench in Durban.
On the floor of the Amsterdam train station.
On a beach on Caye Caulker (a tiny Island off Belize). I've slept on many beaches.
On the bathroom floor of a random guest house that we snuck into in Johannesburg.
A brothel in Guatemala.
In a naval base in Fujhou (China). That was quite surreal.
( Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:39, Reply)

My own front lawn.
About a year ago me and a few mates went out on an "all-nighter" on a park (Fletcher Moss in Didsbury if you know it) with lots of beer in an attempt to recapture the magic of childhood. We were drunk and sleepy so we made our way home, calling it a night. On returning hame at about 3am I realised that i'd forgotton my keys. I rang the doorbell, only to confirm my fears that everyone was fast asleep. I decided to cut my losses and sleep on my front lawn in one of the coldest and most uncomfortable nights of my life.
When I woke up at about 7am the milk had already been delivered.
( Fitznicely into a thimble, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:36, Reply)

on a table at a scout camp...
it was when study leave for gcses started and me and some friends stayed the night at Kibblestone scout camp. i was promised a sleeping bag but when it came late enough for sleeping i had to go to the only place of any comfort which was a table under the stars using a pair of trousers as a pillow. the more interesting bit was beforehand when we tried to steal the John Smiths cardboard man but were unsuccessful
(Wigpac shabba, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:34, Reply)

He's a mentalist
I didn't so much sleep but just stayed. I was at a party in Nottingham many years ago, and had consumed rather a lot of something that makes you hallucinate. It was winter and the snow lay thick, and in my hallucinogenic state I managed to wander away from the venue. I suddenly realised I was out wandering in arctic conditions in just jeans and t-shirt, and not a clue as to where the do was or the address of where I was meant to be staying. Worried I may be starting a new career as frozen corpse, the only place I could find that was open was the police station. I ended up spending the rest of the night sat in their reception area, tripping like a mad tripping thing, until the morning and my visuals returned to normal and I could read again. (that's how long ago it was, before mobile phones)
(sinister, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:32, Reply)