When I was 15ish
Me and my girly mates used to raid our parents drinks cabinets armed with a small coke bottle and create our own "cocktails" (ie: petrol). We'd then take these round each others houses for "sleepovers", and proceed to get very drunk very early and pass out, and marvel at the joys of hangovers on a sunday.

My cocktail was generally hailed as being the nastiest. One night I filled my bottle with the following mixture:

Port
*very* old whiskey
Gin
Pimms
Tonic Water (I honestly don't know)

So we all went round my friend Vickys, put The Great Escape on and commenced drinking. We all tried everyones combinations and everyone decided they couldn't handle mine at all, and that because it was so very rubbish I'd have to drink it all myself as penance for trying to poison everyone. Along with half a bottle of white wine and a reasonable amount of Malibu. This amount and combination of booze would make me struggle now, let alone when I was 15. My last memory is dancing on my back to Body Movin' by The Beastie Boys at about 8pm, then it all goes a bit hazy. I awoke at around 4 in the morning *very* suddenly on my mates bed, sat bolt upright and was greeted by several faces looking at me from the bottom of the bed, all laughing, tutting lots and generally taking the piss. Turns out I was extremely ill, my mates dad had to put me to bed, where I proceeded to vom all over my friends pillow. She had to buy a new one the next day.

I have never felt so rubbish in my entire life, and swore to the heavens that I would NEVER drink again. Hahahahaha.
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 23:00, Reply)

Killer Whiskey
I was around 17 and had been working all day in my mcjob (god knows why i worked there) couldn't stand the food so hadn't eaten that day. Finished work went home and had a shower, you fooking reek after working in one of those places, then went straight round a mates for a sesh. Got there and off we popped to the offies and decided on a bottle of southern comfort and then back to his. Only him and i were drinking for some reason but i got bet that i couldn't down half a bottle of the nasty stuff, being 17 i accepted and 1/2 a litre of whiskey went down in 30 secs. With my mate drinking the rest over half an hour.
What were they laughing at i felt fine.
We pissed about a bit playing driver, then decided food was in order so set off for the local pizza place. On the way there we saw one of out teachers from sixth form out with his wife. I tried to look sober i really did, instead i mumbled some random shit and fell into the road laughing hysterically. Next we decided we passed a church and decided to climb to the top of the 12ft high gateposts, all very fun till we all needed a piss suddenly (must have been the graves). The two mates with me stood at the top of the gateposts and had a piss into the churchyard (only one was pissed). Me thinking this was out of order wandered over to the main road into the town center and had my piss there. Eventually we made it to the pizza place having lost the sober one somewhere along the way, we ordered the biggest family meal deal we could. It was something like two large pizzas garlic bread some puddings, a bottle of pepsi, and some random side orders. We quickly made our way back to his and started consuming the way only booze can make you, i was fine i really was, we had finished everything apart from the garlic bread from hell. One bit of that and the rumble started, it started bad. I let my mate know though a series of grunts and oh fucks, he got me a bucket and i proceeded to spew the entire world. I'm told that over the next few hours i managed to fill the entire bucket in lumpy muck.
Haven't been able to touch the stuff since.
(iamthedave, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 22:51, Reply)

Student parties
last year were easily accessible Thursday, Friday, Saturday and very rarely Sunday nights where I lived. They were the open house kind so you could just wander in, pick up a cup of whatever was on offer and start talking to people, even if you didn't know anyone.

At one party I managed to get incredibly drunk on the hosts' lethal death punch and spend the whole evening with some poor guy in a corner doing nothing but slagging off my ex, not least his length/girth. He still looks sheepish and edges away when he sees me on campus.

At another I didn't know anyone and flopped down with a glass of the homebrewed wine, which looked like cloudy piss and tasted about the same, but got you very drunk, on the stairs. There I met a lovely goth and we stayed on the stairs snogging for what felt like about five hours, pausing only for more wine and to be interrupted by a passing psycho girl who kept screaming at us about being a 'fire hazard' (I like to think she was jealous). I've also met some very nice people through the goth guy, but not really spoken to him myself since. Shame.

At the same party there were people trying to surf down the stairs on an ironing board, about three fights, and some interesting pictures taken.

At most of the parties I go to these days I normally seem to get very drunk and hook up with someone who I'd find incredibly sleazy if I was sober. Or else I get into a stupid debate about something and fall over.
( Maladicta, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 22:43, Reply)

I was so drunk
I dont remember actually doing some of what follows. One party I remember pulling a girl on her friend's bed, being watched by most of the other people at the party, including said friend's father (who i knew). After this, I drank the best part of a large Smirnoff bottle on an empty stomach, and lost a good deal of my memory, until I was violenty sick in a basin for half an hour, collapsed on a bed, and coughed up blood. When I woke up the next morning - safely back at my house - I discovered I'd picked up the wrong glasses, so I had to return and find my own (apparently discovered in the morning clear up somewhere in a hedge) ... and was then informed I'd also pulled two other girls that night. Score! :P

Another time, I got insanely lashed on a mix of vodka, coke and redbull, followed by 2 pints at the pub. I lost a lot of memory, including a 2 mile walk halfway home, at which point my memory sort of came back in a little bit. Then went. Finally got home, crashed out, and in the morning told my friend about a strange dream involving dogs and cigarettes and the like ... turns out it was true. Oops. As was pissing on a billboard and irritating the hell out of a fish-and-chip shop owner, tapping my ash on his counter. Score?
(zenmeban thinks the weather could be better, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 22:35, Reply)

One party, I had been followed round all evening by this one guy.
He'd follow me round. Come stand next to me. Tell me on several occasions that there were "bedrooms free upstairs", and then when I declined his offer to go upstairs he informed me that they had "nice wall paper in them". This continued for about 4 hours, until he eventually came and stood behind me and started rubbing his groin against my backside, asked "can I have a kiss?" and began groping at my breasts. That was it. I'd had enough. I turned round and as purposefully as I could said, "look, you've ruined it now. Look at me, no really look at me! I can hardly stand. My face is numb and I can't focus on anything further than a metre away. I'm completely and utterly pissed and yet I still find you visually repulsing. I'm not going to kiss you and I don't care what the bedrooms look like. Now fuck off!"

He did.
( Fluffy elephants, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 22:17, Reply)

A couple of days after a party
I came to understand that one teenage boy had confessed his undying love for me, and other people in the room (who weren't as drunk as I was) told me that what he'd said was really quite lovely. Unfortunately all I remember of the conversation is him asking "Why are you so pretty?" and me drukenly slurring "I dunno, I jus' got lucky I s'pose"
( Fluffy elephants, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 22:02, Reply)

a small party upstairs a friend's house
we had chinese take-out. Lots of white rice.

then we drank Blue Curacao. The horrid blue liqueur.

Because we were 15, we couldn't hold that kind of drink, and half way through the night were violently sick.
Out of the window.

The goo we produced, went out of the attic window and stayed on the roof. We laughed at the whole thing and passed out.

That night we slept it all off, and it rained outside.

Next morning, the 5 year old boy next door was amazed at the bright blue organic substance he found on the sidewalk (coming down through the roof drainage).

We didn't get in trouble, until we explained to him that we had been meat grinding Smurfs all night.
( PoofBird ~V~, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 22:00, Reply)

those parties were a time of discovery
Discovering how many beers you can hold...
Discovering how to unhook a bra...

and of course... discovering how a Jack Russel acts after you taught him to drink Jack Daniels...
( PoofBird ~V~, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 21:50, Reply)

I went to high school in the States
I know, I know, get over it.

Anyroad, the legal drinking age there is 21, and I believe that as a result it makes teenagers even more stupid when they get an underage drink. The school I went to was the equivalent of a large comprehensive (2000 students), but a very good one...and some of the kids were ridiculously rich with morons for parents.

One May, two mothers decided to hold a party for a bunch of girls - some in year 12 (the last year for everyone) and some in 11. The mothers bought kegs upon kegs of cheap beer and hosted the parties in one of their houses. After getting plastered, the girls went to the local forest preserve to have a wee game of American football.

Except, instead of playing football, they beat the living shit out of each other.

The year 12 girls made the year 11s kneel in the mud and tossed fish guts, swine innards, and even human feces all over them. One girl had a bin put over her while a huge meathead of a boy hit her/the bin with a baseball bat. Her skull got cracked open. Another had her earrings torn out through the cartilage. There were at least 100 students watching, yet none of them ran for the police or rang for an ambulance. But they did videotape the fighting and sell it to TV news.

Now you see, it was a very slow week in the news. This was EVERYWHERE in America. The hidden violent side of girls! The not-so-hidden stupid side of rich housewives who buy beer for 16-year-olds so that their kids can be popular! Students were all over the airwaves whining, "What's the big deal? She just got her head split open, it's not like anybody died!" But it didn't stop there...it also appeared on Moscow Radio and on Al-Jazeera (see, this is what happens when you give Western women equality).

...If they had been black boys in the inner-city who beat a girl until she was permanently half-deaf, they would have been chucked in jail. But because they were rich white girls with sleazy lawyers, they got a year of probation and a few hours "community service."

Stupid mothers. Don't throw parties for your rich teenage girls. Two good things came of it - one, graduation ceremonies went really quick as 35 people were expelled. Two, we figured out who had collected the bucket of human shit, because her community service was emptying out the bedpans of old folks.
( KersaI Missive Free Michael Shields! with Monday's Liverpool Echo, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 21:17, Reply)

I appear to be missing out.
SYMPATHY. NOW.
(Fizz Bitch, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 21:01, Reply)

Rich? What's this?
My parents had gone away for the weekend which to a fifteen year old means: "it am party tiem!"
Me and some mates managed to purchase a couple of 12 packs of lager, some evil cheap vodka, and some noxious smelling red stuff that could probably dissolve a corpse. The next step was the purchase of some 'special herbs' and, as a natural follow on from the former, as many packets of pringles, choccies, and cakes that we could lay our grubby little hands on.
With everything prepared, people began to arrive and the good times did roll! Music was played at deafening volumes, off limit rooms were breached and general chaos began to take over. I can't complain, because i had a helping hand in much of the chaos! Any hoo, the party came to an end at some ungodly hour and a few people crashed out and while i sat to watch the sunrise over the city.
The tidy up the next day seemed to go quite well, nothing appeared to be broken, no items had been stolen (a fucking miracle knowing some of my friends!), and i relaxed with a nice drink and a spliff.
It was a few days later when my mum walked into my room and said: "did you have a party while we were away?" i put on my most innocent expression and said of course not, you said i wasn't allowed! it was then that she produced from behind her back a make shift bong, that i vaguely remember trying out, and the virtually empty bottle of evil red stuff. "Rich? What's this?" i didn't even bother trying to think of an excuse, and it wouldn't have done me any good if i'd tried to think of one cos one of my neighbours grassed me up as well! Bam! grounded!
(Pigpen was 'ere on, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 20:33, Reply)

Oh, so many of these
However, many of them aren't really very funny so I won't bother you with them here.

Once incident I will impart happened last friday evening. It was a typical one of the parties that happens in our school, i.e. go to one of the rich kids' houses and get sloshed sitting round a campfire in a field somewhere.

Anyway, instead of the usual sex orgies (well, maybe not quite) and other such drunken silliness that occurs at these parties, myself and three friends wandered away from the main group and spent most of the night sitting in a wooden shack next to a stream in a forest, getting steadily more hammered and singing barbershop quartets in the pitch dark. None of us can actually sing, but to our sozzled minds, our artistic endeavours sounded marvellous, even though, sadly, they proabably didn't.
(WarneMarsh My priority for frivolity begets quality jollity, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 20:24, Reply)

Hung over
"that aint a monkey thats my wife" - I was at a party last night and I'm hung over..... And I can't decipher your posts.... Is it me???
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 19:48, Reply)

smash up the gaffe
me and my mates went to this fat slag kaylies house for a bit of a booze up her bloke simon was mates of ours. it was shit so we all got proper munted and proper smashed up her house bout 2 gs worth of damage. i somehow managed to find her parents fag stash jacked bout 80 fags. daniel the fence called your mum a slag down come the fence. daniel the fridge contents called your mum a whore out come the fridge contents onto the garden. washing line got burnt down cabels got pulled out of the wall by moi. dvd collectoin on display big mistake. her old mans tools sitting the house around still got her dads tape measure. threw her house phone at her neighbour. ordered allot allot of pizza threw it on her roof. yer in general she was a retard for inviting allot of people that thourhgt she was a complete cunt/fat fucking whore best house party ive ever been to
(fwack bang on it, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 19:14, Reply)

arrr maan
i was at work a little while ago and i gets a phone call from my good mate the jack myster and hes saying guess who we just saw i was like do what son who did u see. "that claire bird" o rite was that fun "no shes the most disgusting thing i have ever laid eyes upon" o fuck kicked the wall basically i drank the best part of a crate of strong bow and got of with the most hippopotomous looking girl your would ever see think gremlins but more ugly and really really fat. beer goggles all the way thing is i was telling her she was bea-u-ti-ful all night till i got my cock in her mouth.
(fwack bang on it, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 19:05, Reply)

erm
went to a mates, got lashed, found his dads stashed booze, opened it
got in trouble
(scumbum, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 18:07, Reply)

Friend's house..thank god.
Nice party, generally. Much drink in the classy style, i.e. White Lightning.

The next morning though, the fallout was terrible to behold.

The wallpaper in the kitchen was falling off because we'd had a potato and butter fight in there. Someone had poured booze into the tv and playstation, rendering them unusable. Some eejit had nicked half this guy's mother's jewelery. The sharp knives were all missing, and some person (*cough*) had, erm, 'deflowered' someone upstairs in a bed, and she had bled all over his mattress and it had to be thrown out.

Downstairs though there was 2 traffic cones, a 'for sale' sign, a 'stop' sign and one of those water pump location signs.

We didn't go back to his parent's house ever again.
( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 18:07, Reply)

I was once at this posh party in oxfordshire
crashing it actually, as my boyf was doing the music for some sloaney bint who'd just turned 16 and wanted to "big it up yar" with her little public school friends. The massive gerogian mansion was out of bounds, but the doting parents had set up a giant marquee in their 20 acre grounds. Anyway, 2 hours in, all the ra-ra skirt and ralphie sporting yahs were running around stone drunk indulging in various stages of heavy petting, the music blasting away across the fields. I had dragged another non posh friend along with me, and we managed to creep into the house with a bottle of champagne and a few spliffs and sat watching dvd's on the home cinema set up. After a while, we too were trashed, and decided to totter down and locate our boyfriends and see how the party was shaping up. Walking towards the marquee in the dark, i suddenly saw 4 tall figures looming towards me, all apparently sporting glowsticks and flashing lights. delighted that it had turned into an impromptu rave, i called out, "man, love your trans get-up, have a toke on this spliff and do you have any e?"
Sadly, it was the police.
Luckily, i managed to scamper off into the bushes, unlike the dozen or so 15 year olds who had been surprised snorting coke off daddy's credit card.

good times.
(izzlewizzlekappatizzle, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 18:05, Reply)

we had 60 quid to spend on weed
unfortunately we couldn't get any as the dealers tended not to bother with us small fry. so we spent the lot on whisky. ah the madness that ensued...

one maniacal youngster locked himself in the toilet, ripped the toilet roll holder from the wall, the toilet seat from the toilet, the sink off its stand and jumped out of the window, leaving the room locked from the inside.

another young lad vomited up a cigarrette butt, then passed out and soiled himself. for some reason his shitty pants were left on top of the host's parents' car, who found them, as well as the desecrated lavatory, on their return the next day
(kitten nest, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 18:01, Reply)

Teenage shagfest gone wrong
When I was 15, me and 4 friends were having our own little party and one of them managed to get a bottle of brandy. The saying 'brandy makes you randy' is an understatement. An hour later me and my best friend were shagging in the dogbasket, the other pair were at it on the bed and the unsightly biffer who was unsurprisingly the odd one out was sat in the corner in the dark shouting "HAVE YOU FINISHED YET??" every 20 seconds.
(chakaflange, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 17:49, Reply)

I bent my car door
I was sober my friend was drunk, as I was reversing the cunt opened the door and it got caught on a downpipe from the guttering.

I drove forward parked up, dragged my mate out of the car and got a few people to help me pick the pissed bastard up and into a bin and pushed the fucker rolling down the hill

then I got very drunk
( GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 17:49, Reply)

so many stories so little time
back in the day it was all about the house parties. and the drugs. i dont think i have ever had so much female attention as when i used to walk into parties smoking massive joints that had taken hours to craft - 11 inches was the biggest and everyone loved it.

anyway. it was one new years eve. my gf had to work but said that she would come to the party that i was as soon as she finished work at 11. i got to the party at 7. i proceeded to get wankered. by 8 i was trashed. the combination of drinking lager two cans at a time from my beer dispensing helemt and drinking brandy from a vase took its toll. i decided that it was probs time to sober up a bit and wait for the arrival of my ladyfirend so i could get some good love at midnight.

she arrived and the goodlove was had. i was pleased with my performance. she however was pissed that i was wasted and she wasnt. to counteract this she set about a bottle of white wine with much gusto. not being a big drinker necking the bottle was probably her first mistake. her second was to wash it down with vodka. she got a little bit hyper and then a little horny and then decided that she could do with fresh air. on her way through the kitchen something bad must have happened in her little world cos all i heard was a terrible gushing noise like someone had emptied a bucket of water against a wall.

the sherlock homes in me decided i should investigate. she was stood looking a little sheepishly at a four foot spray of vomit which ran from her feet to the cubpoards beneath the sink, up the sink and then onto the windo behind said sink. she said she felt much better . and then added to it.

i thought that the toilet was probably the place for her to be so took her to go and sleep on the floor of the downstairs toilet. i got sleeping bags and a pillow and made it kind of homely in there. being the good boyfriend i am i stayed looking after for a while. then my best friend came looking for me.

he saw the state she was in and decided that we should get settled in for the night. he returned with numerous cans of beer, a bottle of malibu and can of coke. we sat, him on the toilet me on the floor getting progressively more and more and more drunk. then the need for drugs became apparent and he rolled a couple of spliffs for us. we opened the tiny little window and set about the smoking.

after a little while we had created a nice little hotbox effect. this didnt sit well with my gf who was ko'd on the floor. she reared up towards the toilet. nick, ever mindful of such an event jumped up lifting the lid with him. she spewed in a perfect arc through his legs and into the bowl before crashing back into a heap. result. nick casually rested himself back down, leant back wioth his elbow cocked and with the sly-est of movements flushed the bog. all the time chuffing away and grinning as if this was normal behaviour for those in such a state. laughed. i almost shit

she was embarrassed and i laughed at her a lot for the rest of our relationship

length - as discussed ealier 11 is a goodly number
( bertisfantastic bert is a sleepy bear, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 17:14, Reply)

a small gatheiring
when i was in venture scouts (thats where almost all my stories are from) me and another bloke once tried to organise a cocktail party as an evening (we did have one female member so it was nominally alright).

anyway, we bought about 3 bottles of spririts, getting asked for id in the shop and me having to declare i would drink none of it as i had no id, and raided his house for some more. we also bought some grenadine which is horrible stuff.

we headed up to the scout hut and started mixing, trying the cocktails with names like 'urine sample', 'pink nickers' and 'backside bertie' for a laugh. problems were, a)my mate poured every shot as about a triple, and b) the only other people that turned up were 2 scout 'leaders' who were both driving.

cue me being very pissed, falling over and breaking my finger in the process.

we got a lift back off one of the leaders but i inssited on being dropped at the local recycling bank to recycle some cans i think.

i then wandered home and threw up and passed out in the toilet, making a horrible mess that my kind mother cleaned up. she even made up the excuses for me saying 'we'd expected more people' and 'the measures had been stronger than i expected'.

bought her a plant to say sorry of course.
(ferret joe fun to have in your trousers, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 17:04, Reply)

Hmm.
Bear with me, this isn't very organised in my mind. First off it's New Year's party. About 4 months ago now. Dancing so bloody much. Getting dirty looks off of some sod cos his girlfriend was dancing with me. All night. Then we became friends later. Suddenly realised I hadn't had time to drink enough, so hit the spirits. Hard. Then went back to dancing.
I fell over while dancing, and didn't bother getting up. I thought I was breakdancing. Everyone laughed, but in the good way.
Countdown to the new year...kissed everyone in the room. Full on the lips. Most of the people there were guys. I entered the stage best described as "I know I'm drunk, try to eloquently explain what it's like being drunk to everyone" Talked to someone about jelly beans. Then we had to turn the music off at about 2am thanks to the neighbours. So we break out the harmonica, talk about analingus and the Power Rangers. Then people start going to bed. Mmm, pajamas. Half of us stay awake. I think I did a commando dive onto the doormat and slept for 2 minutes at around 4am. Until I got a lamp thrown at me.
Start playing a game, who can get into the sleeping bag without waking the sleeping person. Not the most successful game when you're drunk. One girl went spazzo and slapped Person A. Everyone else laughed and someone got a blowjob.
Managed to fall asleep for 30 minutes on the hardest wooden floor evar. Got picked up and turfed out the door. Locked in the garden I climb through the window and start singing Bohemian Rhapsody while drinking the dregs of everything we could find.
By 6am our group of 10 was whittled down to 3. We played a game. I dunno what it was but the morning after I had bruises everywhere. All I know is it was fun.
Then I got turfed out onto the streets of Peckham while still drunk at midday.
(Gat Bandish I've got wood in my soul, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 15:54, Reply)

Most of my younger house parties I can tell you little about.. but the later ones have been funnier
Ex-girlfriend's parents house, big old country house in Wiltshire, I think about the 2nd or 3rd time I've met the parents. They liked having parties and invited friends from all over, inevitably various loons from the village turn up too. And me.

Getting on during the night and I'm fairly spazzed on beer and stuff from bottles with giant legged insects in them (I shit ye not) and I'm in the kitchen chatting/blathering to her dad, who's a nice chap. Halfway through said mumbling/laughing/conversation he sticks his tinnie out the window and pours it.

"What's the mad fool doing pouring perfectly good beer outside ?" I wonder, to be answered seconds later as a cow pokes it's head through the kitchen window and moos in a kind of "want more beer way". So her dad pours more beer down the cows gullet.

Didn't know they had a cow y'see. You definitely never forget the first time you see a cow drinking beer at a party. Her mum (unknowingly, til later!) ate a hash cookie as well, gf had forgot to remove them from the fridge. Heh.

Another party at the same gaff, parents on holiday, so we set the decks up and get busy with lots of beer and substances and loonies. Nothing nasty, no house trashing beyond the usual spillages and random zombie encounters in the morning. More hash cookies, including one the size of Lake Michigan that was supposed to have been divvied up at some point for general consumption.

Enter Johnny, stage left, who's just come off the decks and is drunk and hungry. He goes to the fridge, spies this dinner-plate sized monster and thinks "aha! foodage !" and proceeds to wolf it down with the aid of more Stella. Thinking his hunger was now satisfied, he totters off to join the melee, none the wiser.

Until later. I have seen the human man-cabbage and it was possibly the funniest state I have ever seen anyone in. There was a quarter in that cake. Pretty t'was not.

Ah Pip.. your parties were ace :o)
(Shirtmonkey, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 15:37, Reply)

My 16th Birthday
My 16th birthday remains the greatest night out I've ever had in my entire life. I've told this story to several people, a few of whom straight out don't believe me, but I swear on my life that every word you are about to read is 100% true.

I was on holiday in Corfu at the time with my parents, and my best mate AJ and his family. It started out nice enough, meal with the parents, had a couple of pint with my shish kebab, after that went to meet AJ at his hotel. Found him in the bar, had a couple there and there. After that we decided to go to the hotel supermarket to buy some stuffto drink by the pool whilst we waited for the group of friends we'd made to arrive. They had an offer on at the supermarket, 10 alcopops for about £5. So we bought 10 different ones. As we left the supermarket, AJ hit on the marvellous idea of going up to his room, emptying a big bottle of water, and pouring all the alcopops into and then drinking the concoction. Being young and full of bravado, I agree that this is a much better idea than sitting by the pool. So up we went. Emptied the biggest bottle there, and poured all the alcopops in. It went a sort of odd muddy brown colour. It looked like the contents of a colostomy bag, and tasted slightly worse, but we necked it between us in no time. By this time we thought that our friends would probably be at the bar waiting for us so we returned.

Upon our arrival, two lads from Huddersfield, one called Lloyd and the other called Jim decided to buy me a drink each. Bottles of amstel. At this point I was feeling decidedly tipsy, but was just getting warmed up. After another amstel which I bought myself we headed out into town, and to the bar we had been frequenting, "seduces", purely because the doorman looked like Frank LeBoeuf.

So we grabbed a table, and I announce that its time for drinking games. Myself, AJ and a couple of other lads in the group played "4 shot gargle". The idea being you get 4 straight shots of vodka, put em in your mouth, and gargle. After a while your throat starts to hurt like fuck. Whoever swallows last, wins. We played 3 rounds of this. After that, I was pretty fuckin drunk, but still well capable of consuming more alcohol.

I went across the street to a bar called "Pinnochio's" to meet another member of our party who hadn't been able to join us from the start. He bought me 2 sex on the beach cocktails whilst I was there, which I promptedly downed and returned to Seduce's.

Now, it's at this point in time where my memory starts to get a little hazy. From here on in this story is pieced together from my own memories, and the stories people told me the day after.

Upon my return to Seduce's, I bought a couple of bottles of cider (2 I think) and drank them whilst I wandered up to the back of the bar where they had a guitar, and me and one of the lads there started playing and singing songs (we'd been doing that all week, thats why I liked going to seduce's, the barman always gave us free drinks for playing songs). So we started playing some stuff. After a while a woman at the bar goes "my son plays guitar, he's much better than you. Do you know 'Norweigan Wood'?", which prompted my reply: "FUCK OFF YOU SAD OLD TROUT". It transpired later that that was the mother of one of our party.

After a while, and once I'd explained it was my 16th birthday, the barman decided it was free drinks time, but for everyone in our group! He made up some shots of something and put them on the bar. About 20 of them (there was a lot of us). These things were bright green, and I have no idea to this day what they were. Me and AJ necked ours, then shouted everyone over for their free drinks. Most people decided they didn't trust this potent looking green stuff, and said we could have them, so we split them down the middle. which woked out about 7 shots each. Which we downed.

By this time I was fucking wrecked, and decided I needed to sober up. I went over to AJ and told him to punch me really hard in the face. He obliged. I asked him again. And again. By this time my nose was streaming blood, and everyone was looking at me with a slightly concerned expression on their faces. I don't remember what happened next, but I remember Frank LeBouef cleaning me up in the toilets.

Once the bleeding stopped I went back to the bar, to be greeted by Lloyd holding a PINT of whisky which he had bought for me. I declined ity, saying that I've had way too much. That's when people started calling me a pussy. Again, my 16 year old bravado got the better of me. I started to drink it, got about halfway down, and lost the feeling in my mouth and throat, pouring the rest of it down my T-Shirt. "That was shit. Let me get you another" said Lloyd. This time, my arms were held and my nose was pinched as they poured the whole fucking pint down my neck. I then ran over to the wall, and threw up violently. After this I decided I needed to go home, so I wandered out of the bar and into a the road. And got hit by a fucking bus. I remember looking to my left, and seeing a pair of headlights, then looking up at a crowd of my friends. It seems the wing mirror and smashed into my shoulder at quite a high speed, spun me round and left me unconcious on the floor, upon which AJ had run into the road and dragged me onto the pavement. I woke and pissed myself laughing, and I still don't know why. Then I lost conciousness again. I was left to sleep on the pavement outside for a little while. Dunno how long it was but once I woke up, I'd actually started to feel a little sober, so I walked home, but not before falling in a ditch on the way back, and lying in some thorn bushes unable to move. An older couple were at the top of the road where they had seen me stagger, and fall about 30 feet into this ditch. The bloke shouted "do you need a hand mate?" to which I shouted "FUCK OFF!". I tried to climb up the embankment, but it was too steep to climb pissed. I slipped and smashed my face into the dirt, and slid back down to the bottom There was a pause, and in a muffled, wounded voice I whimpered "help!". The guy came to my rescue and managed to pull me out and push me up the embankment. That man was a fucking saint.

I continued on uneventfully, till I got back to the apartment, which was on the second floor. Before I ventured up the steps I decided I couldn't let my mother see me like this, so I tried to neaten myself up a bit (a vain effort, as I was covered in blood, vomit and gravel), and practising walking in a straight line, all the while saying "I'm not drunk, I'm not drunk, I haven't even been drinking". After about 15 minutes or so, I thought myself ready to tackle the stairs. I managed to go up two, before tripping and smashing my forehead into a higher step. "FUCK!" I shouted. I then crawled up the stairs one by one, till I got to the top, all the way saying "I'm not drunk, I haven't even been drinking", only to be greeted by a pair of slippers which I recognised as my mum's, and she was in them. I looked up at her, and she said "are you drunk?". "Yesh" came the reply, as I passed out on the stairs.



It was the greatest night of my life.
( PMGT -Bacon., Fri 14 Apr 2006, 14:57, Reply)

Danny Smith...
...who turned into an absolute twunt after the following event.

Friday night gig at "The Lion" Sum of Nothing (thats us) and Letters from London (thats them)

Gig goes well and we decide to go back to Danny's for a party!

Party is good lots of drink is consumed and a good time is being had by all...before drummer James from sum of nothing starts puking up all over the carpet in the living room (baring in mind everyone has been in the garden all night) James recovers laughs about it in his drunken state and jokes around saying he bummed the dog!

My turn later on I puke in almost the exact same spot Jim did and I am followed around for the rest of the night by the dog?!?!?!

Later on it is discovered that the dog ate all the puke and that James may well have bummed the dog!
( Supersam11 Can I go on the slides please?, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 14:39, Reply)

I cannot speak your crazy moon language.
When I was sweet sixteen, I had a friend who was a great deal more advanced than me. I went to visit her once upon a time and she dragged me to one of her parties. Upon arrival, she immediately whipped off her shirt and informed me that she was off to have a bath with the heavily tattooed young man who met us at the door. Off she went, and left wee virginal me standing at the door confronted with all these drunk teenagers in their underpants.

I was a bit of a party pooper at the time, so my first thought was that I must remain sober, as the friend would likely be unable to drive us home, and I was NOT SLEEPING THERE.

So I went outside and stared at the moon, and whenever one of her friends approached me I made up some hippie new age crap about trying to commune with the Moon Lady.

A week later the tattooed gentleman went swimming in a flooded gravel pit, got sucked under, and drowned, leaving my friend heavy with his firstborn.

It was very Jerry Springer.
(Alliath, Fri 14 Apr 2006, 14:36, Reply)

Went to a house party at a guy's house who none of us particularly liked,
and it was a fucking nice house. We all brought our own booze, but only being about 17 at the time, we didn't have much money to buy booze with, so our supplies ran out quickly, which begged the question "what are we goind to drink now?". Cue the guy that we didn't like very much telling us that he had a couple of beers in the fridge that we could have, but not to drink any of the other stuff in there because it was his dad's.

Anyway, after a while, our host had drunk far too much (owing to the fact that he had split up with a friend of ours and she was at the party and he couldn't take it or some bollocks) and ran off upstairs, locking himself in the toilet, and being violently sick and passing out.

Cue opening the fridge, to discover about 60 cans of budweiser, and a couple of bottles of whisky. I distributed the beer amongst my friends, pocketing a few myself, and started to help myself to the whisky. After about 2 hours of so we had totally cleaned him out, and were totally greased. We fell asleep after trashing the house a bit, woke up the next morning, fucked off sharpish before his parents came home, and left him to face the music.

A couple of days later his Dad was at a party we went to for a family friend and he comes up to my mum (who apparently he used to fancy many moons ago) and said "I've got a bone to pick with you, your son drank all my beer", I was expecting to get a bollocking, instead she replied "it's your own fault for leaving beer around the house when he's around". He fucked off after that. My mum rules.
( PMGT -Bacon., Fri 14 Apr 2006, 14:20, Reply)

Went to my mate's 18th birthday party,
family do and all that. Aunts, Uncles, Grandma's, kid's running about, skidding on their knees etc, all sat around having a nice quiet drink and a boogie, reminiscing about when the friend in question was but a wee nipper. I turned up with a couple of mates, pissed out of my head, after spending much of the afternoon drinking Stella in his honour (including three in the bath as I was getting ready). Proceeded to drink anything I could get my hands on, this included other people's drinks. After about 3 hours I could barely stand up, so I decided to grab a chair, put it right in the middle of the dancefloor, where the aforementioned grannies and aunt's were dancing to Black Lace or some such bollocks, sat on it and refused to move. for about an hour. I only got up after I dropped my pint, without realising I'd dropped it, then tried to drink from it. To the casual observer it looked like I was trying to drink my hand. I looked confused for a second, then got up and went and bought another pint, all the while wondering where the fuck my last one had gone.

As I returned to my seat, the friend whose birthday it was came over and said "Tom, my Dad wants you to leave. You're making people very nervous".

I later found out that my friend had received a full on bollocking for inviting me, and was later told that he forbade him from hanging around with us any more because I was a "bad influence".
( PMGT -Bacon., Fri 14 Apr 2006, 14:09, Reply)