Mouth shock
As a fairly keen home cook, I dont like to waste anything, for instance, if I joint a chicken, I'll make chicken stock from the scraps. But I paid for it the other night.

I woke up at about 2 am. Hungover, and dry in the mouth. So I stumbled into my pitch black kitchen, opened the fridge, and reached in for the bottle of lemonade in the door. I started sculling, and only realised after 3 or 4 swigs that it was actually a bottle of prawn stock that I'd made the day before. In the same type of bottle. Next to the lemonade. As you can imagine, I spat it on the floor, then puked. I was so disturbed, I couldn't go back to bed. Not that it wasn't good stock. Just the wrong time to be drinking it, and I prefer it hot.
(hixy, Sat 19 May 2007, 22:56, Reply)

Edenmonster reminded me.*
When I was about 15 or so my family took a holiday to Australia, but we decided to stop in Hong Kong for a couple of days on the way out; see the sights, do some shopping and try the food.

We went to some amazing restaurants, nice places where the locals eat. It was in one such food emporium, during a busy lunch break when the waiter came up to take our orders.

"Shark fin soup?"

Now I'm not big into seafood at the best of times, and I had a vague memory of something of the ilk that the (endangered) sharks just have their fins cut off and are thrown back alive to drown, so I politely declined, to which the waiter replied "Chicken soup?". This was much more to my taste, so I consented.

The food came and lo and behold I was presented with a bowl of what else, except chicken and shark fin soup.
It wasn't even nice. It was barely soup. I could rest my spoon on it. I could hardly start, let alone finish it (and I hate wasting food). No starter has ever made me feel so guilty. **

* And yep, tried the hundred year old eggs too. I had the taste of egg in my mouth for about three days.

** The rest of the meal was divine. Dim sum...mmmm....
( jme, Sat 19 May 2007, 22:41, Reply)

weightwatchers
weightwatchers chicken noodle soup. Tastes like noodles in piss which I'm presuming is what it is.
(lei, Sat 19 May 2007, 22:10, Reply)

Baby Food
It's not revolting as such, it's just that it NEVER tastes like what it says - Lasagne ? bland slop. Pork and Veg ? bland slop. Apples and cream ? Bland slop. But it always sounds really tasty.

(I know its cos it's low salt etc)
(kitescreech still here, Sat 19 May 2007, 22:00, Reply)

KFC
without the skin.
(Snailfighter Mk VIII MASTER of the bits underneath the ledges on fences, Sat 19 May 2007, 21:57, Reply)

Pot-Luck Chili
When Larry's mum annonced that she was moving out of state, she told Larry to take all the canned goods in her pantry.

About 15 cans, most of whose labels had come off in the move, ended up at Larry & Jody's swinging bachelor pad.

Every weekend, we would end up over there to play D&D or Morrow Project or somesuch. We'd make chili and had been commanded by Larry to incorporate a nude can's contents in said chili.

Chili with sweet corn is perfectly acceptable.
Chili with sting beans is tolerable.
Chill with peaches is just plain weird.

************************

While on my "starter" marriage, the missus was stationed in Wales. Having come from an English family, I was quite ready for anything that British culture might throw at me...

Except for Sweet & Sour Chicken made with Malt Vinegar.

****************************

Red meat isn't bad for you.
It's the blue furry meat you have to watch out for...

*
(thanatos, Sat 19 May 2007, 21:28, Reply)

weell..
I saw some thing on myspace a week ago entitled "don't read this!", so naturally being an inquisitive human, i opened it, only to find that if i didn't repost it, a dead girl with no skin would come after me during the night!

you can imagine how peeved i was at this.

Anyway. having failed to repost the passage, I camped up all night with a few beers at the ready, awaiting the kruger-esque figure to appear next to me and ravage me of my life.

Imagine the bitches' fucking shock when i beat the shit out of her with a baseball bat, stamped on her cunt, hung her up in the basement for 5 days, cut her up into little pieces and ate her.

tasted like shit.
(Snailfighter Mk VIII MASTER of the bits underneath the ledges on fences, Sat 19 May 2007, 21:25, Reply)

Soup
A tin of cheep, floury leek and potato soup and rice noodles. No, it's nothing 'like what they eat in China and that.'.
(Squermily, Sat 19 May 2007, 20:03, Reply)

Whilst in Amsterdam..
I was forced to dine (as camping keeps a tight budget) on Lidl's 7p a packet pot noodles (duck flavour) mixed with Lidl's own baked beans marinated in some kind of saucy noodley water.
It looked, for all the Universe, like vomit, and the initial taste was of cold watered down baked beans, however this usual gave way to nausea upon sight of said product. *sigh*

oh for the life of Riley
( Lomticks Be yourself; everyone else is taken., Sat 19 May 2007, 19:56, Reply)

Custard powder makes mouthy mumbly
My bestest mate and I had a "eat around the kitchen" dare: we'd find horrible things and dare each other. (Gosh, did we know how to rock!)
After teh kitty food, the 5-yr-old mincemeat, the weired dried Happy Shopper chive things, we spied custard power. Tried it? It has 'explode-in-mouth-ability' and I heartily recommend it. Espesheeally if you can't be arsed to talk for a while.


Go on.


Try it...


Little puffs of custard are yours for experiencing. That, and custard bogies. Yum!
(thinkthinkthink ... on ..., Sat 19 May 2007, 19:35, Reply)

I find the rationale for the war in Iraq

extremely difficult to swallow.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 19 May 2007, 18:22, Reply)

I wonder if she'll read this
Mrs God sometimes (OK, every chance she gets) likes to tease me with Pork Scratchings. Or, as I refer to them, Satan's Turds. Even the sight of them can squick me out completely. And I'm otherwise quite tough. But she doesn't know *why*.

It started at school. At school, there was this kid called Gilbert. Or something like that, anyway. He was quite ugly, and always had this bit on top of his head where it looked like something had oozed out and then coagulated. It used to look like his Dad was Contagion, 3rd Horseman of the Apocalypse. He ate them. Especially the ones with hair on them. I mean, hairy food. Eww.

Finally, during my 1st year at Uni, somewhat tanked up, I tried one. I dimly remember bouncing my teeth off something hairy, then managing to swallow. I reached for my pint to try and wash this thing down, but my body reacted faster. I hurled into my glass, refilling it about half way. At this point, I realised my body was panicking. I fled the bar, pausing only to throw up every twenty yards or so. By the time I'd made it to the door of the building I was staying in, I'd refilled a pint glass. I dropped it into the bin, then hurled in that. OK, long story short. This was Friday. By Sunday, I'd burned my throat raw, fasted for 48 hours, and was basically heaving with every breath.

I ate for the next time late on Monday. And just about kept it down.

A few weeks later, my Dad offered me some crackling, which is apparently the same thing. Apparently, I can be sick just being near something my body isn't prepared to consider.

Now, I live in the Midlands. Here, pork scratchings are everywhere. Eww. Mrs. God can get them off the shelves in T****'s if she wants.

Eww.
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Sat 19 May 2007, 18:03, Reply)

Worst Thing I've Ever Eaten.
Susan Pritchard after a five day festival.

Fresh fish anyone?

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sat 19 May 2007, 16:19, Reply)

Way back when
I've got a couple of instances when terrible food has had me as it's victim. The first I can't recall myself, but have been told many-a-time by my parents:

As a child (3/4 years old), I lived in Portugal where food was generally good, but instead of munching on *conventional foods*, I used to pick centipedes and cockroaches off the floor, and eat them in front of my parents [just to spite them, of course ;)]

Another time was on my 17th birthday when I was taken to a Portuguese restaurant in the depths of Somerset - it was a pretty nice place, very authentic - Pogs smoking and drinking coffee whilst shouting at the TV - so we all sat down for a 'nice meal'... The waitress came and reccommended the 'Special of the Day' (in Portuguese) and my dear mother told me that it was a good one - so I ordered it. Anyways, turns out I had ordered haricot beans with tripe in gelatin - *genuine barf alert*. Not the best birthday dinner ever, but my old man had ordered mixed grill kebabs, so I ate them instead... :)
( its_hatorah_bitch is b3ta the devil you know on, Sat 19 May 2007, 15:21, Reply)

Hundred year old eggs.
That is all.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Sat 19 May 2007, 14:58, Reply)

So. Much. Food.
There are a number of stories I could tell here.

The first one is a couple of years ago. At my grandma's house, me and my cousin found an ancient packet of 'instant' caramel sauce. It was meant for bananas, but we didn't have any. We did have a lot of spaghetti, though. I kinda expected it to be kinda nice. But we didn't cook the pasta enough, so we had kinda hard spaghetti, gone-off caramel sauce, and lots of it. It was utterly hideous.

The second story concerns my alcoholic father. At one point my Mum, sister and brother went away somewhere. I was obviously too cool to go with them, so I stayed with Dad. BAD move. He decided to cook one night, which usually involved him locking himself in the kitchen, drinking a lot, and producing some monstrocity. This time is was sausage, mash and beans. A quality dish, when done well. There was no sausage. And no beans. Only mash. And it had cigarette ash in. A lot of it. And I couldn't throw it away, 'cause Dad would have got rather mad. So I ate it. All. Blergh.
( Mr. Jack cracked the elite b3ta inner circle on, Sat 19 May 2007, 14:19, Reply)

Butchery
On a holiday in Nepal, i promised myself i would not touch the meat after seeing (and smelling) a 'meat shop'. They can't be called a butchers as that would be an insult to butchers everywhere.

After 24 hours spent shitting rivers having failed to wash my hands after handling the currency, i was desperately hungry so tucked into a chicken curry. It was delicious, but whereas in the UK we tend to make it with boneless pieces of chicken, the Nepalese tend to get a whole chicken, and then give it to a pissed off schizophrenic with a cleaver to dice it, bones, feathers and all. Not very nice when you come across these pieces!

The following day i saw a dog in one of these meat shops. It was only the rear end, tail and all, no hair left, and layed out so that it's cock was proudly on display and it's sphincter was winking at me. When i next go there, i will stick to a strictly vegetarian diet!
( more balanced than jeremy beadle It wasn't me..., Sat 19 May 2007, 13:19, Reply)

Scoobie Doo Style Sandwich!!!
Quite a few years ago now ... me and a mate, just went down the local pub for "a couple" of beers...

A lock-in was instigated, and we didnt get out of the pub till the wee hours.

We got back to my house for a "snack" ... and decided to make a scooby doo style sandwich, you know the one with lots and lots of layers ... so out comes the bread (two loafs)... F**k the butter ... and got everything .. and I mean everything out of the fridge / cupboard, all the sauces/dressings, cheese, beans, biscuits, chocolate, tin of bean-sprouts to name a few ... proceeded to layer one slice of bread with another inserting whatever was at hand, as we were making it I was just pissing my self with laughter, and I inadvertantly "snotted" in the sandwhich (mates one of course! as he didnt notice)

As he started eating it, I was rolling on the floor, and didnt tell him till the next day.

My shit was a funny color that morning!!
(beach_bum, Sat 19 May 2007, 12:39, Reply)

Ahhh Japan...
as everyone knows, a place famous for its sparkling, whale-free seas.

Whilst living there I decided to try this delicacy, and what better way to enjoy its full flavour than to consume a full slab of it raw?

It was a bit like fishy steak, only it continued to bleed whilst it sat on my plate, like a silent accusation.

Next day, when it came time to 'Free Willy', he was surprisingly firm - although he did re-enter the water with a joyful splash.
(nimchimpski, Sat 19 May 2007, 12:23, Reply)

Acid trip inspired foolishness
Not too awful in and of itself but...

After a 'drop that tab' session followed by an ill-advised pub crawl around Greenwich me and a mate are back at my folks place with serious muchies.

We start sensibly with burgers in pitta but the combination of lsd and spitting fat involves many burnt hands and fingers.

Still hungry we raid the cupboards and find a tin of beans and another of pineapple chunks. What a great combination they will make we think.

Actually not at all unpallatteble and one I'd recommend to the sense-impaired.

Bloody wierd though!
(Mr Steve is jobless and fancyfree!, Sat 19 May 2007, 11:37, Reply)

University dorm food
University of Wisconsin at Madison, 2000ish. The food there usually was pretty decent, but after about a term and a half I started thinking "man, that again?" at pretty much every meal.

I never ate one myself, but they had this thing called the "18 Wheeler Chicken Basket." Like chicken nuggets but shaped like two-inch wide disks with a little hole in the middle of each one, and yes, there were eighteen in there. No idea how many calories there were in it.

Star prize, however, goes to this lima bean casserole that a vegetarian friend of mine got. Wisconsin isn't a terribly easy place to be vegetarian, meat being a huge part of the local diet, but the food service people offered at least one veggie option at every meal. Sometimes this was ok--the noodles and mushrooms in red wine sauce were all right, for example--but other times, you got things like this lima bean casserole.

My friend sat down, looked at her plate, and for some reason, decided to hold it above her tray and turn the plate over, until it was completely upside-down.

The casserole didn't move at all.

For a good thirty seconds.

Conversation stopped dead, and everyone just stared at it until it started to slowly come unstuck from the plate, when my friend put it back down and went back through the line to get something that didn't remind her quite so much of building materials.

Length? Uni lasts four years in the States, and I lived in the dorms for all of 'em.
(tellum0 is spelled with an 'o', Sat 19 May 2007, 10:41, Reply)

Islamabad Intestines and Rawalpindi Rectum
I used to work for an Oilfield Service Company (who’s President is now Vice President of the USA) and being based in Dubai with a British Passport was sent to every imaginable shithole in the Middle East that you can imagine. You name it, I’ve eaten it!

The very worst was in Pakistan where the beef stew although having taste was pretty “chewy” and because the cutlery never got washed everything was eaten using Arabic Pitta Bread and fingers. There was however a lovely herbal bouquet to the whole dish.

The “beef” turned out to be camel, the Pitta Bread had been baked with weevils in the flour and the herbal bouquet was obtained from drying the lovely plants growing in the field next to the drilling rig.

Roll on three hours later, 10 British and American Rig Pigs, completely wasted, throwing up and wandering around the North West Frontier Province much to the bemusement of the local village children.

On a lighter note, the Camp Cook died about two weeks later from food poisoning!
( fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sat 19 May 2007, 3:42, Reply)

fish cakes with daffodils
my gran made some fish cakes, but mistook some daffodil bulbs for onions. Everyone was sick coz daffodils are poisonous.
(themothers, Sat 19 May 2007, 1:54, Reply)

Tasty Weekend Chicken Goodness
OK, so nobody ever explained to me that chicken I bought a week or two ago should not have been opened, and just left out in the fridge when I went to see the missus over the weekend.

The reason was literally shoved in my face by my former roommate in the early morning the day after I came home.

Haven't left out any chicken in the fridge since. Oh no.
(Chyld wants your babies... in a sandwich, with mayo, Sat 19 May 2007, 1:23, Reply)

Spreads
The roommate I had in my first ever apartment lacked culinary skills. It wasn't that he didn't try, he was just optimistic to a fault. If something burned or was spoiled, he's shrug his shoulders, continue cooking, and hope that the end result would be good. He'd always assume that it would be until he tasted it. Never mind sense of smell or the fact that it was billowing thick, black smoke. Anyway, I'd mostly avoid his creations and pass at dinner when it was his turn to cook. We thankfully lived right next door to a convenience store, so I could just pop on over and get myself a few candy bars to supplemant dinner.

I remember one particular meal vividly. The roommate had bought a few things at the grocery, things that would probably make a decent meal for a couple of starving college kids: ramen noodles (the cheap packet of freeze-dried noodles for under fifty cents), some ham, a bottle of ketchup, a bag of Doritos and some beef jerkey. "I'm cooking!" he announced, and proceeded to mix every afore-mentioned ingredient into a pot together with a large amount of water and some salt. The smell that escaped the kitchen moments later was putrid. To be fair I didn't actually eat this "meal" -- wouldn't go near it -- but watching him eat it was enough for me.

Years later I would learn (from my boyfriend) that this mixture of ramen noodles and assorted crap is actually a delicacy in the prison/jail system, where I guess you can't secure a decent meal and so have to convince the other felons to smuggle hotdog chunks and corn-chip crumbs to mix with a big pot of ramen noodles. This is called "spreads," for a reason that escapes my sense of logic. The funny part? My roommate has never been to jail and has never known anyone who has.
(BrainSurgerysFun, Sat 19 May 2007, 0:41, Reply)

Kedgeree..
I know at least on person reading this can relate to this story:

Take Rice, boiled eggs and smoked haddock. Mix together and you have possibly one of the most vile concoctions known to man.
Ewwwwww, we went for pizza and it was lovely!

Other student related food diasters:The Great Graham House Morrison's Sausage Challenge.

Ingredients:
1x bag of 20 Morrisons Bettabuy Sausages.
Meat content: Less than 3% of horse bollocks and cheeks of camels..
Add to this at least 7 silly students..
Record?! All 20 sausages eaten in under 10 minutes...

*barf*
(earplugsdont _work and I'm fed up listening., Sat 19 May 2007, 0:32, Reply)

Deep Fried Haggis..
Sweet bouncing baby jesus... This is without doubt the most soul-pleasing food known to makind. I have chowed down on this many MANY times, and each and every time I do, I end up walking back to the chippy to get s second helping.

Thank Christ I moved to Sweden: If I'd have stayed in the UK, I'd have had to employ Groundskeeper Willy to clean the grease out of my arteries.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Sat 19 May 2007, 0:07, Reply)

todays special
bulls testicles full of protein and full of flavor yummy
(branflakes, Fri 18 May 2007, 23:29, Reply)

Curry and yoghurt
While at university I had a friend who, when cooking, liked to experiment a little in order to keep the cost of our food down. So one day while making a curry for everyone, he decided to pad it out by adding some cheap yoghurt!!!

Imagine that! Yoghurt in a curry!!!

OK... I know that it is completely normal to put yogurt in a curry and make it perfectly respectable. Unfortunately, he decided to use the cheapest he could find. This turned out not plain, but to be black cherry flavour...
(Isegrim I love monkeys, Fri 18 May 2007, 23:25, Reply)

Weight Watchers
Would it perhaps be an opportune moment to share this?
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Fri 18 May 2007, 22:51, Reply)