My Grandfather Jim
Jim used to be a regular letter writer to the Western Mail in Cardiff, usually in the style of Mick Giggler out of Private Eye or Henry Root.

His most celebrated troll, which resulted in about six weeks' worth of letters, was to write in asking if anyone had a recipe for pilchard wine.

For weeks, other correspondents would write in saying that they'd love the recipe as well, as "we tried it once on holiday and it was delicious". Silly pilchards.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Mon 23 May 2011, 13:43, 1 reply)

Repost - now with added 'Hypocrisy Checker'
I posted this a while back, it caused a bit of a storm:

bit.ly/irp3c9

Since then I've received countless messages asking, ‘Is it true?’ Or, ‘Can you really hack into Hotmail accounts?’ And, ‘Perverted bastard, how can you live with yourself?’

So I've decided to do a little work and answer those questions once and for all. The link below will take you to a site I've put together which highlights the fruits of my labour, where I've posted a few of the very best emails and images from the accounts I cracked.

They're what I call the 'classics' - a fascinating collection of naughty pics, hilarious exchanges and disturbing snapshots of these people's lives. (I have redacted their full names and email addresses - but the content is all there)

But here's the fun bit. The link will only be posted on b3ta and the site will disappear when this QOTW closes. Bit.ly offers a free tracker service - so I will be able to see exactly how many of you have clicked through to the site.

So, are you genuinely outraged by my pastime? If so, leave the link well alone. Or are you a complete hypocrite? If so, click away and enjoy my dirty little archive.

When the experiment is over I will report back on its findings. I expect of course to see zero hits to the site, seeing as you are such a bunch of moral high ground-occupying do-gooders. If this is the case, I will freely admit to being whatever it was you described me as being. If, however there are a large number of viewings, then I reserve my right to label you all as hypocritical cunts.

So are you a Cunt or a Saint? The choice, as always, is yours:

bit.ly/ahdKMc
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Mon 23 May 2011, 13:03, 26 replies)

Years ago......
My mate used to get little cards printed up in the bus station that said random quotes on them lke: "No one Expects the Black Torpedo!" and slip them into peoples pockets on the bus.
(superkitty is neither super nor a kitty, Mon 23 May 2011, 13:02, 5 replies)

snooker
i love watching the snooker, i really do. however, i don't bang on about it like some people i know. i've found that the best way to piss them off is to say "yeah, it's good, but it's not really a sport, is it?"
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 23 May 2011, 12:47, 8 replies)

So your question is
Are you a troll? Ever been trolled? Ever pwn3d a troll with your 1337 intarnet sk1llz? Or do you live under a bridge and eat goats? Tell us your trolly stories, both from the web and from real life
(Abercadabra looks more like Gerry Adams every day, Mon 23 May 2011, 12:39, 3 replies)

Trolling fun is to be had by taking your children to the pub, and sitting in the garden.
Maximise the effect when people arrive and sit at the table next to you and spark up cigarettes, by requesting that they put their cigarettes out, as you don't want your children breathing in their filthy smoke.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 23 May 2011, 12:16, 11 replies)

The international hitman
I used to rather enjoy responding to spam emails and seeing how long I could keep the spammer going in their efforts to get money out of me. One of my favourites was a spam email telling me that someone had paid a hitman to kill me. Luckily, the hitman took pity on me, and would spare me if I paid him more than the person that took out the contract.

I won;t post it all here as it's well over 3,000 words and I might break the internet, but you can read it at:

thefuckingangryman.blogspot.com/2008_07_01_archive.html

Go to the bottom and read the posts in reverse order to see the story unfold in all its magnitude. Highlights include haggling down from £4,000 to £2,000 due to confusion over exchange rates, and sending a blurred western union scan that had the stupid shit downloading it in different internet cafes.

Kept me interested for a while - I did some replies to the russian bride emails you get too, which you can find on the same site.

I figure every minute they are being wound up by me is a minute they can't spend stealing some vulnerable person's life savings...
(Bappage, Mon 23 May 2011, 12:04, Reply)

It seems
that just merely being a bit left-wing makes you a massive troll by default.
www.thisishullandeastriding.co.uk/news/Woman-poured-kettle-boiling-water-boyfriend-drinking-session/article-3583385-detail/article.html
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 23 May 2011, 11:30, 3 replies)

Oh yeah...
I've had letters to the editor published in every major newspaper in Australia. The trick is to write short letters, less than 50 words. You can write whatever the fuck you want and some lazy fucker with an hour to go before the end of their shift and one more space to fill will run it without checking name or address. Gun control is rubbish, death to cats, raise the speed limit, castrate vandals, free condoms to gay prisoners/death to gay prisoners, etc etc etc. Keep it short and it'll get in. And then watch the reactions for the next few days...
( difficultchild, Mon 23 May 2011, 11:16, 2 replies)

Nookson
When I used to play WoW, there used to be a player on the Hellfire server called Nookson. He paid his subscription to log in every single night, not do anything at all and just wind people up on chat. I found him mildly irritating but many others were driven mad by him. But he was often hilarious especially when people fell for his trolling and responded. I think blizzard eventually put a stop to him though:(
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Mon 23 May 2011, 10:03, Reply)

I work with a bloke who told us that he would happily sell his vote to the highest bidder
and if the BNP paid him enough he would vote for them.

He then went on to say that he is seriously considering running as a BNP candidate as there isn't one in our area. We all told him to run with it and that it would be hilarious but that he should try and avoid showing his face until the last moment. He is currently looking in to it.

The reason he is a troll is here.
( Peej, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:53, 10 replies)

David Bowie fans are very sensitive
It was quite a few years back when DB launched his new website were most of the content was tucked away behind a paywall (way ahead of Murdoch)but the forum wasn't.

It turns out the DB fans can get quite rabid if you suggest their idol is a money grasping tightwad. It wasn't even intentional trolling I was just saying what I felt, I like Bowie but he was taking the p at that point.

I've never had that much response to a forum post! Apparently I don't understand him and many people told me so.
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:39, Reply)

I think I'm going to start voting conservative, for a laugh.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:29, 1 reply)

Cats rule, dogs drool!

( simbosan Hello you cunt, Mon 23 May 2011, 9:18, Reply)

your all gay

( Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Mon 23 May 2011, 8:28, 6 replies)

Football
I'm not a football fan, I don't begrudge those who are, but I do enjoy to wind up those who take it too seriously. You know the type, the ones who talk for hours about football, spit bitter hatred at local rivals and believe it's a disgrace that we have to work when England are playing.

I tend to ask why they say "we" to refer to the team they support when they arn't on the team. This tend to cause alot off offence and "I AM on the team, I'm the support!" the best answer to this is: "If your on the team, howcome you have to pay?" This usually gets me told to shut up and I don't understand because I'm not a "real man".

Another great one is to wind some one up about local rivals. "Are they better then your team?"
"NO! They're fucking shit!"
"But they are above you in the league."
"We hammered them in (a year so long ago, most of they players have gone on to retire) and we are the better team!"
*confused face* "But wasn't the league set up to determine who was the best team? Surely league position is a more statistically valid indication of quality then performance in a single game."
"You don't understand because you don't like football!"

Always gets em. Always.
(Mong goose, Mon 23 May 2011, 8:20, 18 replies)

I trolled the old man
My husband has a terrible short term memory, to the point he actually got worked up for early onset Alzheimer's. My usual function is to remember things for him. One day he was repeating a phone number over and over to hang on to it long enough to call it. "662-4594, 662-4594, 662-" when I interrupted with with "I ate one sour one too!" and he esploded with a big fucking bang right in my face.




I've not done that since, he was so mad.

He doesn't have Alzheimer's, either.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Mon 23 May 2011, 7:21, 4 replies)

I joined a single mothers support group
The same support group run by the Australian President of the "Single Mothers Council of Australia", Elspeth Mcguiness( my opinion of whom is is similar to that of terrorists and thieves). Being that I am father that has had a significant amount of trouble with Family Law Court, I tried to offer advice that would benefit the children of break-ups. Simple stuff, such as encouraging appropriate relationships with the other party, no denigration, and setting a good example of mature behaviour. These self serving bitter fucks would have none of it, despite being a single father and practising all that I preach. I did tell them I was female though.
Utter Cunts
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Mon 23 May 2011, 2:53, 3 replies)

Last night while playing online
Some guy says "I hate the new patch, it's very annoying to be frank"
I chirped up "Change your name from frank then"

Old but gold, you can't pass these opportunities up, well I can't anyway.

Edit: I noticed Yahoo Answers below. I have a question there.

Is Edward Scissorhands allowed to run?

Edit: I keep remembering old trolls, a favourite silly was when someone said in game

"Can anyone rez me in " I would always chime in "No, only clerics and necros can rez you"

or respond to "80 Ranger LFG" with "80 is too many, you can only have 6 in a group"
( simbosan Hello you cunt, Mon 23 May 2011, 2:50, 9 replies)

The Coalition frontbench
is currently delivering a masterclass in trolling. Just ask at your local jobcentre / hospital / school / protest march / rape crisis centre.
(Monchberter Can't go wrong with Doom, Sun 22 May 2011, 23:07, 2 replies)

bfinn
A chap calling himself BFINN joined an IRC channel.
It seemed he wanted a copy of the game Quake.
No-one could be sure whether he was a troll.
He sneaked past to bun.

Read here
(egg1, Sun 22 May 2011, 22:33, 5 replies)

hi
wers da rude stuf?? lol
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Sun 22 May 2011, 20:57, 4 replies)

Trolling should be done subtly. So far we’ve seen lots of folk displaying overt nastiness, which of course isn’t at all the same thing. It would be good to see future examples containing much sneakier trolls.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sun 22 May 2011, 19:49, 24 replies)

Not my thing,
but I've seen it done. Try telling a feminist activist type that rape allegations and convictions aren't the same thing and you're guaranteed one hell of a reaction.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Sun 22 May 2011, 19:06, 15 replies)

Hipsters
All of you.*






*(Works better in reality when you're talking to ANYONE between 20 and 35 in London).
(Monchberter Can't go wrong with Doom, Sun 22 May 2011, 18:01, 3 replies)

The great unwashed
I follow this page https://www.facebook.com/#!/ITVCentral, which is a page to promote a regional news programme.

Whenever there is a news story on the site, it usually takes about 15 badly written, badly punctuated, factually and grammatically incorrect replies before somebody blames all the world's ills on the 'imagrants'.
The mere mention of Madeleine McCann is a 'can open, worms everywhere' scenario.
(Barnetboy, Sun 22 May 2011, 16:10, 2 replies)

When I post my valuable opinions on the BBC's Have Your Say I indulge in advanced, double target trolling.
When discussing the previous Government I always refer to them as ZaNuLiarBore, Gordon Clown and Tony Bliar. Then, to firmly wind up the commies at the Beeb, I accuse them of hypocrisy, bias and censorship ON THEIR VERY OWN WEBSITE.

The silent majority wins again.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 22 May 2011, 15:57, Reply)

Scientology
...more like Trollology...

Bunch of mental cases...Mental zealots. Mental numbnuts...Scientologists are the biggest trolls on this planet. Spouting their mental bollocks left, right and centre. Horrible bunch of blood suckers. I wish they would not set up their mental stalls on Oxford Street offering "free stress tests."

Eejits.
(iamdoingapooasisignup, Sun 22 May 2011, 14:31, 5 replies)

@ chamoisbollocks
Just been out on my rusty old shopping bike and done 65mph uphill with a headwind. Take that under your bridge and suck it.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Sun 22 May 2011, 11:14, 4 replies)

You don't see Ryan Giggs in the news much now days?

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sun 22 May 2011, 10:35, 8 replies)