Very odd
Every evening a hyper i ntelligent flea whispers into my ear and I feel compelled to do as it says.

Don't find is spooky in particular but its certainly super gnat thrall

Hyper flea says to get my coat.

I also get terrible bouts of Deja-vu.


Oh come on, someone had to do it so it might as well be me!
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 14:59, Reply)

Hmmm, not entirely sure about this one...
I heard this story on a trip to Brazil a few years ago. Not sure if it's true or just folklore, but it's on topic, so thought I'd post it.

It takes place among a small, remote tribe who lived in the depths of the Amazon, and begins as the 19th Century turned into the 20th.

We pick up the tale just after the birth of a boy. He'd appeared normal at first; the requisite number of digits, limbs, eyes, etc... and had been healthy in his early months. However, he began to suffer with poor health. The Shaman did what he could, but the child continued to descend into an ever worsened state and it was feared he wouldn't live to see out his first year.

At around 9 or 10 months his health hit rock bottom. He was desperately underweight, and his skin was sallow and hung loosely from his bones. And here the strangest development occurred: a growth started to appear at the base of his spine. Not just an extension of the coccyx, but an actual tail began to protrude from just above his behind.

Fortunately he survived beyond his first year and his strength grew. The Shaman was particularly adept at utilising the various Amazonian plants at his disposal and created several potions and unguents that gave him as close to a normal life as was possible.

Throughout adolescence his tail grew almost to the ground, and he was really quite proud of it. It wasn't so good for the tribe, however, as a Portuguese explorer discovered them and became fascinated by the be-tailed one. He tried to take the child back to Portugal with him, but the tribe were adamant he would stay in the village and, after much wrangling and a comically botched kidnap attempt, the explorer was chased from the village, never to return.

Eventually he found a wife among the tribe and produced his own offspring. It was assumed that the tail must have been a fluke; some hideous freak of nature that couldn't possibly be passed onto the next generation, so there was no real concern among the tribal elders... unfortunately they were wrong.

The first child was a girl and she was as healthy a baby as the tribe had ever seen. However, following the birth of the girl, twin boys were born, sadly only days after their father had lost his final battle against the sickness that had been with him his entire life. Sickly, weak and unhealthy; their decline was greeted with abject fear and dread. Lo and behold, their story followed a similar path to that of their father, including the familiar protrusion that had singled him out 18 years earlier. It was decided that they should never be allowed to reproduce, and so were castrated at a very young age.

It was then agreed among the elders that their tails should be removed so as not to attract any more attention from outsiders. Surgical tools were non-existent and the operation was crudely carried out with whatever was available; essentially wood working tools.

The shaman created an extremely effective anaesthetic that allowed the tails to be removed relatively painlessly using only a rudimentary saw. This proved only to be a partial success, as the stumps that remained caused considerable pain to the twins, so it was decided that they would have to be flattened off completely. The tribe were expert wood-workers and they had fashioned a large range of tools, including the planes that were used to complete the removal of the tails.

And so it was, with the tails of the eunuchs planed that the tribe were, after a long and difficult 20 years, finally returned to normality.
( Moey, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 14:51, Reply)

ghost?????
had few experinces at work.
won't give free ad or plug
but one night was sitting at truck at the only entrance/ exit to ware house
and saw chap walk across top of aisles with out hi vis on so i thought i give him jacket saw i walks up and few mins of calling and looking no one.
so go to security look on cctv no cams in ware house. but one on entrance and no one entered or exited ware house during shift except me after much piss taking things went quiet.
till...
one night just me in factory and i see

viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=91995827&albumID=1478490&imageID=16017484

after shock of seeing go across gangway i manage to grab phone and snap pic (in front of red box.)
as been seen and be classed as unexplained image in pic.

*first post :) i thank you .
(dwayne, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 14:44, Reply)

Showing my age now...

My granddad fought in ‘Nam…in 1965. He was a private.

He told me this story about once when he was doing recon and he’d run out of ammo. Just as he was certain he was going to cop it, a huge bloke with a friendly face seemed to come out of nowhere and helped him.

Granddad said It was like this bloke was bulletproof or something. He said he was a marine and his name was something like Desmond Guys.

Anyhoo, Des and my Granddad were trying to escape when they were ambushed. My granddad actually saw a bullet go straight for him and Des incredibly seemed to swat it away. For the umpteenth time that day, Des had saved my Grandad’s life.

Des eventually led my Granddad to safety and as he got back with his platoon, Granddad told them the story of his miraculous helper and described the man.

Everybody’s face went pale and he was taken to a Medical tent whereby he was presented by the body of the man who had helped him.

The man had been there all week.

Only his name wasn’t Des Guys…it was Camouflage.


Wha-oh Wha-o Camouflage in fact.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 10 Jul 2008, 14:42, 14 replies)

I had an unwanted house guest.
I live in a very new flat, and wasn't really expecting anything out of the ordinary, or unusual when I moved in.
Not long afterwards though, I kept finding my things had been moved around, there was a slimy, ectoplasmic goo on my crockery and glasses, the volume on my TV would be left on extremely loud, CDs would go missing, and I kept finding dirty washing hidden under my furniture.

It was my own fault, I should never have let my little teenage brother live with me, and mooch off me for so long (the ectoplasmic goo was the sweat and grease from his palms after not washing for weeks at a time).

I got my own back by wiping my cock on his tea cup every morning, charging into his room in the middle of the night wielding a knife, and jumping out at him from cupboards in the dark, having blacked up my face like Al Jolson.

However, the unexplained part? He's 6'2", lankier than a streak of piss, ginger, lazy, feckless, useless and jobless...

...but he has a GIRLFIREND.

*shudders*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 14:28, Reply)

A tale of the ..... eventually explained.
I was working around the house one day, and had the music going from my PC in the office blasting around the house, when suddenly it stopped.

"Righto" I think "Must've dropped the connection to the internet radio station"

So I walk back into the office to have a look - as soon as I walk in, the music starts again.

"Oh good, it's reconnected" I think, and walk out again.

Music stops.

I walk back in.

Music starts.

Eventually I discover that the music starts and stops just as I'm walking in front of the PC.

Naturally I check for loose connections, shake things about, move them around, but the bare facts are that the music plays consistently when I'm literally just standing in front of the PC, and stops when I move off that centre position.

What the fuck?

To those who aren't that interested in the technical side of the solution: It had a rational explanation and I fixed it.

For those who are...

My PC is connected to my hifi via an external digital-to-analogue converter, which has both electrical and optical inputs, and the PC is connected via the electrical connection.

Now, it was a bright sunny day and I had the curtains open. When the music first stopped, the angle and strength of the sun had been such that it reflected strongly off the back wall and into the optical connection of the DAC enough to confuse into thinking it had two conflicting inputs and shut off. Every time I walked in front of it, my shadow blocked the light, and it was happy again. I found a blanking plate for the optical input and that stopped the nonsense.
It took a little while before I twigged though!

Length? 655nm +/- 30 nm.
(JohabMorelli is spenging merrily away, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 13:41, Reply)

DAD'S ARMY
Am i the only one who finds it strange that the cast all died.

one by one.



except Pike.
(John Elton, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 13:10, 4 replies)

Computers and woodwork
I went to visit a carpenter friend of mine once, and left a copy of SunOS I'd just picked up on his workbench whilst chatting to him. All of a sudden the machinery started up, without either of us touching it, and promptly shaved half an inch off the edge off the SunOS packaging. Weird huh?

And that is my tale of the Unix planed.
(JohabMorelli is spenging merrily away, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 13:07, 1 reply)

AMY WINEHOUSE...
I was only thinking about her the other day when i opened up a newspaper and there she was. Broad as daylight.


spooky eh!
(John Elton, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 13:06, Reply)

QOTW
Now that's a mystery.
Why isn't there a consistent changeover time?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 12:29, 5 replies)

Wooo hooo I just won the lottery!
Time to give up my day job!!



This e-mail is to inform you that your e-mail address has won you the sum of £375,600.00(Three Hundred and Seventy Five Thousand Six Hundred Pounds Sterling) from the UK NATIONAL LOTTERY 2008. For payment, you

are required to contact our fudiciary agent with the below contact details:

CONTACT PERSON: Mr Michael A.Wolyn

E-MAIL:[email protected]

You are also required to contact him with the below information.

INFORMATION REQUESTED:
(a) Your full Name: (b) Contact address: c) Your Telephone and fax numbers:(d) Your Age: (e) Your occupation: f) Your country of origin:

Regards,
Mrs. Rose Carl
Online Co-ordinator.




So the unexplained thing is.... I dont live in the UK anymore and dont play the UK lottery, yet somehow I have won!! Did a ghost put a lottery ticket on for me? :D
(Miggyman, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 11:33, 9 replies)

Hmm
Well, feel free to prove me wrong on this. I have no recollection of this happening as I was far too young. First things first, I used to have an uncle, my mum's brother, called Andrew. He died long before I met him in a motorcycle accident. I was at such an age that I didn't know he even existed. My mother swears she never mentioned Andrew to me, nor how he died.

And yet... I claim to have seen him. I didn't know it was him, but I claim that a young man in a hat, (I must have explained it was a crash helmet somehow, because my mother said she knew what I was talking about) sat on the end of my bed in the night whilst visiting my grandparents, the same house Andrew lived in for a long time, and told me everything was going to be okay, and other words of comfort.

Now... this may have been my overactive imagination and some subconscious puzzle-piece placing by my mum, but it's still quite odd.
( Bats, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 7:45, 3 replies)

Enough ghosts....
....why does my wife have to get PMS? Answers? Anyone?
(mortdubois lacks imagination, doesn't play well with others, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 2:56, 17 replies)

ghost
Okay, this just happened and I have to get it off my chest cos it's freaking me out a fuckload. I'm literally shaking here, and almost nothing scares me.

Just now, no more than 10 minutes ago, I had a strange feeling that pulsed right through me; a shiver of sorts ran from the small of my back all the way up my spine.

It was mildly unnerving, but I've had it before, and more often than not, it means I need a crap.

Off to the bathroom I trotted, and after pulling down my trousers and boxers, I sat down on the throne, picked up a magazine (Top Gear) from beside the toilet roll stand and began to peruse it.

After no more than 30 seconds, I felt the pressure go and there was a splash signalling the turd's departure. I set down Top Gear that moment (I'm not very interested in cars) and got to my feet to have a look at the fruits of my labour.

Nothing.

There was no turd at all. The bowl was empty, the waters calm if slightly yellow from my piss.

Suddenly I was alive with fear. I had definitely done a turd, and I had heard the splash as it dropped into the water, but nothing was left.

After wiping my arse, I also found the paper was completely clean - not a trace of poo on it. I am now thoroughly convinced I have done a ghost turd, and am quite obviously frightened of the prospect of going for a poo again.
(ratthingbazzterd, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 23:01, 8 replies)

Explain this to me
There are more people alive today than have ever previously existed. How come every Tom Dick and Harry says that they were either a Roman Centurion or Marie Antoinette in a previous life?

The Math just simply doesn't work out.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 22:40, 10 replies)

Ghost Nun
My folks live in an old farmhouse out in the country.

When I was only about 3 I used to run down the landing and into their bedroom on a Sunday morning. (Thinking about it now this may be the reason I'm an only child).
One morning I arrived and asked my mum who the lady on the landing was. Now in those days they used to leave the doors unlocked (really) so they thought it might have been a friend who had wandered in.
So they got up, but no one could be found.
So mum asked me what this lady looked like.
I described a nun. Headdress, dress the works. I'd never seen a nun so I didn't say the word, nun, but the description was right.
Mum did some research and it turned out that the house had been a nunnery in the past.

But it doesn't end there.........

I have no memory of this event but had been told the story.
When I was about 8 my uncle, aunt and two young cousins came to stay for Christmas. My youngest cousin was about 3. I walked into the bedroom to find him on his own talking to someone. I asked him who he was talking to. He replied that it was a lady. I asked what she looked like. He described (you've guessed it) a nun.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 9 Jul 2008, 21:59, 1 reply)

my cat...
..stares at the wall. Stares intently, as if something is there. He will not be distracted.

If you stand between him and the wall when he's doing this, blocking his view, he will lean over so he can see past your legs and carry on staring.

Is there something spooky there? Or is my cat mental?
(inflateable, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 21:41, 11 replies)

ghosts in west london
many, many, many moons ago, i used to go out with a guy who's rented house was in line with the end of the north runway at Heathrow, where we both worked.

Apart from the flight noise it was a fairly standard rental house for the West London / Cranford area (i.e. bad decor and smelt of curry), with one exception - we were not alone...

My ex (and the mates he rented with) were convinced something else was present in the house, and i can't deny there was strong evidence - doors mysteriously unlocked on previously secured cars; the sound of footsteps upstairs / running down the stairs and the front door opening and closing when no-one else was home; the blurred shape that would pass the glass door to the kitchen only for investigation to prove no-one was there - and the list goes on.

We were 19 and we were crapping ourselves, especially when, without prompting, a random conversation with one of the blokes in the 747 hangar at work about where we were living, ended in the comment "oh, no 42, i used to live opposite that house, it's haunted"

I stayed in that house numerous times and never felt the presence (whatever it was) was malicious, I do suspect it had a rather sick sense of humour...

For not long after i split up with the boyfriend, he and his housemates spent an evening watching the exorcist. Ex-boyf headed to bed while his friends decided that considering his well known paranoia about the house-ghost it would be rather fun to record a spooky tape and play it back outside his room to freak him out.

There followed much amusement while they recorded themselves making suitable exorcist type noises. Having had far too much vodka and giggling inanely at their plan, they then listened to their recorded tape to enjoy their work before inflicting it upon the sleeping scotsman.

Just one problem... for on playing the tape back there was an added soundtrack - the sound of repeated, frantic knocking, getting louder and louder - knocking that hadn't been there when they made it...

So, to cut a long story short, five large blokes ended up spending the night huddled together awake and in fear in the living room while the ex-fuckwit slept un-dsturbed in his bed.

ghosts have no sense of justice
(copygir1, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 21:39, 3 replies)

Here's an inexplicable thing...
There's a plastic crate in the corner of the kitchen. I last used it when I was cleaning out my car and my fiancee's car, so it's got car bits in it.

One of the things in it was a bag with two new front brake pipes for my car. I pulled the box out, and not only are the brake pipes not there but they appear to have been replaced by a pair of shoes I threw out a year ago, and there's a spare headrest for my fiancee's car complete with a cover that matches the seat covers, even though it already has all four headrests attached to the seat.

Where are my bloody pipes?

Length? About 12", and black rubber. Oo-er.
(gordonjcp, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 21:24, 1 reply)

Women are psychic
Here's something odd. I've noticed that women have the ability to sense if I have a crush on someone else.

For example, there was a time when at school; I had a crush on two girls at the same time. I would keep thinking about the first, gradually building up my interest in her, but as soon as my interest in the first one came close to the point of me being able to overcome my shyness (remember, I was very shy as a teenager), the second one would engage me in conversation in such a way as to cause my crush in her to build up rapidly. This would distract from the crush I had on the first girl and make me think about the second one instead. The second one had the ability to make me lose interest in her quickly as well, plunging me into the depths of despair, from where I'd gradually build up my crush in the first girl, only for the whole process to repeat. This happened several times.

Since school, similar things have happened. If I'm in a relationship, I can understand why, but if I'm not in a relationship and I've not told anyone about who my crush is, I find that other women are more likely to flirt with me. It could be body language, but does this really give away your deepest secrets? Or are they just mind readers?

Explain this.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 21:20, 7 replies)

The Spectre of Willow House
A group of friends and I were staying at Willow House on a stag weekend. I however, was not drinking as I was ill. While in bed on the first night, I woke from a vivid dream and without opening my eyes I knew there was menace in the room. I squinted in the dark but could see nothing. I used the clapper on the lights to illuminate the room and as I tried to pull myself from the bed, I felt like i was being held down by a huge force. I was freezing and struggling for breath. I could feel and smell foul disembodied breath in my face. THen I heard it wheeze "Tell those cunts at B3ta to stop writing long stories that end in fucking awful pun/play on word things. It ceased being funny before it started. Same with the wank/tea thing and apologies for length. Seriously. I will fucking kill someone if they don't stop. These people are utter cunts. tell them if they wish to inflict these awful attempts at humor on anyone, to note them down and post them to themselves. Fuck, as if it's not bad enough being dead"

Weird, eh?

Oh, and if cats and dogs can be ghosts, does that mean rats and cockroaches can be too? What about sturgeon? Or foetuses? there is no such thing as ghosts. Only schizophrenia, mass hysteria and the ever present power of suggestion
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 20:59, 3 replies)

Lost, one cuddly maniac, answers to Fluffy.
My friend had a scary experience a few years back when he lived on a farm. He was used to the dark etc, but this particular night, he was inexplicably terrified, for no other reason than he KNEW something was watching him from the darkness. Not only that, but the animals kept close to the farm knew it, they were all spooked too.

My friend cowered inside the farm, with his also cowering dogs, until it just passed and the fear just lifted.

The next night it happened again. He felt something was stalking him round the farm, though couldn't put a finger on what, just the hair on his neck standing up etc.

So, he did what all good countrymen should do, and that was to tool up and prepare to blow the shit out of whatever was scaring him and the livestock.

He had "found" some night-vision sights somewhere ( I have no idea M'lud, honest) , and scanned round the perimeter of the farm, and duly came across what he described as "the most evil pair of eyes" he had ever seen, watching him. Green (obviously, due to the sight), and "just like you imagine a devil would have" (like Tony Blair's on that poster). Not only that, but the eyes narrowed when he scanned onto them and the head they were in bobbed down. Moments later, they popped up again further along the hedge. My friend was no coward, in fact, I'd say pretty trigger-happy, but he couldn't force himself to pop a lead surprise between these 2 evil eyes, he was actually too frightened. So he sat it out, again.

Several days later, not having discussed his visitor with anyone, his neighbour reported having stock enviscerated in a nearby field, as if by a madman. My friend knew his little friend with the evil eyes was responsible, but said nothing. Night after night he was visited, there being a palpable cloak of fear thrown over his smallholding for an hour or so each night. He watched the eyes bobbing round the edge of the light thrown out by his farm, as if it was looking for a way in, probing for a weak spot.

Then one day it stopped. Just like that. In his local the neighbours were discussing something that had happened up the road, where a chap had happened upon something with evil eyes caught in his headlights while he was lamping. He had no pussy qualms though and promptly capped it.

The animal in question turned out to be a fucking Wolverine, a ferocious mammal, known for its cunning and bravery. So, mystery solved.......

Apart from what the fuck a Wolverine was doing stalking rural Warwickshire, a long way from its natural home of Arctic Russia/Sweden/Norway/Canada etc. No zoo owned up to losing one, and it doesn't fit the profile of a cuddly exotic pet, they stink and are bad tempered (kinda like me).

And no, it wasn't one of the fucking X-men
(Rsoles, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 20:32, Reply)

The vanishing brush
This one happened to my parents when they were just married. They were cleaning their flat, my dad dusting in the living room while my mom was vacuum cleaning in the kitchen. She had just used the little add-on brush you use to reach the small areas of floor between cupboards etc, and placed it on the kitchen table. When she wanted to use it again, the brush was no longer where she’d left it My parents were the only people in the flat, they didn’t have any pets and anyway the kitchen was too small for anyone to reach the brush without physically touching my mom.

Cue much searching, throughout the whole flat, in all the likely and unlikely places, but the brush had simply vanished.

Two years later, some soup got spilled on the cooker (one of those old fashioned stand-alone things) and managed to seep through the side of the backplane into the interior of the cooker. Because rotting soup inside a cooker isn’t a nice thing to have in an otherwise clean kitchen, my parents wanted to clean the insides of the cooker. This required the moving of the cooker and the unscrewing of 8 rusty screws.

After 10 minutes, the backplane finally came off. Inside the cooker they found the offending soup, as well as the brush they’d lost 2 years previously. How it could have ended up inside a locked metal cooker whose only entrance was facing a wall, remains a mystery to this day.

If there was a pun to it, you’d be even less inclined to believe me…


*by the way: ~pop!~ *
(Poezestrepe, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 20:20, Reply)

tone loc.
I was rummaging around in a drawer depserately trying to find a hip hop compilation cd as i had a desperate urge to listen to Tone Loc - Funky Cold Medina, and as i rummaged Comedy Dave's Tedious link started on radio one, and you'd never guess - the link was from The smiths - panic! to Tone loc - funky cold medina.

My prayers had been answered.
( Nathanial Hornblower, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 20:06, 1 reply)

Well we think we can explain this one
My dad was in the garden on Tuesday fixing the shed door. He turned around to go inside and found a whole roast chicken on the lawn (one of those little rotisserie ones).

Both of my parents saw a seagull being chased by a crow shortly afterwards, and a seagull later came and pinched it so it is assumed the thieving seagull pinched it from some old dear's shopping then ditched the booty to shake off the pirates and came back for it later.

Could be aliens though.
( thistle, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 20:03, 1 reply)

the man with no face...
An ex mate of mine (ex due to the fact that he's a total tosser and I got sick and tired of being fucked about, let down, owed money and generally fucked off... - and no I am not bitter any more, why do you ask?!) - anyway; he had this story of this house him and a younger sibling moved into.

Usual stuff - unexplained noises and cold areas - and then one day his younger sibling (cannot remember the gender for the life of me - utterly irrelevant in any case) - came in and said "Can you stop the man with no face from walking through my room and through the wall..."

I think they packed and left the house within the hour...
(brumguvnor www.twitter.com/brumguvnor, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 18:56, 2 replies)

When I was a tiny kid,
I was in bed one night, with the lights on, watching my little black and white portable TV.

I turned away from the TV and looked down at my bed and there, sticking out of the wall, was a massive brown hairy hand, complete with black claws, slowly tapping it's fingers on my quilt.

I screamed the entire street down, but when my dad shot into my room a few seconds later, it was gone.

This, along with the 6 shooter cap gun I got for my birthday one year and my cousin telling me the dentists drain would overflow and flood the world, is one of my first memories. I know that around that time was the first time I had ever saw Star Wars, and I'm pretty sure that it was my little kiddies imagination conjouring up a wookies hand..... I think I must have fallen asleep and had a vivid dream. It seemed so real at the time though..... but it was around 24 years ago and I've yet to be torn apart by the creature it was attached to so it either went back into the wall or it was too much roasted cheese before bed.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 18:46, 1 reply)

haunted mobile phone
see for yourself

www.todaysbigthing.com/2008/05/28
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:45, 3 replies)