Year 7 science
In my science class in year 7 I had a teacher whose name was Mr. Erbaugh. He was by far the strangest teacher I've ever had. He was a skinny, balding man who always wore cowboy boots and tight clothing to class. He was 46 years old and still lived with his mother. His pet chicken was named Henrietta, and after it became a cannibal and killed 2 other of his chickens, he had to kill it. After this tragedy, he took a week off of school because he was so grief-stricken. He also had a penchant for speaking to the paramecium we would examine in class, always greeting them with a cheery, "Good morning, my little friends!" We also believe that he may have been gay because on a field trip he got a little to close to one of the students fathers...it's a shame he had to leave after working there only a year...poor Mr. Erbaugh...
(somethingwitty, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 15:32, Reply)

We had serveral
First of all there was Mr Cameron, who adopted the name "Bean", simply because he looked like the acclaimed actor Rowan Atkinson. He also used to smell of crap all the time. Still he was a pretty good teacher I guess.

Then there was Mr Jones. About 4', odd looking man with a glass eye, taught art - nuff said.

Mr Burrows, used to be in the RAF. Was going out with another teacher in the school who's face looked like it metled. *shudder*

I think thats it for now.
(Shifty Bloke, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 15:29, Reply)

loquis
Thanks for the detective work. Never heard of them myself.

If any mods are reading can we please delete the entry? If the wikipedia info is to be believed I can well imagine him spending serious time hammering the 'I like this!' button and the story's big enough to fill the entire best page. Granted people still probably find it more entertaining than my entries but it's the principle of the thing.

Either way, jokes on him, I had a damn good wank over his story. That'll teach him!

P.S. Same goes for this entry please Mr. Mod Overlord.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Mon 14 Nov 2005, 15:10, Reply)

The joy of a "christian brothers" school
We had a teacher nick named "Leo" - not sure why. Was a total hypochondriac. he "taught" Business Studies. He used to wear plasters on each ear lobe in case he got a paper cut.

If you wanted to get the hell out of his class for a smoke or whatever all you had to do was start coughing and sneeze. he wouldn't want you in the room and would send you outside.

All the teachers hated him for other reasons. I can only guess.

Then there was Mr. Corcoran who taught Geography. Can't remember his nickname. He was the most audacious and violent nose picker I ever knew. He'd sit on his desk rambling on about plate tectonics with his finger firmly up his nose and digging around. What was his problem???

Then there was the principal, his name was Brother Efram (he was a religious brother). He caught people smoking in his first week and gave out shit. of course they taught they'd be smart and attacked him. The brother beat the living shit out of them. The following week he started the Judo club - he was a frigging black belt! In general he was one of those 'firm but fair' types.

I could go on!
michael
(nycmstar, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 15:02, Reply)

Marling School
Mr Kambities - legend, bald overweight maths teacher, used to play bridge professionally, wore his slippers in class and was perhaps the best table tennis player I have ever seen.

Mr Carnt - Maths teacher HUGE beard. Kept us all in class once even when the fire alarms were going off, muttering about how they hadnt told him about another bloody drill. Turns out their was a bomb threat and the whole school had been evacuated.

Mr Bidmead - All the stuff about him is libellous, used to be a coach driver then became a french teacher. The got asked to leave. For doing wrong things on a school trip. Allegedly.

Mr Cook. - Brian. Drank his tea even when there was brown paint in it. Got locked in a classroom by some kids couldnt get out for ages.

Mr Edwards - Threw a chair at a kid. It hit him.

Mr Ricketts - Biology teacher, wore a cravat, then worked in the guuitar shop in town. He was bonkers.
(ivebeenhigh i've climbed so high, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 14:58, Reply)

In my day...
I have a nice little selection too...

Gay music teacher, who rubbed himself on the edge of a piano far too frequently. Once wanted to spank a kid for being naughty in class.
Pysics teacher, absolute mentalist, but if you talk about cycling you could waste whole lessons.
Drama teacher, hated kids with a passion alwaying ranting redfaced at some poor kid. Hid booze under the puppets on his desk. And cigars in other props.
PE teacher, had an affair with receptionist. Said teachers wife had a brawl with receptionist.
An RE teacher who went red at the mere mention of sex or anything associated with sex, also had to do the sex education lessons. Might explain why loads of the girls in our school got knocked up.
(Fishbone-didi, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 14:46, Reply)

All Science Teachers are crackers!
We had one called Mr. Peters... you could get away shouting "Mr. Penis" really quickly and when he spun around you'd say it normally n' look all innocent... he MUST have known... He'd constantly stroke his goatee beard (this was the 80's so he was a bit of a trend setter!) and rap you on teh head with his finger if you'd done owt wrong. AND he wore brown suits - with the obligitory leather elbow pads. AND he looked like Peter Sutcliffe.

and the weird thing? He drove a brown Nissan Prairie - how funked up is THAT?
(TheManofScience, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 14:22, Reply)

Latin teacher, known to all as "Lefty" (due to his missing various amounts of each finger on his left hand) - RIP
Naturally, he was known as the only teacher who could do fractions on his fingers...
( WhoElse I'm what Willis was talking about, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 14:20, Reply)

one of my tutors at uni
told us that when he was a child he used think he was jesus, and looked at us in disbelief when none of us claimed to share this delusion.
he also admitted to having eaten his own flesh. he said it tasted of pork
(kitten nest, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 14:01, Reply)

Maths Teachers *HAVE* to be weird
Mr Smith was a prime example. Actually to be fair to him he was a superb teacher - my maths went up 10 fold with him teaching me, but there were drawbacks.
His Afro hair, which looked for all the world like pubes. His B.O Stains on the underarms OF HIS JUMPERS!! He suffered quite badly from post pubescant acne, and his zits would regularly weep from his pockmarked skin. His handwriting was illegible, it was similar to that of the thick kids in the remedial classes.
But he took us for D of E expeditions and turned out to be quite a laugh. He also ran the computing suite which no other teacher would touch, wrote his own C programs and got a few of us into that.
Strange bloke, but one of the 3 decent teachers at my school. He was the one the other weaker teachers called on to come and restore order in their classes.. Oddly he never had to restore order in his own classes, even the lowest set... I guess being weird wasnt such a big deal when you could teach simultaneous equations to the hardest kids in school and hold their interest.
(LunarJim, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 13:51, Reply)

supply teacher
we once had was the proud owner of a denim briefcase, complete with back pocket sewn on the front. we told him our names were those of simpsons characters, because he was a TWAT.
(Jazz Bloke Music has charms to soothe the savage breast, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 13:48, Reply)

There was an IT teacher that everyone else thought was weird
but I liked him. Mostly because his hole punch had the same name as mine (I think it was Henry).

Sometimes he wore waaay to tight cycling shorts to school & joined the girls gymnastics class. I didn't like him so much then.
(deadly, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 13:47, Reply)

Teachers
Mr Mort.......Welsh twat(I wanted to kill him)
Skid..........you know who you are,comb over cunt
Jimmy Hog.....Maimed many a pupil.
Miss burnham....very big manly hands.
Mr paramulla......grew hair from his ears
Mrs Hinton........used to flash her knickers at me

I could go on and on, but only getting limited access from my cell.

Enjoy your freedom.
(cripps-zoid The rabbit buffer, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 13:15, Reply)

Mr Deadman - Computer teacher
brought in to our school to head up the new computer system (ahh... Commodore Pets with integrated tape drives, followed by RM Nimbus...). He spoke with little or no pauses, used punctuation via a scatter gun when writing on the overhead projector... Best thing was his nylon suits. Worn spring, summer, autumn and winter (with a Noel Edmonds-esque stripy tank-top during the colder months), we could tell the age of each suit by counting the white rings that appeared under his suits arm-pits as he leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head.
(knuks Lurking for 12+ years, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 12:59, Reply)

Music Teacher
Any teacher who keeps talking to his pupils about 'hair growing in unusual places' has got to be suspect. Then there were the ambiguous stains on every single one of his shirts that never got washed out. During tellings off he would inevitably say 'now I know you're not a bad boy (and yes, it was always boys), but...'. Anyone quoting this now immediately addds the rider 'but I wish you were'.

Some of his most famous incidents came during school trips with the boys choir, where he stood naked in the middle of the communal showers and uttered the immortal lines 'come on boys, we've all got the same!', and he stood in our room for ages during the night on the pretense of making sure we stayed quiet. A boy in the year above, sagely and none-too-subtley, warned us: 'for god's sake, don't fall asleep'

He left under cloud of suspicion at the end of my first year. Thankfully we've never had a teacher like him since.
(WarneMarsh My priority for frivolity begets quality jollity, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 12:34, Reply)

They seemed almost normal at the time but here's mine:
I can't really remember any weird teachers but I remember some weird things about them. There were a few who never taught us anything, like the English teacher who was just like a film critic (Barry Norman for any Brits who remember him), he never taught us anything excpet what he thought of various books or plays/flims made from books. We also had a physics teacher who spent most of the time chatting up the girls instead of teaching anything.

We had a Latin teacher who looked like Darth Vader after his helmet came off, same skin colour and everything, although he had more hair. He also had breath that could melt a polar ice cap so we spent lessons freezing in the winter due to having the windows open.

There was an RE teacher who had a nervous breakdown as she was extremely wet and couldn't take our mocking/questioning of religions.

And lastly (these are more incidents than specific teachers) we had a geography teacher who gave a months detention to a kid in our history class after he fired a pencil at the history teacher. The history teacher gave the kid a week's detention and the geography one gave him a month to punish him in advance in case he ever thought of firing a pencil at him. I don't think the kid ever had a lesson with that teacher in his school life so it seemed a bit mean. Then there was the science teacher who gave us all 100 lines of "I will not laugh in class" after we all cracked up when someone did the loudest fart possible in a very quiet part of the lesson. She never even cracked a smile.
(Lord of my Ring, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 12:32, Reply)

I've had some interresting teachers in my day
I think I'll start with my eight grade physics teacher.
nice enough middle aged bloke, funny in his own way and pretty good at teaching. It was when it was time for the practical stuff he turned into a grade A loony.
One time we where doing an experiment trying to find out the boiling point of some flamable liquid. we did this by having a test-tube of the stuff emersed in water, and the water was heated with a bunsen burner. we where paired up in groups of two and we where four groups at each table I believe.
At some point of the experiment the tubes started bursting, splashing flamable liquid on the tables and before we knew it three of the four tables we where using where covered in flames. We ran around like crazy trying to put them out. Guess what our teacher did? did he help us put out the fire? did he order us to vacate the room? no, he stood there laughing his head off while our notebooks and stuff caught fire and we ran around like crazed lemmings. He knew that the tables couldn't catch fire and that there was no real danger of it spreading, but what about if one of us kids caught fire trying to save our books n' stuff?
He later told us that this sort of thing usually happens, and that there has never been any serious injurys....twunt...

same teacher, another day in the physics lab.We where learning about electricity. He thought that he would demonstrate conductivity in a rather different way. We each got a turn at holding two electrodes, with dry hands, with wet hands and so on.... with one electrode in each hand!
He cranked it up to the point where our arms and fingers bent by themselves and we couldn't let go of the damned things until he shut the machine off. We're running a current strong enough to tighten our muscles totally beyond our control through our torsos and our damned hearts for christ sake! If someone in there had an unknown (or known for that matter since he didn't ask us) heart condition they could have died!

same guy, yet another day of teaching physics. We where learning about pressure, and how to measure it. We where looking at mercury at that time and how it was possible to measure atmospheric pressure with it. He thought it would be a good idea if we had a look at mercury and talked about it a little. He had some in the storage at the lab and he got it out for us. It looked real cool and everything. there was only one problem here. He told us to touch it....with our bare hands....
we probably didn't touch it long enough for it to have any affect on us, but it really isn't a good idea to do this.

I have more stories about this man, but I think you get the picture
he was trying to kill us.

I'll get back to some of my other teachers later, but now I have some work to do.
( The little pink animal is mostly harmless, except on, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 12:27, Reply)

Further to previous entires,
possibly the wierdest teacher I ever had was a man called Bob. He met me when I was 5, and although I received no formal tutorage from him, he taught me this very valuable lesson: if you're going to smuggle marshmallows and pineapples in to France, specifically the magnificently named Brest, do not use the 'power boost' button on the vacuum cleaner. Please, just don't do it.

I apologise for nothing!!
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 12:12, Reply)

Fae's got a brand new combine harvester and she'll give you the clap.

Sorry but I'm a chemist and I've got no idea what frenium is (but I do understand pedantry) and I know you didn't mean francium because no teacher is going to be droping that into water in a science lesson (its more radioactive than a really radioactive thing)
Sorry
mike
(lankymike, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 11:58, Reply)

YES!
Excellent question. The Combination of tinsy village primary and all-girls school have given me a few teachers less normal than the lovely Becca of Hollyoaks (mmm, lovely Becca.)

Mr Stephens, headmaster of Chesham Bois Primary (name changed to protect the innocent, but not really). Long haired hippy man with a guitar on a rainbow strap (bad enough, really). Wore bracelets whilst instigating his *anyone who wears jewellery at school shall be mailed first class to Mr and Mrs West* policy. Told my mum he thought I might be troubled. Turns out I was just bored. Almost got a punch off my mum for calling me 'odd' (which in all fairness, was 100% correct)

Mr Huggins of AHS (the girls school)- Science teacher years 8 and 9. Only really for the manic glee in his eyes whenever he was allowed to add potassium, caesium, frenium etc to water. Absolute pure joy at making things fizz, bang, pop or emit pretty coloured flame. Also gave us books for our biology lessons from the 70s with proper pictures of real naked people in them. Score!

I can't remember the name of my GCSE art teacher. Suffice to say she was a blond lady who looked like she'd been face down in a bowl of formaldehyde for the past billiongazillion years. Her fringe was so hairsprayed it'd never move, and we had proper shouting arguments because I didn't see what copying other people's styles had to do with art.

Art teacher earlier than her, also can't remember the name was. Manic hair like sideshow bob, bright pink lipstick and bright blue eyeshadow UP TO HER EYEBROWS. She became our form tutor in year 11 and turned up to 4 tutor periods. Late. Accusing us of hiding from her. In the same tutor room we'd been in since year 8.

Mrs Arber. Wanted a better reason for me not being able to do PE than glandular fever. Was built like an SUV. Looked like Charles Bronson (the jail one) in a dress.

hmmm. trying to remember all the teachers i've had is difficult.

OH! Mr Barker, year 7. A class of 30 plus pupils (31 or something), mostly girls. The boys got to get changed for PE in the classroom, the girls in one bathroom. One. Instructed us in PE in a jogging suit OVER his trousers, shirt, jumper. And the jumpers. Oh the jumpers. a festive array of wooly wonderousness. Used to shout 'OOOOOPH' if he was getting annoyed. And 'ARE WE READY' a lot too. Used to shout a lot, actually.

Mrs Anderson, year 2. Hated children (no, really. My mum remembers her better than I do). Tried her hardest to make me right handed, called the little deaf lad in our class 'handicapped' and used to stop him from doing PE as 'he wouldn't be able to hear my instructions'. Completely ignored the indian kid in our class, and (told you my mum remembers her better) actually said 'Alex is a very silly name for one of your sort'.

Ah, edumacation. Oh, not mentioning my old film tutor who'd sit for the entire lecture telling us how much he hated bono, how he was in Velvet Underground ('my co star Toni Collette...') And getting violently scared of students being in his personal space or touching him. Decided anorexic girls were sexy. Bless him, Ian was the man.


I know people make up stuff for QOTW, but I'm really not. I've loved my education, as everybody was mental in their own special way. But I think you have to be a bit to be a teacher.
Length but girth for apologies who cares. Rearrange.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 11:10, Reply)

Ferme la bouche!
My first two years of French, we had a woman, Ms. Crutchfield. The woman would talk to the crickets behind the bookcases (and give them French names). She doted on about her two cats, Kirky and Spocky. She would cut her own hair (it was very obvious), and once when she felt like her contact lense wasn't working, she put another one on top of it.

In the second semester of my sophomore year, she returned from a little 'vacation' (*cough* nervous breakdown). We were being our typical rowdy selves. For some reason, we all got dead quiet at the same time and looked up at her. Her eye twitched, she started gathering her books and muttering. In the middle of muttering, she looked up at us and shouted for us to leave. We dashed and took 3 lunch periods before alerting the administrators. She had to be escorted back into the building to claim her belongings. I have stories and stories on that nut.
(Elronds_Twins, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 10:35, Reply)

Worms and molestation...not at once, thankfully...
Right then. Anyhow, my seventh-grade science teacher was a balding middle-aged man who looked remarkably like Bald Bull from Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!, but with grey hair. The look didn't bother me though, as his unhealthy obsession with worms quite handled that aspect of my life. He had this wonky bulletin board outside his classroom which read "Annelida Report" for the genus/order/similar name for earthworms. Quite odd. But at least he was a good guy and very easy to get along with; knowledgeable of pop culture and such. His oddity is nothing compared to the insubordination of the two to follow.

At my high school worked an English instructor with the name of Duncan who regularly showed up to work pissed and thus earned the nickname "Drunken Duncan." He resigned my sophomore year amid allegations of child molestation.

On that topic, my middle school's lead Special Education instructor was indicted for getting a bit touchy-feely with at least one of his male students. Doesn't my hometown sound grand?
(BakaNoHentai, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 10:22, Reply)