I won a bet.
A couple of years ago, the person whom I was sort-of-maybe-beginning to see predicted that I'd be promoted to Senior Lecturer within three years. "I bet I'm not," I said.

And she took me up on the bet. The stake was that the loser would take the winner to dinner.

This was silly on her part. After all, for her to win, I'd have to find referees, apply for promotion, convince my School to support my application, and then convince the Faculty to promote me. The whole process takes about 10 months from first application to actually getting the new job title.

By contrast, for me to win, all I'd have to do is sit back and not apply for promotion for two years - the 10-month-long process would mean that that'd take me over the three-year term of the bet. Needless to say, winning the bet was easy.

On the downside, the nascent relationship never really got going, and she and I don't really talk much now. So that means that I've quite possibly sacrificed two years' worth of higher pay at the altar of a dinner-date that'll almost certainly never happen.

But, dammit, I won the bet.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 10:20, Reply)

i drewed a pictur
and then i was reedin the dandy and i sawd my pictur and mi mum had send it in wiv owt tellin mi and i wun.

i was 6 and nearly exploded. sod the prize? no idea. i was VERY EXCITED though.

edit: it was a"unidentified flying cowpie"
(DreddPirateBob has watched every scifi film ever on, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I won a Gillette Razor
With 1 blade from Setanta. I suspect everyone else also won a Gillette razor. I intend to shave my arse with it and if it snags or pulls I'll be contacting the advertising standards agency. cunts.
( slartifartfast When all around are losing their heads, duck., Fri 29 Apr 2011, 9:04, Reply)

My mum once volunteered ..
.. to lead a small unit of girl scouts. I think they were around eight or nine years of age. I was a few years older and occasionally she would drag me there. Resistance was futile.

The single thing I remember best was when I won a "jump the rope" contest that my mum organised. You would think that it would be impossible for an eleven year old computer geek to beat a bunch of healthy nine year old girls in a "jump the rope" contest. But you are wrong.

The contest was organised as a cup where I met one girl scout at a time in a standoff. My spastic struggle to not get choken by the rope turned out to be a winning strategy. I cracked up three opponents in frantic fits of laughter and victory was mine.

I didn't win anything tangible but the honour will be mine to cherish for eternity.
(spinoza, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 8:07, Reply)

So nearly...
Not me, but a golf-mad friend, won a Callaway Big Bertha driver by answering a question on a radio show. The club was duly delivered one morning so he allowed himself a moment to unwrap his new toy and stare at it before he put it back in the box and set off for work.

Arriving home that evening, he was all fired up and about to head off to the driving range but he couldn't find the club anywhere. That's when his wife admitted to taking a load of stuff to the municipal dump, including what she thought was the 'empty' packaging containing his prize. A frantic trip to the dump failed to turn up the missing £200 club that he had owned for only a few hours and held for mere seconds.

Perhaps there is a dustman in Bury whose golf handicap has come on in leaps and bounds in the past months....
(Roladex, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 8:04, Reply)

When I worked at B&Q
I dreamt up a neat way of finding stuff and my boss put it forward to the area manager.
They liked it so much I was awarded a letter of thanks, a special achievement badge and an extra special pen only given to the people with the topmost useful ideas.
I lost the letter on the way home, the pin fell of my badge when I went to put it on and the pen flew apart into 10 broken pieces the first time I went to write with it.
(Captain Spacker I lick windows, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 7:46, 1 reply)

All through my life, I never won diddly squat
Not even a goldfish. Every raffle, every prize draw, every lottery, every scratch card, EVERYTHING, I was a sure-fire loser. I could never throw a hoop over a bottle or knock down tins with tennis balls either; there were people with luck (and skill), and I just wasn't one of them. One of my friends, who I'll call Stuart (as that's his name) was known for being lucky; things always seemed to fall in his favour somehow. He was always the one who found money, who won prizes, who somehow managed to have tghe correct alignment of the planet to most suit him at any one point, and I, of course, never did.

Until 2 years ago.

Since then my luck has completely changed, to the extent where I actually feel confident entering competitions and prize draws. I have won a year's membership of the gym at a 5-star hotel (awesome prize!), 6 months Tai Kwan Do lessons, numerous cash prizes in raffles, a 3 litre bottle of whisky, and am quite useful to have in a casino...

It makes me wonder, what is this bloody luck thing? Where does it come from? Why does it go? People say "There's no such thing as luck" but it seems like I can definitely point to a period when I had no luck and a period when the gods are undoubtedly smiling at me. It's a strange one.
(McChinaman banned, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 5:32, 1 reply)

I have won
A picture of David Cassidy (which I gave away, I didn’t like him)
3 goldfish (every child entering the comp got 3 goldfish, my mother was thrilled as we had to go out and buy a goldfish storage area plus accessories)
An album of my favourite band in 1975 from a TV comp
Cd’s and movie passes from radio station quizzes
A ladies gardening hand spade and fork
A pair of gardening gloves
A year’s supply of chocolate biscuits (only got 48 packets of biscuits, couldn’t understand that one). Gave most of them away as I didn’t like them. My David Cassidy moment relived 40 years later.
Various small monetary prizes in lotteries
I am really hoping for a VERY BIG lottery win, so I can retire and become a hippie.
(Monkee girl not a monkee, not a girl, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 4:57, 1 reply)

I took heart
When I was young there was a wonderful art program where a crazy old man would make giant pictures using coloured sand, concrete or whatever else took his fancy. It was whimsical, informative, educational like no other art lesson would ever be and downright fucking awesome. And the crazy old man's best mates were talking plasticene dolls. Every week this lovable, delightful, mad old man would invite his audience to submit their pictures for his 'gallery'. A hastily-constructed showpiece of childish artistic talent.

So one week I did. Because, after my dad, he was the best man in the world.

Here's what happened.







Now £2.50 in book tokens may not mean a lot*. But that doesn't matter. I had my picture on Take Hart with the legendary Tony Hart. I got called up to the front of my school assembly to talk about it and, having been asked what type of picture it was - and never having been in front of a microphone before, stood on tip-toes, hands gripping the sides of the lectern and boomed "IT WAS A COLLAGE" into the mic.

"COLLAGE!"

"COLLAGE!"

"COLLAGE!" echoed around the school hall. I was known as collage-boy right up until I changed schools two years later.

It was, sadly, much later that I noticed the signatures on the letter and "gummed insert" didn't match. I personally hope the one on the letter is the real one, it's more flamboyant, has his name after it and is on beeb-headed paper. The stupid insert was delegated to some drone. Though, I suppose, they could both be genuine. One done with care, one rushed.

Anyway, I submitted a pic to Tony Hart's Gallery. And won.

*Footnote time. This is the book I bought with my £2.50



It had Jabberwocky in it. And Ogden Nash. And The Brothers Grimm. It probably remains the best £2.50 I've ever spent. And I was 8.
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 4:50, 14 replies)

Goldfish
I won a goldfish at a fun fair by throwing a ping-pong ball into a plastic cup containing... a goldfish. It died 2 days later.

To be fair, I was 6 years old.
(ohnonotagain It's worse than you thought. I'm Canadian., Fri 29 Apr 2011, 4:48, Reply)

I won tickets to the Star Wars premier
The local radio station had a compo going which was "What is your Star Wars name?"

Which was the car you drive as your first name and the last drugs you took as your last name.

I at the time drove a Trimuph Toledo, and the drugs were Paramax.

Toledo Paramax.

Made my day :)
( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Fri 29 Apr 2011, 1:54, 23 replies)

I win the most obscure raffle prizes
I won a rowing machine, a step thingwee, some dumbells and a personal trainer for an hours gym session.
I was on crutches and in a back brace at the time.
They wouldnt exchange it for the 3rd prize of a spa day with flotation tank experience and massages :(
I also won a hot air balloon trip in another raffle, I have a massive fear of heights and flying
The guy who won the 5th prize of a 20 yr old bottle of whiskey was a teetotaler who wanted to take a balloon ride, they wouldnt let us swap, so neither of us claimed our prizes.
I also won a day driving a flash car at a racetrack, I cant drive but a mate really had fun with that one and I earned many future payback points from him.
Must remember to cash those in at some point.
But the one thing I won that made me go squeee was a £100 voucher to spend at my favourite online shop, I think it took me less than 5 minutes to squander it away :)
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 1:37, 2 replies)

Shite Prize
I entered a raffle once at a church basement thing and won a container of Lawry's Seasoned Salt. I was about 8.
( salamander, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 1:22, 2 replies)

Big Hard Rude Word Square in Viz
Amongst other shite:- 20 Rothmans, some soup, a Laurel & Hardy Video, a Frankie Goes to Hollywood record, 24 Mars Bars (normal size not king-size ones advertised) and a tee-shirt or two.

Not all in one parcel mind. Rather in separate parcels over time along with letters on House of Viz headed notepaper explaining their ongoing struggle to procure & supply the promised booty.

Silly fuckers still managed to give someone else credit for winning the competition in the next issue.
(Ronnie Spleen MMMMNEURRGH I AM A GAY SPAZ AND I LOVE IT UP MY BU, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 0:45, Reply)

goldfish
i've won many goldfish over the years, but 2 in particular spring to mind.
the first one, i won at the annual cub scout summer fayre. mum said "it'll be dead by tomorrow, they always die."
it did die, but not until the day before the following yeaar's fayre. that's when i won the second fish. my sister also won a fish that day, so they both went in the same bowl. hers was a proper goldfishy colour, mine was a silvery white.
after a few days, i noticed that Jaws(my fish) was starting to get red patches. i thought he was finally changing into a proper goldfish. turns out my sister's fish was biting it and, a few days later, it died.
didn't stop me winning fish every summer fayre for about 8 years, though.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 0:40, Reply)

I once won
second prize in a beauty contest. I only won a tenner, but hey, it made my day.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 0:13, 13 replies)

Mike
My local radio station runs a morning 'mystery celebrity' slot on their morning show. Basically they play a 5 second clip of a celebrity and you have to call in and guess who's talking.

Last year, every morning a guy called Mike was calling in and always getting it wrong. It got that he was automatically put through. And for 4 weeks he called in every day and never won. Us listeners were riveted and tuned in avidly..and of course we were all rooting for him. The station even did a 2 hour interview with him and discovered he had a newborn.

The Friday of Fathers Day weekend, the voice was obviously Sean Connery, and caller after caller said "Yeah, I know who it is, but it's Fathers Day weekend and we want Mike to win".

Mike finally got through....and won a $200 gift card for KMart. With the wrong answer.
(nolongernuts, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 0:05, 3 replies)

winning by losing
back in my stoner days, i liked to sleep late in the day and stay up till about 6 a.m.
this meant i was stoned and stuck with a choice of cartoon network or classic f.m, both excellent for the monged mind.
one particular night, i was listening to classic f.m, waiting for Night on Bald Mountain, a favourite of mine. as i waited, the announcer asked the night's quiz question, which was something about darts players.
"ooo, i know this one!" i thought, so i emailed my reply. as soon as i'd sent the email, i realised i hadn't given my details, just the answer. i sent a second email, apologising for not adding my details to the first and, of course, making sure i added them to that one.
half an hour later(still no bloody Mussorgsky), the announcer gave the correct answer, which wasn't the one i'd given. then, he announced the winner.
it was me! how the hell did that happen? i'd fucked up my email, given the wrong answer, yet still i'd won! the only reason i could come up with was that i was the only fucker replying to a quiz on classic f.m at 4 in the morning.
i've still got those c.d's, though.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 0:04, 2 replies)

Ebay winnings.
I've 'won' many things on ebay.

But for the purposes of this, the only thing that really counts is a 28mm*600mm SDS drillbit.

About 8 quid as I recall.

I was feeling crap, and it turned up a few days later, so I left positive feedback, and didn't think any more of it.

I diddn't actually remember paying - but as I was feeling lousy, assumed I must have.

Turns out not.
Free drill.
(speedevil, Fri 29 Apr 2011, 0:00, 1 reply)

I may have posted this before.
I was about 6, at the school sports day. I decided to enter the egg and spoon race. I can't tell this one that well, so you'll have to imagine Murray Walker doing it instead:

"And it's go, go, go! They're barreling down towards the first corner... And Flap Burger takes the lead! Pedal to the metal, flat out! Nearly at the finish line now... And... WHAT IS HE DOING?"

That's right, ladies and gents. I assumed the tape crossing the finish line was intended to mark out some kind of construction site, and ran right around it.

What a fucking mong.
(Flap Burger hasn't really got a burger made of flaps, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 23:50, 6 replies)

Back in about 1999 or so...
... before MP3 players were cheap and fairly good, I bought one off some auction website (not eBay but a site that also sold/auctioned off stuff itself)

It stored an hours worth of music and cost me £170 or so (shocking!), but when it arrived it wasn't compatible with my Windows 95 computer. I sent it back and patiently waited for my refund.

The money went into my account a week or so later but instead of creditting me with £170, they accidentally game me £1700.

A typo by some admin person somewhere netter me over £1.5k.

I know at that point I hadn't technically won that, but after 7 years (or something) it was legally mine. So at that point, I felt I won.
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 23:00, 1 reply)

Balls
When I was about 6 years old (in the 70s) my parents took us to some village fete. They bought us kids a ticket each for the tombola. Now I was shy delicate little girl, so when my number was called out I was embarrassed to go up and get the prize in front of everyone. However, my parents made me "be a big girl" and do it.

On handing over my ticket, I was presented with a grotty catering size tin of meatballs in gravy - the 70s version of Happy Shopper brand - with the matching ticket sellotaped onto the top. I was mortified. Could barely hold the tin up. It was about 2kg. They wouldn't swap it for the sweets, or even a can of peaches. Bastards. I never entered a tombola again.
( Lherkin, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 22:57, Reply)

I
Won an ant farm on Mark & Lards show. I gave it away as a raffle prize.
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 22:33, Reply)

I also...
...won the top prize in an Acorn User competition around 1990. A 20 MB, yes, 20 MB, hard drive.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 22:27, 2 replies)

One ball missing
Way back in 2003, I matched five balls out of six on the National Lottery.

This is no mean feat, as the chances of doing so are a mere 1 in 55,490.

I won £1,990.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 22:25, 4 replies)

Simon Mayo
A long long time ago Simon Mayo had the breakfast show on Radio 1. He had this sound-charades type quiz thing where you had to guess the name of a song. Lying in bed with my girlfriend I thought I knew the answer, but I had to go to work and would be in the car at the time to phone in. So I told my girlfriend and she rang.

When I got to work someone there had heard the breakfast show and asked if the winner of the quiz was my girlfriend, and sure enough it was! The prizes were crap though - a CD of christmas songs, some stickers, a Thunderbirds album for some reason, nothing memorable, other than a signed photo of Simon and his posse of Rod McKenzie and Dianne Oxberry. She had a great radio voice but when I saw the photo I realised why she was on the radio. Big thighs. I think she now does the weather on BBC North or something. Wish I could find that photo again.
(Smale is stuffed, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 22:12, 4 replies)

beano
as a kid i got a free dennis the menace and gnasher whacker and annoy every cunt !
(BRICKBAT, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 21:50, 2 replies)

dumb luck
walking home from my parents' house last year, i spied in the road a shiny treasure: a pound coin. i was skint and in need of milk for my cuppa, so this was rather good.
"that's lucky" i thought to myself.
then the little voice in my head spoke up. "what if it really IS lucky? sure, you could waste your lucky pound on that milk, or you could buy a scratchcard and see just how far your luck will stretch."
i mulled this over as i walked to the shop, deciding just outside the door that the milk was more important.
that didn't stop me from spending that pound on a bloody scratchcard though, did it?
i'm so glad i listened to that little voice, i won £100 on that scratchcard!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 21:44, Reply)

Illusory Riches
marcvaldez.blogspot.com/2004_01_18_archive.html

In 2004, I got lucky playing blackjack in Las Vegas, and won $14,600.00 in a span of about eight hours. Then, attempting to replicate the feat in the California Indian casinos over the next month, I lost it all back. So, it was fun while it lasted, which wasn't very long.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 21:18, 3 replies)

Dutch rugby
No, not an ingenious phrase used to describe a filthy sex act.

When I lived in Holland I played rugby all the time and made the district under 16 side a few times. Every year I played with them we won the national title (not such a big boast given the popularity of the sport there, kinda like being the wanking champion in your local hospital's quadraplegic ward).

Anyhoo, we totally skelped the opposing team's collective arse and took our rightful places as masters of dutch under 16s rugby.

An impromptu picture taken of us would appear in the NRBs next newsletter along with an article. Picture if you will a group of tall, young, handsome Dutch boys smiling and congratulating each other. It looked like a meeting of the handsome strapping European boys club.

Then there was me. The token scotsman. The hobbies. There only due to the whims of his fathers employers.

I was in the midst of letting out a primeval celebratory battle cry.

I looked like a demented Scottish neanderthal extra from braveheart who had just been told that an Englishman was buggering his favourite Scottish Terrier with a rolled up English flag whilst dressed as a morris dancer and pissing on the st Andrews cross.

My visage was that of a fucking mental knuckle dragger. Shaggy of hair, open of mouth and crazy of look.

Like the man who manages to get a personalised licence plate saying N1PPL5, I was both a winner AND a loser.
(OTT, Thu 28 Apr 2011, 20:52, 2 replies)