The simple life
I recently attended some person-centred-planning training through my work. It's basically a series of guided exercises to use with people with learning disabilities or intellectual impairments to explore what's important to them and what they'd like to achieve. Sounds simple but it can be very powerful, so we all had to do the exercises ourselves.

It turns out my wishes are pretty simple. I want a rambling old cottage in the country with some land for a smallholding and animal sanctuary. I love the idea of being self-sufficient, and of being certain that any meat I eat had a good life and pain-free death.

Before I settle down in the country though, I want to travel the world, bottle feed a tiger cub and see my partner and the band he's in be successful.
(new_dawn, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 11:33, Reply)

One I actualy did!
I beat demon's souls. To 99% of you, this will mean nothing, but to 1%, there will be nods of approval and utterences of "Well done, brother.".

Geeks ftw!
(Mong goose, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 11:32, 4 replies)

A serious reply.
This is one that's already bindun, I realize, but it's no less true.

My experience has been that people are generally born with a given disposition. Some people are generally positive and rarely see a rainy day, metaphorically speaking. Most people see good days balanced out with shit days, and generally speaking it works out for them. Others see a lot of rain and very damned little sun.

I happen to be of the last variety. I always seem to have a dark cloud hanging over everything.

If I look at my life rationally, it's pretty damned good. By most peoples' measure, I've done well. I have a house, I have three kids of whom I'm quite proud, and in general I've not fucked up terribly. From the outside looking in I have a pretty sweet life. I know this full well, and have been told this on a regular basis.

The hellish part of it is, emotions are not at all rational. Yes, logically I know all of these things and more, but somehow that brings me very little comfort. I always feel like I fall short, that there are things I should be doing better or that I've let my kids down in some way. While I haven't lived beyond my means and gotten into massive debt, neither have I managed to accumulate any savings. I live from check to check. This knowledge makes me feel remarkably inadequate as an adult.

I know it's bullshit. I know that in reality I've done all right. And yet...

My thing that I'd like to do before I die? I'd like to feel that I've done well, that my life has not been a total waste. I'd like to feel good about myself. I'd like to feel happy overall.

I'd like to be rid of depression.
( Wanderer, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 5:42, 15 replies)

I hope one day to be like Tom Waits.
My kids are starting to notice I'm a little different from the other dads. "Why don't you have a straight job like everyone else?" they asked me the other day. I told them this story: In the forest, there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. Every day, the straight tree would say to the crooked tree, "Look at me...I'm tall, and I'm straight, and I'm handsome. Look at you...you're all crooked and bent over. No one wants to look at you." And they grew up in that forest together. And then one day the loggers came, and they saw the crooked tree and the straight tree, and they said, "Just cut the straight trees and leave the rest." So the loggers turned all the straight trees into lumber and toothpicks and paper. And the crooked tree is still there, growing stronger and stranger every day.
( Wanderer, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 4:58, Reply)

Write a book about my adventure in India
..
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 4:44, Reply)

Find a cure for insomnia
That doesnt involve massive drugs
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 1:50, 23 replies)

Invent a machine...
...that costs almost nothing to produce, can be built by anybody out of readily available scrap materials and produces limitless, ecologically friendly, electricity. I'd give the plans for this miraculous device away to everybody - for free. Then laugh my cock off as civilisation as we know it implodes!

Either that, or find out how it all works out in the end (with option 1, above, I already know the answer - badly).
(minimalist ..., Sat 16 Oct 2010, 0:57, 3 replies)

Wevengee
I remember seeing a TV play / Black Comedy about someone who had a Shit List. Basically a list of everything they had done to them, and the mission was to get payback one at a time until they were even. Then they could die.

With that in mind I would like to load up a B52 / Vulcan / Lancaster bomber or a Hercules cargo plane and perform bombing runs with finest fresh cow slurry on the houses and businesses that have screwed me over in the past.(And Honda Accord Drivers)

Failing that If someone can lend me a tractor and a fully loaded muck spreader, I could always go for the more personal touch.

Oh and Zero Gravity Sex with Christina Ricci and Kylie, In a Space Staion, being broadcast to the world, Live, with whipped cream, and cherries.

What? So nobody else has posted the Zero G fantasy?
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 0:38, 4 replies)

Before I die?
Break my qotw cherry!
(Mr Fandango, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 0:20, Reply)

Golf GTI
Own a VW Golf GTi. Not much to ask, but I'm easily pleased.
( Sculpture of Man Putting a banging donk on it since, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 0:03, 2 replies)

sharks
i fucking love sharks. i'd die happy if i could film great whites from inside a shark cage off dyer island. i'd also like to be the only one to be able to save the world from something, just because i knew something that nobody else did, or was better than everyone else at doing something.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 22:38, 6 replies)

International.
I'd like to become internationally renowned for something.
If thats not possible, i'd like to experience zero gravity.

k thnx x
(Rambunction, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 21:17, 1 reply)

Porn
I'd like to have sex with a pornstar.

Oh wait I'm already doing that. Oh well, I'll just go die happily now. ^_^
(gaj26, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 19:32, 17 replies)

World cup
I know it's a hard one to try and sort out but one great one is trying to be in a country during the cup final and they go on to win it!

By sheer luck, playing at a Celtic Music Festival I was in Spain when they got to the final, arriving in the country the day of the semi-final meaning we had all the build up.

The final was on the last night we were there and is perhaps one of the greatest nights I have ever had. They had set up a special screen in the square where the festival had been (finishing earlier that day) and there were thousands of people watching it.

From what I gathered back home the game was a pretty poor final but being in the middle of this crowd it seemed like the most intense game of football ever with about 4000 people all kicking the same ball!

Needless to say when then goal went in the place erupted and kept like that until the final whistle and the trophy presentation.

And then us, Scottish, in kilts and with pipes, spent the night either at the beer tents in the square or going around the pubs piping, dancing, drinking and just being part of the whole atmosphere.

Utterly brilliant and would recommend it to everyone to try and get it done before you die because, let's face it, it isn't happening in any country on the British Isles any time soon!
(puggs, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 19:31, Reply)

Last Week
I abused your trust by saying that I would post googly eye pictures if you clicked 'I like this'. Work was busy, I know it's no excuse but I just didn't have the time, and then it was too late. The new compo was up and I hadn't uploaded any pictures of googly eyes. For that I am sorry. Click I like this only if you like this picture of Cheryl Kerl man pet with googly eyes, on a phone box next to central station in Newcastle, her spiritual home. I don't want to get in trouble so I suppose I've always wanted to add googly eyes to posters before I die.



Check it out you can almost see her tit. That is one googly eyed malaria ridden shiny haired hot piece of radgie ass.
(Pete_G, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 19:18, 10 replies)

I would like to
Fit Simon Cowell with an electric shock collar, put him up in front of a panel of three trained monkeys (who would have the electric shock collar controls) and make HIM dance for THEIR amusement for a change.
( MatJ LOOK, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 19:05, Reply)

break the speed record on a pump trolley
With the dream team of Geoff Capes, Daily Thompson, Kriss Akabusi and myself. Must be witnesed by a descendant of Norris Mcwhirter.
(tort, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 19:00, Reply)

short and sweet
I'd like to meet someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them, you must be fucking out there somewhere??!



Edit: Perhaps I should re-word it a bit. (it'll still look shite but it reads better in my head)

Relationships that I seem to get into are always one sided, I admit I'm probably quite hard work myself but so have some of them too.

It's always them not as into me or the other way round, I got called 'shallow' yesterday (by a female friend) which I suppose I am quite but I fail to see what's wrong in that, you've got to fancy the person haven't you?
I've tried dating girls that I get on with like a house on fire but none of them do it for me in the looks department yet when I go out with the lookers my lifestyle doesn't do it for them, they already know what it is so why do they feel like they have to try and change me all the time?

It can't be just me surely? Maybe it is? Who knows?

To be honest, if it wasn't for the gay part of being gay, I'd be gay, I think! Or maybe they're even worse??

None of the above is too much of a problem really, I've got four lovely kids, a decent lifestyle and don't really want for much apart from someone to share the rest of my life with.

Too much to ask? Quite possibly.
(Kip, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 18:16, 9 replies)

Write a book...
About my self destruction following a break up. A 3 month binge filled epitome which would end with me ringing a girl on the last day to tell her I would be travelling to Mongolia and meeting her in Beijing.
(beatpig understands subliminalesbianmessagaying., Fri 15 Oct 2010, 17:27, 4 replies)

Ride a motorbike / Drive a car to Chernobyl / Pripyat
Almost got to realise this one when in Kiev a couple of years back, but the workload increased exponentially in line with the client demands, so it never happened.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 17:19, 3 replies)

Me: "I'd love to do Australia"
Mate: "dig a penis shape hole in Sydney & drop my trousers kinda way?"
(rhyswynne - on every social network mullarkey known to man, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 16:40, 3 replies)

Fly a hercules cargo-plane over The City, dropping ravenous grizzly bears with parachutes as I go
Airborne ursine terror raining from the skies, sent to rend and tear your fleshy little wheeling dealing shits to pieces

(ahem)
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 16:38, 7 replies)

Bucket list
Before I die, I want to make a list of buckets.
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 16:37, 1 reply)

Box of Revelations
One day, I want to walk into my boring office, tell my manager that I've just had a book published and won't need to hurt my soul any more working at this depressing hell-hole, then pull a note out of the 'Box of Revelations' at random. Each piece of paper will have the name of a particular member of the sprawling financial organisation I work for. It will also contain a home truth I will tell one of them on my final day as I leave. I will do this quietly, with a smile on my face, looking straight into their eyes.

It'll go something like this; (shakes hand of hated workmate) 'Well, I'll be off then ****. I'll really be glad I don't have to live in fear of your chronic incompetence and the cowardly way that your first thought, whenever something goes wrong, is to establish that it is definitely someone else's fault. This, of course, is why everyone hates you.'

I will then smile sweetly, nod, and walk away.
(just pouring lizards, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 15:53, 6 replies)

I want to get bitten by a radioactive spider and be Spiderman
I would assume this would result in getting cancer of some form, not super powers, but I can dream!

I'd love to shoot my webbing everywhere. Hurr-hurr.
(Jackie Chan's Lovechild Go outside for annoyment!, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Travel the world.
I'm doing it in less than 3 weeks.

That and get a job that I love, working 3 days a week for about 100k should do me nicely...
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 14:58, 3 replies)

Well, since I am dying,
This QOTW is sort of a QOML just lately. Yes, yes, we're all dying, and it's not like I'm going quickly but probably faster than you. I enjoy a bizarre autoimmune illness that has tons of inconvenient symptoms which if graphed over the last five years shows a solid downward trend and when projected futurewards gives me a few (3 or 4 maybe) years yet, except that I'm just now entering the more titillating area where sudden oddball flare-ups and infection (pneumonia etc) could do for me very suddenly. Let's just take a moment to feel for my wife in all of this. OK, that's the sad bit done. Could be worse, of course. There could be kids, and all that.

Oh a btw, it's not AIDS; the best and closest diagnostic fit to date is an extreme version of the gorgeously named Scleredema Adultorum of Buschke. It features neither sclerosis nor edema and occurs more frequently in under-25s. Go figure.

To quote Michael Fox re his Parkinson's, "it's a gift". This pissed people off when he said it so he clarified; "It's the gift....that keeps on taking." So now you're expecting all the usual pseudo-enlightenment claptrap about the 'little things', carpe diem and the poignancy of weather, I'll prick that bubble, nurse, and just say two things. Or rather shovel out two categories.

1) All the little things that you lose along the way; they're in fact worse than you thought they were going to be viewed through the usual overly-optimistic way we tend to think about our *own* mortality when confronted with an adverse (if mysterious) prognosis. I knew I'd miss eating when I got the PEG tube, but what I didn't know is that every now and then I'd be assailed by fiendishly powerful cravings for foods I have not only never eaten, but would probably not even have previously liked. Like an open rye bread sandwich with cheese (I think Jarlsberg), caviar, and boiled egg. Yes, I read that Stieg Larssen book. But I also get foody flashes from nowhere. I'd also love to be able to julienne a carrot with my big-arse chef's knife like I used to, even if it's just for a salad for my beloved, and I didn't realise I'd miss doing that when my hands got to the point where it's a hard and dangerous chore, not a joy.

2) So the second category is really just the first, but projected forward. I can no longer enjoy the dream of a four-day ride to the Top End (Aus) on a Moto Guzzi that I'll now never own because I can't ride any more, and this is a thing that's not coming back. You get the idea.

So what is it I really want to *do* before I die? Here's the thing, I already do it, and I shall do a whole bunch more.

Nothing.

Nothing sneaks up on you as a joy. It can happen when you realise for example that you get truly over the losses you incur, and the sense of release and relief when that truth really hits you - you've *changed* - sweeps your feet from beneath you and then just as suddenly leaves you standing in.....nothing. From there, all else seems like part of your nothing too.

Having the mind at zero, as the ho'oponopono guy put it.

This isn't some salve to the ego, or 'make the best of what you can' scenario, where *of course* I go for some sort of spiritual contentment because my future promises to rob me of all the practical or physical possibilities. Or because of the futility of trying to do what one still can while one still can. Nope, beyond all that stuff, this is sincerely a joyous place to be, in nothing, and makes *being* all the more glorious. I'd only known this a few times prior to the last few years. So yes, it's a fucking awesome blessing, and I'll eat this cake too, thanks very much.

So that's what I want, really. Not much, but the meat-ego is at work here too - I want *all* those little things to piss off into nothingness, because for real - you *do* know what you've got before it goes, with a little practice at losing things, and after a time the grief ceases being a lesson or in any way therapeutic. This, too, shall come to nothing. I hope.

Here endeth the lesson. Cheers.
(dadadali has hybrid vigour, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 14:44, 18 replies)

I want to
make it to 6 foot. It has been my ambition since i was 5. I am 5'11, and am 22, i fear i have stopped growing and will never acheive this.
( Glovington, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 14:42, 15 replies)

Relish unemployment
My to do list while unemployed:

1) Read those 40 books I had planned on reading
2) Write and record an albums worth of songs
3) Learn Spanish fluently
4) Learn how to play and sing a load of very well known, but great classic hits (Dylan, The Stones, The Beatles etc.)
5) Get really fit
6) Quit smoking
7) Go to museums and explore my city
8) When there are €10 deals going on day-return express trains; go to museums and explore other cities
9) Go to matinees at the cinema
10) Do an online TEFL

Ahh, the wide-eyed optimism! Unfortunately, my average day consists of eating/shitting/wanking in no particular order, having risen just in time for Countdown. Spends day fondling bollocks in front of telly and laptop. Go to bed around the time the tv gets infested with phone-in bingo shows.

I think I'm going slightly mental!

Right, I'm off for a shit...
(El_diablo_blanco, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 14:30, 1 reply)