I'd quite like...
..to force a politician to actually answer the question that was asked with a simple yes or no.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Fri 15 Oct 2010, 14:27, 5 replies)

Fire a Minigun...
That is all...
( JamHamster My eyes, my beautiful eyes!, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 14:25, 3 replies)

Get The Time And Energy

To re-start posting on QOTW again.

But, to be honest, it's probably easier to leave it to the Trolls/Talk to have their fun.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 14:11, 44 replies)

One day...
I would like to get over the crippling depression that has robbed me of ambition and sucked the joy from my life leaving me a husk of a human being.

(Sorry for lack of cheeriness.)
(brzeczyszczykiewicz, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 14:09, 6 replies)

I would love to...
..not be so bored with the banalities of interacting with other people, especially in a work enviroment..

also

I would like to do things that I find exciting.
How's that for revolutionary?
(wankymcwankwank Eels, tobacconists, hovercraft and bouncy bouncy., Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:35, 1 reply)

Rescue a super model
from drugs, and own one of these tinyurl.com/27su9uv
(Biff..., Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:11, 4 replies)

I WOULD LIKE TO GROW A PAIR AND ASK THE CUNT BEHIND ME TO STOP SLURPING HIS TEA

(mersault, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:06, 6 replies)

I want to see things you people wouldn't believe...
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion...

I want to watch C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate...

Then all those moments will be lost in time...

like tears in rain...

Then it will be.. time to die
( the pink chicken sniffer sniffs pink chickens., Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:59, 3 replies)

Kickstart My Heart
Party with Mötley Crüe (back in the 80's when they loved drugs, booze and loose women). Nikki Sixx is my personal hero!
(RJWEcology is just sharpening his axe on, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:36, 2 replies)

I read the news today, oh boy.
It would appear that there's a proposal that teaching grant for UK universities should fall by £3.2bn - 79%. The research budget is to fall by £1bn. (source)

79%.

This is blatantly ideological. There's no way that cutting the public deficit merits that kind of savagery in the higher education sector. And while the chances are that my institution will sail through the cuts without even noticing - because we'll be able to charge what we bloody well like - I'm furious at the brutal murder and corpse-desecration of the idea of scholarship and education as a public good.

SO. One thing to do before I die is now to hunt down every member of this government, wrestle them to the floor, and stamp on their pitiful throats.

Fuck me, I'm angry.
/rant
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:22, 67 replies)

bumming
i really want to bum my woman but she wont let me. Way I see it is I will keep asking for 20 years and then pay a ho to do it when im 50. My plan works as long as I dont get hit by a bus.
(snarf81, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:22, 12 replies)

Download
teh whole interweb !
(Ymob is a kaburu, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:19, 8 replies)

I hope
to take the red pill someday
(Ymob is a kaburu, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:18, 1 reply)

.
Work out why I'm here.
(jvz, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:01, 8 replies)

Just three things
1. Dance with Harry Dean.
2. Drive through Texas in a black limousine.
3. Have a piece of heaven.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:59, 1 reply)

Dear Jim'll
Please could you fix it for me to suck on your cigar whilst you decorate my neck with one of your necklaces, I'd also like to put my finger in your ring.

Still haven't received a reply.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:53, Reply)

One day...
I'll turn my Hamster Ranch into a Reality Ranch.

I will live the dream.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Vir Vir Vir
I'd like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike – as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I want to look up into your lifeless eyes and wave . . . like this.

Can your associates arrange this for me, Mr. Morden?
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:49, 2 replies)

Speed Camera
I would really like to blow the absolute living snot out of a gatso speed camera. I would love to be present when one of these government money boxes disapears in a rapidly expanding cloud of flames and debris and give a hearty cheer (which would obviously be drowned out by the thunderous explosion.

I would like to be around to hear the news of Margerat Thatchers death (though thats a bit morbid). I've heard shes going to be buried at sea to prevent legions dancing on her grave

I would also like to time travel into the future and see what happens to mankind. I would love to know if we will ever get off our collective arses and develop the technology to travel to other star systems. As a child reared on Star Wars and Dr Who the thought of what lies beyond our solar system has always fascinated me and it would be awesome to find out.

Lastly i would like to go out and survive on a night out with Lemmy.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:48, 7 replies)

I want to headbutt Hulk Hogan after what he did to the Trade Centre
Bastard...

In all truth, I really do want to headbutt Hulk Hogan
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:37, 1 reply)

I'd like to teach the world to sing
and if it could be in perfect harmony that would be a bonus!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Aiming high.
12 years ago, a friend and I were leaving school forever. We made up a list of things we had to accomplish now that we walked in the world of men. I still have it – a useful reminder of what, as young teens, we felt were important achievements for a real man to have under his belt. Here are a select few:

Foil a baddy in the execution of his duties
Find an amount of money exceeding £100
Make an enemy cry with a witty rejoinder (witnesses necessary)
Lance a boil
Boil a lance, for the fuck of it
Catch someone who is falling (preferably with one hand, height of fall irrelevant)
Egg on a streetfighter
Shrug nonchalantly. Mean it.
Faint
Chair a meeting stood up, pacing, and smoking a cigar
Serenade the wrong window
Have a drink slid to me by a stranger in an apron
Be cursed
Arm-wrestle a lesbian
Rue the day
Visit a celebrity in prison. Demand that they stop writing me letters.
Kick out a farmer
Fool a camel

----------

Still working on most of them.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:07, 6 replies)

Rub another mans rhubarb

( shitkicker, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:03, 7 replies)

I'd like to be
interviewed by Wogan in the 80s. At the end he'd do that face, and everyone would clap.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I have an ambition
I want to be on Latenight Review (or whatever it's called now), and, after listening with a quizzical, sceptical look on my face, left eyebrow ironically arched, I want to explain to Mark Lawson, Germaine Greer and Tom Paulin why they are wrong and I am right. They will be silenced by the dazzling combination of my erudtion and wit. And I will smile.
(McChinaman banned, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 10:52, 1 reply)

The old bucket list
Outside the usual get married have kids, here's some things I want to do.

1. Fire some real guns.
2. Drive a tank,
3. Quit a job.
4. Fell what it's like to be in a propper earthquake.
4. Save a life.
5. Kill my own food for once.
6. Be a guest on QI.
7. Start my own video game website.
8. Fall in love.
9. Swim with a giant turtle.
10. Experience zero gravity.
(Mong goose, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 10:47, 6 replies)

I would like to become immensely rich.
I would put my money to good use.

To begin with, I would summon a meeting of the world's most highly-respected football pundits, and demand that they produce for me a list of the world's top 30 players, the world's top two managers, and the world's top referee.

I would then summon those players, those managers, and that referee. Using a tombola, I would divide the players into two teams, and assign each team a manager. The manager's job would be to choose a starting line-up and substitutes from his 15 players. I would call one team "The Reds", and the other "The Blues".

Then I would hire the stadium that all the people I'd consulted deemed to be the world's best.

And then I would hold a match between The Reds and The Blues. Whoever won would be declared the winner - not just of that match, but of football tout court.

And then we'd never have to endure another fucking game ever again.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 10:45, 11 replies)

Yeah, well. I'm not proud of this one.
There's a part of me that would like to head off to a failed state somewhere - a place where the chances of being caught and brought to any semblance of justice are low - and kill someone. Just to know what it's like.

I'm not normally like this, and it's only a part of me. I'm not a psychopath: honest.
(Star Wars Starwarsy McStarwars Face, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 10:14, 6 replies)

Bit obvious...
Make a will.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 8:47, Reply)