The Feeling
Oh God, where to start. Normally I go for the 'Don't hate the band, hate the twats that buy the records' school of thought, but these bunch of no mark tossers just grate. It's like they've picked up the Usborne Guide to getting played on Virgin Radio, or whatever the fuck they call themselves now. Hitler boyband haircuts, skinny ties and jeans, plodding indie esque tripe and worst of all, the name. The Feeling. The fucking Feeling. The 'Ooooh look at us all sensitive and stuff' Feeling. Bunch of cunts.

You don't know any Feeling fans, or at least you think you don't, because the type of people who buy this shit, and there are thousands, you would never ever consider talking to about music.

Apologies for length.

p.s. Crowded House can fuck off too.
(Peacocke, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 21:55, 2 replies)

Ellie Goulding
Remember that weird faced blondey bint in the Sixth Form who spent lunchtime in the Music Room pissing about with the piano tunelessly setting her shithead diary to an inconceivably like-Dido-only-worse-than-Dido set of soulless compositions which she trotted out at the End Of Term Talent Show, the one with the singing voice like a dying fawn stitched to a washing machine stuck on spin cycle?
---
The one who was rumoured to have sucked off the Head Boy at that party because whe took her role as Head Girl a bit too seriously and literally?
---
Remember how you and your mates thought she was a total and utter deluded joke, a cliche and fifteenth generation photocopy of a person?
---
Well she's on Radio 1 all the time now and selling records.
---
No I can't fucking believe it either.
(hiplingo hiplingo, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 21:52, 1 reply)

I like lots of musical styles
I can't stand the 4king Smiths. They have produced nothing but tuneless, depressing noises to slash your wrists to.

Oasis strike me as a bunch of whining egotistical tossers, but they're hardly alone in that, so what the heck. I did hear a cracking early track by them but didn't note the title and haven't found it since. Acoustic track, Knebworth, hints, anyone?
(The Jannie, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 21:42, 6 replies)

Oasis
no more needs to be said.
( --- ---, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 21:42, Reply)

It's not that I hate Rush's music:
It's that I can't stand listening to Rush music in the presence of Rush fans. More to the point, I can't listen to the music through the constant play-by-play description of the lyrics, their secondary and tertiary meanings, the significance of the melodic devices used and every other bit of trivia and minutiae the fans spout during the song. Just shut the fuck up before I lock you in a cell with only me, my John Valby recordings, a big bowl of kimchi and its aftereffects assaulting your nostrils, eyeballs and every single mucous membrane in your body for a week.
( Felis Concolor, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 21:10, 7 replies)

I'd say all versions of the sub-genre 'Super heavy black death metal'
but then the Dutch Inventor Mediocre is a fan so there's probably a morsel of worth in there somewhere. I just don't get the appeal of 'vocalists' who sing songs that sound like

"Huh gug ghur hugg grr hug huh gug gurrrrrrrrrrrr... gug huh hug hug hurrrrrr" by a emphysemic skinny leather clad gimp painted up to look like a scene from Revalations.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 30 Dec 2010, 21:07, 2 replies)

Arnold Schoenberg
yeah, it was oh so daring to introduce atonality and a strict formalisation of the compositional method thus inspiring avant garde composers ever since. I bet he bummed dogs as well, the Viennese CUNT.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 21:01, 1 reply)

Black Eyed Peas
Few bands set their respective genres back several decades quite like BEP do. Too bad making jokes about them is shooting huge fish in a tiny barrel.
(ElGranto, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 20:56, 2 replies)

you know when
You're doing oven chips and you grab the last couple of handfuls so you don't tip crumbs and ice over the baking tray? You know that oily gritty feeling it leaves between your fingers? Well Bon Jovi is the audio equivalent of that.
I heard a track off a new album recently. The verse was Living on a Prayer and the chorus was It's My Life. So much so, that I actually sung along with it, and it didn't sound wrong.

Recycled same woolly sound over and over.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 20:52, Reply)

really? nobody's said this yet?
the fucking SPICE GIRLS.
reasons for this are:

they're the spice girls.
they sing.
they delivered unto us the curse of Posh.
but mostly, for the use of the phrase "girl power", spouted by every chavvy little scrotette.
yes, i'm talking about you, doing your shopping in pink pyjamas and ugg botts, you with the ill-advised and poorly executed amy winehouse hairdo.
you and your mate, the one showing off about a third of her grungy-looking thong and way too much nasty anal cleavage.
the next time one of you blobs of gene-pool effluent screams "GIRL POWER!" at me when you're pissed, i swear i will garrotte you with the strap of your knock-off radley handbag.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 20:51, 7 replies)

Biffy Clyro
While I'm sure the back catalogue is worthy of very high praise, Everything I've ever been played by friends has been utter bobbins.
(7 hours left to save Earth, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 20:49, 2 replies)

Nickelback
Stop it. Just stop. The lead singer has a face like a melted welly boot and he righteously deserves an ice axe in the fucking eye. I hate them with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns.
(square go, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 20:39, 10 replies)

Coldplay
Bunch of fucking wankers. Can't abide the cunts.
( Lord Keeps meaning to procrastinate., Thu 30 Dec 2010, 20:33, Reply)

Pendulum
Back when I was a student, I did a stint sound engineering, and effectively ran a profitable production company.

Pendulum "headlined" at the Law Society ball.

Turned out to be two blokes with laptops. They slagged off the (powerful) sound system that I had hired and set up, but I pointed out that I had a 1k budget to run and equip 3 stages, and pay myself and my staff. They got 6k for a 45 minute set. They were a bit disgruntled when I asked if they would cut their fees so I could afford a better system.

And not a Honda Accord in sight.....
(Le Misanthrope last procrastinated on, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 20:28, 1 reply)

Scouting for Girls
The four-chord stop start band who released the same song four times.

I do a parody of them during my stand-up. The song made the Scouting for Girls Newsletter a while back, leading to a lot of 10-year old girls yelling at me. "They're better than you! They've made records!" as if I'm only allowed an opinion of them when I've got a record deal myself.

I'm sorry, but I also don't know how to bake cakes. But I know when one tastes like shit.
( __, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 20:19, 6 replies)

I DON'T LIKE QUEEN! GET OVER IT!
I think Freddy Mercury was a great singer, I enjoyed his solo stuff and 'Somebody to Love' was alright.

But seriously, fuck off Queen fans! I can say I don't like any other band but as soon as I admit to not liking Queen, the room goes silent and everyone looks at me like I've just liquidized a baby!

'But you have to like Queen!' they say.
The smug cunt in the corner, swirling his red wine says, 'You know, if you don't like Queen, you don't like real music,' (he is also a massive fan of X Factor.)
'Seriously? Not even one song!!!'

They then proceed to play me EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SONG while singing at the tops of their voices and staring at me with creepy grins.

'Come on! Bohemian Rhapsody! You must love it!?'

No I don't! It bores me and it goes on forever!

So Queen, I officially name you, the worst band ever, simply because you've spawned the most irritating fans in existance!
(Cockney_Jesus is targetting your mum in V.A.T.S!, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 19:56, 9 replies)

Owl City
I will explain.

I had already gotten over 'The Postal Service' and consigned them to a portion of my brain that was flavoured by fondness, nostalgia, romanticism and (most importantly) embarrassment. I say embarrassment because they appealed to a particularly wet side of my taste - of which I'm not particularly fond - and as an album 'Give up' is all but designed to provide the soundtrack to over intellectualised heartache. However, they did it classily and with a sound that felt fresh and orignal when it was first released. Nonetheless, it was a one trick pony.

So to have this Owl City toss-rag (Adam Young) turn up with music that is all but IDENTICAL to the 'Postal Service' (but more overtly designed to get him laid by existential-angst ridden philosophy students called Katrina) is just like ashes in my mouth. I had a friend who is easily duped by shit like this and she played 'Fireflies' constantly for about 6 months and just wanted her to realise the extent to which she was being cunningly marketed to.

From the Wikipedia entry on the subject

Adam Young suggested in a 2009 interview with The New York Times that Owl City is perhaps the "next chapter" after The Postal Service:

"[The Postal Service] released a record in 2003, and that was it. There was really nothing to compare it to until some one else came along and wrote the next chapter. Maybe that's this record. Maybe that's this band."


No Adam, you just rinsed it - you're a bell end.
(7 hours left to save Earth, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 19:55, Reply)

Nap.
"Hating bands" is just a bonding thing.

OMG you hate that band too? We've so much in common.

There's many bands I don't like, and some bands I'm unhappy to even hear in the background, but why on earth should I dictate what people are allowed to like?
( Halk, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 19:43, 5 replies)

Sigue Sigue Sputnik
What was that all about.

British, but name themselves after a german / russian sattelite?

Music was weird too.
(Suck it and Sea, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 19:39, 4 replies)

Sex Pistols
I don't understand them at all. A band who took pride in a lack of any musical skill at all, as a result it sounds dreadful. Maybe its one of those things you had to be there for.
But I don't hate them, hate is a bit strong for mere music. I save it for people like 50 cent and similar gangsta rappers. 50p in particular, an ex crack dealer? Though a simple country boy I be, I'm pretty sure he must have seriuosly fucked up a lot of lives.
( Greenbat, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 19:33, 4 replies)

UB40
For sucking the sweat from dead men's balls.
(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Thu 30 Dec 2010, 19:27, 2 replies)

As the QotW suggests....
Simply Red. If ever a band was a candidate for a one hit wonder (despite all the hits, only one was ever any good and it was the first) it's them.

That 'fairground' song for instance, was either:

a.) A cynical attempt to rip off the public.
b.) So shit, that some people thought that it started to come back around the other way, i.e. so shit, it's good.
c.) Shit.
d.) The start of a song that they got bored with, never finished it and simply said "fuck it, release it anyway - look at the shite people are buying now, they'll lap this up."

...or it could just be that they had delusions of adequacy and really believed that people would like it. But I doubt that. They cannot be that stupid.

Either way, it's shit. They should have stopped after 'holding back the years' - I mean, Christ, I'd rather Kajagoogoo had made it big rather than that fucking talentless idiot.

I love the way he announced "There will be no more Simply Red after this tour". Like that's a *bad* thing.

....and while I'm ranting - he reckons he slept with 3000 women during the height of his fame. I smell the farmyard. That's 2 women a day over a four year period. There's simply not that many blind and stupid women in the world, and he's ginger.
Plus he'd never have had time to practice any songs.

Hmmmmm...maybe that's why they were so shit.

Plus, of course, anything by the shit karaoke factory that is the pop idol/band idol/x factor/new faces/stars in their eyes carp.

I'm not a fan of Simply Red.
(dchurch bah, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 19:18, 11 replies)

Ladysmith Black Mambazo
For releasing an album that happened to be the only CD available to us on an 8 hour night drive through Germany. No matter how hard you try you simply can not sing along.
(PCheese, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 19:07, 2 replies)

I forgot to add Green Day
Olden day Green Day were amazing proper pop punk, having a laugh, singing about wanking and getting pissed then American Idiot happened. They turned into Emo fucking watered down protest Rage Against the Machine floppy cunts. Fuck off new Green Day, cut you hair and start using that battered old blue fender thingy to write good songs about not the bastard government.
(AngryCraig, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 19:07, 8 replies)

Near enough every Band played on Radio 1...
I'm 27 and a half and I'm already an old man. I'm in the car flicking through the radio stations and invariably it comes onto Radio 1 and I'm like "Have you heard the shite pet? HAVE YOU HEARD THIS FUCKING SHITE!?" to wor lass every time. Also, I want to stab all the Radio 1 DJ's eyes out too for saying they like the shit they have to play just to stay cool and keep their jobs, bellend fuckholes.
(AngryCraig, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 18:59, 8 replies)

I seem to like music that lots of folks think is simply piss-awful.
Prog rock (Yes, Rush, Primus, Porcupine Tree) often makes people do a face when I admit to listening to them.
Heavy Metal (Iron Maiden, Thin Lizzy, Megadeth, Diamond Head) often makes people do a face when I admit to listening to them
Hard Rock (Whitesnake, Def Leppard, Skid Row, Winger) often makes people do a face when I admit to listening to them
Electronica (Jean Michel Jarre, Yello, The Buggles) often makes people do a face when I admit to listening to them
Hard and heavy dance music (Pendulum, Prodigy, Faithless) often makes people do a face when I admit to listening to them

and let's not go into what disbelief I encounter when I let it be known that I like t.a.t.u., even the songs of theirs in Russian.

So, I ask of the offended person, what do you like to listen to? And the answer is nearly always the same.

"REM, Oasis and Coldplay".

OK, so there is a mutual dislike thing going on with regards to musical styles and bands, I won't go so far as to say 'they're shit' just because I don't like them. But I'll tell you who IS shit.

Any rapper who has to brag about how many bitches he's been shagging but doesn't even have a style/voice that makes them in any way talented or unique.

So, Sean Paul then.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 30 Dec 2010, 18:56, 48 replies)

Bros
insipid, trout-mouthed little fuckers, ruining my teenage years by ensnaring my sister and cousins with their shit music, meaning that i heard it wherever i went.
burn in hell, you jedward-inspiring fucknuggets.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 18:55, 4 replies)

The ones who take a half decent song from yesteryear
Then use it as a backing track for a rap.

I take comfort from the thought that the original artist is probably getting a cut of the takings from the shite version.
( thistle, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 18:49, 6 replies)

Anything ever made
by My Chemical Romance. If only the chemical was tetanus and the romance was that of a horse and the glue factory.

Pick any MCR song and apply the following Dylan Moran quote: "I'm not saying it's a bad song. I'm just saying, you could take... a broom, say... dip the end in brake fluid... put the other end up my arse, put me on a trampoline in a moving lift and I could write a better song on the walls!"
(Zgrzyt My dog gets more Christmas cards than I do., Thu 30 Dec 2010, 18:35, 1 reply)