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More importantly, I'm going to a music festival this weekend.
What staggeringly brilliant top tips have you people discovered at such events?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:02, archived)
I've never been to a music festival.
So none.
(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:02, archived)
Let me get a pen and paper.
This sounds important.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:03, archived)
It's clearly not.

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:04, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/5361464
(hot white cum, YEAH! i will show you 0wnage in a handful of posts, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:05, archived)
I really like Maffers posts am I Maffers?

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:06, archived)
yes are you maffers

(hot white cum, YEAH! i will show you 0wnage in a handful of posts, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:06, archived)
No, I know him though.

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:06, archived)
Sexy motherfucker isn't he?

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:07, archived)
And hung like a donkey.

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:07, archived)
OWN NINJA SWORDS SUCH A DICK

(hot white cum, YEAH! i will show you 0wnage in a handful of posts, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:07, archived)
Hahaha
you hate ninja swords, don't you?
(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:08, archived)
i have never met anyone who has bought actual swords that i haven't though was a bell end at best and total dangerous psychopath oh fuck why am i buying drugs from this person at worst

(hot white cum, YEAH! i will show you 0wnage in a handful of posts, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:09, archived)
They are for decoration only.

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:10, archived)
you've stood in front of the mirror naked listening to rammstien weilding your ninja swords in both hands

(hot white cum, YEAH! i will show you 0wnage in a handful of posts, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:11, archived)
Sounds like the voice of experience

(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:12, archived)
I've not.
I don't have a big enough mirror :(
(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:12, archived)
Stand on your toilet so you can look into the medicine cabinet mirror

(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:13, archived)
I don't have a medicine cabinet!
:-(

I just have a small shaving mirror as I'm a man and not a fucking pansy.
(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:14, archived)
Stand your shaving mirror at the other end of your biggest room,
and look at it through binoculars while holding the sword with the other hand
(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:19, archived)
Seems like a lot of effort to make his cock seem normal sized.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:20, archived)
Well, needs must and all that

(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:21, archived)
they're normally the same people who wear wolf and skull t-shirts

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:10, archived)
Haha!
Was it you that made that comment about that photo of my.. I MEAN HIS... desk?
(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:08, archived)
are you a moon-faced mutant too?

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:07, archived)
Pfft. Old man.

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:07, archived)
do you two go to counting crows gigs together?

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:09, archived)
It's me you cock.

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:10, archived)
I strongly disapprove of people posting from multiple accounts

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:11, archived)
I'm not. I'm posting from one.
This one.
(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:11, archived)
you massive bumlord

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:12, archived)
Do you want Original Maffers back?

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:13, archived)
christ no, he's a right cunt

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:14, archived)
Tell me about it. I live with the fucker.

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:15, archived)
We don't care

(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:15, archived)
:-(

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:16, archived)
:D

(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:17, archived)
Evil bastard.

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:18, archived)
Crushing peoples' spirits since 1985, baby
I didn't mean it
(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:20, archived)
That's ok then.

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:21, archived)
i like how you use a second account to try and get all your stuff onto the popular page
you needy desperate mess
(hot white cum, YEAH! i will show you 0wnage in a handful of posts, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:13, archived)
HAHA!
I want attention!

That. or I don't click "I like this" with my own account as it says "Maffers like this post by Maffers" a lot in my friends activity thing.
(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:15, archived)
I like this!
I like this from my other account too!

ohhh, what a giveaway
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:15, archived)
I've told people who I am with this account.
Though I've changed the name of it a few times since then.
(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:17, archived)
well that's alright then

(yeah right bollocks bollocks, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:19, archived)
oops

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:20, archived)
Ha!

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:21, archived)
holy shit whats going on now

(hot white cum, YEAH! i will show you 0wnage in a handful of posts, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:25, archived)
The second accounts are taking over.

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:26, archived)
lol

(Parrott and the cave monsters pornisessentiallybullshit.blogspot.com (NSFW), Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:24, archived)
0_0

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:24, archived)
oh hai chris
I'm still loving the five posts on your blog there
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:26, archived)
I once posted a fantastic video on links that got me on the newsletter.
and I used this account by mistake as I hadn't logged out of it.
I nearly cried.
(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:20, archived)
That fails quite badly.
Here have some fairy wings.
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:25, archived)
I told you about it at the bash remember?

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:25, archived)
I know, I was just reminding you.
I offered you fairy.
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:27, archived)
oooh fairy wings.

(Brett Riverboat... Knifeman, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:29, archived)
He won't remember
He was too drunk and perving on you, not listening.
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:28, archived)
Oh dear, was I actually perving on anyone.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:51, archived)
How not to get a hand job, clearly

(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:03, archived)
I already know that.
I've not had a handjob on several occasions.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:06, archived)
Gate crash
the VIP toilets. Unless you like standing on your toes balancing over a mountain of other people's gently steaming shit.
(Eeh Blah Gum, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:03, archived)
I don't understand why music festivals can pipe in all that running water, leccy and internet
but can't have a decent toiletting system.
(I helped save b3ta! Bob Todd whee, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:04, archived)
Big Chill
is a great festival. The toilets are not that bad but they also have ones you can pay to use that are actually clean.
(Eeh Blah Gum, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:05, archived)
Latitude Festival had "long drop" toilets
It fucking stank, and luckily it wasn't any warmer otherwise it would have been a lot worse. It was OK day 2, but by day 3 pissing into 2 foot of human waste was not pleasant, especially as underneath it was all open so you could see what the person next to you was doing.
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:33, archived)
If you are ginger
and only ever seen Girls Aloud, when at the front of watching Lost Prophets do not complain when the moshers slightly jog your girlfriend.
(I helped save b3ta! moogy boobles, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:03, archived)
Wellies and wet wipes.

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:03, archived)
Be prepared to walk at least 4 miles for a good toilet

(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:03, archived)
My mate just shits in a bag in his tent

(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:04, archived)
Lovely

(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:04, archived)
I'd do it myself, but I'm terrified of missing
and having to clean my groundsheet/sleeping bag. I do not know what he does with the inevitable pre-shit piss. Also, I do this www.b3ta.com/talk/5360733
(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:06, archived)
Surely you have to piss as well?
I don't think I can shit without pissing. You could get a She-Wee though.
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:34, archived)
Take more money, beer, socks and cigarettes than you think you'll need.

(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:03, archived)
Don't drink booze during the day.
If it's very hot.
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:04, archived)
Jester hats make you look a twat.
Legal drugs are for mugs.
Anything left outside your tent gets stolen.

The third one doesn't rhyme. :(
(I helped save b3ta! ArthurTheRat, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:04, archived)

stolen indefinitely lent
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:05, archived)
That'll do.

(I helped save b3ta! ArthurTheRat, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:12, archived)
If you wear one of those zany jester hats you can buy at festivals
you're automatically a cunt and should be shunned by civilised society.
(I helped save b3ta! FoldsFive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:04, archived)
I'm shocked that you would feel the need to inform me of this.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:05, archived)
It was more along the lines of general advice
than specifically aimed at you, I feel.
(I helped save b3ta! FoldsFive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:07, archived)
hat piss

(hot white cum, YEAH! i will show you 0wnage in a handful of posts, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:06, archived)
I was 18 at the time.
*shuffles away*
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:08, archived)
Take a bottle of spirits or two instead of a crate of lager.

(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:04, archived)
I shall be concentrating on scotch.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:06, archived)
Lamb's rum is the breakfast of champions

(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:09, archived)
wear a good set of ear plugs, ear defenders, cotton swabbing around the head and a pair of sunglasses

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:04, archived)
Take wet wipes
and do not let your arse touch the toilet seat (thats if you can see the toilet seat under the vikings helmet of shit)
(I helped save b3ta! Pedere Penfold...shush., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:04, archived)
I didn't shit for three days.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:09, archived)
I didn't shit for 5 days last time I went.
And it was a real effort after that, let me tell you!
(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:23, archived)
jester hats are for dicks

(hot white cum, YEAH! i will show you 0wnage in a handful of posts, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:05, archived)
don't go, it'll be shit

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:06, archived)
Good point.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:07, archived)
keep an empty coke bottle in the tent
because at some point you will realise you are naked, its raining and you REALLY need a piss..
(I helped save b3ta! Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:06, archived)
Don't run the artiste's catering wagon
It's bloody hard work.
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:08, archived)
I was just about to not do precisely that.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:09, archived)
Good.
I'm glad you're taking notice. I'll probably be doing it again next year though, as it is good fun.
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:11, archived)
Wheelbarrows are excellent,
as you can cart all of your stuff from your car to the site in one go, which is excellent, and when lined with a sleeping bag they make an excellent seat.
(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:16, archived)
Until it starts to rain
And your sleeping bag gets wet.
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:18, archived)
Which brings me on to my second point, which is bin bags.
Take a roll of black bin bags, which can be used not only for storing rubbish but also for covering anything you don't want to get wet, including, with head and armholes cut into them, yourself.
(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:19, archived)
This is the best tip ever.

(I helped save b3ta! Nile, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:24, archived)
Man I need to go to festivals again

(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:27, archived)
http://www.b3ta.com/talk/5360733

(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:18, archived)
Wear trousers with many pockets
It's easier than carrying round a bag and won't get in the way in the busy areas. Also, go home each night, rather than camping.
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 21:30, archived)