OK team, I've been trying to think of a way to describe /talk to non-b3tans
so far I've come up with
"leave your ability to be offended at the door, enter into a world where nothing is taboo. Everyone is a geek, freak or general weirdo just like you."

That's about it so far, how would you describe /talk to outsiders?
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:22, archived)

There's plenty of taboos on /talk
they're just different to normal taboos
(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:23, archived)

Oh yes.
I need to add
"make sure you can spell, use punctuation and know the difference between their, there and they're or you will be crucified"


Edit. different FROM
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:25, archived)

When people use "there" to mean all of them it's not so bad, as it's just laziness.
When people use "they're" when they mean "their" or "there", you can tell they're trying to use the correct one but they're too retarded to manage.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 7 May 2009, 10:07, archived)

Yes, because everybody knows that "they're" is the merging of two words
and the apostrophe substitutes the missing letters

THEY REtards
( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:12, archived)

YOU PUT WHAT IN YOUR TEA?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:40, archived)

BACON? IN LASAGNA?
CURRIED STEAK?!?
( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:41, archived)

children? treat? mcdonalds?

( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:42, archived)

You like COLDPLAY>>>???!!!!

(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:43, archived)

woah, woah hang on
wait,

do you really like Coldplay?
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:48, archived)

no, not really
I just don't feel the need to hate them.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:00, archived)

they're completely inappropriate in tea

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

do you know how i know he's gay?

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:00, archived)

He gets a stiffy when you bum him?

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 10:06, archived)

*taps nose*
*points at you*
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

He gets a stiffy when stuj bums your nose?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:14, archived)

BINGO

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:17, archived)

Hitler took a Jewish child into McDonalds once

( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:44, archived)

Were you that child, theo?

( RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:49, archived)

*sniff* and then the bad man made me eat pork

( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:50, archived)

By that I mean his penis

( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:51, archived)

you loved it

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:53, archived)

He'd shaved his pubes into a Hitler tache too

( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:54, archived)

COR

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:54, archived)

EGG?
IN A CUP?
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:43, archived)

YOU? DRINK? LAGER?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:45, archived)

THAT SEMI COLON IS INAPPROPRIATELY PLACED, YOU INDESCRIBABLE SCROTE OF A HUMAN BEING

( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:45, archived)

What's that?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:25, archived)

I would just go
"mnnnnnnnnnnng mng mng mnggg belm belm"
( Mrs Sp@m, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:25, archived)

This is why Ms Official isn't allowed
She gets a bit Daily Mail after seeing this place. I can't be arsed to explain the memes and the bad smells and wankers. She has cracking tits though.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:29, archived)

+ And then link them to some of Syncy's later posts.
The medicated ones.
With the photo links.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 9:29, archived)

I think rob described it best
A bunch of fat retards shouting at each other. (I'm paraphrasing here)

I'm proud to be amongst that number
( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:25, archived)

I don't tend to shout much anymore

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:27, archived)

SHUT IT

( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:28, archived)

I say!
*wobbles*
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:29, archived)

This made me laugh
www.b3ta.com/talk/5977882
( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:47, archived)

It's full of cunts.
;p
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 9:26, archived)

And baldmonkey.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 9:30, archived)

An argument in some sort of support group, somewhere.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:29, archived)

This is good
I will incorporate it somewhere
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:31, archived)

It leaves room (I think) for everyone
including Baldmonkey hiding under his chair, furiously anal digging and chucking handfuls at people.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:32, archived)

"anal digging" is a phrase I didn't need to hear so early on a thursday
morning, Wowzers.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:54, archived)

It's a proper term, one of my close friends looks after mentals
Gooooood morning, Spanglebum. How goes it?
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:55, archived)

that makes me do this face :(
It goes well, thank you. I have Much To Do but a cup of tea so it'll be fine. And you?
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:01, archived)

Much the same, much the same. Sigh.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

It is true
A have a good friend who is a psychiatric nurse, she has used this phrase on several occasions. Although due to the brown accumulation under the patient's nails they also call it 'gardening'. Yuk.

'ning Cap'n.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:04, archived)

Leotards are good, apparently.
Lots of layers incorporating leotards.

Ningles.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

Ha!
'tards wearing 'tards.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:15, archived)

It's an online community of like-minded people, mainly British,
who share a dark sense of humour and a love of kittens.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:29, archived)

This is a good start
but it lacks something *ponders*
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:31, archived)

BALDMONKEY!

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 9:34, archived)

Kittens are rubbish.
/FACT!
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 9:31, archived)

Smug, self righteous and aloof are in a head on vehicular collision with retarded, needy and occasionally funny.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:30, archived)

with some violent penetrative events

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:32, archived)

Ha.
I like this.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:35, archived)

don't you label me!!!!
what one am i?
( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:38, archived)

You transcend labels Mongy.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:43, archived)

the vehicle

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:11, archived)

"Its a world where i'm wrong about everything."

( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:31, archived)

Nah, not everything.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 9:32, archived)

See. Once again, he's wrong.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:33, archived)

Oh. That was the point.
*wanders off*
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:33, archived)

Shhh.
;p
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 9:33, archived)

Yes everything.
Except for the stuff I am right about.
( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:34, archived)

Its a place where the socially maladjusted come to get attention whilst becoming bitter and upset.

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:32, archived)

I do love you, you fat wanker

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:34, archived)

How long will you be in uk for ?

( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:35, archived)

Heading back on Monday morning
so not long now
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:36, archived)

Are you still in the approximate area of
outside M25 on the west side ?
( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:38, archived)

For another hour or 2 yes, then heading South towards Lu-town ish
back here Saturday afternoon though
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:53, archived)

Oh, because I could have come to visit you in my lunch hour if you were still there
it only takes 30mins for me to drive there. That would be long enough for me to arrive, say hello and then start my drive back, in order to complete all this within my 1 hour for lunch.
( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:02, archived)

Where do you work?
Had I known I could have met you for lunch a bit nearer
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:10, archived)

I'm in weybridge

( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:16, archived)

Not far at all!
Never mind, I may well be back again one day.
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:27, archived)

*Rubs knees*

( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:29, archived)

Im like the Sexface of being fat

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:37, archived)

Talking of which
Seeing as three of our blokes have been arrested and suspended for a bit of self defence and one of name calling, another has been attacked with a machete (albeit not too serious, but you know...scary) and all the punters involved are still at liberty to use our stuff, I will be doing my best to get smacked by one of these cunts in front of everyone. Yes, they are school kids, and one of the blokes they hit and who hit back was nearly 60, his assailant 15 and six foot tall. Grim times.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:38, archived)

I've said it before,
You should be getting a bonus for throwing scrotes like that off the train while it's going over a high bridge.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 9:42, archived)

Well, they won't be getting on my trains again, not one of them
I'm responsible for the safety of everyone on board, so if that means pissing off a few school kids then so be it. Fuck 'em. It's coming to a head, the union are getting shouty and the company are more worried about PR and retaining the franchise.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:44, archived)

Where do you work ?

( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:45, archived)

Nazi Germany
Or trains
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:48, archived)

Oh, that explains a lot
I had imagined you were in a pub, and was shocked that your punters were school kids. I've been to east Germany, so I know exactly what you mean.

So, tell me, what's all this about trains then ?
( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:52, archived)

Long metal tubes
Often filled by wankers at great speed. I have to make them behave in something approaching a civilised manner and shake some money out of them sometimes.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:55, archived)

*Mental images of people wanking furiously*
so, metal tubes, filled with wankers - didn't Cleopatra discover something by filling metal tubes with angry wasps?
( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:07, archived)

That there is an horrific accident waiting to happen
Imagine a fanny full of angry wasps.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:18, archived)

Its easy to imagine
I've seen many a fanny that looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp. We're halfway there.
( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:22, archived)

I considered applying for a job like yours
Im glad i never did!
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:45, archived)

Frankly, it's normally a piece of piss no brainer for decent money
But it only takes one of the cunts to make it all go wrong
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:48, archived)

plus you get to see loads of discarded mattresses.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:51, archived)

And footballs, half cats, exploded pheasants, fat people running while I shut the doors, down women's tops
And the occasional nice person.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:53, archived)

Some people looking to waste time at work, some people just wasting their lives. All talking shit.


Some adult themes, with occasional scenes of violence, nudity & even humour.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:33, archived)

*Clickies*

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 9:35, archived)

Tubby keeps raising his hands above his head
and then on the way down rubbing his face. I think he's turned Muslim but hasn't quite got the hang of it.
( magnum, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:33, archived)

Pardon?

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:35, archived)

Not just me, then.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:36, archived)

Tubby is a cunt

( magnum, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:36, archived)

Are you talking about /talk
or is this somebody you can see in your office ?
( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:37, archived)

Is there a difference?

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 9:38, archived)

I'm on /talk
but I'm not in your office.
So for the moment, Yes.
( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:39, archived)

But we're all baldmonkey really.
Apart from the ones that are Bou.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 9:40, archived)

can i be eggburger?

( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:41, archived)

If you like, yeah.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 9:48, archived)

i'm like so going to get another account now
and troll like i've never trolled before
( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:50, archived)

For some reason I'm imagining you in that Flashdance video.
o-O
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 10:02, archived)

What a feeling

( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:18, archived)

I must be a 'Baldmonkey' type then
I have a penis, not a lady part.
( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:42, archived)

It's a guy in the office
I don't have a strapline for /talk
( magnum, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:39, archived)

like panning for gold in a sewer, everynow and then you fish out a bit of golden sweatcorn, but it's very rare

( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:37, archived)

There aren't any geeks, freaks or weirdos on here
you're all horrifically mundane.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:37, archived)

this.
Most people here are supremely normal, with aspirations of eccentricity.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:41, archived)

I'M WEARING A HAT

( magnum, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:41, archived)

*Narrows eyes*
For your sake I hope you're outdoors, sonny jim.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 9:43, archived)

I'm not
It is bad form to wear a hat indoors don't you know. Unless it is made of tinfoil, so 'they' can't read your thoughts.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:45, archived)

COMEDY TIE

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:13, archived)

Twats. On the Internet.

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:39, archived)

where?!

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:21, archived)

IT'S LIKE SLAMMING YOUR BITS IN A CAR DOOR FOR FOUR HOURS A DAY

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:41, archived)

You could sell those bits on ebay
and make some money.
( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:43, archived)

easy to post in a normal envelope

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:47, archived)

Maybe,
but you could still charge those extortionate postal charges.
( turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:08, archived)

PHWOAR!

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 9:47, archived)

We all hate it, yet still come back every day.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:42, archived)

Just like work

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:54, archived)

The two are closely linked for me.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:57, archived)

With this venn diagram
www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/12431/1176913766.gif
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:46, archived)

Excellent
I do love a good Venn diagram
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:56, archived)

a suposedly comedy website based on humour that spastics still manage to get upset by daily, much to the glee of the horrible bullys and trolls

( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:46, archived)

You're talking about ME, aren't you?
*flounces*
( RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:54, archived)

i was really just trying to turn this thread into a long and loving, sometimes heartbreaking, yet always gripping conversation about ME

( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:13, archived)

Shit

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Thu 7 May 2009, 9:53, archived)

What Mongy does before the pubs open.

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:02, archived)

i blame the 24hour drinking rules for the decline of b3ta
and my health
( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:06, archived)

It usually needs more icklepeach, paws and binky.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 May 2009, 10:04, archived)

it's like a Young Mothers' Coffee Morning in Purgatory
an endless cycle of inane drivel, eating habits and whinging punctuated by the immature screams of a few spoilt brats and salvaged only by the door-slamming arrival and departure of a drunken racist father figure.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:06, archived)

I think this wins

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:12, archived)

A Bag-o-shite that used to be an internet comedy powerhouse

(thediscokingpin, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:07, archived)

/talk was? i must have been on my holidays during that period

( mongychops, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:10, archived)

I still think b3ta as being one site,
/talk is only a 2nd rate 4rthur, but at least it's not c4mbodia.
(thediscokingpin, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:17, archived)

Wah wah I don't like a website yet I'm still hanging around it

( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:13, archived)

True, it's like crack; Bad for you, but you still take more.
+ I can gaz the old-skool users I still talk to.
(thediscokingpin, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:16, archived)

It's where Grrrmachine adds more words to his already needlessly long rants in the hopes of getting on the popular page

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:09, archived)

A dog tied up in a plastic Sainsbury's bag. The bag has got air holes.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:16, archived)

what kind of dog?

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:18, archived)

A German Shepard with a disproportionate head

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:24, archived)

This is the best description of all.

(thediscokingpin, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:20, archived)

it's a ring toss game

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 7 May 2009, 10:17, archived)