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We might record a podcast in a minute.
Can I have your problems for dear baldmonkey please?
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:31, archived)
I'm not JMG,
how do I achieve a state of Bald Geordieness, for less than £5?
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 16 May 2009, 15:32, archived)
A disposable razor and two bottles of Newky Brown.

(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:01, archived)
My "I like this" clicks are being monitored by someone ill at ease with the internet.

(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:32, archived)
can you actually do that?

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 16 May 2009, 15:34, archived)
Just add someone as a friend.
Everything they click "I like this" on will appear in your friends activity link.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:35, archived)
Paranoia is a terrible thing
Stalking is quite another
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:02, archived)
They probably hoped that if they knew what I was clicking I wouldn't click anything bad about them.
And if I do they'll go "Wah! Aberdeen are clicking things about me!".

I've made a point of clicking every thing I see. Including this post.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:04, archived)
So, in essence, you're calling JMG a bit of a cunt?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:05, archived)
I mentioned no names...
But yes. And a tad insecure too.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:06, archived)
This is pretty pathetic.
It's the fucking internet.
(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:34, archived)
Which bit are you saying is pathetic?
The internet keeping tabs on me or me talking about it?
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:36, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/6154029
(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:39, archived)
Which one are you calling pathetic?

(Bazongaloid, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:36, archived)
Probably me.
:(
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:37, archived)
Both, to be fair.
Although keeping tabs on someone online is probably the more pathetic of the 2.
(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:38, archived)
There's really no probably about it.
Talking about someone's irrational interest in your online opinions is perfectly fine.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:44, archived)
I'd argue that talking about it is pathetic to an extent.
It seems slightly attention seeking. I'm sure that isn't the intent, it just could be interpreted in that way.
(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:51, archived)
I think talking about it
is the equivalent of looking at this site and monitoring someone else's clicks is the equivalent of using it as a dangerous weapon.
(Bazongaloid, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:54, archived)
*pins you to the wall*

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:55, archived)
I can't understand how talking about it can be construed as in any way pathetic.
If someone was keeping tabs on you, would you not consider mentioning it to anyone at all?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:55, archived)
I mentioned it
and I look at that website
(Bazongaloid, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:56, archived)
Someone is keeping tabs on me too
I was quite pleased when I noticed.
(Bazongaloid, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:50, archived)
Dear Baldmonkey.
I'm 20, and a student.

However, I'm going bald. What can I do to stop this?
(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:35, archived)
Baldness is caused by testosterone.
If you are going bald early, you have lots of testosterone.

Therefore you're just more of a man than most people your age.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 16 May 2009, 15:36, archived)
Oooh, I didn't know that.

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:45, archived)
However, your baldness is obviously caused by something else,
as you're a pathetic little emo nancy boy.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 16 May 2009, 15:45, archived)
Clearly.

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:07, archived)
haha, you fucking bald cunt

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:41, archived)

What?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:47, archived)
stop being so shit that your own follicles wither and die from embarrasment

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:43, archived)
I don't have any problems, could you just say a lot of rude words while I squeeze one off?
that'd be great
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:35, archived)
i feel i may of caused offence? no offence
great
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:39, archived)
Dear Baldmonkey,
Can Cartesian interactionism be compatible with the principle of the conservation of energy if we accept that we don't have free will?
(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:40, archived)
It's difficult to see how conservation of energy is exclusive to either of those things.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:43, archived)
i find it best not to leave things on standby.

(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:44, archived)
in a dualist system, the mind world has to absorb and emit energy to the physical world
but the physical world is the world that is subject to the principle of conservation of energy
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:46, archived)
no it doesn't.
it only has to transmit information.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:47, archived)
If mind acts upon matter, and I have free will,
I can put more energy into the physical world by deciding to do a little boogie.
(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:48, archived)
that might be poetic energy,
but it's not really physical energy. Dancing doesn't violate the law of conservation of energy, whether it's by free will or not.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:49, archived)
wouldn't that break conservation of momentum though?

(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:49, archived)
not necessarily.
consider two degenerate quantum states that a particle could be in. A transition of one to the other can happen spontaneously since both states are at the same potential, but whichever state the particle occupies is nevertheless a piece of information. This is the basis of a great many thought experiments, such as the infamous Schrodinger's Cat example, and is also the principle behind quantum teleportation. According to the usual interpretation of Bell's Inequality, the information content of any measurement of a quantum event did not exist in the Universe before the point of observation. Information is therefore not conserved in the physical universe, even though energy and momentum are.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:52, archived)
are you 12 or gay or autism?

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:54, archived)
do I have to pick one?

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:54, archived)
aha!
there's your answer, comma. the universe has a cop-out clause
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:54, archived)
Dualism is nonsense anyway,
but that's not the question, although I'm particularly intrigued by the idea of dualism without free will, because without that, surely the whole idea is redundant.

It's redundant anyway, but in this case, it's doubly redundant.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:09, archived)
Why is dualism without free will redundant?

(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:12, archived)
Well, what is it for, in that case?

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:12, archived)
Oh, I see.
I thought you meant "how could there possibly be mind" rather than "why should mind exist".
(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:18, archived)
Clarification.
If there were no free will, the mind would be incapable of making any kind of decision, because a decision is an instance of free will. And the definition of a mind is the seat of intelligence - i.e. the decision making process. Without free will, the mind would be bound only to observe the world and never act upon it, so as a means to explain human behaviour and abilities it accounts for nothing.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:23, archived)
I don't think that's the definition of the mind at all.
Decision-making is only one part of the mind, along with consciousness, memory, imagination etc.
It's possible that we should have the perception of decision-making without actually making any decisions.
(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:28, archived)
Decision making is the ultimate result of all those things,
memory, imagination and consciousness.

I don't think it goes along side them like you suggest.

"Perception of decision making" is a nonsense. You are still making a decision, even if you don't act on that decision.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 16 May 2009, 16:31, archived)
What I mean is that it's possible
that all of my actions and experiences, including my perception of decision-making, are causally determined by something other than me, so even if I think I could have chosen to act differently, I actually couldn't.
(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:34, archived)
I disagree.
Although it's correct that all of your decisions are influenced by outside sources, they are not governed by those. The deciding factor is always your own mind, no matter how you choose to define your own mind.

I think there is only one way you will act at any point. You can think "what if I did this differently", but the point is you can never have acted differently. However, this is a result how your own mind interprets outside influences, the decisions are all your own mind's.

I'm not making sense.

*hums*
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 16 May 2009, 16:38, archived)
It's an exercise in the redefinition of "I",
which is fair enough as I've never seen a really good definition of it yet.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:43, archived)
Imagination is a set of decisions,
but I'll give you the other two. Whether we have the perception of free will or not, the point is that without it the mind would have no influence on the world at all, even if the world could still have an influence on the mind. If that were the case, I am bound to merely spectate as my body argues about dualism. And if it is capable of that without me, what am I for?
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:33, archived)
Yes. Totally.
I'm not claiming that it's not bizarre on this view that there should be mind as well as matter, just that it's not illogical.
(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:37, archived)
That's why I said redundant, rather than self-contradictory.
It is necessarily impossible to disprove anything that's redundant, like invisible unicorns and teapots in space. Yes, I even used those analogies.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:41, archived)
k.

(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:42, archived)
this is how a video recorder must feel while taping a tom stoppard play

(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:39, archived)
I wonder if that's what Tom Stoppard feels
when he's writing them.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:44, archived)
Apathy,
at least that's what I feel when I watch one.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 16 May 2009, 16:46, archived)
You're more of an engineer than a philosopher,
I can tell.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:47, archived)
In general, yes.
But my feelings on Tom Stoppard are due to A Level English Literature.

being forced to analyse Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead for weeks on end leads to a general feeling of "shut up, I don't care anymore".
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 16 May 2009, 16:49, archived)
ah.
that sort of thing can ruin anything.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:50, archived)
Why does it only have to transmit information and not energy?

(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:07, archived)
Why should it have to transmit energy?
All that needs to be transferred is your mind's "orders", and the world's response to that in the form of perceptions. Energy is only defined in terms of physically measurable quantities in any case, so it makes little sense to consider it leaving or entering the physical universe whether it is conserved or not.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:12, archived)
What do you mean by the world's perceptions?
Surely perceptions exist in the mind.
(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:19, archived)
Perceptions are fed to the mind by the world,
if the source of the information is not the world, but is internal to the self, it is a fantasy or dream.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:26, archived)
Oh, I see. I misread what you were saying.
Can you expand on what information is? I think that's where I'm falling down.
(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:31, archived)
Now you present me with the arduous task
of trying to explain the idea of information without transmitting a great deal of it in the process. It's a bootstrapping problem.

Personally, I believe information to be the fundamental substance of everything. Every measurement or observation you can possibly make comes down to information, any theory you can come up with is information, any decision you can make is information. A desk and chair is information. You and I are information.

But more specifically, I suppose, information is a decision.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:37, archived)
o.O
I don't hold out much hope for my understanding of this, but I'm sure you're right.
(I helped save b3ta! Comma, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:39, archived)
Don't take my information for it.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

the mind world has to absorb and emit energy to the physical world
but the physical world is the world
TWO MEN ENTER, ONE MAN LEAVES
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:47, archived)
Psychophysics is a non-science.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 16 May 2009, 15:50, archived)
i have two oranges in one hand and one orange in the other, how many oranges do i have?
NO YOU DON'T YOU'RE LYING YOU DON'T HAVE ANY ORANGES IN YOUR HANDS
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:52, archived)
dear baldmonkey
every time i fart, a fairy dies. what can i do to fart more without shitting myself?
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:40, archived)
dear baldmonkey
Have you considered consolidating all your loans into one easy monthly payment?
(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:41, archived)
Dear Baldmonkey
some unfunny prick keeps talking about his home karaoke radio show that he makes in his spare time and bores the internet to tears with by talking about. How do I tell him how much I hate him?
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:42, archived)
I'd like to hear this question addressed please as it seems similar to something I'm experiencing.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:25, archived)
baldmonkey, dogs don't like me as much as I would like them to like me, how can I convince them to like me more?

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:44, archived)
Bacon socks.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:01, archived)

socks pants.
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 16 May 2009, 16:07, archived)
bacon catsuit!
cat dog
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:10, archived)
I'm a bit tired and I'd rather not have a curry for tea tonight again.
What should I do?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:46, archived)
I'd recommend getting some onions and some meat then frying it with some curry pas- oh this is quite difficult this one

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:50, archived)
I know
You can see my quandry
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:51, archived)
Chinese.

(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 16 May 2009, 15:57, archived)
But they are shite
And don't do a good set meal for two. Oh man. I'm off to live in a cave.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:00, archived)
Pizza then.
You can even order it online so you don't have to get off your arse and find a phone.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:01, archived)
Chippy.
Liver and onions.
Toad in the hole.
Mac and cheese.
Pie.
Southern fried chicken.
Salad.
Soup.
Fish.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:05, archived)
What's for pudding?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:13, archived)
Jam roly poly.
Spotted dick.
Apple crumble.
Rhubarb crumble.
Trifle.
Cheesecake.
Gateaux.
Cheese and biscuits.
Ice cream.
Arctic roll.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:15, archived)
The first line of your address and your postcode?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:17, archived)
there's no way all of that would fit on the front of an envelope

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:18, archived)
Yes.
In the burgh of lard.
Fatland.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:19, archived)
Talking of which
We're off to Embra for a couple of days at the end of June.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:20, archived)
Are you?
I've never been there.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:34, archived)
It's ace, you should go for a day out or something with the nipper. Show her some pointy buildings and that.
Hopefully it won't piss it down this time. I fucking love it there, and we're dossing right by the castle this time.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:41, archived)
Dear baldmonkey
Every house I move next to has neighbours that have constant screaming arguments. There's another one going next door now and someone was just called a little shit. Why does this keep happening? Is it me?
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 16 May 2009, 15:59, archived)
There's no one next door, what you hear are the voices within your own head.

(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:03, archived)
Hooray!
I'll get rid of the telly and listen to them instead.
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 16 May 2009, 16:04, archived)
Are the Siff Ifricans at it again?

(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 16 May 2009, 16:32, archived)
My girlfriend is a fucking mental spastic
but she is very attractive, has great tits and is rich; how can I stay with her without going slowly insane?
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:03, archived)
Labotomy.
You or her, whichever you prefer.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:04, archived)
Dear baldmonkey,
What can I buy my tutor as a leaving gift? She's a 35 year old Irish lezzer.

Yours ever,

Frances x
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 16 May 2009, 16:06, archived)
Ann Summers voucher.
Chocolates.
Flowers.
Lush stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:08, archived)
A 25 year old Irish lezzer?
Gift wrapped of course.
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sat 16 May 2009, 16:08, archived)
Not very portable.
And fiddly to wrap.
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 16 May 2009, 16:22, archived)
strychnine
lots of strychnine
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:10, archived)
I'd watch Strychnine Come Dancing

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 16 May 2009, 16:16, archived)