JMG.
What's the current level of internet?

Is it good, or incredibly shit?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:32, archived)

Just increased 12% to the good with your arrival

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:32, archived)

Do hamsters have vaginas JMG ?
the Internet needs to know.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:32, archived)

ask /board to draw you some.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:35, archived)

I suspect somewhere, the internet does know.
I think it would be best if it kept it to itself, though.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:35, archived)

Yes.
Here is a dodgy picture of a sickly hamster, with a nasty looking lump near its vagina: www.sinpets.com/dogpix/20071231Hamster_Day1_skin_tumour_ToaPayohVets.jpg
( Bats, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:38, archived)

That's quite a small tumour for a hamster.
One of mine had one removed from his abdomen that was half the size of him.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:48, archived)

I would assume as it is classed as Mammalia, then yes, it does
although it probably wouldn't look anything like you'd expect it to.
( SuperMatt, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:38, archived)

Half of them do.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:41, archived)

Clever girl.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:43, archived)

Can I quote you to the people marking my exams?

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:47, archived)

Sure.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:57, archived)

They do indeed.
They can prolapse quite easily. With sexy results.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:43, archived)

I've got a hamster and I'm going to test this right now

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:44, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6189941
( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:47, archived)

I was just biting into a sandwich when I read that.

( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:44, archived)

'tis natural.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:47, archived)

Not when it's a beef sandwich with tomato on it
Blaaaaaaaargh.
( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:50, archived)

Ugh, this is not beef sandwich weather.
It's your own fault.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:51, archived)

My (human) friend had a prolapse when her youngest was born.
Her daughter is now nearly three and she's ONLY JUST had the operation to neaten everything up again.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:44, archived)

I now have more information than required

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:45, archived)

Stick to push it all back in again?

( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:46, archived)

They wrapped it in a blanket
and painted a little baby face on it and told her to carry it around and hope no one noticed.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:47, archived)

Jaysis, why did it take so long?
She should have flung sugar on it and stuffed it back up herself.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:46, archived)

Jesus fucking Christ

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:47, archived)

Haha, that's what they used to do with cattle in the old days.
Sugar shrinks it down, makes it easier to shove back in. Few stitches, done. Unless she strains before you get a chance to stitch and it all falls out again.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:49, archived)

how the fresh hell did anyone discover this?
did someone think "oh, my cow's cervix has dropped out ... hmm, better POUR SUGAR ALL OVER IT, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA"

or what exactly?
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:51, archived)

I dunno, ask James Herriott.
He was always at it.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:52, archived)

"Oh no! The dog's got a bit of a crispy cock from horning in the sun too long...BETTER SLAP SOME MARMITE ON THAT!"

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:54, archived)

maybe they just went through all the cupboards trying every foodstuff on every body part until something worked

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:57, archived)

Probably.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:59, archived)

I prefer my vaginas coated in cocoa powder

( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:48, archived)

That could work, I suppose.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:49, archived)

If I was her husband I would have just done it DIY style with a broom handle

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:47, archived)

If you were my husband and I had my vagina hanging out I'd ask for a divorce

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:48, archived)

Haha

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:49, archived)

I'd make you waddle to the kitchen and make my dinner as I closed my cock in the door and blamed you for it you floppy cunted laze-about

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:50, archived)

Haha stop making me laugh,
I'm supposed to be job hunting.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:50, archived)

Now, I'm not drawing any conclusions from this, but her husband actually left her a few weeks after the operation.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:51, archived)

So he broke her fanny, then fucked off.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:52, archived)

but he didn't fuck off until it was fixed again,
hmm...
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:54, archived)

Hmmmm
Curiouser and curiouser
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:57, archived)

Ooo OOo oOOOOO!!
www.strangecosmos.com/images/content/137163.jpg
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:55, archived)

I'll bet goatworrier just posted
Internet has been right shit lately.
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:32, archived)

I just managed to get feedback on my FAILED council job application.
It was quite helpful, actually.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:33, archived)

In how many ways did you fail?

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:34, archived)

Actually not that many,
I basically just need to go into a bit more detail.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:35, archived)

Did it say:
'Skiffling isn't a hobby, it's a punishment'
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:34, archived)

I often get the two confused.
It's no wonder my parents had such a frustrating time bringing me up.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:38, archived)

Fair to middling, JMG
I'm placing bets on the cricket. Sri Lanka have to beat Bangladesh, surely.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:33, archived)

it's 20/20, I wouldn't bet if i were you
it's a bit of a lottery.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:37, archived)

Meh. I can spare a fiver to quench my 'bet on stupidly long accumulators' habit.
It's just a passing phase. I'll be bored of it this time next week.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:39, archived)

If It's international sport
then England will lose.

/MoT's gambling advice
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:39, archived)

EXCEPT
against Scotland. But only just.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:40, archived)

Wales?

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:41, archived)

In all sports apart from "Not being a nation of wankers"

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:41, archived)

They're not playing.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:42, archived)

It seemed to be a general statement.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:47, archived)

12% Animals 87% Animals Getting Fucked 1% DG

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:34, archived)

MY friend also told me a story about when he was working on a farm and the cat gave birth in the cattle shed heater and the smell of crispy 1 day old kittens made him vomit on a cow's back and another cow licked it off

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:46, archived)

e-i-e-i-o

( Lightguy hail satan, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:49, archived)

There was a BLLEERRG HEEKKOOUUU there

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:51, archived)

it's currently resting around code blueberry

( Lightguy hail satan, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:35, archived)

Internet is alright today
Easterly, four and fives, good.
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:38, archived)

Gash, JMG.
Utter fucking gash.

/Bad mood blog.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:40, archived)

206 days to christmas!

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:40, archived)

WHAT ARE YOU HAVING FOR LUNCH AND HOW ARE YOU?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:41, archived)

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO OMG SOMETHING IS ON TELEVISION ROLL CALL WHO'S HERE HOW ARE YOU?

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:42, archived)

*something by Sexface*

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:44, archived)

HERE'S WHAT I HAD FOR LUNCH.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:49, archived)

The internet is great here JMG.
I've managed to buy some cut price items for exploring the ou*d**rs o**li*e.
( M o D, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:51, archived)

MY HAMOCK BROKE!!!!!!!!!!

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:51, archived)

Haha, fat cunt.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:53, archived)

I'm going to build one out of scaffolding and sheet metal.
It wont be comfortable but at least it will support my obese bulk.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:55, archived)

I once almost had to wrestle a LIZARD whilst in a hamock.
Oh there'd have been some moves busted then, I can tell you.
It was the size of my leg.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:53, archived)

JMG in a hamock, wrestling with his lizard.
There's gonna be lady-gush spouted across the planet now.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:58, archived)

Have you seen this, JMG?
I thought of you. news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8074663.stm
( Bats, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:54, archived)

Hats!
:)
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 14:56, archived)