How do I stop my cat licking my bowl?
Is it cool to say the c word? I'm scared I'll come accross un pc.
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:57, archived)

Put it in a bin liner with some rocks and chuck it off a bridge.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)

That's how I dealt with 7 of my 12 kids.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)

BREEDER!

( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

They were adopted, shit-for-brains.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:02, archived)

Stolen from a nursery more like.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:04, archived)

And raped several times a night.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

In the cellar

( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:07, archived)

Of the local primary school.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:08, archived)

No lube.

( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:08, archived)

Just a speculum, my cock, and a grapefruit.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:09, archived)

I find a bottle of baby oil and a knowing smile does the trick

( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:10, archived)

I prefer the friction.
It's not a fuck unless you have burn marks on your dick.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:12, archived)

Too far, you say?

( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:09, archived)

I find this a bit harsh
Can't I just put it in the bin liner as a warning?
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:59, archived)

It wont learn. Cats are spiteful like that.
Bin bag. Rocks. Bridge.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

well ok
I wanted a new one anyway, xmas was AGES ago.
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

JEW

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)

Fatty's off to a blinder tonight I see.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:00, archived)

ohhh right, FINE then, discriminate against larger people why don't you?
you disgust me you RACIST
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

I'M GOING TO ADD THIS TO WIKIPEDIA!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:02, archived)

Kill the cat
or just punch it a bit
( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)

Wash the bowl up and put it away when you've finished eating

( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:58, archived)

Or smash the bowl over the cats head

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:59, archived)

It'll be all like *TISH*raaaaowwww

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:59, archived)

That's a little bit illegal I think
For people who are concerned about legality and animal welfare the washing-up option might be better.
( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:00, archived)

Or put the bowl on top of the cat
whilst screaming "HAH! NOT SO SMART NOW ARE YOU FUCKO?"
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:00, archived)

I quite like this one
then burst into tears as you realise your only social contact is with a cat
( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:03, archived)

Flush it first.
Dirty cats.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:59, archived)

did you say bowl or bowel?

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:59, archived)

Damn
Poor spelling can really lead to some amusing misunderstandings. How do I stop him licking my arse? There thats clear enough I think
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

Just clench

( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

he might get stuck
I can be quite a tight arse
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:02, archived)

Well, hello there. ;)

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:04, archived)

the answer is the same anyway
kick a biro down its ear
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

proper LOLs here

( jenpots, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:03, archived)

I only have a pencil.
Besides writing implements are hard enough to come by when you need them for phone messages. Life is just so unfair
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:04, archived)

just say it, half the people will be gobsmacked and disgusted the other half with think your brave and may laugh

( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 22:59, archived)

GILGAMESH FOR MOD

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:00, archived)

GILGAMESH FOR NEW DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS TEACHER

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

GILGAMESH FOR LUNCH

( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:16, archived)

Not wanting to make a new thread,
Anyone in Leicester?

Pretty lonely here with all my flatmates gone home for the summer, looking for someone to hang out with and have a laugh or two.
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

:(
saddest little post in the world
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:01, archived)

Pretty much...
Ok, I admit I'm half drunk. Not enough to know this was a waste of my time.
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:04, archived)

run like the wind
bobson's offered himself up
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

Joke's on you, I was going to say no

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:10, archived)

i'm gutted

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:12, archived)

So you should be.

( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:13, archived)

joke's on you, i'm not really

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:18, archived)

Filthy liar :[

( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:19, archived)

I hear that Sebastian Winnett aka Wormulus, the scarf-wearing cockhound, supports Leicester

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:03, archived)

i hear he's well up for drinks with randoms off the internet

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:03, archived)

I hear that this is getting boring.

( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

well that's us told then

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:07, archived)

It's not an opinion.
I just heard it.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:07, archived)

I hear that according to scientific theory, somewhere there's a parallel universe where I give a crap what you think

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:07, archived)

Are there scarves in this universe?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:08, archived)

everyone wears them except Sebastian Winnett
it's a crazy mixed up back to front universe like that
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:12, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6221461
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:08, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/5000000
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:10, archived)

The relevance?
I mean apart from the negative comment about JMG, naturally.
( hoifbjifbef, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:16, archived)

relevance? I don't know, I never click those /talk links
if you could copy-paste your linked post here that might help with the conversation
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:18, archived)

i bet you'll miss rohoney when they fuck off again in a few days, you bully, jesus loves you

( mongychops, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:13, archived)

hmmm, nope, probably not

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:14, archived)

I hear that he's a respected artist who went to Oxford and wears a scarf indoors and is a cockhound

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

Yeah but he's a suvvener

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:04, archived)

I thought he was born in Yorkshire?

( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

Yeah, but doesn't live there

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

errr
I think he was. He talk to me once about Yorkshire, I wasn't paying attention though.
( jenpots, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:07, archived)

In West Yorkshire born and raised
In Halifax was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all paintin some fine art outside of the school
When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I sold 2 little paintings and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Belle Isle'
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:10, archived)

At last, the years between first writing that and getting the chance to post it are at an end!

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:11, archived)

*turns the internet off*

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:12, archived)

That's it,
There really isn't anything else to see. This is the end of the internet.
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:20, archived)

:(
i'm nowhere near Leicester, but thanks for asking
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:03, archived)

Hang on.
I'm going top play some sad violin music, could you repeat your post while it's playing? Cheers
( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:03, archived)

Yes, oddly enough

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:03, archived)

Aww
I wish I was in Leicester now :(
( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:04, archived)

No one wishes they were in Leicester

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

True.
I'm only here because of uni.
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:05, archived)

Stay on /talk.
We're a friendly bunch. Well, I am.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:06, archived)

Thanks for the advice.

( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:07, archived)

But they have a Land Registry in a sock factory and it's Gary Lineker's ancestral home!
What's not to love?
( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:08, archived)

And a statue of Ghandi, despite never visiting the City

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:09, archived)

And a statue featuring a footballer, a cricketer and a rugby player, all in bizarre poses which makes it look like an acrobats aerial threesome

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:09, archived)

Why can't anyone spell Gandhi?

( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:11, archived)

Because no one cares

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:12, archived)

Because as a spiritualist Hindu, conventional witchcraft and spells don't work?

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:17, archived)

I'm afraid those words are really not registering to me
And that's not to do with my drunken state.
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:09, archived)

Is it your literacy?
They have courses for that nowadays. Taught by gremlins or something.
( in vino veritas, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:12, archived)

They do?
What an age we live in...
( spaceage, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:14, archived)

That's why Samuel Johnson didn't say
"Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave Leicester.
No, Sir, when a man is tired of Leicester, he is tired of life, for there is in the East Midlands all that life can afford."
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:07, archived)

You could come out with me, but i'm a bit further north.

(misusscompiler No cornflakes? No eyes? No problem !, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:06, archived)

ask yourself what would our lord jesus do? he wasn't timid or weak, no offence

( mongychops, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:02, archived)

you are onto something with this jesus thing.
Can he save me? My sinning trolling illiterate sock puppeting ways?
(i_mustnt_panic, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:06, archived)

only jesus can judge that, i don't judge, not my place, i love jesus, no offence

( mongychops, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:10, archived)

Tabasco sauce is very useful stuff.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:16, archived)