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Girls and camp men of B3ta!
I am fucked. It's my girlfriend's birthday tomorrow, and I have bought her nothing. Not because I forgot, but because I don't know what the fuck to get her.

Any suggestions? around £40-£50?
(I helped save b3ta! Mr Gear the gay-maker, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)
The biggest dildo in the shop
lol he said dildo!!
(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:44, archived)
do I want to click that?
so tempted
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:47, archived)
it's pretty grim

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:48, archived)
I clicked it
all I can say now is what the fuck?
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:49, archived)
Its a dragon cock shaped dildo
that shoots spunk... So yes, you do want to click it.
(I helped save b3ta! Dobsky, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:49, archived)
but my cock is already shaped like a dragon
and shoots real man stuff
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:50, archived)
I don't understand
How they decided upon the shape of a dragon cock...
(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:52, archived)
What the fuck
www.bad-dragon.com/cart.php?target=product&product_id=288&category_id=60
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:12, archived)
I AM UPSET
ONLINE
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:13, archived)
but what do they want to stretch?
I'M CONFUSED
(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:14, archived)
Almost as large
As the large seadragon!!!!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:16, archived)
why are you people still browsing the site?

(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:24, archived)
Because I'm sold!
I've ordered about 4 already!!! Just stop me
(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:31, archived)
I find it amusing how there's nothing in the "About" section

(likeajackhammer, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:25, archived)
"the Drippy Dragon is guaranteed for 25 years"
well thank fuck for that, I was absolutely sick of my imaginary animal sex toys only lasting about 15 years
(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:50, archived)
25 years and one day and it clogs up, THAT WOULD BE A SAD DAY :(

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:53, archived)
clogged with old lube and clunge gunge!

(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:57, archived)
underwear
you need more cash than that though so erm, dunno
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:45, archived)
seriously though
if you could stretch to a proper Aubade bra and thong she would be on you like a ferret up a drainpipe.

It's sexy and (this'll be the bit that wins it for you) really really comfortable.
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:53, archived)
a wedding gyrocopter

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:45, archived)
The Sims 3

(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:45, archived)
I actually think this is a good idea. She used to like the original Sims
and I can't convince her to play Battlefield 2 with me, because apparently she doesn't like being hunted down like a dog and then run over in a tank by her own boyfriend.
(I helped save b3ta! Mr Gear the gay-maker, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:54, archived)
God, what a stupid bitch.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:56, archived)
This
made me officelol
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:52, archived)
I was about to say that.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:55, archived)
Spit roast
She wont want to bring it up for fear of upsetting you

But its all girls want.

Sexface can be hired for such events for a low, low fee.
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:46, archived)
so low he'll even pay you

(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:46, archived)
always down to food?

(likeajackhammer, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:55, archived)
What does she like?
Get her an experience day or a spa day or something. I'm not especially girlie so I wouldn't know what to suggest. I'd be happy with gig tickets or CDs/DVDs myself.

and maybe some flowers.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:46, archived)
what the fuck is wrong with you?
giving a sensible answer and everything
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:47, archived)
Flowers? Haha, you girl!

(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:48, archived)
I bought some tickets to the Cribs in October
but I won't kid anyone that they were for anybody apart from myself. But an "experience day" is ideal. Anyone done anything good recently that I could pay for?
(I helped save b3ta! Mr Gear the gay-maker, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:49, archived)
hahaha, you're asking for it now
what about.........

ym?
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:49, archived)
LOL

(I helped save b3ta! Mr Gear the gay-maker, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:51, archived)
A day out at Loofahworld.

(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:52, archived)
are you running a loofah sales business
on the side?
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:54, archived)
Loofahworld YEAH!
Can we go to Spatula City too dad, can we?
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:54, archived)
Hey man,
I've now got David Bowie stuck in my head.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:56, archived)
Ooh
I'm going to see The Cribs in October too. YAY.

I dunno, zorbing? Parachute jump? Flying lesson? The internet is your FRIEND.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:02, archived)
A lap on a race course in an aston martin

(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:09, archived)
No no no
It's MY birthday tomorrow.
(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:47, archived)
Why don't you take her shopping?

(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Sp@m, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:47, archived)
Why don't you let her hit you in the face with a hammer?

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:48, archived)
Because I'd rather shove my face in a ham-slicer
But thanks for an otherwise sensible suggestion.
(I helped save b3ta! Mr Gear the gay-maker, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:50, archived)
this
women and shopping is fucking shit.
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:52, archived)
especially if you go to La Senza, pitch a massive tent at the thought of your lady in all that sexy underwear
and then leave the shop with PJs
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:55, archived)
I didn't go with her...
i wanted it to be a surprise for me :(
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:57, archived)
haha
well you got that!
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:59, archived)
give me a pound and I'll draw her a moustache

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:48, archived)
Get her a better boyfriend.

(I helped save b3ta! The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:49, archived)
Well,
I got my girlfriend a go in one of them zorbing balls, looks like great fun

The bonus is it's a ticket for two people so she has to take me too, score
(I helped save b3ta! Malaka omdz, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:49, archived)
A dragon statue and some crystals,
women love it.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:49, archived)
I'll bet she likes loofahs.
Who doesn't? Get her fifty quidsworth of loofahs.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:50, archived)
I heard women like Will and Grace too
he should use the loofahs to build statues of Will or Grace
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:52, archived)
With small motors so they can act out the scenes
Happy birthday, darling, I got you a mechaloofahgrace.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:54, archived)
few ideas
nice cosmetic stuff: Clarins box set, or Liz Earl.

theatre/ballet/opera/trash metal gig tickets

Posh bottle of booze - Selfridges, if she like Vodka get her some posh stuff, ditto Gin or Rum (Sailor Jerry).

Games: Sims 3
(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:51, archived)
La Senza vouchers
She will love you for it

and you get to see her in hot lingerie.

Unless like my ex.. bought FUCKING PYJAMAS WTF
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:51, archived)
That is a fucking insult.
But the suggestion is good.
(I helped save b3ta! Mr Gear the gay-maker, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:52, archived)
hahaha
I can see why she might be an ex
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:54, archived)
crotchless pjs

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:55, archived)
I heard Duncan is entirely smooth down there too, like action man

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:01, archived)
La Senza lingerie is shitty, though.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:58, archived)
this is what I am told
my wallet does not stretch to replacing every item of her underwear with french stuff though cos its arse-clenchingly expensive

although so so worth it.......
(Goatse not a comedy account, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:01, archived)
just make a huge fuss of her...
massage oils, candles the lot
(likeajackhammer, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:56, archived)
MAKE HER A CARD
She will love it.
(I helped save b3ta! Cae1, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:01, archived)
I have already done that.
I think home made cards are always the best
(I helped save b3ta! Mr Gear the gay-maker, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:04, archived)
trufax.
It's just so much better than buying one! Cheaper, more fun, and personal.
(I helped save b3ta! Cae1, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:08, archived)
Get a couple of crackwhores to put on a show for her

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:06, archived)
This is why they call you
broadsword, the good idea man.
(I helped save b3ta! Cae1, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:15, archived)
She'll never be bored
with a pair of crackwhores

it's the gift that keeps on giving
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:16, archived)
oh jesus what does she like?
how about a computer game?
books?
music?
lego?

a cool hat or bag?

tickets for something she'd like to see?

take her to the zoo? a gallery? a picnic? the beach?
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:08, archived)
or dress up as a fireman and.....
SET FIRE TO YOUR HOUSE!
(likeajackhammer, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:10, archived)
Pay her a compliment.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:17, archived)
WITH GUNS

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 13:18, archived)