JMG's on.
Time for everybody to calm down.

How's the internet?
Report in with woe.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:35, archived)

I'm being "stalked" by a 16 year old girl.

( WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:36, archived)

Why "Stalked"?
Did she talk to you more than twice on Bebo?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:37, archived)

She's trying to add me on FB, somehow got my MSN and phone number, and I'm sure she was behind me when I went to the shop today.
I have no idea who she is.
( WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:38, archived)

ahhh that sounds pretty stalkerish to me.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:38, archived)

I've blocked her on everything now.
She'll find a way through.
( WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:42, archived)

Although secretly you enjoy the attention if you want rid then do what Mongy told me to do.
text her saying "Show me your bumhole". they never message you again after that.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:45, archived)

I'm so going to do that.

( WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:47, archived)

Stop, does she have an older brother?
If yes, send it to him instead.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:52, archived)

I don't think so.

( WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:53, archived)

vampyrecat somehow added me on msn.
That was all pretty weird since my e-mail isn't in my profile.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:47, archived)

That's very creepy.

( WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:49, archived)

(14:20) -Tess-: hey
(14:21) Mike: who's this?
(14:21) -Tess-: vampyrecat from b3ta
(14:21) -Tess-: you probably don't know me
(14:22) -Tess-: but I was bored and looking at replies and you said something that got my attention - can't even remember what
(14:22) -Tess-: and I'm on deviant art too
(14:22) -Tess-: and I remember seeing something of yours awhile ago - so I added you
(14:22) -Tess-: my name's tess
(14:22) -Tess-: I hope you don't mind
(14:22) -Tess-:
(14:25) -Tess-: I was just bored and you seemed like an interesting person to talk to.
(14:26) Mike: i wouldn't be so sure about that
(14:26) Mike: it depends if you like talking about binary or not

Deviant art link not in profile either.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:51, archived)

She wuvs woo :D

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:52, archived)

You're such an interesting person to talk to
BE MY BEST FRIEND MIKE
( Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:52, archived)

Does she think your funny?
or a cunt?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:54, archived)

Fucking hell, ask her for n00d p1x

( WHARRGARBL, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:54, archived)

Oh dear.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:56, archived)

lol:
(10:46) -Tess-: so........ what do you want to talk about today?
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:58, archived)

Fuck yeah BINARY
I'm half tempted to stalk you now
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:57, archived)

Ha
unlucky
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:58, archived)

Maybe if you play your cards right, you know, you might, you know, maybe, get a photo of her bumhole.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:58, archived)

None of the cool hip cats have me on MSN anymore.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:58, archived)

MSNing Gonz is now something only for elite power users
Us normos aren't allowed the priviledge
( Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:00, archived)

hhmmmmm
she's coming to get yoooooooou!
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:49, archived)

And she sent two bumhole photos
If you put them side by side, it looks like it's winking at you.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:51, archived)

pfft!

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:51, archived)

You should be afraid
she says she'll be in the UK in november.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:51, archived)

My stalker had a corkboard that she'd stuck poloroid pictures of the back of my head to.
He ex-best friend told me.

Properfreaky.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:38, archived)

You do have an exceptionally beautiful "back head" though.

( Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

It's better than the front I must admitt

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:49, archived)

Maybe she had a Cousin It fetish

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:49, archived)

I do tend to wear my sunglasses back to front...

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:51, archived)

Have you got any bumhole pictures yet?

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:38, archived)

hehe, mongy's advice stopped it dead :D
www.b3ta.com/talk/6248918
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:39, archived)

Is this the same stalker as the corkboard back-head collector?
Or are you gathering a flock of stalkers?
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:45, archived)

nah two different ones.
corkbaord was when I was about 19, she was 17. She lived opposite me and used to watch me undress and stuff. I only found out about this about a year into her doing it.

I went up to her and asked her to stop and she screamed in my face and started crying like a child whose dad has just been found hung. Everyone looked at me like I just punched her or something.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:48, archived)

I bet you used to clean the car in hotpants
YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:57, archived)

Oooh no...I dropped my towel again oh no...

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 17:08, archived)

you lucky fucker
my mate had a stalker who would leave him things like cheese, milk and bread. I would love a stalker like that! although he did make the mistake of shaggin her...
(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:37, archived)

Is it cooler to leave off the "g" or was that an error?

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:38, archived)

It's only cool if you remember the apostrophe.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:38, archived)

i write how i talk :P

(El Guiri the only b3tan who is not fat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:43, archived)

moronically

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

That's called a 'Milkman'
they come everyday.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:40, archived)

The missus won't shut up about the man with nicotine gum on his cock.
I am not this man, btw.
( B.T., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:37, archived)

Tell her about the woman with a jam doughnut up her fanny
Well, it must have been a jam doughnut because that's what it looked like when it was on your chin...
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:43, archived)

I have no coat and it's pissing down
And I got a repair report saying "I check the pump and now pump is work". 'Work' looks like 'wonk', too.

Blah
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:37, archived)

no woe
thanks to the internet I've reserved a book in store and figured out the name of two songs I like
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:37, archived)

JMG, I have five jam doughnuts

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:38, archived)

Keep them away from fat people.
Just out of reach. So they cry.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:40, archived)

have you thought about the online business opportunity you're sitting on here, JMG, with your jam-inclusive username, your unwaveringly negative stance towards the fat, and your fame? I'm seeing a krispy kreme franchise, Jammie Doughnuts, they could be delivered to the desk of any customer and perhaps include a small plastic action figure, or a collect-them-all series of laminated weight-loss tips
( vladimir, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

Or explosives!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:51, archived)

now that's exactly the kind of out-of-the-box thinking on radical weight loss I would expect of you, top work
( vladimir, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:53, archived)

TO THE PATENT OFFICES!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:56, archived)

I have a stomach ache JMG.
It's not even your fault, it's my own for being female. I'm off work tomorrow (but have to come in for a training course which sucks) but I'm off on Wednesday AND Friday. YES.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:40, archived)

HAHA!
Women are so terrible!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:42, archived)

My bicycle broke JMG
Clearly due to my massive weight and not because it was a crappy plastic part not fit for purpose. The shop are fitting an alloy headset though, so the collar won't crack again.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

I'm just not really in the mood, JMG.

( Jobe, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

No woes here Jamstar
How's life up in the North? Beaten up any poofs recently?
( SuperMatt, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)

I believe they are referred to as
'fookin hermersexuals' up there.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:50, archived)

It's not been good JMG
I've nearly had to post this a few times.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:49, archived)

I've just got back in after a fairly long walk.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:55, archived)