Have you ever been ordered to do something by a court?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 21:59, archived)

YES!

( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:02, archived)

GREAT!

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:03, archived)

THANKS!

( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:04, archived)

Demis Roussos?
Of course I do- for ever and ever and ever and ever…

[Edit] He was singing at some music festival in Barcelona last year- I remember seeing posters advertising it up by Parc Guell. A whole load of international artists but Demis was the one that stuck in my mind.

I guess that as long as it wasn't held on a cruise ship he'd have been OK with that.
( Lord Gnome, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:21, archived)

You are not alone Gnomey
Sue wants to listen to Demis Russos,
Ange wants to listen to Demis Roussos
and Tony would like to HEAR Demis Roussos
so please Laurence will you put on Demis Roussos.
EDIT: He IS the cruise ship.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:25, archived)

I thought it was a cruise ship he was a passenger on when it was hijacked.
Turns out it was an aeroplane.
( Lord Gnome, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:30, archived)

Blimey!
I am amazed anyone else could fit on board!
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:35, archived)

yeah, I had to get out after I fell asleep on one of their beds
and had a wet dream
with no trousers on
or pants
( magnum, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:03, archived)

Courts don't have beds.
Was this some kind of bed shop?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:04, archived)

My joke would have ripped it about 8 years ago
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/4079321.stm
( magnum, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:05, archived)

I'm not allowed to talk about that time I fucked ***** ********** * ***** ** *******

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:04, archived)

It's ok, all the tabloids have named Ryan Giggs by now.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:05, archived)

*spins wheel*
£500

R please
( magnum, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:06, archived)

Animal, vegetable or mineral?

( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:08, archived)

probably vegetable, the way they responded to my loving caress

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:17, archived)

That's really corny

( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:27, archived)

Here's a question for you- given that it's unlikely many other people here will know who Seth Putnam was
I was looking at the classic picture of him standing stark-bollock naked with a hooker sucking him off as he jacks up- this photo- when I noticed the tattoo on his right arm just above where he has tied the cables up so he can inject.

Is that really a tattoo of Roger Mellie?
( Lord Gnome, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:39, archived)

It sure looks like the man on the telly!

( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:42, archived)

is it wrong that i not only know who Seth Putnam is,
but also which picture that is without clicking it?

I believe that it is indeed Mr Mellie.
( Paster of Muppets is an incredible screen name, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:43, archived)

Not wrong at all.
Sad to hear that he died yesterday- coincidentally my birthday- hence the interest.

My description of the photo was quite specific- it's unlikely that you would confuse it with any other photo. Same reason I didn't mention it as being NSFW- I figured the description might suggest that in itself.
( Lord Gnome, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:10, archived)

HAPPY YESTERDAY BIRTHDAY!!
Woooooooooooooooooo! Hope you had an ace weekend!
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:15, archived)

Ha ha
Wasn't too bad. Did some work, opened birthday cards, got something in the post that I'd been waiting for (unrelated to birthday but it happened to arrive then) and had two beers and an early night. I know that's sad but I have low expectations and don't really care that much.
( Lord Gnome, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:28, archived)

I didn't know who he was but I knew what picture it was before I clicked it because of the explanation of what the picture was before I clicked it.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:33, archived)

"Vaginal Jesus"
( vladimir, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:55, archived)

yeh, i ignored it tho

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:05, archived)

I mean what business is it of theirs if I want to hang around outside a school

(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:21, archived)

exactly

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:24, archived)

you know precisely fuck all about my life
but you're another sad fucker crafting 'witty' replies on a board each night looking for internet validation that you're so funny even desperately pointing out your last comment in the hope of achieving your pathetic nightly goal of getting yet another dry bitchy comment on the popular page whilst you sit in your shack with bits of shite bmw parts strewn across the carpet wishing you could be somewhere else, back in the uk maybe, but can't because you'd be arrested for being a criminally tedious attention seeking fuckwit.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:27, archived)

Woah, deja vu

( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:31, archived)

woah d00d

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:32, archived)

I've been ordered to NOT do something IN a court.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:10, archived)

fondle the ballboys?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:11, archived)

dont mind if i do

(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:22, archived)

I was told not to make so much noise and stop running about
in the royal courts of justice. I'm such a rebel.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:36, archived)

Yes
However my solicitor advised them that particular stipulation was outside their jurisdiction, so it didn't count.
( Lord Gnome, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:12, archived)

Fair play to your lawyer, winning the case AND coping with the pressure of being a single woman in Boston in the mid nineties.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:16, archived)

Ha ha
My lawyer was recommended to me by another firm of lawyers. Nice guy and I've kept all my legal business with his firm. He has stopped representing people in court now but he still goes into the office and provides consultancy for the other lawyers who work for him.
( Lord Gnome, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:19, archived)

I know that feeling, dude.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:24, archived)

What happened was that I phoned the first firm I found in the yellow pages.
Got through to their receptionist and explained the situation. She said "You don't really want to be with this firm then, I can recommend a much better one. Try ringing (the other company) as they're really good in that area."

Never looked back.
( Lord Gnome, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:27, archived)

And were her bosses a pair of really zany dudes?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:30, archived)

Dunno- didn't use that firm and never have done.
I don't know her name and never spoke to her again but she explained on the phone-call that her husband had recently faced the same charge as I was facing and that he had used the company she suggested- with a successful outcome.

In my case I avoided 6-12 months in jail and ended up with 12 months probation instead.
( Lord Gnome, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:33, archived)

I've decided to assume that all law firms are the one out of Ally McBeal.
It's part of my plan to simplify the world.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:35, archived)

I've decided to assume that I'm the head of the Red Army for the same reasons.
Unfortunately it isn't working out too well so far.
( Lord Gnome, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:13, archived)

Yes.
Pay money.
( CowJam, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:13, archived)

Fuck you.
I'm not giving you money just for answering my question.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:16, archived)

Ah well
it was worth a try
( CowJam, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:29, archived)

Yeah.
It almost worked.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:32, archived)

Tennis

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:20, archived)

Yes, a couple of CCJs about twenty years ago
But when you have nowt they can't take it off you, so it went away.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:22, archived)

If they gave you something, then you wouldn't have nowt anymore.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:24, archived)

I had nowt they wanted and vice versa
Other than some ropey danish shuffle books with blue cirsles over the good bits
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:28, archived)

i order courts to do things for me, once i went in and demanded they all start kissing each other, then they took all their clothes off and had naughty hugs]

( Lightguy hail satan, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:26, archived)

They weren't courts, they were Widdecombes.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:28, archived)

No
but if I leave it much longer they'll probably be ordering me to pay my library fine.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:33, archived)

Don't let them bully you.
Keep that book until the six counties are free.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:34, archived)

This might work
if it was a book about Irish history
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:41, archived)

You think that would work?
I might try it.
It'll really make the provos look stupid.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:43, archived)

They'll probably write an article about you
in the Irish Independent. Kevin Myers would have a field-day.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:46, archived)

I'm banned from borrowing books
from the Bristol area.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:34, archived)

I'm really bad at remembering
Currently the fine is at eighty pounds :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:41, archived)

Wait for an amnesty.
I don't miss my library card. It gave me nothing but fines and trouble.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:44, archived)

I just got a threatening email
telling me they were going to invoice me. One of them is currently living in a wine cellar under my old room so quite hard to retrieve.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:49, archived)

Just block up the door
and they will never be able to threaten you again.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:58, archived)

Excellent idea
it can be like Trainspotting
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:01, archived)

I was originally ordered to pay for some tart's kid even though it wasn't mine and my income was negative at the time - which was why I couldn't afford a lawyer and thus had no defence.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:42, archived)

Yes. On a couple of occasions.
Bastards.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:45, archived)

How was your head today?
You reprehensible slag
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:47, archived)

chomping away on a horse would be my guess

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:13, archived)

Oh I'm glad you're here
I'm going to Cardiff in August, a gig at a student union, think it's near Cathays or something. I want some digs, nice ones. Help me please.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:21, archived)

That John Malkovich hotel.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:25, archived)

Thanks for your input
But I know fuck all about the place so you'll have to be more specific, ta
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:27, archived)

www.thebigsleephotel.com/home.asp?hotelid=1
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:31, archived)

Duly noted, ta

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:40, archived)

It doesn't actually look like it's anywhere near where you're going though.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:43, archived)

It looks interesting though

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:45, archived)

it's pretty close to the students union, both of these things are in town,
cardiff isn't big,
go there if you want, and if you're going to a pub or something in cardiff after the gig, you'll have to go that way anyway.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:47, archived)

Nicely, I'm in!

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:48, archived)

Cathay's China isn't it?
You might want to check the venue on Google maps first.
( Lord Gnome, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:29, archived)

MMMNNNNNNG
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:31, archived)

and interestingly, i live in Canton in cardiff.
well not interestingly really.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:37, archived)

It interests me slightly

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:41, archived)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cathay
( Lord Gnome, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 0:00, archived)

I KNOW

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 0:10, archived)

is that battles?
i'm going to see battles when they play at the students union.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:36, archived)

Half Man Half Biscuit
August
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:40, archived)

Oh yeh, we're going to see them too.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:43, archived)

Aw shit
You're not going to bum me are you? I'm very pretty.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:45, archived)

i doubt i'll even say hi to be honest

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:47, archived)

I was going to buy you a pint and everything
But if you're going to be shitty about it you can get your own.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:49, archived)

No.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:52, archived)

Yes, your mum.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:55, archived)

ZING!

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:56, archived)

KERSPLAT!

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 22:58, archived)

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:04, archived)

Yes. Blue Star ordered me to the kitchen to get her another drink.
lolofflinejapes
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:04, archived)

She made me buy her a half
A FUCKING HALF!
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:07, archived)

Half a Kopparberg or half a mild?

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:12, archived)

Worse
Becks Four. Weaning booze.
:(((((
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:15, archived)

If I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes, I wouldn't have believed you
Sad times
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:12, archived)

He did too
And the other missus there did too. It was a dark time.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:17, archived)

I'm an officer of the court man, so I suppose all the time
I never really check to see what they want
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:11, archived)

I CANT LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE
IF LEEEEEEVEENG EES WEETHOUT YOOOOOOOOOU
I CANT LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE,
I CANT LIIIIIEVE ANY MOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:12, archived)

KEN LEEEEEEEEEE
TULIBU DIBU DOUBT YOU
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:14, archived)

haha

( Glovington, Sun 12 Jun 2011, 23:27, archived)