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SCARYDUCK POST ALERT

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:17, archived)

Thanks for the heads up.
thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumblarge_539/1284527837d72Eck.jpg
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:18, archived)

nice

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:20, archived)

nobody mention him being an alcoholic paedophile whose wife left him when she found his search history
and we'll all be ok
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:19, archived)

food thread then?

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:20, archived)

It's ok now, he's recognised he has a problem and has undergone chemical castration

(

Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:20, archived)

stop this bollocks
Scary is a friend of mine and I don't like this.
(

rob, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:22, archived)

but BM got rid of Adam, what are we supposed to do now?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:23, archived)

So I get stepped for this but Quentin doesn't?
I want JUSTICE.
(

Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:54, archived)

Search history?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:23, archived)

bored of that now
how many animals can you put with rhymings verbs or adjectives?
I can only think of "ant rant" and "big pig".
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:10, archived)

Now this is a thread I can really sink my teeth into.

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:10, archived)

Croc Wok

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:11, archived)

those are both nouns you fucking prick.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:12, archived)

I never pay full attention to your posts.

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:12, archived)

I'm going to carry on too just to piss you off.
happy with that?
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:13, archived)

I can't be arsed now, just imagine I did carry on though, thanks.

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:13, archived)

Mahogany Sodomy.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:13, archived)

you're a bit angsty, mono!
have you considered therapy?
(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:13, archived)

hangon... what?

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:14, archived)

there's no shame in it.
bit of anger management, yeah?
(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:15, archived)

Sorry, did you completely forget that you're a blobby spastic?

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:15, archived)

can you show me on the dolly where your dad touched you?

(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:17, archived)

Bored now, bye

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:18, archived)

passive aggression isn't healthy, mono!

(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:19, archived)

Duck Fuck

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:11, archived)

Benevolent Elephant

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:11, archived)

dog slog.

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janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:11, archived)

Fox Socks

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:11, archived)

Gator Waiter

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:12, archived)

Gyppo hippo.

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Thu 24 May 2012, 12:12, archived)

OH SHIT
'reet?
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:12, archived)

HELLO!
HOW ARE YOU!
YOU AND DRUID STILL? HOPE SO GOOD TOGETHER!
You're people from the whole old school clique i still like. More druid than you though. See also malchick.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:13, archived)

She's shagging druid?

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:14, archived)

We're getting married next year!

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Thu 24 May 2012, 12:15, archived)

Jesus.
Unlucky.
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:16, archived)

Tell him I lost my cheque :(

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:16, archived)

good for you

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:16, archived)

Charming.
You'll answer fucking mono but not me.
Fine.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:19, archived)

well, last time i saw her, yeah, but that must've been a year ago.
they looked pretty happy together though, so i would assume they are still together.
it's not like either of them could do any better.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:15, archived)

Good point.
I'd've given her one though, you know for a laugh.
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:16, archived)

that's old news man
img.photobucket.com/albums/v75/SirSandGoblin/happiertimes.jpg
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:14, archived)

can't see it.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:14, archived)

go fuck yourself

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:15, archived)

We are still, yes. All is well.
I haven't been here for AGES.
(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Thu 24 May 2012, 12:20, archived)

no one missed you, you fat mess

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:23, archived)

Thanks Frank.

(

LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Thu 24 May 2012, 12:25, archived)

cat spat.
worm berm.
fuck off.
(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:13, archived)

blobbin' robin

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:14, archived)

wonky donkey

(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:18, archived)

horse rapist

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:14, archived)

you haven't even got a tractor.

(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:16, archived)

bored of that now
so I had this dream where I was driving my tractor down Highfield Drive and doing power slides and obviously I end up on Shudehill and someone's painted the kerbs gloss blue so I get out of the tractor and slide down the kerbs as far as the end of Farmway to the field which is obviously full of deer and my parrot's sat in a tree so I pick him up and he bites me so I stick him inside my jacket and get back in the tractor then the postman rings the bell and I wake up, please squeeze it til I lose my mess

alt: blimey

penises
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:06, archived)

the postman always knocks twice

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:08, archived)

Anyone else find CKs posts boring?

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:10, archived)

how do you spell parrot?

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:08, archived)

MONO! just posted almost exactly the same thing

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:08, archived)

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:08, archived)

I won some beer

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:08, archived)

What beer?

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:09, archived)

Boondoggle
and an engraved glass
(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:09, archived)

Not a bad one.
Well done.
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:13, archived)

now I'm waiting for it to be delivered
free nice beer. Best of all the beers.
(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:15, archived)

Where did you win it how did you win it why did you win it etc

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:17, archived)

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(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:09, archived)

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:06, archived)

your bumhole

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:07, archived)

could someone start a new thread please?
thanks.
(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:57, archived)

No.

(

Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:58, archived)

Jeez, maffers! Why you gotta go trollin it up and ruining it for ev-one?

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:59, archived)

No

(

Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:00, archived)

Go on. Give me a picture of a UK bird and I'll tell you what it is.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:59, archived)

www.kineticnorth.com/userfiles/Gilgamesh/ostrich.jpg
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:00, archived)

www.kineticnorth.com/userfiles/Gilgamesh/bm1.jpg
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:00, archived)

i go
you go
he goes
she goes
they go
we go
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:01, archived)

stop that stupid fucking hindu chanting you smelly foreigner

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:01, archived)

img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00905/SNF0904TVBB-682_905199a.jpg
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:00, archived)

I'm very upset about this

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:00, archived)

I'm not, and I'll now write an essay explaining why I'm not upset in a rather upset tone...

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:02, archived)

Fuck off with your dildo stories you fat ballbag
etc
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:02, archived)

JANET
your name is like jacket, you however are not

or are you?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:00, archived)

um, no?

(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:01, archived)

you don't have a zip or buttons at the front?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:03, archived)

I imagine she has toggles
Like a duffle coat
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:04, archived)

and a really massive hood
clitoral, obv
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:04, archived)

Janet
Your name is like gannet.
Which is a regional nickname for a seagull.
Or is it?
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:03, archived)

Stephen Merchant appearing
in Garth Merenghi's Dark Place cooking chicken.

What has surprised you today.
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:26, archived)

this post
i LITERALLY fell backwards off my chair
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:27, archived)

Work is for gays and poofs
Yeah, alright ta.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:30, archived)

AND queers

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:40, archived)

I'm going to work.
And proud.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 24 May 2012, 9:42, archived)

fuck you, scab

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:46, archived)

Not to mention bottomites
and lesborgs.
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:45, archived)

Tolerance is for queers and foreigners

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:46, archived)

CLARKSON FOR PM!!!

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:46, archived)

forrins don't work though

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:47, archived)

Comin' over 'ere to claim all our dole
while simultaneously taking all the jobs we don't want to do anyway!

BASTARDS!
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:16, archived)

i really want a giant sandwich
will you bring me one?
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:50, archived)

Yes
You ARE in my kitchen, right? Coz I ain't going further than the kitchen.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:52, archived)

i am!
guess which cupboard i'm in
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:55, archived)

Ooh, CUPBOARD LOVE
Is it the one above the kettle?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:56, archived)

nope!

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:00, archived)

squeak!

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:17, archived)

I endorse this reply

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:41, archived)

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:28, archived)

~~the lyrics to~~
~~peacock-cock~~
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:31, archived)

this ornithological FACT

naughty word included
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:28, archived)

What?

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:41, archived)

PROOF

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:46, archived)

but that ain't even a goldfinch, you bell end

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:55, archived)

Tis
And it's TROPICAL
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:55, archived)

fukin aint

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:59, archived)

goldfinch
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:05, archived)

he's the man
the man with the Midas duck
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:11, archived)

That's better.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:15, archived)

goldfinch
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:15, archived)

goldfinch
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:15, archived)

I'm pretty sure you are trolling me.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:17, archived)

no way, man
these are all birds i seen
this is the best tropical goldfinch i seen
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:22, archived)

Brilliant
See? TROPICAL
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:23, archived)

you'd have to be a right mug not to know that

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:25, archived)

It's a crow.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:25, archived)

Could be a sparrow

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:27, archived)

i might do a chart.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:29, archived)

Well fucking SOMEONE should

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:31, archived)

                                 chart of taxonomic orders of all uk birds
 
class:                                             birds
                                                     |
                                  ---------------------------------------
                                  |                                     |
subclass:                        big                                 not big
                                  |                                     |
                        ---------------------                -----------------------
                        |                   |                |                     |
superorder:         blackish          not very black       little               not little
                        |                   |                |                     |
                        |          ---------------           |                     |
                        |          |             |           |                     |
family:             crowlike  bitey-looking   seabirdy     sparrowy              birdy  
                        |          |             |           |                     |
                        |          |             |           |              -------------------
                        |          |             |           |              |                 |
species:              crow       kestrel       seagull    sparrow         thrush            pigeon

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:45, archived)

clicking this shit

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:46, archived)

A+

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:47, archived)

Hmmm
I'm not sure Kestrels exist...are you sure you're not thinking of Pigeons?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:48, archived)

I did wonder were pigeons fit into it

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:49, archived)

He's REALLY dropped the ball on this one
I'm embarrassed for him
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:49, archived)

fuck.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:50, archived)

fixed

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:53, archived)

No.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:49, archived)

THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS A CHAFFINCH???

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:50, archived)

i think you mean "sparrow"
"chaffinch" is just an old regional dialecty word for sparrow.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:53, archived)

Oh
Well I for one feel better about all of this. Thanks for including pigeons. Love you.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:55, archived)

i can't believe this ain't on the popular page already. :(
still, there's a crow on the bush in the carpark singing away merrily.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:57, archived)

Carpark crow innit

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:01, archived)

gone now

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:08, archived)

What a prick

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:15, archived)

it will be
it has 4 times the required number of votes
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:43, archived)

So....4 then?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:50, archived)

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooOooOoOOOOOOooOOOOOooOOOOoOOOOoooooOOOO!

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:54, archived)

so what of magpies?
Posh crows?
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:58, archived)

regional name for crows

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:59, archived)

And I suppose 'owl' is a regional name for a seagull or some shit, right?

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:21, archived)

kestrel
you bell end
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:54, archived)

i'm pretty sure this is A LIE.

(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:45, archived)

no
it is SCIENCE
sorry your retarded attention seeking pantheist pagan mind can't cope with the SCIENCE.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:56, archived)

manolith?
MAD ORNOTHOLOGITH more like!!!!!
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:24, archived)

i might start my own blog

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:27, archived)

This is all frightfully similar to a conversation I was having last night.
Were you hiding in my mud pile taking notes on the whole counter-blog thing?
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:28, archived)

don't be ridiculous
two hats was wearing a wire
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:29, archived)

and NOTHING ELSE

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:31, archived)

I assumed that was going to involve a pun on either 'tits' or 'boobies'.
I am disappoint.
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:46, archived)

Sorry Tea, I only deal in facts here
Baldmonkey needs to be taken down a peg or two
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:47, archived)

The DVD commentary is well worth listening to

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:29, archived)

I'm surprised to see your suitcase at the door,
Remember the good times, don't you want some more?
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 24 May 2012, 9:31, archived)

i'm glad the pub quiz idea worked
did many people get it?
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:32, archived)

yeah a couple teams got it all,
One Dick head claimed the Steve miller Band song was called Space Cowboy, and that the Rolling Stones song i played was street fighting man. He even called me out when I was doing the answers, and then felt stupid when I put it all up on the projector.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 24 May 2012, 9:36, archived)

Ah ha ha
Love it when that happens
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:37, archived)

he was a hipster cock bag in a ramones t-shirt.
Except I don't remember any of the ramones being called Charlie.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 24 May 2012, 9:38, archived)

that's actually quite a good idea
sell a replica ramones tshirt with different names to fool twats

dave dozy beaky mick and tich, for example
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:41, archived)

Hugh, Pugh, Barley, McGrew?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:47, archived)

BARNEY

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:48, archived)

I have a speech impediment
ANDI'MALITTLESENSITIVEABOUTIT
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:49, archived)

Roy?

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:50, archived)

It'th pwonounced WOY

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:56, archived)

nathan barley was in trumpton?

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:16, archived)

He was

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:30, archived)

The fuckdts would just claim its ironic,
And then it would get popular, and then topshop would start doing it and I'd have to go on an insane machete rampage on Oxford street.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 24 May 2012, 10:05, archived)

sounds fine to me

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:06, archived)

Can I watch?

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:17, archived)

FUCKING TOURISTS, PISS OFF

(

mongychops, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:23, archived)

christ

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:39, archived)

What was the Stones song?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:48, archived)

Hip Replacement Blues

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:48, archived)

Woke up this morning
Got to Morrison's for 7:03
Said I woke up this morning
Got to Morrison's for 7:03
Bought a paper and some milk
Went home for a nice cup of tea
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:51, archived)

your mum

(

mongychops, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:42, archived)

HAAHAHAHAHAAH!
Wait. What?
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:00, archived)

I'm lol

(

mongychops, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:05, archived)

I started the car, ejected the cd and 'Soul Man' was playing on the radio.
Great way to start the day.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:43, archived)

I probably looked out of place caining it.
Being a skinny mid-20's scruff in a car usually reserved for dentists. But hey-ho.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:44, archived)

What is this "caining"?

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:05, archived)

It means "to murder one's goody-two-shoes shit of a little brother".

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:18, archived)

I can get with that.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:20, archived)

have you ever ejected the CD
and the radio started playing a track that's on the CD? That's confusing.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:09, archived)

Yes.
It is indeed odd.

I'd be very surprised to hear Neds Atomic Dustbin on Radio 2 though.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:30, archived)

KILL YOUR TELEVISION

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:41, archived)

She said, she said, "You don't know shit
Because you've never been there"
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:48, archived)

Let's stop for a commercial break
www.youtube.com/watch?v=pi5zFQ9plxU&feature=related
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:53, archived)

Not a single reply.
What a cunt.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:01, archived)

hi bm, how was your poo?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:03, archived)

As ever these days; messy.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:04, archived)

as long as you remember to wipe front to back

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:09, archived)

Sorry.
I was watching Darkplace. Being off sick has to have some benefits.
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:08, archived)

Fucking sick note.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:16, archived)

not much so far,
I only just got out of bed.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:10, archived)

fuck all papa, fuck all.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:22, archived)

Alright pope

(

Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:27, archived)

Good morning Rory
I enjoyed playing with Emvee yesterday. Is he always like that? I gather from the context that you and he have some history.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:56, archived)

how can they be lovers when they can't be friends?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:01, archived)

*clicks fingers*
Do you know any Hall & Oates?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:05, archived)

was maneater one of theirs?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:06, archived)

It sure was
You know more H&O than you think you do
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:07, archived)

i am a bit out of touch though

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:10, archived)

OUT OF TOUCH IS A HALL AN DOATES SONG, SOMEBODY REPLY WITH ANOTHER ONE

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:17, archived)

Well that was a missed opportunity

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:18, archived)

I'd ask janet for help but I think
she's gone
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:20, archived)

So what's on the agenda today Balders?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:23, archived)

I don't...
k n ow
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:24, archived)

could you alt text this please?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:25, archived)

~~alt text this~~ record cover versions of all of these
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:31, archived)

yeah do this too
with a retro synth, be-bop/reggae backing track
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:32, archived)

I'm thinking
an ambient techno-funk version of I Can't Go For That
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:34, archived)

i had to split it in three.
hope this is okay
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:34, archived)

course

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:39, archived)

coarse

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:50, archived)

Corrs

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:58, archived)

that sounded a little cold
don't hold back your love
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:24, archived)

I acknowledged it by expressing my love

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:19, archived)

I love you

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:18, archived)

Alright two hats
Good old Emvee always has his trusty steed at the ready for quality internet knighting. His usual setting is furious prick which provides a few good laughs. He always shoehorns in that he's got a girlfriend and lots of real friends as well, the jammy git.
(

Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:07, archived)

I was mightily pleased that I managed to upset him even though he had me on ignore.
I feel this might be my greatest achievement here to date.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:11, archived)

I'm wel jel...I wish I had real friends :(
It was all jolly good fun though.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:16, archived)

how come peacocks ain't in any of my british bird books?

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:38, archived)

Because they don't exist
A Peacock is a gay pheasant
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:39, archived)

i think you mean thrush.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:39, archived)

*itches*
You might be right
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:41, archived)

are they from like the middle east or something?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:41, archived)

I think you're thinking of
the Turkey?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:45, archived)

(raptorous applause)

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:49, archived)

Thank you thank you
Because Turkey is in the middle east and anyone who says different is a geogra-wrong.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:50, archived)

just don't gobble them off

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:51, archived)

Wattle you talking about?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:52, archived)

i don't know feather i'm coming or going

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:53, archived)

WINGS

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:55, archived)

i saw a lesser black-backed gull last night.
i was sitting on the patio drinking non-alcoholic beer and my wife was eating a pizza and there was also a prick and we had a fire and then I saw a lesser black-backed gull fly around and so I took a photos.
You?
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:02, archived)

is this your story about how two hats came to your house in real life?

(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:04, archived)

maybe
he said he loves you and wants to savage your gussetry.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:05, archived)

BM
A colleague just said "oh my days"
what do I do?
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:27, archived)

ugh

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:28, archived)

Shoot her. Then come to my work and shoot the woman who keeps saying "weary" when she means "wary".

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:29, archived)

It was a boy.

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:29, archived)

A BOY?! WTF?
Do you mean a queer?
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:31, archived)

I do wonder.
He's the kind of retard that emails round a 10 year old "hilarious" picture that wasn't even funny 10 years ago.
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:33, archived)

Those shit emails should be blocked by the spam filters by now.
And auto-blacklist the twats who forward them.
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:35, archived)

do we all use the same email system then?

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:36, archived)

Yes.
Don't you even know that?
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:37, archived)

No tell me more i don't know

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:48, archived)

Jesus was originally nothing more than a type of ham.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:49, archived)

woah

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:50, archived)

Yes. We're all hosted on SMTP Corps servers now.
What provider did you think you were using?
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:40, archived)

Christ.
Leave a note on his desk saying "baldmonkey off of the internet says you're an almighty prick."
Then later in the day "baldmonkey off of the internet says stop flouncing, you almighty prick."
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:36, archived)

Good work.
I'll email him.
with an "hilarious" picture attached.
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:36, archived)

"you know Baldmonkey, right? Well he said.."
"Nope"
"...what? You...DON'T know Baldmonkey?"
"No, I don't"
"WTF??? Do you know NOTHING about Bird blogs???? JEEEEESUS!!!"
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:38, archived)

My boss says 'unwieldly'.
He is a wanker. He also manages to make 'shown' into a two syllable word.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:31, archived)

My mum says "vizzy" instead of "fizzy"
and "velcrove" instead of "velcro"
Amongst many others, it annoys me.
Too many people are ruining our language, it's been mutated enough since it was created why do people have to do it even more just out of stupidity.
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:31, archived)

Your mum sounds like a right spastic.
No offence.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:33, archived)

She isn't a spastic, she's just thick.

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:34, archived)

my mum says "expresso"
damn her eyes
(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:04, archived)

I can see why people get that wrong but nevertheless THEY MUST DIE.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:06, archived)

it's not that she says it wrong, it's that I've already corrected her, multiple times

(

spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:16, archived)

In the wise words of the 20th century philosopher; The Fresh Prince, parents just do not understand.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:20, archived)

It's staggering how many people I've heard use the expression 'damp squid'
It used to make me LOL, now it just makes me :(

If this continues, it'll become the preferred expression.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:32, archived)

You are making this up.
There can't be more than one person who is that stupid.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:34, archived)

You're right
Maybe I imagined it.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:35, archived)

He's from Portsmouth.
It's a very stupid place.
Many people here are stupid and say "damp squid".
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:37, archived)

up yours

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:38, archived)

I'm from Winchester.
The stupidity of people from Portsmouth is not news to me.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:41, archived)

haha, Winchester, you fucking prick
never been there
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:47, archived)

People like you aren't welcome there.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:47, archived)

I like Winchester.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:48, archived)

it always strikes me as such a "non-place"

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:49, archived)

It definitely does exist.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:50, archived)

I know I've been there.
and it's so ... nothing.
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:51, archived)

Longest nave in Europe, thank you VERY much.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:52, archived)

You seem offended, I'm not saying it's a bad place.
It's just not a good place either.
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:55, archived)

It's incredibly dull, in truth.
I left there in 1992 and only go back for Christmas with my lesbian mums.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:58, archived)

PHWOAR!

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:00, archived)

They sometimes wear one sock each, from two different pairs,
and my mother looks like John Noakes.

It's not brilliant, to be honest.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:05, archived)

I like Winchester a lot
I hope this helps
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:22, archived)

i went to an ace gig in winchester once
all my other winchester stories are about waiting for trains there
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:28, archived)

I think I know what you mean.
I like that it is a non-place.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:52, archived)

up yours

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:54, archived)

hahahaha
"winchester"
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:48, archived)

tell you what I hate, people who say "I am loathe to do that"
and it's not even worth explaining it to the half-educated cunts
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:34, archived)

tell you what I REALLY hate; people who say "I'm a Jew".

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:38, archived)

haha, yeah because they invariably turn out to be subhuman parasites!

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:39, archived)

I hate people who say "cognizent of"
when they mean "aware of"
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:35, archived)

shit yeah
and people who can't spell cognisant
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:36, archived)

I always imagine that they are the kind of cunts who use american spellings too.

(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:41, archived)

dear janet,
please can i have sex with your shoulder wound
yours
baldmonkey
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:07, archived)

but of course.
it's oozing a bit so no need to lube up.
(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:09, archived)

nuts deep in your shoulder wound, lady
gonna try to make you a clavicle baby
the doctors cut you a brand new snatch
now i can bone you in your scapula hatch
*guitar solo*
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:12, archived)

good LORD.

(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:14, archived)

Yeah.
Luv you too, tubs.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:15, archived)

Scapula hatch?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:16, archived)

don't question it, hatso.
just revel in it. live that dream.
(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:21, archived)

well it certainly SOUNDS sexy I suppose

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:22, archived)

I like the punning use of the word "bone"
as in bone, and as in penis.

Watch out Shelley, Keats and Lennon; there's a new kid in town...
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:25, archived)

Oh, it's a scene man

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:11, archived)

Are you hungover now?

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:04, archived)

i've a raging non-hangover

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:04, archived)

Jesus, you're so WILD!

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:06, archived)

what's the best cure for a non-hangover how do you pronounce scone what's your favourite cheese how do you poach an egg?

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:06, archived)

No, how do YOU poach an egg?

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:07, archived)

Drink decaf coffee and eat a tofu burger

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:11, archived)

I got a hangover from drinking coke until 1 am the other month.
I think half of a hangover must be lack of sleep from excess blood sugar.
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:24, archived)

SO ARE YOUR TITS

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:26, archived)

I am on massive antibiotics. I have to keep going to a clinic for more IV antibiotics every day.
I have the most crappest illness ever.

Wait for it.

It's an infected...

Elbow. On the fucking inside of the joint. No cuts or anything. Just a fucking spazzy infection on my joint that won't get better.

I feel like a medical joke.
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:29, archived)

HA!
That must be 'ell(bo)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:31, archived)

They've opened up a can(ula) of worms
in my hand.
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:32, archived)

up yours

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:33, archived)

you know what would cheer you right up, a parrot

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:32, archived)

So they take the parrot out of the freezer after 1 minute and he says:
"Squawk! I promise never to swear again"

"By the way, what the hell did the chicken do?"
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:34, archived)

I saw a dead collared dove yestarday.
didn't take a picture for you, soz.
(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:08, archived)

I very much like the idea of the comments on there largely comprising of dead birds.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:13, archived)

I saw one hundred dead chickens at the supermarket today.
Do they count?
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:24, archived)

I'd like to know how many people have you on ignore.
84 people have me on ignore.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:32, archived)

How do you find out?
I've always hoped that there was some kind of leaderboard somewhere.
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:37, archived)

For some reason this information is only available to mods.

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:40, archived)

HELP! MODS!
Baldmonkey is bullying me! He's claiming that he's ignored by more people than me, but I know that's not true! Tell him.
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:42, archived)

he is being ignored by 42 times as many people as you

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:58, archived)

Wow.
He sucks at the internet.
Am I still on 84 manny? Only I think I may have been de-ignored by Emvee yesterday when he was getting terribly upset at us on qotw.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:02, archived)

still 84 yes
congratulations?
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:07, archived)

Cheers man.
Shax is right though; there should be a league table of these.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:10, archived)

Who can forget these wonderful moments?
Emvee being "mean" to Janet

Emvee being "mean" to /talk

Emvee being a big baby
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:21, archived)

Alright Mahnoleith

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:11, archived)

FINE

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:22, archived)

sorry, i was working
i didn't enjoy it. won't be doing THAT again.

hellohowareyou
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:29, archived)

Jesus. I'll have to spend 6 years attempting to piss off as many people as possible, starting
from now.
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:02, archived)

8.33 years.
Ashully
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:04, archived)

Whippersnapper.

(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:06, archived)

I saw a headless wood pigeon on the way to the office.
Also no pic
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:13, archived)

we could be brothers!

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:14, archived)

if just for one day

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:15, archived)

Whatcha say?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:16, archived)

Did they unblock b3ta then?
Or is this a 'having a shit' moment?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:12, archived)

PROXY!

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:12, archived)

R
*shrugs*
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:17, archived)

sh
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:21, archived)

I've considered wearing a wig into work
Just to see how people will react.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:23, archived)

Miracle-Gro accident?

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:25, archived)

Then deny it when anyone does mention it
If they carry on, I'll work up some tears and run off
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:29, archived)

I started wearing jeans and T-shirt to work at that place for a while.
No one called me out on it. I think they all hated me and wanted me to fuck off and die though
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:31, archived)

I wear jeans and short sleeve shirts every day
Not a single person has mentioned it in 5 years.

Did you know Griggy? Shouldn't say his full name, just in case. He complained to HR about someone wearing shorts in the summer.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:35, archived)

I do know him. They must have pissed him off.
He never seemed the sort to get upset over something like that... was it someone who likes wearing loud shirts and eating 'Stotty Cakes?
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:38, archived)

Haha, no it wasn't actually
He also complained because of someone's printer. Again, went straight to HR rather than asking the person.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:39, archived)

Blimey. Sounds like the place has finally got to him.
My favourite memory of HR was when they laid off loads of people from all over the company over several waves and then seemed shocked when they started getting laid off because there weren't enough people for them to HR anymore. Lulz.
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:44, archived)

Much like here.

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:35, archived)

I think adam's dead. I hope you're happy.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:20, archived)

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:24, archived)

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:24, archived)

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:26, archived)

I dunno, his parents spent a lot of money turning him into the prick he is today.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:25, archived)

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:26, archived)

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:54, archived)

I went to see Ozric Tentacles in Islington.
As predicted, it was a smelly tramp convention. Either that or they piped BO through the air con as a 'mood enhancer'.

It was a jolly good show but now I don't feel very well.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:30, archived)

Cheers, Monty.
Good review.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:34, archived)

up yours

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:34, archived)

Oh you!

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:41, archived)

That name is oddly familiar
Have they been around for a long time?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:36, archived)

Since 1985
I last saw them in 1989 at a festival in Caaarnwall.

They were and still are GRATE if you like that kind of thing. Along the lines of Steve Hillage/Gong/Hawkwind.

I am a smelly old hippy.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:47, archived)

I think I saw them a long time ago
as the warm-up act at a Personality Horse gig in the Orkneys?
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:53, archived)

You have a good memory.
They did a nineteen-minute flugelhorn solo to get the crowd going.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:59, archived)

Are you sure that wasn't the Inverness gig?
I seem to remember the Orkney's gig began with the experimental accordpipes made by crossing an accordian with bagpipes.
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:08, archived)

oh man i copied and pasted the code from someby else's post but i still can't do mo******rs
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:13, archived)

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:15, archived)

ahhhh....!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:16, archived)

view source and copy that instead

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:16, archived)

THATS WHAT I DID YOU IDIOT

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:16, archived)

Soz.
I was only trying to help.
(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:18, archived)

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:19, archived)

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:18, archived)

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:22, archived)

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:22, archived)

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:24, archived)

Morning everyone.
How are you all today?
I feel quite awake, I'm not looking forward to a day in this windowless office though.
I hate work right now.
You?
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:46, archived)

I'm warm, please fan me.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:49, archived)

I have the air con on.
It's very cool in here.
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:50, archived)

all I have is con air, sadtimes :'(

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:51, archived)

gutted.
I almost didn't come to work today
but then I remembered I'm getting somethign delivered today AT WORK
what a stupid fatty I am.
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:52, archived)

is it lego? I bet it's lego.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:54, archived)

Nope.

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:54, archived)

what is it then?

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:55, archived)

www.daysofwonder.com/tickettoride/en/
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:56, archived)

you ridiculous manchild.

(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:57, archived)

It's a really good game, actually.

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:59, archived)

oh, enjoy.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:07, archived)

Touch me, touch me
I want to feel your body
Your heart beat next to mine
(this is the night)
Touch me, touch me now
Touch me, touch me now
Touch me, touch me now
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:52, archived)

*touches*

(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:52, archived)

get your stinking paws off me you damned dirty ape

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:55, archived)

b-b-b-b-but you s-s-s-said
mmmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
(

MONO!, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:55, archived)

*riff raffs*

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:55, archived)

[long dull story about a Samantha fox picture disc]

(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:56, archived)

tl;dr

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:58, archived)

:(

(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 8:04, archived)

hi mono! are you having a lovely day?
it's a lovely day, isn't it? lovely.
(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:34, archived)

you survived
great
(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:44, archived)

sorry about that.

(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:45, archived)

try harder tonight

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 7:49, archived)

oh lord I just woke up and my surgery scar has exploded.
blood EVERYWHERE :(
(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 3:06, archived)

don't do /talk
call an ambulance
(

Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 24 May 2012, 3:16, archived)

it's not that bad.
I reckon the massive antibiotics have kicked in. shoulder has been swelling like a motherfucker for a few days and now it seems the pressure is off. I'll go to minor injuries in the morning.
(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 3:24, archived)

How's all the sad fucks on /talk tonight then?

(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 0:54, archived)

I don't know, how are you?
SEE WHAT I DID THERE? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 24 May 2012, 0:56, archived)

fine thanks poo adam.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 0:57, archived)

HEY Shoes!
This is most unusual, as your first comment toward me was one of indifference as opposed to one of anal penetration.

AND, someone else here (who shall remain nameless) did not tell you what to do!!!

Things are looking up :)
(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:00, archived)

yeah, you sure got me pegged poopster.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:01, archived)

Can we hug?!

(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:01, archived)

probably not, you live in canada.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:01, archived)

I have long arms

(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:02, archived)

smashing

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:06, archived)

There you go. How was it for you?
(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:12, archived)

it felt like being given a massage with raw chicken.
sexy
(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:14, archived)

Yeah it didn't do much for me either
Go easy on those pies eh?
(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:24, archived)

Oh man LOL!

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:26, archived)

:D

(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:27, archived)

Hmmm
Just the same I see.

*note to self - incurable*
(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 0:57, archived)

I have no idea
I'm alright though thanks
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 24 May 2012, 0:57, archived)

I think it's trying to be mean herb, not really feeling it though.
seems to be a wombat lite.
(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:00, archived)

Well there is just no excuse for being mean marky mo
I have not been around much, but I don't welcome this intrusion to our ordinarily polite ways.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:03, archived)

it's terrible, I might cut myself :'(

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:07, archived)

You should
then poo pants will feel terrible.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:09, archived)

I bet it'll be totally way mean about it :'(

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:10, archived)

But you will be a god
on IcutmyselfLOL.com
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:16, archived)

I don't know, he knows how not to type like a spastic and MW never managed that in his 8-9 years of membership.

(

The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:05, archived)

true woodside but this one shows too much upset online.
wombat managed much better.
(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:06, archived)

I miss womby

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:07, archived)

I wouldn't go that far, he acted like a total nasty prick too often.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:09, archived)

True...I miss the nice part of him though.

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:10, archived)

that didn't happen too often.
he's better off not on here, the mental.
(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:11, archived)

It's ok poopants is here.

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:11, archived)

see, at least wombat got this place.
poopants hasn't got a clue, it's dreadful at internet.
(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:13, archived)

Even with tons of practise?

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:17, archived)

Yeah. D+ could do better, sorry.

(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:18, archived)

I don't care really
Na night poopants and marky mo and all. Sleep tight.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:24, archived)

Toodles!!
Sleep tight at night, without light or fright.
(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:25, archived)

Night herb.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:29, archived)

Never fear fellow bored ones
I have the power to ejaculate over you all.

Honest.
(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:14, archived)

In fact
I'm doing it right now.

'scuse me for a minute.
(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:18, archived)

In one shot
AKA singular momentum.

Oh yes indeed. No bull.
(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:31, archived)

Hello sir,
I am never mean.
My first day here I was hurled insults left right and center.
I'm just doing the same.
As this is what happen's here.
Day in, day out.

How are you?!
(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:02, archived)

fucking hell.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:03, archived)

sir?

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:04, archived)

:D

(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:04, archived)

Do people know who you are yet?

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:12, archived)

it's a disgrace herb.
I've seen photos, you're not bad
for your age
(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:05, archived)

DAMN IT
compliment/insult combo confusion.
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:11, archived)

LOL! I am a cheeky scamp!

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:12, archived)

*shakes fist*
Why I outta...
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:13, archived)

I outta
shakeitallaboutta
(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:20, archived)

Haven't asked him yet, he's just got here.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:07, archived)

Fire away!

(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:08, archived)

How are you?
I'm off to bed now so don't bother answering that.
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:10, archived)

N
[that's night but you've already gone so...]
(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 1:22, archived)

wanky mustard

(

baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:48, archived)

the sad part is, I can remember when you were popular

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:51, archived)

You massive hipster prick, hatin' on Balders 'cos he's popular.

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:52, archived)

woah, WOAH
never hated, just said he used to be popular

and now everyone thinks he's a prick
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:53, archived)

i question the value of the terms you are identifying the meaning of 'popular' , i'm like that, no offence

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:08, archived)

popular?

(

mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:06, archived)

Compared to say.....
...Apeloveraverage's book?
(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:07, archived)

Masturbatory coleslaw?

(

Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:52, archived)

Blade Trinity on Film4, you can just catch the end

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:54, archived)

i turned it off, the moment for tits has passed

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:59, archived)

Hattie Jacques documentary on ITV now

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:01, archived)

tits?

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:02, archived)

ask John Le Mesurier

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:03, archived)

He was a proper gent
he'd keep his opinions to himself rather than impugn a lady.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Thu 24 May 2012, 0:07, archived)

FUCK YES

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:03, archived)

i doubt it, so far his only advice was to look at big feet

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:05, archived)

back the fuck up there, I was the one advocating cutting them off

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:07, archived)

fuck this, imma have an early night

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:07, archived)

daw, i'd wub yur tummy wid a suede brush, wid i quit rubbinz, noez i wont, i drugz you an work on you wid the brush, till you reall deds, then, nyoms

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:13, archived)

Don't mind if I do, thank you.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:14, archived)

I saw a dead collared dove today.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:05, archived)

he's going to have to start a whole new birdsbaldmonkeysseendead site

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:07, archived)

he did the eye spy book of birds before, this is just a fucking repeat

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:14, archived)

I saw some pigeons.
I was in London today. Sure, we have our own pigeons in Birmingham but the London ones seemed more intelligent. Sadly I didn't see any parrots though.
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:10, archived)

london ones use the tube, or some shit, google it

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:15, archived)

Just did. That's pretty clever, but I don't see why they need to use the tube.
Unless they're getting jobs.
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:26, archived)

I'm off to Stafford tomorrow so if you like I can find out what sort of pigeons they have there.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:16, archived)

lol, it is spelt stratford, you fucking nob

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:21, archived)

I was in London today
it was fucking rubbish, there were some awesome plants but it was too hot and full of tossers.
(

wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:34, archived)

been the chippy for tea again then?

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:30, archived)

French, then

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:45, archived)

Speaking of wank
www.b3ta.com/questions/sextoys/post1623827
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 24 May 2012, 0:32, archived)

French?

(

PooPants, Thu 24 May 2012, 0:51, archived)

roll call
last item you dukes bought please?, for the record, you understand

10 benson gold
(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:30, archived)

the last item on the receipt is anchovies, I hope this helps

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:33, archived)

i dont eat fish, i dont eat hairy foods, :(

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:34, archived)

how do you feel about pork scratchings?

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:36, archived)

oh gluey, my achillies heal, i break my own hairy foood rool for crackling

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:38, archived)

you could cheat and give it a nice wet shave first

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:42, archived)

i like it being my dirty secret tho, i'm a bit fruity

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:44, archived)

do you ever put two curly pieces together and pretend you are snogging a lovely pig with a salty beard?

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:46, archived)

i'm going to need a diagram of this as i just cant see it

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:48, archived)

www.b3tards.com/u/8033ef44d9831f1d1642/scratchings.jpg
(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:01, archived)

Parking ticket
it should have been a haircut, but the barbers was very busy and I had to get back to work.
(

magnum, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:34, archived)

did you get any value out of the ticket? see anything or summat

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:37, archived)

A card, for 29p
It wasn't even all that shit
(

SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:36, archived)

you used to make people stuff, just saying

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:39, archived)

*sigh*
I know, mongy. I know
(

SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:41, archived)

Rizla silver

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:38, archived)

the skin of choice

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:39, archived)

anything else is like smokin' newspaper

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:42, archived)

I got these today too
and a calippo
(

SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:42, archived)

Hello you!
I like the juicy bit that you get at the end of a calippo
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:44, archived)

if only stuj didn't die, :(

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:45, archived)

Blade's totally kicking vampire bottoms now
I'd do that weird vampire hoochie, I bet she likes freaky stuff
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:47, archived)

Don't even joke about that you MONSTER

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:50, archived)

It's the bit that makes me most happy :)
Hello you! How's things?
(

SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:56, archived)

Brilliant!
I'm so busy though my brain hurts..
(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:08, archived)

Better than boredom, yo

(

SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:12, archived)

True dat

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:13, archived)

Petrol.
I'm good to go anywhere you like.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 23 May 2012, 22:44, archived)

and yet you're still here

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:47, archived)

I fucking love this place.

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 23 May 2012, 22:51, archived)

some food
the last interesting thing I bought was a bass guitar, I imagine you may find that dull though
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:45, archived)

Dunno, I thought he liked fish?

(

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:51, archived)

two bars of Cussons Imperial Leather

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:47, archived)

haha, shit soap
you buy shit soap
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:49, archived)

Petrol
Loads of it ended up on my trousers.
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 24 May 2012, 0:34, archived)

bored of that now
sorry, I got nothing

alt: nope, still nothing

pricks
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:37, archived)

What about now?

(#1, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:38, archived)

the beardy twat guy and the cute bow and arrow chick just busted Blade out of jail
this well cool
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:41, archived)

why is dunston checks in never on television?

(

glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:30, archived)

shut up gilgy

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:42, archived)

i want a way to sample tracks, and an easier way to fuck with them and mix them other than v dj and audacity
is there any better stuff?

www.b3mused.com/audios/555/nwa.html
(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:43, archived)

Sony Acid Pro
drop an mp3 into it, it works out the bpm and lets you synch tracks together, that's what all the mashup bods use
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:44, archived)

ta, i just want a new thing to play with, i get bored easy tho so if it is really hard to use i will give up

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:48, archived)

www.kineticnorth.com/userfiles/Gilgamesh/defrosted.mp3
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:51, archived)

matt lucas? sod off

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:53, archived)

dunno who that is, soz

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:01, archived)

he made me laugh the other day, he never corrected his p.e teacher that thought he had cancer so he never did p.e, the fat fucking bald poof

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:10, archived)

Mashups for dummys...
mashup.mixedinkey.com/
(

djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:49, archived)

i can do the beat matching, i just want a large mixing desk to hold loops and samples, and still play the full choons, will that do it?

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:54, archived)

You'd be better off with Traktor for that.
Two decks and 8 sample decks, plenty of dodgy copies about.
(

djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:57, archived)

i tried it, did't like the interface, mind i did't use it much

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:00, archived)

I use it with the Kontrol S2 hardware controller...
beats burning CDs. Maybe Acid Pro like Gilgy said will be good for you, also copies of that floating about.
(

djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:04, archived)

what's the pro version of virtual dj like? i find the controls on that a bit shitty tho

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:12, archived)

As far as I know the only real difference is timecode cd/vinyl control.
Not used it myself though.
(

djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:21, archived)

cheers, i might try that sony one, i only wanna fuck about

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:27, archived)

oh and further to your previous question,
I just discovered this

Apparently, World War III will start on Sunday.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:44, archived)

bored of that now
actually I was bored of that hours ago but hey, thanks for the heads up
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:45, archived)

ww3 has already started !!! WAKE UP PEOPLE, THIS IS FUCKING WAR
LOOK AROUND YOU, ARE YOU ALONE?
(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:46, archived)

shut up gilgy

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:48, archived)

ARE YOU ALONE, LOOK AROUND YOU, CAN YOU SEE OTHER PEOPLE? THE WAR HAS STARTED, GRAB A FUCKING WEAPON NOW1111!!!!!
WHAT YOU GOT???????

KEEP YOU HEAD DOWN, THIS PLACE HAS A KNOWN OPERATING SNI
(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:51, archived)

bored of that now
start an alright thread
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:53, archived)

i cant be arsed, watching blade

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:57, archived)

squeezed off a crafty one Hankster-stylee to bow and arrow hoochie yet?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:59, archived)

big feets :(

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:08, archived)

see, that's a deal breaker

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:17, archived)

imagine it, you roll off, look at the tv and the indian looking bird on babestation with the odd really white patches of skin is just sticking her old nokia down the crack of her camel toe, can you see it? no, big feets in the way :(

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:20, archived)

fucking nauseating
women should have their feet cut off, that'd make things better
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:23, archived)

people should listen to the chinks, they have been here longer than most

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:25, archived)

and they invented chess
and spring rolls

clever race the nips
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:27, archived)

google PSA-182.
now with added screaming superman.
(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:36, archived)

bored of that now
Blade Trinity's on Film4 later, that'll keep me going until Eurovision on Saturday, which celebrity would you like to hit in the face with a big fucking shovel?

alt: fuck yeah Blade

pricks
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:00, archived)

Kerry katona.
I fucking love Eurovision, me. Russian grannies ftw.
(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:04, archived)

Always worth having safe search on when googling for them.

(

Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:53, archived)

sir sand goblin
1 ) a celebrity
2) if we hit him hard enough his terminal cancer will be transferred to someone else
(

fatpoof, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:08, archived)

oh god, not me again :(

(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:12, archived)

Have you had terminal cancer before then?
Twat.
(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 23 May 2012, 20:25, archived)

YES.
and don't be so mean.
(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:45, archived)

You must be Jesus or something.

(

Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 23 May 2012, 20:46, archived)

now you mention it, I am jesus.
well done you.
(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:48, archived)

who do you reckon would win if Blade and Underworld fought Buffy and Resident Evil?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:13, archived)

I reckon Matrix could take the lot of them tbh

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:16, archived)

i love it when he goes' there can only be one' and dodges the upload codz

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:25, archived)

I abhore violence of all kinds, but if pressed, alexa chung

(

vladimir, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:10, archived)

you can't abhor violence you fucking puff, violence is fun

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:12, archived)

all of them

(

mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:23, archived)

I'm glad you're here
you're the calm voice of truth on this forum
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:27, archived)

Hello!? What the fuck is on my roof?

(#1, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:30, archived)

PC Reg Hollis from television's The Bill

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:34, archived)

No it's that fucking cat.
Now where's my Theoben?
(#1, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:41, archived)

Theoben Cat Deterrent
(#1, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:45, archived)

it's good but it's not a Franchi SPAS 12

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:47, archived)

totally playing compressed 12-string electric guitar through tempo-matched delay here
I sound like Pink fucking Floyd and no mistake
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:45, archived)

cunt.

(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:49, archived)

Christ! Do you felch your mum with that mouth?

(#1, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:54, archived)

yes.
do you?
(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:58, archived)

lol classy

(#1, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:04, archived)

shut up gilgy.

(

janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:19, archived)

wat!?
lolol.
(#1, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:23, archived)

shut up gilgy

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:25, archived)

Shut up...
No wait this is getting confusing. Christ. If she grew another brain cell it would be lonely.
(#1, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:33, archived)

I'm watching Lewis.
It's about an internet forum that lets people post all kinds of offensive shit and a bird got mudderd.
(#1, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:50, archived)

if it wasn't a fat needy chick i'm complaining to the tv

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mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:08, archived)

srsly, film4 right now
Blade trinity, this is the best Blade film
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:16, archived)

Not my cup of tea.
I think I'll have a magnum.
(#1, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:25, archived)

oh man, I can't believe I'm arguing with myself about a film

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:28, archived)

i've got the film on anyway, chill, what software can i steal samples from the best?

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mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:34, archived)

I don't understand the question, gimme some context here

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:38, archived)

Quite a fit middle aged bird.
But I take your point.
(#1, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:30, archived)

Tiles?
Thatch?
Banana Leaves?
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2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:22, archived)

Don't know any celebrities, soz

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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:08, archived)

Seeing as I'm watching The Apprentice... all of them.

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2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:24, archived)

bored of that now..
i went to the pub and got pissed and lots of middle-aged men bought me beer and tried to get off with me.

when was the last time you oh fuck, i can't even be arsed any more.
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janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:27, archived)

Meh..
someone finish this comment for me
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willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:28, archived)

ni
h
~~his comment for~~
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broadsword w⚓, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:30, archived)

something something breasts

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willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:33, archived)

nobody cares

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mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:35, archived)

literately nobody
or nobbynobody?
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willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:38, archived)

i love you mongy.
you and your car and the lake and you're an electrician and your kids and ALL OF IT.
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janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:44, archived)

You should see the photos of him from Australia
They'd stick you to your seat.
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Lord Gnome, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:49, archived)

I'm stealing that phrase

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willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:51, archived)

are they magnetic?

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vladimir, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:11, archived)

I guess they are in a manner of speaking.

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Lord Gnome, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:15, archived)

haha, yeah right
keep telling yourself someone somewhere finds you attractive
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:47, archived)

This is what is great about the internet
no matter how fugly, how emotionally unstable, how malformed your visage is you are someone's fetish. Its like the anti-fashion industry.
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willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:49, archived)

my secretary is reading Ricky Martin's Autobiogrpahy
I think it should be titled: "I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay. Ok, I'm gay"

What other autobiographies would you retitle?
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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 23 May 2012, 17:55, archived)

why the fuck would anyone want to do that you fucking prick?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 17:57, archived)

schadenfreude?

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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 23 May 2012, 17:58, archived)

how's your bottom wiping been lately?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 17:59, archived)

I'm glad you asked
My toilet happens to have a high pressure hose next to it, with a trigger nozzle. I've found that if I jet water up my rectum and into my colon, not only does it become a doddle to clean, it's also effective when I find myself in a position where's there just one small turd left that I can't squeeze out. Maybe it's a bit that snapped off, maybe it's coming down late like a caboose. This way, it all comes out in a watery turd ass-vomit.
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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:05, archived)

tl;dr

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:05, archived)

I went on a jetski once that warned against just this kind of thing
the high-powered jet of water that shoots up from the back of a jetski can puncture your colon, apparently.
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spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:51, archived)

challenge accepted

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:09, archived)

I'll just wait here while you look that up

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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 23 May 2012, 17:59, archived)

I know he played centre back for Bayern in the 1980s you prick

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:01, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHlIpmgVbE4
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Lord Gnome, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:01, archived)

Why not rename all autobiographies to
"[INSERT NAME HERE]'s Autobiography".

Your life doesn't have a title, you tedious wankstain, stop selling your half-truth memories.
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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:02, archived)

you seem very angry lately
would you like an oily massage?
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:03, archived)

from you?

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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:18, archived)

I don't see anyone else offering

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:08, archived)

I am very much enjoying the music of IPERYT
Thank you for that.
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Lord Gnome, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:07, archived)

Did I recommend you that?
Brutal innit.
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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:15, archived)

Yes on both counts.
I don't think there's another word to describe IPERYT other than brutal.

It's an appreciated heads-up.
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Lord Gnome, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:22, archived)

my mates boy played his first gig the other week, not this one, he has a new one, cant remember the name, i'll ask in about 20 mins
www.myspace.com/forcefedhumanshit
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mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:27, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUT5AWBMe_k
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Lord Gnome, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:29, archived)

i clicked that, and closed that, does nowt for me, i'm an old raver

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mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:31, archived)

Do you like gabber?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRXXsKJsd5Q
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Lord Gnome, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:33, archived)

nah, all that stuff killed raving

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mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:15, archived)

What about this?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dye7GMH8PHg
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Lord Gnome, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:21, archived)

no you tube in juicer
His new band are pathalogical abomination
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mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:25, archived)

Not really my thing

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Lord Gnome, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:47, archived)

no way should you buy 'tl;dr' by mongychops, this years thanks giving thriller

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mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:10, archived)

Oh stop carping on about it.

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Lord Gnome, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:15, archived)

Is that the sub-title?

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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:15, archived)

99% of angling books are fucking awful, i suppose it is because these people are anglers, not writers

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mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:21, archived)

SPOILER

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mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:19, archived)

I bet you have all of Katie Price's books.

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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:13, archived)

she's the greatest novelist of this century

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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:18, archived)

and how!

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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:22, archived)

Her next one's going to be called
My Divorcey-Worcey
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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:28, archived)

will selfs house fell down, was it you?

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mongychops, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:29, archived)

tombstone-voiced cunt probably bored the mortar into dust

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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:36, archived)

bored of that now
I made a really good job of wiping my bottom this morning, I was well pleased with myself, my finger didn't go through the paper this time and there were no greasey bum drips slithering down my buttocks and it flushed without any sign of a skidmark, when do you think the world will end?

alt: not december 2012

pricks
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 17:47, archived)

haha yeah
haha
lol
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fatpoof, Wed 23 May 2012, 17:51, archived)

haha, yeah
yeah

haha
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 17:53, archived)

I gave it ten years a year or two ago,
so 2020 ish.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 17:51, archived)

so yeah, this Rapture business, looking forward to it?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 17:54, archived)

Well now I'm admittedly a little unorthodox with my non-belief in Hell,
but the Rapture most certainly isn't in the book. The faithful are going to have to put up with the tribulations along with everybody else, blessed be he who endures to the end. That idea doesn't go down too well with the evangelicals, they'd rather have Jesus come and carry them off in his arms like little kittens. The pansies.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 17:58, archived)

so can I just ask, what made you choose the christian god as opposed to one of the older more established ones?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:00, archived)

there isn't one much more established than the God of Abraham who is still worshipped by anybody living.
Sometimes people cite the Vedas or Zoroastrians as predating the Old Testament but frankly they're talking bollocks.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:03, archived)

I read that as "my parents told me to"

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:05, archived)

oh no my Dad's an atheist who thinks that religion is the cause of all violence
and that ancient mythology is really about space aliens. My mum semi-consciously believes in a lot of new-age folk superstition and homeopathy and thinks every dog she gets is the reincarnation of the previous one.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:08, archived)

so ... when you're in heaven and they're not, will you be happy?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:09, archived)

It's not my place to decide who goes to heaven,
although I'm not expecting to, personally.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:13, archived)

well, theoretically, if you get in and they're stuck at the turnstile with no ticket, would you be laughing your tits off?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:14, archived)

can I ask an easy question instead then?
why does an omnipotent god need me to "worship" him/her?

I mean, what does he/she get out of it? other than a big old ego massage?
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:20, archived)

Ever told somebody you loved them?

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:24, archived)

only after I'd been in her knickers

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:27, archived)

hang on, so there are older gods than big G, it's just that no one worships them any more?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:11, archived)

doesn't the Epic of Gilgamesh predate the old testiclement?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:16, archived)

what with it being the oldest story ever written down and that

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:17, archived)

Unfortunately we don't have the Sumerian original in full, only the Babylonian version,
which dates to 1700 ish I think. We have bits of it. Probably.

In any case it wasn't a religious text, just a good story.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:22, archived)

I think the bible's a pretty good story
right up there wiuth Harry Potter
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:28, archived)

I never read Harry Potter.
I saw one of the films once and it made no sense.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:35, archived)

I recommend you don't watch it
you might start believing it
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:35, archived)

Well.
There are older religions than Judaism. There are Egyptian cults that go back to 3000 B.C. and Sumerian ones that go back even further.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:19, archived)

so there ya go, more established gods than the christian one, sounds like a compelling argument to me

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:20, archived)

are we just going to say all those people were wrong and their gods didn't exist?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:21, archived)

The development of these things is very complex,
but "didn't exist" would be an oversimplification. You might say that lightning isn't really a god, but you would hardly say it didn't exist. Or the sun or the wind or whatever. They were usually real things, concrete or abstract.

The difference with the God of Abraham is that He's not a "specialist", as it were. He's the Universal God of Everything. Not that this was a new idea even in Abraham's day. It's generally the layman who didn't get it and would rather worship animals and statues and whatnot.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:30, archived)

so he's like Allah then?
no wait, are we saying there's only one god and he's Allah and old beardy skywizard rolled into one?

or are we saying that the ancient Greek, Sumerian and Egyptian lot were equally valid choices? I'm confused here
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:31, archived)

Allah and Yahweh are quite explicitly the same God.
Muslims even have a place for Jesus in their eschatology.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:33, archived)

k, and how about those other god guys, Ra and Imhotep and all those dudes with dog heads and wings and shit?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:35, archived)

Imhotep was the architect to the Pharaoh who designed the pyramids
Ra was the sun.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:38, archived)

well that's even better, he's a god AND you get to see him move across the sky every day
can't ask for more than that
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:40, archived)

he was very popular,
Ptah is more my kind of deity though.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:41, archived)

hang on, so you're a muslim?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:40, archived)

well I might be, I guess,
so far you seem to have assumed that believing in God equals American Evangelicalism.

I'm not, except in the literal meaning of the word, "one at peace with God". Or something like that. Same root as Shalom.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:44, archived)

yes but which god?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:52, archived)

the one with the capital G

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:19, archived)

So I can eat meat on a Friday without fear?
Nice one.
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Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 23 May 2012, 18:01, archived)

are you usually frightened of meat?

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:02, archived)

Another Catholic tradition that they made up.

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:04, archived)

I thought catholicism was proper christianity and protestantism was just some pissed off german cunt taking out the bits he didn't agree with and forming a new cult

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:07, archived)

well you got protestantism pretty much nailed, anyway.
although it's Calvin who gets my goat. Despite Luther's annoyance at church corruption and hypocrisy, he was still very much Catholic in his outlook. It's because of Calvin that we ended up with capitalism and a work ethic. The bastard.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:10, archived)

so what if I grew up on an island and never met another person and never found out about god, seems a little unfair to deny me entry to heaven just because no fucker told me about it

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:13, archived)

I don't know why you'd want to go to heaven.

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:23, archived)

well it's not my decision is it, what if some deity decides I'm going there and my family are staying outside?
I'd be well pissed off about that
(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:26, archived)

oh well,
maybe you could chill with that guy from the island, and his pet monkey.
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:31, archived)

that sounds like my kind of afterlife

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:41, archived)

It's already happened, we're just too stupid to realise

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drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 23 May 2012, 17:54, archived)

dr who is shit

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 17:55, archived)

Whilst I agree with this I'm unable to see the relevance

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drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 23 May 2012, 17:57, archived)

dr who is shit

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Wed 23 May 2012, 17:58, archived)

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