afternoon

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 16:31, archived)

*nods*
bent
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 16:51, archived)

smash
( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 17:23, archived)

Indeed.
Bent.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 17:30, archived)

I'm going to Lincoln on Saturday.
Anyone been? what's it loik?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 17:30, archived)

Never mind...
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-47198502
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 17:35, archived)

Worth a visit for that alone, I'd say.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 17:37, archived)

I love being sat on by pensioners

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 17:42, archived)

+h

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 17:44, archived)

ensi arish
(97800, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 18:12, archived)

been through it
not the most picturesque parts, mind
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 17:46, archived)

I lived there for two years


Unfortunately for the purposes of your enquiry those years were 1975-6 so I've not got anything helpful to report other than that the cathedral is at the top of one of the UK's steepest streets. It's called 'Steep Hill' I believe
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 17:49, archived)

I'll stay about from Muggers Lane then

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 18:19, archived)

There's a Bent Hill in Felixstowe

(97800, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 19:51, archived)

My brother claims to have gone mushroom picking near a 'Bell End' outside Manchester
He's an inveterate liar mind
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 22:10, archived)

Probably true
and, .
(97800, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 22:26, archived)

there's deffo one in the midlands

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 12 Feb 2019, 0:24, archived)

Okay, have just read down the board. So tangles shacked up with rachel's wipe in the end?

(97800, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 17:49, archived)

I beg your pardon?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 18:26, archived)

Tangles is wiping Rachel's end.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 18:36, archived)

François Luambo Luanzo Makiadi

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 18:52, archived)

Turtle power!

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 20:01, archived)

fod

(97800, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 20:05, archived)

+ glorious fod

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 20:07, archived)

Hungry hungry I am hungry

(97800, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 20:33, archived)

For the hot sausage and "mustard" ?

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 21:08, archived)

Fucks sake
I've got a part time vacancy here which I'm trying to fill. I'm seeing quite a few applicants under 25 who have uploaded profile photos with their cvs, which look like snapchat bollocks, replete with stupid graphics and stuff. To fucking Reed.co.uk. The question I have for you trendy young people on here*, is whether that kind of shit is actually now acceptable in the workplace? Am I just an old cunt (I obviously am in general, but specifically with regard to what's appropriate in online recruitment)?

*lol
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 14:42, archived)

Anyone who uses a Snapchat filter on their profile picture for any intended use whatsoever
instantly marks themselves out as a wazzock in my eyes. Snapchat filter on your Facebook profile pic? Wazzock. Snapchat filter on your dating website pic(s)? Wazzock. Snapchat filter on your CV photo? SRSLY BRAH?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 14:47, archived)

they're all fake tanned flids with two-inch thick eyebrows, pouting away like fucking fish

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 14:55, archived)

Ah, the famous "duck face".
Beloved of slappers and chavs the world over.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 14:58, archived)

If you can't handle them at their orangiest, you don't deserve them at their best.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:07, archived)

^ too orangey for crows

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:09, archived)

don't use profile pictures here
not looking for a tv presenter
( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 14:51, archived)

why would you need to be good looking to say, "here's your tv"?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 16:54, archived)

whassit paying? gissa job

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 14:52, archived)

u dunt want this bruv i sware down

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 14:58, archived)

Given that recruitment should generally be blind to things such as race and gender,
I'm not sure why a recruitment website even allows you to upload profile pictures.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 14:55, archived)

At least you know if they are black that way

( mongychops, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 14:55, archived)

I can always tell from their names anyway

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 14:59, archived)

I saw plenty of applicants get rejected on the basis of their ethnic background, at my first office job.
"We won't be able to understand what he's saying!" be other such bollocks, which I really regret not speaking out against at the time.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:01, archived)

my first job out of uni was working in an office with a Chinese woman, Nigerian and a Zimbabwean

( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:14, archived)

Having returned to Kent, my job was in an office full of white people who couldn't stand the idea of sharing office space with any ethnic minorities.
We did seem to get a lot of white South Africans through the temp agency, though.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:18, archived)

I've never met a nice one...

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:26, archived)

White people all look alike, to me.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:29, archived)

because they're *a bunch of talentless murderers who smell like baboons?
*allegedly
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 16:07, archived)

White people from Kent?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 16:09, archived)

Can confirm.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 16:10, archived)

or heavily fake tanned
scouse brows and acrylic nails
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:13, archived)

not necessarily on the nails
mine have been confused for fakes plenty of times, people can't seem to get their heads round the idea that i can just grow my nails
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 16:09, archived)

that's because most of us are nervous ninnies who chew ours

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 16:18, archived)

i never understood why people do that
it's not as if they even taste nice
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 16:50, archived)

I would say wholly unprofessional.
These kids just link their facebook profile, so the picture may just be what is on there.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:12, archived)

Or mcbeef is just cyber-stalking all the applicants, like the creepy weirdo we all know him to be.
The alternative being that you're right and people willingly link their Facebook profiles to their job applications, which just seems like career suicide.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:15, archived)

if they apply via the app, it's easier to register via your facebook or google profiles.
Just the way the world turns now...
That, and they're leeching your data.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:21, archived)

Stop the world, I want to get off.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:24, archived)

fill this
*points at anus*
( $$ ✅, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:12, archived)

*looks*
*tilts head and gets closer*




*flicks ash from Marlborough light*


....we're gonna need a bigger bung
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:15, archived)

it's perfectly acceptable, move with the times or move on, you old cunt

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:31, archived)

He's just bitter that he's career as an Instagram Influencer never took off.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:40, archived)

I'd like to add you to my professional network on linkedin

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:47, archived)

not really, I don't even own a linkedin

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 15:48, archived)

my wife's mum tried to add her on linkedin
how's that for 'networking'
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 16:05, archived)

NotWorking, more like.
Hahahaha... I'll see myself out.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 16:10, archived)

thank god
off you pop
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 16:16, archived)

Having established that I'm going to live forever, I fully intend to make the most of my time on this earth
by hanging about on this dying website.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 16:20, archived)

i fucking hate linkedin
some job centre cunt put me on it, it's fucking pointless
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 16:10, archived)

I only use it for picking up hot lawyer totty

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 16:15, archived)

It's never been a shred of use to me professionally, I have to say.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 16:20, archived)

alright

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 10:43, archived)

--CLOSED FOR HALF TERM--

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 7:13, archived)

That's next week here

( mongychops, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 7:23, archived)

Same in Herts.
Annoying, as it means my wife isn't off when our kids are.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 7:28, archived)

I've briefly lived in Herts
twice!
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 8:10, archived)

Hatflied, more like
I doubt school exchanges count for much tho
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 8:12, archived)

Hullo

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 8:00, archived)

morning

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 8:07, archived)

Already?

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 8:38, archived)

Cats!
Cats wake me up!
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Mon 11 Feb 2019, 8:44, archived)

Evenin all!
Due to poor timings and drunkenness I'm about to sit down to a roast dinner.

How's everybody's Sunday going?
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sun 10 Feb 2019, 21:19, archived)

'S alright, yeh
Watched the rugby earlier with a colleague from work, now back in the crib, making the most of Sunday evening before Monday strikes again.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 21:27, archived)

Tried to eat kale
Still in pain. Alcohol is helping.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 21:53, archived)

Kale?
Is kale dangerous?
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sun 10 Feb 2019, 22:09, archived)

Kaol is

(97800, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 22:23, archived)

Subcommander Kaol is a Romulan serving the Romulan Republic. He serves as a liaison for the player and the allied operations in the Solanae Dyson Sphere.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sun 10 Feb 2019, 22:32, archived)

stop talking shit

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 0:15, archived)

best making heads album

(97800, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 0:30, archived)

monkeys
🐒 🐒 🐒 🐒 🐒 🐒 🐒 🐒
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 1:44, archived)

For me it is
Now on my list of "do not touch " foods
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 22:56, archived)

Kohl is

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 11 Feb 2019, 0:16, archived)

Poor Helmut :{

(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Mon 11 Feb 2019, 6:30, archived)

wanker

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 21:57, archived)

No u.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sun 10 Feb 2019, 22:32, archived)

You say that like it's a bad thing

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 22:57, archived)

Sup nigz

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 14:55, archived)

awright m8????!!!!

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 15:34, archived)

my day of relaxation is being ruined
by children and mentals fighting over malt loaf
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 15:39, archived)

Running down my clock

(97800, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 17:36, archived)

+my hands up and
l
( Cheers Cheers, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 18:03, archived)

easy like

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 7:52, archived)

morning

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 8:05, archived)

I've eaten way too much spicy food this weekend
There's trouble at t'mill
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 9:03, archived)

That Sichuan place was good, then, was it?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 12:07, archived)

Spectacular

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 14:53, archived)

Almost committed a hate crime by agreeing to my daughter getting "box braids" in her hair.
Whoops.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 9:55, archived)

What colour is she?

(97800, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 10:45, archived)

Cracker white.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 12:16, archived)

Just got up, time for a cheeky pint and some spicy noodles then off to watch the rugger.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 10:34, archived)

Sudoku in the metro

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 10:53, archived)

Children today often have mobile phones, but so too do paedophiles using Text Message Slang. And because they're on edge, they dial wrong numbers, so watch out for these.

(97800, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 11:00, archived)

NEW SIM: New Sudoku in Metro
That means that in the window of his 1980s Austin, a paedophile has just posted personal details for nine children of every age from 1 to 9.
(97800, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 11:13, archived)

Have you been reading the fail?

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 11:22, archived)

Every day

(97800, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 11:26, archived)

There, I've made it even betterer

(97800, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 11:32, archived)

^ smells of hammers

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 12:46, archived)

Turtle power

( Cheers Cheers, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 11:25, archived)

difficult difficult lemon difficult

( manolith hooray for me, Sun 10 Feb 2019, 13:17, archived)

twat and shit and fuck-shit twats

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 18:12, archived)

Land Rover for sale, 50 miles on the clock

(97800, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 18:58, archived)

Brown paper packages tied up with strings

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 19:06, archived)

These are a few of my twat and shit things

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 20:13, archived)

fuck off reggie watts

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 19:09, archived)

¯\(º_o)/¯

( mongychops, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 19:21, archived)

Mim
Mim, mim, mimitey, mim, mim, fleef.
( arsefez is back, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 19:51, archived)

mem

(97800, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 20:06, archived)

mimsy, noony, mimble

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 20:15, archived)

... Turtle power!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 20:25, archived)

Surprised no-one's said "#infest" yet.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 20:26, archived)

if you say so

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 21:59, archived)

"#infest" yet.

(97800, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 22:50, archived)

Alright MGT.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 22:57, archived)

are you still here?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:18, archived)

No

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:26, archived)

cheers

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:42, archived)

Alright 'Rodger Waters'.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:28, archived)

yes, I did

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:42, archived)

Yes

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:30, archived)

ah, but you're there too

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:42, archived)

Target lost

(97800, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:33, archived)

bumholes

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:43, archived)

yaaaas fuckin choon
www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZtWo_kBVos
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 15:27, archived)

Where?

(b0rk3d Jokes are better than technique!, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:40, archived)

*merges*

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:43, archived)

here is an abstract concept

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:41, archived)

not where I am

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:43, archived)

where are you?

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:45, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8210403
(b0rk3d Jokes are better than technique!, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:49, archived)

starting the day as i mean to go on.
with a vodka and lemonade
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:54, archived)

WTF?
lemonade whisky
(b0rk3d Jokes are better than technique!, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 15:06, archived)

an excellent plan, with only two drawbacks.
1. we don't have any whisky
2. what the fuck are you talking about why would i mix vodka with whisky
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 15:11, archived)

My bad
I thought you were drinking them separately
(b0rk3d Jokes are better than technique!, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 15:13, archived)

well that's the vodka done
there's only lager now
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 15:22, archived)

*shudders*

(b0rk3d Jokes are better than technique!, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 15:31, archived)

nowt wrong wi' Tennent's

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 15:40, archived)

ALL lager is gross!
Cider for the winna
(b0rk3d Jokes are better than technique!, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 15:44, archived)

this is an incorrect opinion.
although i do like a bit of cider, too.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 15:52, archived)

*cheers*

(b0rk3d Jokes are better than technique!, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 16:32, archived)

Cheers

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 17:00, archived)

I kind of want to attempt a K Cider (or Merrydown) and Super T snakebite.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 16:43, archived)

Heretic.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 15:59, archived)

starting is an abstract concept

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 15:12, archived)

oh yeah?
and are you an abstract concept mate? are you? cos if you are, i am too
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 16:42, archived)

I'm on a recovery pint.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 15:59, archived)

dunno

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 15:14, archived)

tangers!

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 15:16, archived)

sartori in tanger

(97800, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 16:12, archived)

occasionally

( manolith hooray for me, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 17:10, archived)

lies

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 17:23, archived)

I just tried my cousin's homebrew
I'm not sure what "here" is
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 17:35, archived)

Must be strong stuff.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 17:37, archived)

WHAT OF IT

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 20:16, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 6:57, archived)

Morning
Forgot how much I hate getting up early for work
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 7:12, archived)

Morning.
No. 2 son has reached the age where he starts to smell a bit if he doesn't shower regularly, as I found out when he climbed into bed with me this morning. Thanks, puberty!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 8:14, archived)

I bet that put you off your stroke

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 8:33, archived)

My dad taught me how to wank, it's only right that I pass his technique on.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 8:44, archived)

It's good to see the old traditions kept up

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 8:50, archived)

he's probably been rolling around in foxes poo outside
they do that sometimes
( $$ ✅, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 8:33, archived)

"my dogs are like my babies!"

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 8:44, archived)

Hairy and drooling, with added fleas?

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 8:59, archived)

Why is your teenage child climbing into your bed??
#noncedad
(b0rk3d Jokes are better than technique!, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 15:12, archived)

Morning all.
I got into the liquor cabinet last night and ran amok, I can feel my brain bumping against my skull.

What's everyone doing then? Now that Albert Finney's dead?
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sat 9 Feb 2019, 9:29, archived)

Morning and ting.
I've just taken the bins in and am going to a cat bar later on. Rock the cat bar, etc.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 9:41, archived)

Yiff in hell, furfag.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 11:03, archived)

What on earth is a cat bar?
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sat 9 Feb 2019, 11:15, archived)

It's a café where you can have a coffee and a slice of cake or whatever,
and play with the cats that live there. They have 5-6 resident cats with their own toys and cat trees and so on. It's, like, therapeutic and stuff.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 11:19, archived)

I love combining the stroking of cats with putting food into my mouth.
Cats that lick their own arseholes and cover their fur in fish-flavoured saliva.
(97800, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 12:42, archived)

Stop, I can only get so hard.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 12:59, archived)

How this passes a health inspection, I'll never know.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 13:02, archived)

The scent marking on the chelsea buns was top notch. Five stars.

(97800, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 13:12, archived)

Ew.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 13:56, archived)

I love dogs but the recent trend of allowing them to wander around cafe bars is a bit much.
Still less annoying than people using cafes as a free creche though.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 13:59, archived)

That actually sounds quite good.

(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Sat 9 Feb 2019, 14:13, archived)

Urgh
My work had a big party that I fucked off from around 10 when the 'rockoke' band came on. I went to the pub on the way home and ended up chatting to the DJ. Went on the piss with him and bumped into one of the bigwigs and a colleague and ended up in a gentleman's club (the kind that isn't a strippers) until about half 4.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 13:35, archived)

My mate made his fortune selling white goods.
He's a fridge magnate.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 22:55, archived)

I've been diagnosed with a rare form of amnesia which means I have no recollection of 1980s goth bands.
There's no cure.
( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 22:57, archived)

To my eternal disgust, I like this

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 23:08, archived)

lmaoooooo

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 19:47, archived)

Superglue should help

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 20:07, archived)

You can prob glue it back...

( arsefez is back, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 20:07, archived)

tee hee pointing at chickens

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 20:08, archived)

Guacamole.

( arsefez is back, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 20:14, archived)

i tried pulling my eyelid down as far as it will go,
and then blowing my nose
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 20:19, archived)

There's no business like show business

( arsefez is back, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 21:18, archived)

If you look up at the sun it stops

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 21:41, archived)

MAGA

(97800, Sat 9 Feb 2019, 0:03, archived)

My eyelids don't go down very far
But that's because i had them glued to my face while my forehead was being drilled into
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 22:17, archived)

sorry to hear you were abducted by aliens

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 23:11, archived)

sextuple negative

(97800, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 20:08, archived)

Hur hur hur..
... hur hur hur...


hur hur...








"tup"!
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 21:13, archived)

Lol wut

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 20:56, archived)

too soon
wait until morning threads
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 21:28, archived)

evening

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 17:01, archived)

apparently a dog has done a shit on my train, a couple of carriages down.
lol
( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 18:15, archived)

I'm on a train too.
Some cunt keeps doing farts that smell of burnt peanuts.

To make matters worse it's not even me.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 18:26, archived)

that was me, m8

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 18:28, archived)

Seek medical attention, m8.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 18:45, archived)

yo

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 19:37, archived)

Wow what a load of shit
Come on you knobkin's, you can do better than this.

Oh no, hang on, no you can't.

Planning on catching up with /chat #ledge Mr Tea later following some fiery Szechuan tucker. Fiery's an odd word isn't it? It should be firey.

Fiery. Fiery...FLAVORTOWN!!!!
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:34, archived)

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:35, archived)

^mayor of Flavortown

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:35, archived)

My dream night out would be a massive shoe&brew session with Danny Dyer and Guy Fieri

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:41, archived)

that would be my hell

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 13:00, archived)

well unlucky, we're picking you at 8:30

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:24, archived)

NEXT STOP, FLAVORTOWN!

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:35, archived)

that would arouse my bell

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 13:03, archived)

I'd be well jel

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 13:49, archived)

reckon they kiss and tell?

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:30, archived)

k p
t sm
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:31, archived)

no way

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 15:30, archived)

fiery the /talkers fell

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:40, archived)

You fiery fairy

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:44, archived)

I'LL BE LOOKIN FOR YOUR RECTUM
IN TOILETS, NIGHTCLUBS AND DIVES
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:26, archived)

coincidentally I'm going to nip out to buy some tea now

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:50, archived)

3/7 In-egg_cusable

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:56, archived)

Ever chewed raw Szechuan pepper on its own?
It's like your mouth is tripping out while the rest of you is wondering what the fuck is going on.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:57, archived)

nope but I've got a bag at home and now I want to try it

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:27, archived)

Seest thou yon dreary Plain, forlorn and wilde,
The seat of desolation, voyd of light,
Save what the glimmering of these livid flames
Casts pale and dreadful? Thither let us tend
From off the tossing of these fiery waves.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 13:04, archived)

wanker

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 13:42, archived)

You love it, you slag.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 13:51, archived)

lol tossing

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:27, archived)

lol

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:30, archived)

Watching this place in its death throes is really rather dull.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 13:45, archived)

^ part of the problem

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:01, archived)

^ the rest of the problem

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:02, archived)

The bigger part. Much like an iceberg

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:12, archived)

yes m8, what a morbund web forum needs to thrive is the banning of popular and 'well rofl' posters.

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:13, archived)

^ B3ta's very own Colin Hunt

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:19, archived)

Yeah you being a cunt has certainly improved this place to the point nobody wants to post in your shadow

( mongychops, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:22, archived)

morbund eh?

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:28, archived)

can never have too much bund

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:30, archived)

ted had too much

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:36, archived)

well bundy

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:37, archived)

totally dahmer

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:47, archived)

yeah, MORBUND, damn straight yo

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 15:09, archived)

Not as dull as whining about it

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 21:25, archived)

RIP Albert Finney

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:12, archived)

i a

lol
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:48, archived)

lol

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 14:50, archived)

lol

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 15:03, archived)

RAP Albert Finney

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 15:06, archived)

my 70-year-old mother just got a tattoo
wasn't expecting that
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 15:17, archived)

crikey
Dare I ask what of?
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 15:36, archived)

sailor with a stonk-on

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 15:39, archived)

+ next to her minge

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 15:45, archived)

alright planearm, anything good on telly?

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 15:48, archived)

mechanic resurrection in 4k UHD

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 16:08, archived)

echanic resurr y dad with an e
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 16:19, archived)

r sur
( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 16:20, archived)

The fact that it only cost £30 should tell you how small it is
She still whinged like a bitch
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 15:57, archived)

Tom of Finland?
Very classy.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 17:32, archived)

her own face, on her quivering right buttock

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 15:40, archived)

full back tattoo of Guy Fieri

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 15:44, archived)

+ with a stonk-on

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 15:47, archived)

My sister's name
She's terrified of needles and my nephew filmed her swearing at the tattooist
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 15:55, archived)

...with a stonk-on

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 16:02, archived)

Somehow, I doubt it

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 16:11, archived)

oh man this place looks fucking awesome
www.thesichuan.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/The-Sichuan-2017-Menu.pdf
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 15:43, archived)

Prawn cocktail, please.
Gammon with a slice of pineapple for me main, and a slice of black forest gateaux for afters.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 16:01, archived)

Aw man, pig's kidney with cucumber and fungus!
Ants climbing up a tree!

Translationlolz aside, though, that does look fukken incredible.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 16:03, archived)

I am really going to struggle to choose

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 16:10, archived)

"Also offering top quality Karaoke systems with most up to date Chinese and English songs"
I think we've found where you can take Danny and Guy.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 16:14, archived)

Awesome
Smoke on the Water for Guido, Gertcha for Daniel-san
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 16:21, archived)

YEAH BOYEEEEEE!!!!

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 17:31, archived)

afternoon

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:05, archived)

Wasn't like this in my day

(97800, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:13, archived)

When was your day?
What was it like?
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:17, archived)

Wednesday.
It was shit.
( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:30, archived)

I bet your thinking about Mariqueen Maandig's feet again

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:23, archived)

aren't we all?

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:30, archived)

*you're

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:34, archived)

morning

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 9:36, archived)

it's only fackin' friday ain't it

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 9:47, archived)

fackin AVE IT

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 9:49, archived)

Might go pub then

( mongychops, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 9:52, archived)

Go to pub (do do do do do do)!
Go to pub (do do do do)!
Go to pub (do do do do do do)!
Go to pub!

Drink in pub (do do do do do do)!
Drink in pub (do do do do)!
Drink in pub (do do do do do do)!
Drink in pub!

Stager home (do do do do do do)!
Stagger home (do do do do)!
Stagger home(do do do do do do)!
Stagger home!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 10:09, archived)

it's what fridays were made for

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 10:48, archived)

get in

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 10:59, archived)

Get your knickers on and go and make me a cup of tea.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 9:51, archived)

one lump or two?

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 9:53, archived)

Unexpected crotch bulge

(97800, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 12:04, archived)

FFS

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 10:03, archived)

bit rude

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 10:05, archived)

Morning all.
The weather is rubbish. Time for hibernation and films, and soup.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 8 Feb 2019, 10:21, archived)

alright ocsp

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 10:22, archived)

What up bruv.
I've been coughing my guts up and leaking various fluids all week. How are you?
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Fri 8 Feb 2019, 10:30, archived)

i'm ok ta, on the lookout for the next hilarious beeter catchphrase, u no me m8 lol

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 10:36, archived)

morning bent

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 10:23, archived)

morning b

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 10:36, archived)

roadswo

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 10:36, archived)

rd

( bent reznor the brownward spiral, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 10:36, archived)

grease it

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 11:23, archived)

Morning

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 6:44, archived)

o/

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 6:58, archived)

It's Friday though
So less terrible
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 7:07, archived)

afk morning poo

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 7:13, archived)

Ugh™

(97800, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 8:16, archived)

Maaarning.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 8:16, archived)

hi will

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 8:19, archived)

           ,-,-.
         ,'     `.
        /         \      
       (___________)
         |(.) (.)|
         |  (_)  |
         |  ,-.  |
         |       |
         |       |
         |       |

( $$ ✅, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 8:26, archived)

Morning threads, eh? 'member them?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 9:19, archived)

I remember when all this were fields.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 9:28, archived)

Some of these are nice, I don't know much about this sort of thing tho
onlineonly.christies.com/s/deep-impact-martian-lunar-other-rare-meteorites/desert-glass-asteroid-impact-earth-39/67005
( mongychops, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 9:37, archived)

not cheap are they

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 9:37, archived)

No , the moon rocks are a bit pricey

( mongychops, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 9:39, archived)

won't

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 8 Feb 2019, 9:46, archived)