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morning

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 22 Sep 2026, 5:45, Reply)
morning morning

(I helped save b3ta! Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Tue 22 Sep 2026, 6:09, Reply)
morning

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 22 Sep 2026, 7:03, Reply)
morning

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Tue 22 Sep 2026, 6:11, Reply)
morning

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 22 Sep 2026, 7:03, Reply)
morning

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Tue 22 Sep 2026, 7:23, Reply)
morning

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 22 Sep 2026, 7:47, Reply)
Yo

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Tue 22 Sep 2026, 7:41, Reply)
mongy

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 22 Sep 2026, 7:48, Reply)
M’rning

(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 22 Sep 2026, 7:43, Reply)
Hi

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Tue 22 Sep 2026, 7:48, Reply)
codswallop

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 19:34, Reply)
haddockspunch

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 19:49, Reply)
BOLLOCKS

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 19:52, Reply)
codsbollocks

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 19:53, Reply)
alright

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 20:14, Reply)
kinda

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 20:33, Reply)
^ GAY ^

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 22:34, Reply)
Wallops cod?
Fish toucher
(I helped save b3ta! Octo I ruin everything., Mon 21 Sep 2026, 21:11, Reply)
It refers to soft roe, the "wallop" part obviously meaning the semen load milked from male cod, fried, and eaten
The hard roe, from female cod, is referred to as "poppycock", because it resembles poppy seeds up close, and looks like a cock while it's being extruded.
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 21:24, Reply)
Haha brilliant!

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 21:26, Reply)
bollockscock

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 21:28, Reply)
Balderdash

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 23:42, Reply)
afternoon gooch huffers
It’s cold and I’ve had to put a jumper on.
What have you put on? You can’t say ‘the Ritz’
(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 12:12, Reply)
Airs and graces.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 21 Sep 2026, 12:32, Reply)
🎩

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 12:34, Reply)

pubic h+
gr fae
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 13:27, Reply)
My poor wife

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 13:03, Reply)
alright Les Dawson

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 13:35, Reply)
My dad hired a caravan for a holiday when I was very young.
I remember thinking at the time that the man running the place was that man off the telly, i.e. Les Dawson. I suppose he must have looked a bit like him. It wasn't until years later that I worked out it was probably someone else.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 14:37, Reply)
Also, I was sure that the woman who sang "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" was my primary 1 teacher.
Didn't think to question it until years later.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 15:00, Reply)
Could of been leading a double life.

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 17:30, Reply)
Could've

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 17:39, Reply)
Thanks
always get that wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 17:54, Reply)
Think of it this way: imagine it's you, and it's true.
He could have been leading a double life
I could have [could've] been leading a double life
I have been leading a double life

Conversely:
He could of been leading a double life
I could of been leading a double life
I of been leading a double life
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 19:25, Reply)
cooda
shooda wooda
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 22 Sep 2026, 0:50, Reply)
You're wearing her as a hat?

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 18:26, Reply)
'it'
you know, like Big L
www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWMjRMJ0dTI
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 13:29, Reply)
Word

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 13:36, Reply)
My pants.
Not someone else's pants. Mine. I checked.
(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 13:51, Reply)
Did they have your name sewn in?

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 14:01, Reply)
I bet they're not checked.
I bet they're red with polka dots.
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 21 Sep 2026, 15:24, Reply)
PODKA

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 17:47, Reply)
Podka Coke, no less.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 21 Sep 2026, 18:42, Reply)
About 3 inches to my head

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 13:51, Reply)
Oops

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 14:02, Reply)
How many inches head were you giving before the increase?

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 15:26, Reply)
Not many
Strong gag reflex and sharp teeth
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 23:43, Reply)
a record

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 15:31, Reply)
a hoodie.
Leaving work as soon as my laptop shuts down.
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 15:46, Reply)
A condom. As they say in the Boy Scouts, 'be prepared'

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 16:25, Reply)
Are we...are we the baddies?

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 16:33, Reply)
Thinking of rearranging the deck chairs, on the Titanic

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 16:33, Reply)
exciting.
Will the band provide a little rearranging music?
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 16:51, Reply)
The hits of N*Sink.

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 16:57, Reply)
Ok didnt mean to set that up
but I like a good pun
(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 17:10, Reply)
It was a fucking awful pun, Will

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 17:40, Reply)
Yeah.

(I helped save b3ta! willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 17:54, Reply)
+ Vanilla Ice

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 19:30, Reply)
morning

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 5:35, Reply)
morning misery

(I helped save b3ta! Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 6:02, Reply)
morning invisibly

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 6:03, Reply)
Morning
I've really got to stop doing all nighters
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 6:45, Reply)
on the gear again eh?

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 6:59, Reply)
I are jelly
Been ages since I got on the razzle dazzle …
(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 9:35, Reply)
mǒrning

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 7:13, Reply)
Yo, háček yourself before you wřeck yourself.
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 21 Sep 2026, 10:03, Reply)
Yes?

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 7:46, Reply)
just missed you is all

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 7:50, Reply)
Apparently The Goat has forgotten about /talk, sad times

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 7:59, Reply)
-talk +dre

(piss and shit, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 8:08, Reply)
-dre +Dave

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 9:44, Reply)
Hi

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 11:31, Reply)
,Trouser

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 12:39, Reply)
Morning

("TEMU Bou", Mon 21 Sep 2026, 8:12, Reply)
Morning
Met up with the guys from the disbanded band yesterday as the drummer was in the UK. Had a jolly fun jamming afternoon and a couple of pints after.
(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 9:36, Reply)
Which band?
My friend from schools son is in a band stupidly called "cereal sauce"
So called cos the lead singer is lactose intolerant
I told her it was a stupid name
She wasn't amused. Hasn't spoken to me since
I really think I have no social graces
("TEMU Bou", Mon 21 Sep 2026, 18:36, Reply)
Presley Gerber, Cindy Crawford's son, dies aged 27.
Richard Gere strikes again.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 10:48, Reply)
Evening

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:00, Reply)
hello

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:04, Reply)
hello

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:09, Reply)
Evening

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:10, Reply)
bedtime for me

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:34, Reply)
night

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:37, Reply)
see you on the flip

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:40, Reply)
morning

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 1:38, Reply)
morning

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 5:35, Reply)
morning

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 7:12, Reply)
hello

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:10, Reply)
tell my wife hello

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 6:01, Reply)
Evening

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:07, Reply)
I cannot spoil such a majestic chevron

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:15, Reply)
hello?
MiseryCunt has dun a shit on it now
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:31, Reply)
i just want to watch the world burn

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:41, Reply)
Not just a clever name then

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:43, Reply)
and fuck up a chevron

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:50, Reply)
You should fuck that cunt up
Show that you won't be put upon in this manner
(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 23:01, Reply)
i probably will but he's tired now

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 23:19, Reply)
i am please leave a message with my secretary

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 23:22, Reply)
I like to think that thousands of years in the future researchers will look at this and say, look at this

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:35, Reply)
and when they do eyes will finally be opened

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:58, Reply)
WITH A CHISEL

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 23:01, Reply)
look at this, they'll say, then argggg

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 23:19, Reply)
Hi

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 23:03, Reply)
Hi

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 23:03, Reply)
G'day japper's
I hope this find's you well
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 14:02, Reply)
Looking at flights out of here

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 14:13, Reply)
Already?

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 18:49, Reply)
I have to book

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 19:22, Reply)
thomas cook

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 6:02, Reply)
Not if I find you well first.

(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 14:14, Reply)
It finds me de-smegging my extensive dildo collection, as it happens.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 20 Sep 2026, 14:17, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8485985
(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Mon 21 Sep 2026, 6:03, Reply)
Bit of a sair heid

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 14:18, Reply)
Few too many halves of shandy last night?

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 20 Sep 2026, 14:44, Reply)
Yeah. Was DJing with my acid house pal for 6 hours.
We get paid in drinks and food, was steady away for the DJing, it was the two more pints at a different bar that's given me the hangover.

Great fun though, the bar got pretty busy and the punters were enjoying it.

Sneaked in a Marcus Intalex record early doors.
(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 14:54, Reply)
Can't believe I missed the opportunity to write "Burnt Cobain" in the dead pop stars pun thread. :(

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 20 Sep 2026, 14:46, Reply)
Krisped Novoselic

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 15:23, Reply)
Grave Grohl

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 15:27, Reply)
Yeah but he wouldn't have counted because he actually is dead.

(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Sun 20 Sep 2026, 15:58, Reply)
Do a Pat Smear pun mate, you've ruined the sub-thread

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 16:43, Reply)
So's Bowie, and someone did a Bowie pun.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 20 Sep 2026, 18:14, Reply)
No I fucking didn’t

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 18:50, Reply)
Mortney Love

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 17:42, Reply)
High queefs, I saw Volodymyr Zelenskyy earlier near Tesco's in Sunbury
Prob popping in for a meal deal I reckon
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 16:10, Reply)
Was he buying aint-no-chicken Kyivs?

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 20 Sep 2026, 18:44, Reply)
I'm losing my mind
Trying to cope with a very unhappy toddler who wants her dad. He's filming and we can't get hold of him, which she doesn't understand.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 16:39, Reply)
is it a porn film?

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 18:05, Reply)
no
his moist exterior is congealing
(piss and shit, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 18:35, Reply)
I mean, that sounds a bit like a porn film

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 20:43, Reply)
Dear Queef,
I’ve had a nice chill day and am now making a lasagna.

Regard’s,
Cheers
(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 17:39, Reply)
i just made smashed burgers and they were delicious.

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 21:18, Reply)
Does that mean you smashed up a ready-made burger?

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 22:08, Reply)
no i ground steak with my trusty kmix

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 20 Sep 2026, 23:03, Reply)
Hi

("TEMU Bou", Mon 21 Sep 2026, 18:38, Reply)

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