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this is my planet. i have made it. i shall answer any questions you have about my lovely planet.

QUESTION TIME IS NOW OVER! SHOWER TIME HAS COME!

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:26, archived)

How come the gravitational field produces an irregular ring around it?

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taters Bah weep grahnah weep ninibong, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:27, archived)

the ring didn't start out irregular

but nasa sent a shuttle right through the ring last week and it hasn't got itself back in shape yet

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:29, archived)

the bastards

Were NASA impressed with your planet's 100% luminosity?

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taters Bah weep grahnah weep ninibong, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:30, archived)

no, the cunts

they said the luminosity interfered with their navigational equipment

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:32, archived)

fucking hell

i'd best keep the planet to yourself then. Dont get falling over yourself trying to impress those NASA cunts.

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taters Bah weep grahnah weep ninibong, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:33, archived)

they're all barred

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:34, archived)

UR ALL B&

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taters Bah weep grahnah weep ninibong, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:03, archived)

YEAH! TAKE THAT, NASA!

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:07, archived)

lets hope it doesn't end up like this

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Elvis impersonator, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:55, archived)

we intend to have the whole planet de-wormed next week

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:57, archived)

It's a circle of poo

floating in the stratosphere it's all down to Global Warming or something science-like

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maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:44, archived)

it's not poo :(

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:44, archived)

That's what they want you to think

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maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:45, archived)

it's tomato soup

a costly reminder of The Great Soup Wars. many loyal Spoonians lost their lives in this tragic conflict.

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:46, archived)

Was the Soup Dragon involved from the Clanger's home world?

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maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:49, archived)

he was a conscientious objector

fucking fence-sitting dragons

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:50, archived)

does your planet have breasts ?

I like breasts

(Fat Ballbag, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:28, archived)

it has breasts

in the sense that females living on it are generally betitted.

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:29, archived)

this is good

where can I buy a ticket to your lovely jubblie planet

(Fat Ballbag, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:31, archived)

you can't

if i decide you deserve to go there, i put your name on the list and you wait to be contacted.

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:33, archived)

I beg you to reconsider

With your planet full of breasts and my Fat Ballbag we could have lots of fun
Well I would

(Fat Ballbag, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:41, archived)

you may be on the list

you'll just have to wait and see

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:42, archived)

Can it be milked?

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Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:30, archived)

yes

but the milk is toxic and slightly gritty

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:31, archived)

hmmmm sounds like my

man muck

(Fat Ballbag, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:32, archived)

does your man muck have the ability to eat through titanium rivets?

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:35, archived)

To be honest I have not tried

(Fat Ballbag, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:39, archived)

you should

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:41, archived)

I have tried now,I am all sweaty

But all I get is a little tarnishing of the rivet heads.
This means my spooge is safe for space craft and the trip to your planet

(Fat Ballbag, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:17, archived)

*checks list*

well, i'm not promising anything, but there may be a seat left in steerage

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:18, archived)

Why does it have dandruff?

(Ravenous Bugblatter Beast This content may not be working. Please try again., Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:35, archived)

it's not dandruff

i blasted millions of tons of sherbet into space, to cheer up astronauts

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:37, archived)

*Raises hand*

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Jahled Three shades of black, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:35, archived)

Politeness on b3ta?

What is the world coming to?

(Ravenous Bugblatter Beast This content may not be working. Please try again., Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:36, archived)

you there, the lad with his hand down his kecks

what's your question?

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:38, archived)

Umm, does your planet grow datura? This is of the upmost importance

www.b3ta.com/board/3759265

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Jahled Three shades of black, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:39, archived)

there is a thriving datura industry

on 2 continents

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:41, archived)

This is fantastic news

I shall invest heavily in your planet as I think datura is the answer to society's problems

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Jahled Three shades of black, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:48, archived)

indeed

and it gives us many pirates

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:54, archived)

Oh great ruler of this planet....

What is it's name?

(Lip Up Fatty Fatty Reggae still loves BBQ food on, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:38, archived)

spoon

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:42, archived)

So....

Are you the ruler? God? Goddess of the planet Spoon?

but most imporantly....what is the planets anthem?

(Lip Up Fatty Fatty Reggae still loves BBQ food on, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:43, archived)

i am both ruler and goddess

and the anthem is i can't decide by the scissor sisters. it replaced winger's battle stations.

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:47, archived)

What is it made of?

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Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:42, archived)

rocks, water, datura and magic

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:43, archived)

That's a nice flower. does it have a Sainsbury's?

I'm only visiting if it has a Sainsbury's

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Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:45, archived)

it has a sainsbury's

but no kfc

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:48, archived)

thereby limiting the plebian population

Hook me up a datura drip, I'm there!

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Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:50, archived)

What is the gravitational pull relative to our own earth's, expressed as a direct ratio?

Please.

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Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:43, archived)

hey, i'm just the ruler/goddess, not a bloody scientist

i pay people to work that shit out for me

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:45, archived)

What are Spoon's natural resources?

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Mr. Oleary MAKE MONEY FAST $$$, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:48, archived)

big-titted women, sherbet booze and luminous plants

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:51, archived)

I think this is the tune...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMervViId6w

...wandering around through spoon's jungle continent, past the luminous plants, drinking booze, looking at the big titted women. oh yeah.

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Mr. Oleary MAKE MONEY FAST $$$, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:32, archived)

can't get youtube

but if you're going drunkenly through the jungle, you should be listening to the lion sleeps tonight by tight fit.

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:34, archived)

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

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maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:48, archived)

an african swallow?

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:52, archived)

I have a question.....

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Wobbly Bloke Hello, did I miss anything on, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:49, archived)

what is it?

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:52, archived)

WHERE ARE THE BLOODY FISH!!!!!!!!!!!

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Wobbly Bloke Hello, did I miss anything on, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:18, archived)

fish are sooooo last week

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:19, archived)

Does Keanu Reeves recognise that this is Planet Spoon?

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maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:51, archived)

he has denied the existence of Spoon

since we changed the anthem from a song that was on the bill and ted's bogus journey soundtrack

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:53, archived)

What about Planet Spork?

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Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:54, archived)

who do you think started the soup wars?

WE WILL NEVER ACCEPT CHUNKY VEGETABLE!

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:56, archived)

That's what Planet Fish Knife said

And look at them now. LOOK AT THEM NOW.

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Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:58, archived)

i look at them regularly

they won't piss me off again, the cunts

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:59, archived)

Oh, OK

Also, I need something to draw. Anything of artistic interest on your planet?

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Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:00, archived)

there are always the water mice

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:21, archived)

what do they look like?

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Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:23, archived)

they're hard to spot

but they have glistening green wings like a dragonfly and their sparkly mauve fur is waterproofed. they have snorkel-noses, which make them resemble the star-nosed mole somewhat. their tails are longer than those of normal mice and have flattened ends which are pierced. unfortunately, this has led to them being hunted almost to extinction and used as air fresheners.

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:26, archived)

I'll see if I can find one...

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Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:29, archived)

Does your planet love to jump rope?

Also, I was going to 'shop a similar planet with a "No Vacancy" sign. But I don't know how to do it, and will therefore miss the weekly compo.

Nice stars.

(

cowcat Bituminous squeegee, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:54, archived)

jumping rope is a popular pastime among Spoon's more athletic men

and the stars are nice, aren't they?

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 19:58, archived)

How many questions about your planet do you think it will take,

Before you get bored of ansering questions about your planet?

I shall try to guess what your reply is while I am at the shop, and see if my guess was right when I get back....

(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:02, archived)

i don't know

but i'm off to get a shower at about 8.45

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:03, archived)

You'll never get to go to the academy and learn the force and stuff with an attitude like that ;-0

(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:06, archived)

but i'll be nice and clean

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:10, archived)

Mmmmmm clean, clean you say? what know you of clean? for nine hundred years I'v been clean...

(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:28, archived)

i bet it takes ages to clean between those green wrinkles

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:29, archived)

I only need to know one thing: where the dirt is...

Is yours gonna be a standup fight, Miss, or another bughunt?

(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:37, archived)

i don't know

but a xenomorph may be involved.
now i go shower.

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:38, archived)

Rub'a'dub..................

(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:39, archived)

Where is Planet Spoon?

It doesn't appear on any known astro-navigational charts

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Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:02, archived)

that's the point

it's hiding behind the crab nebula

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:04, archived)

how do you account for an irregular ring ?

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The Twisted Omentum vidi vici veni, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:14, archived)

NASA stretched it

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:15, archived)

ooof !!

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The Twisted Omentum vidi vici veni, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 21:44, archived)

Are there any significant harvestable resources on your planet?

I was thinking precious metals, naqua'da, mattresses called Zem, that sort of thing.

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Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:15, archived)

that sounds a very invade-y kind of question

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:16, archived)

Not at all, we wish only to live in peace and harmony with the inhabitants of Planet Spoon

and we promise not to enslave them and make them work in mattress processing facilities. Absolutely. We don't do that sort of thing.

Incidentally, got a hypothetical question. How big a spaceship do you think would be needed to lift your planet's gold reserves? Just asking, no reason.

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Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:22, archived)

i have banned all gold from entering Spoon's atmosphere

as i'm allergic to it.

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:27, archived)

Ah, you're a cyber(wo)man

One of the original ones, not this parallel-universe nonsense.

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Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:29, archived)

why do people keep calling me that?

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:31, archived)

Spoonrise

(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:16, archived)

oh, now i like this

*clicks*

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:20, archived)

sci-fi films

mandatory viewing or optional?

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Haku Orange Whip? Orange Whip? Three Orange Whips., Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:20, archived)

sci-fi films are optional, but highly recommended

horror films are mandatory on saturdays and hallowe'en.

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:22, archived)

sign me up to the next shuttle!

err am I going to like the shuttle ticket price?

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Haku Orange Whip? Orange Whip? Three Orange Whips., Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:23, archived)

i'm sure we can come to an arrangement....

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:28, archived)

your anus!

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prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:21, archived)

we've been through this

when i saisd NASA stretched the ring, i wasn't talking about my personal ring

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:23, archived)

Never Aggravate Stretched Arses

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prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:27, archived)

pfff

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:33, archived)

Bad day to be a spoonanaut...

(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:26, archived)

NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

*smites the fuck out of you*

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:30, archived)

Do the residents get bothered that the land and sea clash?

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Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:29, archived)

not at all

they have as much sense of taste as i do

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:32, archived)

Do you have to go to school on your planet?

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BorisKarloff is in the back of the classroom forever, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:38, archived)

yes

stupidity is frowned upon

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:55, archived)

FUCK!!!!!

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BorisKarloff is in the back of the classroom forever, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 20:58, archived)

does your planet have landing facilities for bread based interplanetary craft?

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cakeburglar still bored with Freebase, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 21:04, archived)

yes

NO MORE QUESTIONS! I GO NOW!

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 21:13, archived)

that's handy :D

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cakeburglar still bored with Freebase, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 21:15, archived)

bugger

I was just about to ask when a cat is

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Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Wed 9 Nov 2011, 22:24, archived)