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# Newsletter subject line compo
come one me old chinas
let's hear your one liners
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:03, archived)
# I STILL BELIEVE, SINGS CAPELLO
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:06, archived)
# Dear Parliament security: Can I have my German army helmet back please?
(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:07, archived)
# What's going on here? Random words are linked to weird rollovers. Only happening on b3ta. Anyone know what's causing this?
Edit: Sorted I think. Went to TextEnhance.com and opted out. Funny I don't remember opting in....


(I helped save b3ta! Fresh Water Mole loves his baby boy more and more every day, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:44, archived)
# You got the dirty bacteria in your browser
(I helped save b3ta! Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:45, archived)
# Fuuuck, you've infected me now.
It's making your picture have a pink border

Oooh, I found a new button
(I helped save b3ta! Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:50, archived)
# I've opted you out.
The picture should've gone now.
(I helped save b3ta! Fresh Water Mole loves his baby boy more and more every day, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:51, archived)
# Indeed
(I helped save b3ta! Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:52, archived)
# morphic resonance
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:46, archived)
# Hurray!
You won a iPhone!
(I helped save b3ta! amygdala, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:46, archived)
# I've won five today already. Want to buy one?
:D

(I helped save b3ta! Fresh Water Mole loves his baby boy more and more every day, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:48, archived)
# iPhone 20sssss.
(I helped save b3ta! An Eagle in Your Mind, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:49, archived)
# Rdli Hakkis memorial issue.
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:08, archived)
# Specsavers.com
that's a site for bad eyesight
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:08, archived)
# I did the 'Site for...' about 8 years ago for Optrex
Should I sue Tim Vine?
(I helped save b3ta! Ninj, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:10, archived)
# yes
yes you should
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:11, archived)
# I went to the video shop
I said "Can I have Batman Forever?"
He said, " no, you've gotta bring it back tomorrow"
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:11, archived)
# I went to the video shop
I said "Can I have Batman Forever?
And they said, "fuck off son this is a pound shop now, the internet killed the video business model."
So I said, "Ok, can I have 50 AA batteries for a pound that have no charge in them?"
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:14, archived)
# Until they stopped selling them
I used to use the charity shops of Kentish Town like the best video rental shop ever - every film was a pound and there were no limits on when you could take them back

They were three for a quid towards the end there
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:15, archived)
# I like buying charity shop CDs for similar reason
some how walking home and listening to a £1 CD that's great is better than a torrent.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:18, archived)
# admit it
you just love to snuffle up that old lady smell on them, don't you?
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:20, archived)
# The charity shops round my way have LOADS
But they massivley overprice their DVDs
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:20, archived)
# Eh, my VCR gave up the ghost ages back now
besides, I've got a 50Meg Virgin line now, it's quicker to download than it is to stream
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:35, archived)
# I bought my best ever jacket from
a St. Vincents shop for €3.
(I helped save b3ta! dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:37, archived)
# Should B3ta sue Betamax?
(I helped save b3ta! Ninj, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:18, archived)
# B3taMax
was the password for the database of the first ever version of the board.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:24, archived)
# Ooh historicals!
Smashing :)
(I helped save b3ta! Ninj, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:25, archived)
# *hacks*
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:26, archived)
# Hedgehogs - why can't they share the hedge?
Because they're all pricks.
(I helped save b3ta! joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:20, archived)
# SlutVision.com - A site for whore eyes
(I helped save b3ta! Ninj, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:10, archived)
# I'm gonna push up your top - Up over your tits, like this.
And unhook your bra
And give your nipples a twist
Lean back and open your legs
Listen to my commands
I want to see plenty of pink
Spread your pussy, use both hands
Can I read your novel after you?
It's pretty good, they say
When we have the neighbours round
Let's try that weird sorbet
Were you in the mall
Laughing and looking fantastic?
Did you tell Mary everything?
Isn't that too drastic?

Kneel down and open your mouth
Tilt your head a bit
Look me straight in the eye
Stick out your tongue ready for it

I'm gonna spurt in your face
Spray it with my cum
I wanna get some of it in your hair
In your mouth, on your tongue

Kneel down and open your mouth
And tilt your head back a bit
And look me straight in the eye
Stick out your pretty tongue ready for it

I tried again at lunchtime
A terrible queue,
You're tired, that damn place would
Fall apart without you
That funny bird
Is back in the tree
Have you heard the latest?
Want a cup of tea?
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:10, archived)
# CONTAINS FOOTBALL GAGS BY PEOPLE WHO DON'T EVEN LIKE FOOTBALL
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:11, archived)
# ^
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:11, archived)
# football?
is that on the Wii?
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:15, archived)
# No, it's the one
where you stand in a pub shouting at a tv with people wearing the same polyester top as you and then having a fight with someone wearing a different polyester top

It's great fun
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:22, archived)
# Where can I join in with this 'the footballs'?
(I helped save b3ta! Victor Meldrew, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:24, archived)
# Most local public houses
offer outreach schemes on a satuday and sunday afternoon.

There's also a rumour than can actually go and watch some "the footballs" but that's dying out now.
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:26, archived)
# can you go to a pub and choose not to watch this "the footballs"?
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:27, archived)
# oddly enough, I nipped into my local this week to catch up with a mate
and the footballs was supposed to be on, but they were just showing a cat on some grass

it was brilliant
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:37, archived)
# Highlight of the match, even for me
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:44, archived)
# That would explain all the dead cats around here then
all of the had YU FAKIN CUUAAANT written in THE BLOOD OF THE CATS.

the footballs is evolving.
(I helped save b3ta! Victor Meldrew, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:46, archived)
# In our local I was almost set upon by a 'the footballs' fan
because apparently I reminded him of a french goalkeeper, which of course meant that i 'deserved to have my fucking back broken'.

Sadly thats a true story.

I stopped going to any 'the footballs' public houses shortly afterwards.
(I helped save b3ta! Victor Meldrew, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:29, archived)
# The best way to avoid this
is to pretend to like "the footballs".

Some good stock phrases include:

"the big man at the back"
"shocking challenge"
"shocking defending"
"the big man up front"
"typical fucking "
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:43, archived)
# Sunday league's better viewing, you get to freeze your bollocks off while hearing phrases like
"Man on your back!"
"Man coming up your arse!"
"Good head!"
"He's not hungry for it"
"Take his legs out!"
"Ooh, I've dropped the soap!"
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:49, archived)
# "Well in!"
"Out the window!"
"Man up!"
"John's on!"
"Watch that big cunt!"
"Fucking typical Germans!"
"I say, I appear to have relocated myself to a position where your passing me the ball may result in a fortuitous outcome"


(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:54, archived)
# conjunctivitis.com a site holding page for imminent corporate exploitation!
(I helped save b3ta! mushybees NEBUSHI SHANGHUNG!, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:11, archived)
# GLASSES THIEVES WILL ROB YOU BLIND
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:12, archived)
# This week's /board, showcasing more flouncing tits than 90 minutes at Chelsea LFC
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:13, archived)
# tits can flounce?
this is news to me!
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:15, archived)
#
fl b
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:16, archived)
# that's not news
they can flap, too :(
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:19, archived)
# Cor!
I'm now picturing the jowls on a running Saint Bernard's face ... back in a mo ;)
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:24, archived)
# friday fwaptime, sponsored by cujo
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:26, archived)
# IF YOU CAN READ THIS, FUCK SPECSAVERS
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:13, archived)
# Long frontpage is long.
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:14, archived)
# it's a tribute to the dailymail strip of tits
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:16, archived)
# MOGGY ABANDONS SHIP, CATS AND DOGS LET BACK OUT
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:14, archived)
# FLATTENING YOUR INBOX LIKE A SYRIAN SHELL
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:15, archived)
# You're not short sighted. The Specsavers logo uses a blurred font.
(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:16, archived)
# What the fuck's all this about Specsavers?
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:17, archived)
# And the match between Harry Redknapp and the English Courts has been delayed due to snow.
(I helped save b3ta! Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:17, archived)
# From London! Where the Zebra Crossings are optional.
(I helped save b3ta! yanmania... last shagged your mum on, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:19, archived)
# Buy shoes online!
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:20, archived)
# Paying Lip Service to the Internet like John Terry from the sidelines
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:20, archived)
# More angry confusion than a deviantArt journal
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:21, archived)
# is this the end for /talk?
(I helped save b3ta! Paul_P http://www.Paul-hub.com, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:21, archived)
# SNOW! FUCKING SNOW! LOOK! SNOW!
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:22, archived)
# no snow here
for once, the north west is winning in the weater stakes
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:25, archived)
# Stupid Ireland is like
a sauna breeding every bug going in it's soppy wet weather......... No cold to kill the bugs makes Daz a snotty boy.
(I helped save b3ta! dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:38, archived)
# It's well shit; it's still cold, but no incentive.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:39, archived)
# A parody of an actual letter with real news in it.
(I helped save b3ta! dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:23, archived)
# PICTURES OF FROZEN WATER A SPECIALITY.
(I helped save b3ta! An Eagle in Your Mind, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:25, archived)
# Well if you insist :D
(I helped save b3ta! Paul_P http://www.Paul-hub.com, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:28, archived)
# You filthy fuck.
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:32, archived)
# you love it my little slutmonkey
(I helped save b3ta! Paul_P http://www.Paul-hub.com, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:34, archived)
# I'm just jealous, you know me.
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:37, archived)
# I NEVER FORGIVE DAVE
(I helped save b3ta! Paul_P http://www.Paul-hub.com, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:38, archived)
# ROB MANUEL SADLY RULES HIMSELF OUT OF ENGLAND MANAGER'S JOB.
(I helped save b3ta! barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:25, archived)
# hahahaha!
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:27, archived)
# £1000 cash prize to the first person who signs up with two hundred comedy accounts, gaz us for details
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:27, archived)
# CAP LOCK ON!!!
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:30, archived)
# Bang your blue balls off a blue tit to piss off smurfette
(I helped save b3ta! Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:31, archived)
# contains smashing cheesecake recipe to make at home!
(I helped save b3ta! MrHaze likes to poo, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:31, archived)
# Viennetta means nothing to me, claims ultra-traditional Walls dessert historian
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:31, archived)
# How can you think of England
When you don't know who's captain or manager?
(I helped save b3ta! joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:32, archived)
# I'd like to lose my watch in your back garden's muck, claims Tony Robinson
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:35, archived)
# BBC News website struggles to handle increased traffic as b3ta newsletter subject line compo announced
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:36, archived)
# Pressing F5 makes the newsletter load faster
(I helped save b3ta! Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:44, archived)
# FORT WILLIAM EGG MESS
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:40, archived)
# Does this look like a cdc?


(I helped save b3ta! Wobbly Bloke Hello, did I miss anything on, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:40, archived)
# EVERYBODY VOTE YES OR UNSURE!
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:42, archived)
# Oh bugger.
Well, an extra % will always impress the gurlies.
(Troutman Roflcocks A glass of port... don't mind if I do., Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:46, archived)
# On the plus side, you'd have massive bollocks.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:50, archived)
# :D
(I helped save b3ta! Wobbly Bloke Hello, did I miss anything on, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 15:58, archived)
# LUNDY ISLAND EARTHENWARE FROG
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:44, archived)
# WITH SHORT FICTION BY GORE VIDAL
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:45, archived)
# Man arrested for theft of faeces from private property objects to homophobic tabloid headlines
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:45, archived)
# Hahaha!
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:47, archived)
# POO THIEF IS GAY LOL?
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:48, archived)
# Fabio called back to Disneyland to star in Up 2
(I helped save b3ta! Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:57, archived)