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# I say I say I say
I've just been contacted by some chap at the BBC asking for my top 10 tips on how to make people laugh. I've heard you chaps are amusing. Gwan, give us a tip.
(I helped save b3ta! Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:27, archived)
# Tickle
them.

Edit: Or show them a willy.
(Amerella, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:27, archived)
# No offence, Boab,
but why have the BBC asked you this?
(I helped save b3ta! The Duke Of Your Fingers feels like an old man... mmm, tasty!, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:33, archived)
# Who knew
old scottish men were the fount of all comedy?
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:34, archived)
# they found my all info about comedy site - that's all.
plus of course I am an authority on all things comedic. If it doesn't make me laugh - it's not funny. That's the law.
(I helped save b3ta! Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:36, archived)
# tickle them with your willy
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:34, archived)
# tickle their willy with your willy
(martian, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:35, archived)
# nb.
this does not work with women.
(martian, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:36, archived)
# Nor is it
funny.
(Amerella, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:45, archived)
# Oh it is.
Have you seen his willy? It's shaped like an amusing vegetable.
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:46, archived)
#
Cut a whole in your pocket and put your hand through your fly and shake hands with them.
(!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:49, archived)
# Stick your cock in their
ear.
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:27, archived)
# Hang on.
*drops trousers*

Ta daaa!!
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:27, archived)
# whats that?
looks like a penis... only smaller...
(I helped save b3ta! Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:28, archived)
# funny,
that`s exactly what I said to your ma last night
(I helped save b3ta! Reckless_Rik, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:31, archived)
# blimey
a necrophiliac.

Who likes fat birds to...
(I helped save b3ta! Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:32, archived)
# I
like `em to be built for comfort, not for speed


"Yeeeeeeee-hhhaaaaawwwwwww!"
(I helped save b3ta! Reckless_Rik, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:32, archived)
# Did you hear about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?
(I helped save b3ta! ?!, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:35, archived)
# yes
ta

;-)
(I helped save b3ta! Reckless_Rik, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:41, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:31, archived)
# awww...
(I helped save b3ta! Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:32, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:34, archived)
# *shove*
*snigger*

[edit] do a helicoptor imression with your willy
(I helped save b3ta! the_fabulous_dancing_yak You like game? You come see 5punk.co.uk. You like!, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:28, archived)
# or open your flies...
pull yer wotsit out, turn your pockets inside out and shout

WOOLLY MAMMOTH
(works for me)
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:31, archived)
# Wooly mammoth with thalidomide
more like
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:33, archived)
# I can see
how you earned your name.

I thought *I* was bad.
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:36, archived)
# show them your face
works for me
(I helped save b3ta! Sunshine Elephant, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:28, archived)
# dawn
syndrome makes me laugh
(I helped save b3ta! Reverend Dan, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:28, archived)
# you are sick
(I helped save b3ta! Sunshine Elephant, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:30, archived)
# down syndrome anyways
(I helped save b3ta! Sunshine Elephant, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:31, archived)
# he's
on about Dawn Syndrome the b3tan
(I helped save b3ta! Tedmus, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:33, archived)
# i'm not
(I helped save b3ta! Sunshine Elephant, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:35, archived)
# she is very funny
but I reckon Derek sounds like the natural comedian
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:31, archived)
# or Sue Drawbridge
hahaha
(I helped save b3ta! lemonhead, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:32, archived)
# sue pollard
(I helped save b3ta! Sunshine Elephant, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:33, archived)
# I don't trust Derek
(I helped save b3ta! thorpe www.voodootrombonequartet.com, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:33, archived)
# he has
undescended testicles
(I helped save b3ta! Reverend Dan, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:35, archived)
# rape their kids then blame it on their spouse/lover
(I helped save b3ta! lemony, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:28, archived)
# shove it up yer arse
that usually makes me larf
(I helped save b3ta! Mond, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:28, archived)
# the Stick joke
(I helped save b3ta! Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:28, archived)
# No no no no no
But I still laugh every time.....
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:30, archived)
# or...
the cheese joke.

No one ever gets it first time round.
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:33, archived)
# Cheese Joke?
(I helped save b3ta! Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:35, archived)
# q) what kind of cheese does not belong to you?
a) Nacho Cheese.

The fish joke is better though :
q) What do you call a fish with no eyes....

a) Fsh.

/edit PLEASE do not make me explain it. They are not funny in the first place.
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:37, archived)
# ?
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:38, archived)
# try saying it in a
mr t voice
(I helped save b3ta! Reverend Dan, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:41, archived)
# okaaaay....
nacho = not yo'

Fish with no 'i's = fsh.
*grabs coat*
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:41, archived)
# WANK IT!
WANK IT HARD!
(I helped save b3ta! the_fabulous_dancing_yak You like game? You come see 5punk.co.uk. You like!, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:29, archived)
# this is funny
(I helped save b3ta! Mond, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:29, archived)
# what about
this?

(I helped save b3ta! Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:33, archived)
# that's funny but
it's lacking the word wank
(I helped save b3ta! Mond, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:34, archived)
# *runs across image naked*
(I helped save b3ta! Sunshine Elephant, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:35, archived)
# give them a copy of this
The BBC should love it


(I helped save b3ta! beaubodor blogless, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:29, archived)
# tell them a joke
(I helped save b3ta! thebear is thebear, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:29, archived)
# Get naked
or threaten their family till they do it.
(I helped save b3ta! sick_boy, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:29, archived)
# Make them watch
Monty Python
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Chickenuts Now we know., Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:29, archived)
# do the same thing
again and again and again and again and again and again and again
(I helped save b3ta! Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:30, archived)
# haha
Touche.
(I helped save b3ta! Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:30, archived)
# tell them to
searc for "weapons of mass destruction" on google and then hit "i'm feeling lucky" it's hilarious
Especially when there were 10 emails exhorting me to do just that this morning. I pissed myself.
(I helped save b3ta! butchbint, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:30, archived)
# you truly are a master of comedy
*bows*

*cough* mistress
(I helped save b3ta! Mond, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:31, archived)
# never seen that
and only yesterday someone told me of a similar thing execpt you put in French Military Victories
(I helped save b3ta! the_fabulous_dancing_yak You like game? You come see 5punk.co.uk. You like!, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:32, archived)
# Nitrous oxide.
(seriously, though? Make the punchline come completely out of the blue - the joke should be completely unexpected to work.)
(I helped save b3ta! ?!, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:30, archived)
# I started to try to think of something helpful to say
then remembered I'm rarely all that funny
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:33, archived)
# ooh ooh...
this one worked for me: find a copy of the vietnam war photo of the kids running from a napalm attack. photoshop out the soldiers and photoshop the fear in the background, so it looks like they're running from it.

works every time, i tell ya.
(kerouac, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:30, archived)
# Well apparently, if you type WOMD into Google....
(I helped save b3ta! mother inferior - now fully in compliance with the Trades Descriptions Act, being both a mother and inferior, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:31, archived)
# you get diagrams of pregnant ladies
unless that was just a typo
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:34, archived)
#
pull my finger...
(Barkotron_the_Magnificent, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:31, archived)
# hahaha
that still gets a smile.
(I helped save b3ta! Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:33, archived)
# ..
1 Channel 5
2 Channel 4
3 ITV
4 ITV2
5 Sky
6 QVC
7 E4
8 CNN
9 FTN
10 UK Living
(I helped save b3ta! beaubodor blogless, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:32, archived)
# alex horne is doing a show at edinburgh this year
called "making fish laugh". i saw a preview of it, it's all about the ten things that make babies laugh. it's very good.
(martian, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:34, archived)
# top hats,
maybe a pipe too.
(I helped save b3ta! rogan, Wed 9 Jul 2003, 15:44, archived)