oh god i know it's wrong, but...
anthony hopkins..

in silence of the lambs.

sorry.
(cairo, Sun 5 Feb 2006, 11:12, Reply)

Kitteny Goodness
Oh God yes, the bath scene. Soogy cinema seat all round. And now I can finally admit it as he is legal.

Yeah, but you've had the horn for him ever since Azkaban, right? 13!

OK, maybe that was me... and an 18 year age gap. Hull, student fare please.
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Sun 5 Feb 2006, 10:29, Reply)

Buses
A hideous form of transport, indeed, but which man hasn't experienced an involuntary lob-on caused by the vibrations when stuck in traffic? The best place seems to be the front seats on the top deck. Something else Red Ken has killed off...bendy buses my arse.
(rogerzilla, Sun 5 Feb 2006, 8:28, Reply)

One summer afternoon...
...when I was a lad of 14, I was at my great grandparents for a family reunion. Being more than a little hopped up on candy and generic sodas, my cousins and I were running about upstairs. Being a 14 year old boy in a bedroom with a 14 and 16 year old girl i could see only one course of action: show off by picking them up and carrying them around.
I grabbed Sara (the younger of the two) and picked her up. It was all going so well, then disaster struck! Some of the younger children burst into the room, a small girl tickled Sara, she squirmed, I lost my grip, reflex took over. I grabbed at her as she slid through my arms, landing on her knees just in time for my hands to firmly grasp her bosom. Heaven only knows how long i kept my grip, completely stupefied by the feeling of warm squishiness in my adolescent palms.

That's the only thing i remember from that summer, how horrible of me. She is only a second cousin, right?
I'll get my coat....
(Three Percent Battery Remaining, Sun 5 Feb 2006, 6:40, Reply)

At school, in geography..
I was surrounded by gorgeous lasses, way out of my league ( or so I thought at the time)
They all used to play footsie with me, grope me etc. all lesson! I thought they couldn't be serious, obviously, cos they're too good for me. Apparently they were serious.. went out with all of them eventually!
On Fridays the lesson was 2 1/2 hours long..
The good ol' days.

also: people falling asleep on you is all teh horny! especially if they're a stranger.
( Schweaty Minge I spunked in your tea! Taste it and see! D:, Sun 5 Feb 2006, 3:43, Reply)

Princess Leia
I actually have her picture in my wallet right now.

Or maybe two pictures of her...
(Dolokhov, Sun 5 Feb 2006, 2:45, Reply)

Harry Potter
Oh God yes, the bath scene. Soogy cinema seat all round. And now I can finally admit it as he is legal. And a 10 year age gap isn't all that much...
(kitteny_goodness, Sun 5 Feb 2006, 1:08, Reply)

Thank God someone has said Aeris and Tifa
I can imagine Tifas tits to be fantastic, also Aeris to have the body of an angel.

Download Finla Fantasy: Advent Children for more accidental computer games lust
(PieEater, Sun 5 Feb 2006, 0:56, Reply)

Aftersun
In the summer of 2003, I'd just made the move down from the grim north to the south of England. In my memory, it now seems like a three-month-long idyll of endless sun and shimmery hot picnics in the long grass. I'd fallen in lust with a young man of an outdoor persuasion, and we spent many happy hours "sunbathing" in the surrounding fields, boating on the river and so on. Now, I'm quite pale, and also an idiot, so on any given sunny day I inevitably manage to burn some part of myself that I've missed with the factor 20. So I took to carrying around some Boots brand aftersun with me so I could apply it as and when, which turned out to be quite often, and as I couldn't reach all of me applications of aftersun would quite often lead to spur-of-the-moment naughtiness. Ever since then, the smell of aftersun gets me instantly and dangerously horny, reminding me of coming back to said boy's room, which was always cool and dark out of the sun, and him rubbing the lotion on my back or shoulders or wherever, and the instantaneous teeth-gritting wince of cold lotion on sore skin. Hot hands, cool cream, very very nice.

So far, so comparitively normal.Unfortunately, a few weeks back, temping at the superdrug in town, and there's a bashed box of you-guessed-what. I had to clean up the greasy mess with paper towels whilst talking to customers, all the while whilst wriggling like a kitten in catnip.

Length? Just be grateful it didn't involve an optician...
(jennymnemonic, Sun 5 Feb 2006, 0:08, Reply)

shameful
the birth scene in species
(muggins im afraid dave.my mind is going, i can feel it, Sun 5 Feb 2006, 0:07, Reply)

He was about 5 years old
and I was 38.

You see, I have this very sensative neck. It was the end of his holiday and he threw his arms around my neck to say "Goodbye" and I wet my bikini bottoms.
(whiskas loved by 8 out of 10 cats, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 22:47, Reply)

the life drawing models one's a bit of a cop-out..
so here's another one. I could list the habit I have for getting randy on bridges that I will never fully understand, but that's not really accidental, it's just odd. Fortunately, my boyfriend shares it.

instead: MANY years ago, VERY drunk, closing a friend's mouth with my finger on his chin because he was about to talk. This was not, in any way, meant to be erotic or a come-on, but something seemed to click and a very shameful evening ensued, involving vicar's porches and under cars.

I repeat: making someone shut up did it for me.
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 19:35, Reply)

Watching my friend
breastfeed her baby. I'm a woman and we're both married (to men). That's normal right?
(bantsha, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 19:19, Reply)

Gay English Teacher
Mr McLaughlin is one of the eccentric english staff of my School. He is particularly interesting because of his many mannerisms indicating a Grade A bummerer of men. Anyway...
Mr McLaughlin comes walking up the corridor, spots me and simply says "Have you seen m'shoes?"
Eep.
Not knowing quite what to do I stare at him. He looks like he really wants an answer to this. Here it goes: I scan his body down slowly in what looks like something straight out of a porno, but it was really my terror debilitating me. Finally I reach the shoes.
"Yes Sir." I flatly reply.
He's still waiting...
"Well where is she?" he adds.
"Who??"
"Miss Hughes? Have You seen her?"
"Oh..Shit."
(The_Inedible_Hulk Whats ET short for? Wee legs..., Sat 4 Feb 2006, 17:49, Reply)

*phew*
Anyone want to come round to mine and read these replies with me?
( Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 17:26, Reply)

tifa?? aeris more likely
she was ALWAYS hotter than tifa (who is obvioulsy a tuppeny whore)

if those programmers had finished FF7 the way it was meant to be (aeris was supposed to be ressurected) then cloud would have gone for her

although neither of them hold a candle to jane jetson
(Paul1574 dont mind me im just lurking...., Sat 4 Feb 2006, 16:47, Reply)

Maggie is our leader
Margaret Thatcher...in her heydey obviously...i mean the woman started a war over a pissy little island no one even knew was there let alone we owned it....faced down scargil...got blown up and barley got a scratch

now if thats not horn inducing i dont know what is

*gets coat*
(Paul1574 dont mind me im just lurking...., Sat 4 Feb 2006, 16:45, Reply)

Such good animation should not be allowed!
Last night I saw Final Fantasy/Advent children yesterday...don't you just wish Tifa was real?!

No way could this just be me! She's got more to look at than Optimus Prime surely!
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Sat 4 Feb 2006, 16:41, Reply)

Umm... Childbirth!
I'm gonna get in trouble for this one. Lying on the operating table mid emergency c-section, wide awake, pumped full of drugs, legs akimbo and a 9 strong surgical team opening me up, I can see my parents in the anti room thru the glass, and my husband (Count Dante) stood next to me being caring and panicked with his dreadlocks comedically tucked into a surgical hat...i guess i should have been scared or thinking amazingly motherly thoughts at the impending birth of my child but all i could think of was "oh my god, the surgeon tinkering about near my mimsy looks like Thierry Henry, mmmmmmmm".

Technically i was totally numb from the waist down so how on earth? meh, i blame the drugs and having been in labour for 60 hours.
(joey deacon, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 16:05, Reply)

The joys of night coaches
I remember this one time when I was coming home from the airport in a long-distance coach--I'd had a few on my flight home so I was rather pleasantly pished, in that lovely sort of buzz where you want to run around and do stuff. Not the best thing to be on a frelling coach. Also, the sort of state where randiness comes naturally. There was this incredibly hot bloke (don't even remember what he looked like now, but I'm guessing pale and interesting) sitting a few seats further to the front, sleeping and just exuding "ravish me now" vibes to my vodka-addled brain. I tried to look away, read a mag, not think about the sexpot blissfully asleep across from me, but to no avail. After about an hour of this (and hopeless squirming), I gave up and went to the lavatory to have a quick frig. The most disgusting place I've ever had a wank in, but I'm sure I would've exploded otherwise. That did the trick and I more or less slept the rest of the journey.
(Auntie Dalek molester extraordinaire, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 15:30, Reply)

i like looking at naked men
As a female person, the only time I've ever had a wet dream, that I remember, was a dream that I slept with Prince Andrew. Jesus Christ. (Actually Jesus might have been kind of nice, but Prince fucking Andrew???)

Then there was that time I was sitting in the hairdresser's chair with a massive girl-fat for, er, no reason. I looked like crap and so did my hairdresser. They didn't even do a very good job on my hair.

I once managed to have a wank whilst reading Jane Austen. I think it's because it's light, frothy, relaxing reading and not because I have a fetish for bumbling relationship intrigues.

Finally, I assume I'm not the only person here who choked on their own tongue and whispered "Thank you god" at the bathtub scene in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire? Please???
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 15:08, Reply)

sicko
listening to hot for teacher by van halen (always came into my head in maths) reminded me of my maths teacher, used to talk for ages and as a result spit used to collect at the corners of his mouth making it look like he'd been doin teh naughty, and a mysterious bulge used to appear whenever a particularly hot girl in my class asked for help, hes got a broken neck from a bicycling accident so he's paralysed....hehehe i'd be in complete control
(muggins im afraid dave.my mind is going, i can feel it, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 14:50, Reply)

STOCKINGS !
There is nothing more erotic than an accidental glimpse of a female leg in stockings!
I travel to London every day on the train, so see quite a few. I have even taken a roundabout route to / from work just to confirm that I was not seeing things or to get another glimpse.

There was one special time when I was waiting in my car at the train station for my girlfriend. I had parked opposite the exit and had the lights fixed on the doors so I could 'flash' her, cos it was dark and she would not know which car I was in.
Anyway, the train arrives and all the suits piled off. There was a gorgeous brunette who walked out in front of my gf and before she could control it her wrap over skirt blew wide open revealing the most wonderful pair of stocking (with suspenders and matching panties - yes I could see that much) clad legs. Just at the same time I let rip the full hi-beams on the car to attract the gf attention. It was a split second of accidental erotica which the gf was made to pay for when we got home.

How I made her ...
(Suck it and Sea, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 14:14, Reply)

Weekends
There's something about Saturdays & Sundays for me, primarily Sundays for some reason. I'm gonna say it's 'cause i'm usually hung over when Sunday rolls around and there must be some kind of hormonal imbalance going on.

Anyhoo, back on topic... I work part time in a licensed adult shop (basically Ann Summers but with lots of porn to boot) and have done for two years now, so have become quite good at controlling myself so to speak.

This has had an odd effect on my sex drive. I get more turned on reading everyone's stories here than I do looking at a front cover of a hardcore Bella movie. All of the standard ones people have reported are the same for me (for example the prospect of catching someone nekkid in their bedroom/bathroom window on the train home) with the exception of girls asleep. Whenever my girlf is asleep next to me I do get the horn quite badly, not that i'd do anything to her without waking her up first...

So here I am in a sex shop surrounded by all the most fun things you could imagine and the only thing that's turning me on is reading all these replies. Love it.

Also This does wonders for me every time...

It's a long one, but is it inappropriately long?
(Throweron Thwarting wicked name thieves since, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 13:45, Reply)

"Accidentally?"
Yeah, right.
You deviant banana fetishist.
(fogbat, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 13:29, Reply)

Bananas
The missus accidentally put a plastic banana up my Gary and I found it surprisingly erotic. Does that count?
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 13:09, Reply)

Hurdling in PE.
Having the hottest PE teacher ever to do your hurdling class is NOT a good thing.

I could barely clear the bloody things anyway...
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 13:01, Reply)

tyne & wear metro system
Bloody public transport. Not the transport itself, more like the time of day...

My mornings usually go something like this:

8:20. Get on at the first stop. Train is empty.
8:22. 30% chance of the brunette posh bird getting on. 80% chance of the blonde schoolgirl getting on. I'd rag them both. At once.
8:30. Both those girls get off.
8:32. The dirtiest (in a good way) looking townie schoolie gets on. Rushes to sit next to me (I glare at most people so they tend not to).
8:34. Townie girl gets off. She's got most appealing ass I've ever seen. Group of 6th form girls get on. They're all lush, of course.
8:40. Try to subdue erection.
8:44. Give up.
8:45. Get off the metro (with the group of girls) and go to work.

This happens without fail every single weekday morning.

I wear very baggy jeans.
(onedotzero, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 12:29, Reply)

actually
the spa jacuzzi thing at gyms is a good shout as it's always difficult to know where to look when

a. bikini babe gets in
b. woman with one-piece non air permeable swimsuit gets in and bubbles ride up in costume popping out the cleavage
c. and iv'e wanked my (ex) girlfriend off in one so i always wonder about couples sitting close together staring earnestly into middle distance
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 12:05, Reply)

Working on a Saturday
I'm stuck at work on a Saturday, right now, and for some unknown reason I've had the horn pretty much all morning.

I've just suddenly realised this has happened almost every Saturday I've worked in recent memory, and never in the week.

In my department I'm sat on my own, at the back, in a corner, but there's got to be more to it than that...

man, I'm more messed up than I thought...
(D-A-P, Sat 4 Feb 2006, 12:01, Reply)