my girlfriend and I are currently having a time out
Due to her not fully trusting that I won't dump her again like I foolishly did in February and then realise my stupidity.
I'm taking her out for a meal tomorrow night if she accepts the invite I've just texted her and I'm gonna ask her to marry me.
I hope it's a beautiful moment anyway, got nothing to lose except my dignity!



Invite accepted, best go and spunk a months salary on a sparkler!

Edit: Bugger, she can't get a baby sitter till Thursday!

Edit 2: Starting to wonder if this is such a good idea?? :-S
(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 12:31, 20 replies)

Waheee
good luck sir
( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 12:35, closed)

Cheers, I'm gonna need it!

(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 12:38, closed)

Nothing spells 'happy marriage' like being unsure of you're going to be dumped.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 12:45, closed)

she won't be again.

(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 12:49, closed)

She's got a new bloke?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:33, closed)

oh, cock off.

(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:40, closed)

I'M TOO LATE IN TO THE CONVERSATION, AT THE JUNCTURE.
:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:02, closed)

so that's a yes?

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:23, closed)

Actually Gobbo, if he delights in making his girlfriend as insecure as he appears to be implying in his original post Gobbo..
..he's probably one of those abusive partners I've read about.

He'll be blacking her eyes and telling people she fell over in 6 months, mark my words.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:26, closed)

You mean like how your girlfriend treats you?

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:27, closed)

Worse Gobbo, WORSE

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:39, closed)

Um.
Good luck and all, but I hope you're not overcompensating.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 12:47, closed)

nope, just confirming to her
That she is my life.
(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 12:54, closed)

'Oh go on, I won't threaten to divorce you in six months.'

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:24, closed)

I find it amazing how you can judge someone on the basis of a b3ta profile.

(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 16:16, closed)

Ah ignore him, AB's the resident b3ta troll
You watch, he'll keep pushing until someone snaps, then he'll say "And off you go in your Honda accord" which is apparently hilarious and all will be right with the world.
( difficultchild, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 6:58, closed)

Say it like this for added womance;
"Since dumping you i've come to realise that I can't do better, will you do me the honour of being my second prize?"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 12:54, closed)

think that'd
Work a treat!
(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 12:55, closed)

You're a good sport (I was expecting a big "Fuck you!")
Good luck
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 12:56, closed)

it's the interweb
No point getting stressed....
(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 13:04, closed)

always two sides to a coin.
By going to the lengths of proposing is really confirming to her that she is what you want. So good on you.

One idea, in order to avoid what the side of the coin that others have suggested.. I know its old fashioned, but ask her parents for permission. That will go a long way, and will be a lot more meaningful than just approaching her.

Good luck, let us know what happened!
(Miggyman, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 13:37, closed)

I second asking her parents for permission
if nothing else it won me huge amounts of brownie points, and when her sisters bloke did the same thing a month or two later it clearly looked like he'd done it because I had. I win!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:03, closed)

Your asked her parents for permission?
Why, did they own her or something?

This isn't the 17th Century you know.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:18, closed)

it's a gesture
clearly they don't own her, and as I've been living with her for nearly 6 years it is nothing more than a gesture.

Sometimes it's nice to do pointless things because it makes people feel good.

You colossal cuntbeak.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:21, closed)

I'm sure it made your wife feel good to be viewed a piece of property

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:32, closed)

pwnd!

(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:38, closed)

yeah, because that was exactly what she thought
I highly doubt many women would think that was why their partner had done it.

Can we assume that your plan is to be a miserable bastard and try and find a negative meaning in something which was entirely good natured in an attempt to cause arguments on the internet?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:40, closed)

that's so not true
I want my bloke to ask for my dad's blessing. It doesn't make me feel like property, it will make me happy to know that my dad is happy with the man I want to marry.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:48, closed)

hey kitty, you ok?

(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:52, closed)

.... have you got something to say to her dad or something?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:08, closed)

who kitty's?

(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:13, closed)

....ermm..... yeah', who else?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:18, closed)

just made me laugh that's all
But no not sure it would be that appropriate and fairly sure wiggy wouldn't be too happy either.
(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:24, closed)

haha unlikely
for many reasons!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 17:11, closed)

s'all good
let me know when she says yes :D
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 17:12, closed)

You could say the same thing about the tradition of marriage itself.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:25, closed)

already got that one planned
So even if she does say no, she'll go back to them and they'll tell her that I visited.
(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:05, closed)

Speaking as a woman, I'd hate that.
I'm my own person; I belong only to me. I am the only one from whom permission may be granted.
( Bob Todd whee, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:04, closed)

it's not like you are actually asking the dad and that the woman has no choice
it's more asking permission to ask her.

Final decision rests with the woman, but you get the ok from her parents first.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:22, closed)

What if they didn't give you permission to ask her though?

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:49, closed)

if I thought they would have said no then I wouldn't have asked them
as I said earlier, it was a gesture, rather than actually asking permission.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 16:09, closed)

yeah it's more of a blessing rather than permission

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 17:12, closed)

meh
personally it'd annoy me. Keeping archaic behaviour, just for the sake of it is a bit pointless. And this is coming from a history student
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 17:49, closed)

you're just contrary though.
the reaction of her parents made it totally worthwhile.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 18:16, closed)

I'm not contrary!*
But how come it's 'ask the father' if you're doing it as a gesture of good faith, then at least ask both father and mother.

*May be a bit contrary
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 21:11, closed)

No-one needs permission to ask me a question; that's just a waste of time.
And what gives someone who is not me the authority to say that someone can ask me something? I'm the only one who can say that.
( Bob Todd whee, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 0:10, closed)

once again
it's a gesture, nothing more. it made people feel good and happy. there is no hidden meaning. None of us think we own anyone.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 9:27, closed)

I own you
get back in the kitchen wench
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 9:38, closed)

yes mistress

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 9:47, closed)

I suppose if it works for you and yours, good for you.
But that would make me very angry.
( Bob Todd whee, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:02, closed)

then you get angry over things that aren't worth getting angry over

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:10, closed)

I proposed back in March.....
...be aware she will get up early the next morning to go out to buy Wedding magazines. It really, really starts that quickly.
( The only Dave is pushing things forward, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 13:03, closed)

depends on the woman
I got engaged back in April, and my mrs has been given some wedding magazines. We went through them together and decide just how much we didn't want it to be anything like any of the weddings or features in the magazines.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 13:10, closed)

I've been engaged since january
of 2007.

I'm too poor for a wedding, so I'm content being a fiance. To be honest, the Mister wanted to end it due to my brief depression and substance abuse issues. But he decided to try the opposite path and see what happened. Dating for 13 days, and he does that. We've lived blissfully ever since, I don't really look at wedding mags. For now Just sharing a place with the person you love is all I'll need.

Hope the proposal goes the way it should. If you're on thin ice right now, sometimes it makes people look and seriously think about how much they love the other person! Good for you. :)
(LakAttack, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:24, closed)

^this
my sister's bloke proposed last week. she bought her wedding dress the next day.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 18:01, closed)

Pah, I was buying wedding mags for months BEFORE he proposed
He eventually got the hint ;)
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 20:20, closed)

I know this will piss some people off but...
... I'm all for marriage. It's a good thing. But keep wedding plans down to earth. There's too much emphasis these days on having the BIG day, and plenty are happy to take your money for it.

Personally I got hitched in 2007, started divorce proceedings in 2008 and finished paying for the wedding day in 2010. Turns out she was more focussed on having "her" day, than on actually being married.

I'm still in awe that "wedding photos" can cost THAT much!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 13:26, closed)

Good advice
it should always be about the marriage and not the wedding!
Good luck Kip, hope it goes your way x
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 13:37, closed)

thankyou.

(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:06, closed)

Oh, and marks and spencers do a decent wedding cake for £99
Actually it's 2 cakes to make a 2 tier jobbie. Think it was £59 for one tier and £39 for the other.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:27, closed)

She hasn't said yes yet

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:38, closed)

very good point.
Fingers crossed eh.
(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:43, closed)

Haha I didn't mean to sound pessimistic
Good luck pal
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 16:07, closed)

I'm getting wed in October
and we're all for cutting costs. I'm also fully aware that it's not just MY day, it's FoldsFive's day too. He's been married previously and his first wedding was all about her rather than them as a couple.

We aren't doing it for show, we're doing it because we love each other and I'm lucky enough to be marrying my best friend in the world.

/yes, lame and gay but there we are
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:55, closed)

lame and gay
but same here.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:57, closed)

i really like this.

( sleepybinky, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:59, closed)

So do I.

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:18, closed)

Listen, BS, I know it'll be your first time on the big day, and his second on his, so he'll be more experianced than eaither of us.
But from what I gather, it only hurts the first few times.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:06, closed)

Good luck x

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:52, closed)

cheers.

(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:56, closed)

Best of luck,
but if she's a sensible woman she should value reliability over expensive jewellery.
I wouldn't get engaged to her until you've tried living with her for a while.
( Zuowan, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:59, closed)

Or not threatening to dump her.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:03, closed)

Try living with her first.
Srsly.
(thediscokingpin, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:02, closed)

If you bring a quid into class with you, the teacher will deliver the card for you and if she says 'no' then, it wouldn't be a big deal.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:09, closed)

hahhahahahaha
this is a good idea.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:15, closed)

'I really really won't dump you, I'm not an insecure prick trying a desperate ploy to lure you back in, honest'.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:44, closed)

You miserable cunt
Try being nice for once.
( evil_andy Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 23:34, closed)

insecure??
Coming from you, who hides behind the safety of the internet throwing abuse at total strangers?

AB, you've just made me literally laugh out loud. Now be a good little troll and fuck off back under your bridge and pester some goats.
(Kip, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 9:16, closed)

A months money?
Really? I don't understand this, honestly I don't.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:18, closed)

nor me
I've discussed this with people on here before, and each to their own, but from what I've seen spending a month's salary would have resulted in something incredibly gaudy and tasteless covered in massive rocks. My mrs would not have been keen.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:24, closed)

Exactly.
Although we did have fun trying some of the more outlandish ones on...
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:32, closed)

As I've just said down there vv
I'd have not been happy had he spent that amount of money on a ring.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:42, closed)

This.
Get something that she likes. If it costs alot that's lovely. If it costs nothing. That's lovely.

I spent quite a lot on Mrs Moose's, but we both think it's wonderfully sparkly. It also turned out to be a good investment! (Having been valued at twice what I paid for it...)
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:25, closed)

it's all about what she likes
having "rules" about it is absurd.

I'd heard up to 3 months salary before. I could barely contain my laughter.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:29, closed)

3 months? Good God!

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:33, closed)

through my experience of designing a ring and getting it made
for a reasonable cost (worked out about half a months wage in the end) I discovered how much of that cost was materials, which was quite a lot of it. Given that the craftsmanship was excellent and such, I can only conclude that really expensive rings are either A)covered in far more or larger stones than taste would allow me to buy B)made of some incredibly rare metal that is outrageously expensive, of C)extortionately marked up
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:37, closed)

1 Month? 3 Months?
Have you noticed that the people telling you how many months' salary to spend are... the diamond industry?!?

Personally I can't see the fuss over what is, or might as well be, a bit of sparkly glass.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:59, closed)

Bollocks to all this!
My mate Nelson knows a lovely tall black bird from sarf London who'll fit you up a goodun' with some stones. Keeps funny hours mind.

Failing that, there's always Lizzy Duke.
(Good old boy just like yer grandma!, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 23:49, closed)

That is easier if you have more money I suppose.
3 months isn't loads if, say, you could live of four months for a year anyway.
3 months is loads if you can barely live off 12 months.
but girls won't care about that, they'll still coo over the bigger amount even though the smaller one is actually the bigger sacrifice.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:37, closed)

good point
but even if I was totally minted I'd still have gone for the same sort of design as I did, which should really have cost about the same.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:39, closed)

I like this

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:43, closed)

the only fishing my mrs did to find out the cost was comparing it in value to my most cherished guitar
the ring was slightly more expensive, but I didn't let her know that.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 16:05, closed)

Mrs and I chose together, and actually paid for on her credit card...
There was no way I was attempting to buy something for £XXXX that she would wear for the rest of her life without her input.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 9 Aug 2010, 16:14, closed)

I spent some months subtly fishing for things she may or may not like in a ring
size of stone, style and such like. We've found we have very similar tastes for the looks of things over the years though, which helped a lot.

I designed the ring myself to make sure I got what I (and she) wanted.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 16:29, closed)

she's not the type for bling so it'll be purely something I know she'll love
if it costs a months salary then so be it, it not then that's cool too, more for the honeymoon then.
(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:42, closed)

Fucking hell, kip, fucking hell.
TRY GOING OUT WITH HER ON A LONG TERM BASIS FIRST, OR MAYBE LIVING TOGETHER TO SEE IF YOU TWO ARE EVEN COMPATIBLE.

Chirst, just because she noshed you off once behind the back of the McDonalds and let you phone her the next day, it doesn't mean it's a good idea to marry her.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:49, closed)

it's been 12months now...
and I've been living at hers for most of that
(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 16:04, closed)

Of which you dumping her in feb would take away 7 of those months.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 16:18, closed)

no, we got back together shortly after

(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 16:22, closed)

Oh, OK then, this is the best idea in the world, and if you know someone who's got a video camera, you should get them to record it.
That'll be at least 1/4 of your dosh returned from You've Been Framed.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 16:41, closed)

is that too much or too little?

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:29, closed)

I personally think it's far too much.
The ring FF and I chose wasn't really cheap but it wasn't really expensive either. I suppose it depends on taste and that but I wouldn't ever have expected him to have spent a whole months wages on a piece of jewellery.

We'd have probably argued about how much he'd spent but then that's because I'm incredibly argumentative.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:41, closed)

NO YOU'RE NOT.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:53, closed)

YES I AM
SHUT UP
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 16:01, closed)

This whole thread is one big beautiful moment

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 16:07, closed)

^this
except for AB's constructive contribution.
( TheFinch is getting to grips with the complex plane on, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 18:29, closed)

Yeah, 'cos proposing to his missus won't at all be papering over the cracks here.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 18:39, closed)

but you could try being nice
just once?
( TheFinch is getting to grips with the complex plane on, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 19:31, closed)

well dr phil, why dont we all just wait and see
and for now, be happy for the lad
(augsav forgot about B3ta, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 3:56, closed)

I read that as
"got nothing to lose except my virginity"

Good luck with it.
( nick the greek, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 20:30, closed)

hmmm...
And thanks, I think.
(Kip, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 23:25, closed)

good luck!
Let us know what happens :)
(bredstkcriminal, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 1:43, closed)

I wouldn't
spunk on it.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 7:45, closed)

What you could do...
is say that you're going to ask her mum if it's ok if you ask her dad, sit back and watch the stream of "You don't want to be doing it that way" nonsense flood the entire interweb..

Seriously though, only you and her know you and her well enough to know if it's a good idea or not. You may have cocked up in the past but so what! Don't we all. Go for it and best of luck.
(tinypod will never learn. Ever., Tue 10 Aug 2010, 8:44, closed)

haha, maybe next weeks question eh?
But cheers, one of the many sensible replies.
(Kip, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 9:09, closed)

Bloody fucking hell.
What a palaver.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:46, closed)

Just
make sure if you do it that you do it convincingly.

Women can spot a half-hearted proposal a mile off and if you've already demonstrated a certain...unreliability...you'd better be bloody well sincere and whole-hearted when you go about proposing marriage.

Otherwise you risk (a) an instant dismissal, crushing indeed, but better than (b) a half-hearted acceptance, followed by a slow death over the coming months/years possibly whilst being legally shackled together.

I know a girl that circled the church in the limo for 30 mins before going in. 350 guests. 7 bridesmaids. Marriage over in 7 months. Divorce took 5 years, this is Ireland, so it takes forever here.

I know things are slightly easier to dissolve in the UK, but still, why go through it unless you're very sure of the person? This goes for the bride as well as the groom, if you're sure she's the one you want to be with then ask (with feeling!!) and let her make her mind up about you.

Don't condemn you both to uncertainty. Her not knowing if you really meant it and you not knowing if she only accepted 'cos she thought this was the only offer she'd ever get from you.

Faint heart ne'er won fair lady. If you do it, do it properly with plenty gusto and no room for doubt, otherwise just don't.

Just my opinion as a married lady with absolutely no doubt of my husband's feelings for me. :-) You can't beat knowing how much you're valued by your other half. And you need to have that from the get-go.

Apologies for length etc. feel free to ignore, none of this might apply to your personal situation.
(Mediumsizedbear is trying to be littler., Wed 11 Aug 2010, 19:48, closed)

good words
And taken on board, I love this girl with all my heart, just so wish I'd not panicked in February and screwed it all up.

We'll see, gonna leave it for now and work my hardest at building her trust up again, at the moment she feels she let her defences down and let me in and I let her down, it's going to take some work but it'll be worth it in the end.

Thanks again for all the replies* It's been a very interesting read although I feel like I've let some of you down by not going through with it, but anyway.


*except AB, you can still fuck off!
(Kip, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 21:06, closed)