Cheesy Beanos
I think this might be called something else but onboard the ships i sailed on it was Cheesy Beanos.

You had them for starters most days, dinner and lunchtime.

Its just a slice of toast covered in beans and cheese melted on top to seal them in. Delicious!

Other variation I liked was corned beef between the beans and cheese.... fuck it im having this for tea tonight :-D
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Fri 27 May 2011, 15:29, 17 replies)

SOUP
Me and my sister once tried to make cheese and onion soup by soaking some Walkers Cheese & Onion crisps in a small cup of hot tap water for half an hour.

I'll leave it up to your imagination as to whether it worked or not.
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 27 May 2011, 15:18, 6 replies)

On my honeymoon...
When I married the current Mrs. Dog we already owned a house together and had lived there for a couple of years. Hence we had everything we needed for the home. So, for wedding presents we just asked for contributions toward our honeymoon. This meant we could afford an awesome holiday.

We went to Kenya on safari and I can't recommend the country - or safari holidays anywhere in fact - enough.

We got to Nairobi in the early morning and were taken to our hotel. we were only stopping in Nairobi for one night, then moving on to the game reserves. After we'd settled in a little and had some awesome Kenyan coffee to wake us up they asked if any of us fancied booking dinner at the Safari Park Hotel just out of town. We didn't know anything about the place and were knackered after the overnight flight (no time difference, just I don't sleep well on planes). A few of the other people on our tour expressed an interest, and we'd been getting on well so thought we'd give it a go.

The drive there - across Nairobi at night - was awesome, exciting and terrifying all at the same time. They use the same highway code as India! Once we got there our group was shown to it's table near the stage and we ordered a round of Tusker, Kenyan beer and very good. The place started to fill up and the atmosphere was warm and friendly. Then the waiters came out and explained how the meal worked. Basically you got a baked potato and a bowl of salad in the middle of the table and the meat was bought round by the servers. We just had to call a server over and he'd get us some more meat.

When the potatoes came out they were small. Kenya is still very much a third world country and we assumed that this was the best they could get. Then the stage show started, which was a local dance troupe. Superb tumbling routines mixed with traditional dance and song. It was fantastic, but the main even was the meat.

We had a choice of buffalo, goat, mutton, crocodile, ostrich, camel or boar. It was cooked over a BBQ pit using swords as skewers through huge lumps of meat. The servers would go round with a sword of meat in one hand and a machete in the other! Your plate was a slab of slate, and they'd serve you by standing behind you, putting the sword over your left shoulder to the point rested on your plate and then reaching over your right shoulder with the machete to chop chunks of meat off onto your plate.

The meat was brilliantly cooked, with the crocodile, ostrich and goat being my favorites. We soon learned that the reason the spuds were small was so you didn't waste space on anything that wasn't meat. There was so much of it, and a seemingly endless supply of cold Tusker. The company was great, it was my first evening in Africa and it was a sensationally good meal. The night ended with me sharing some nice whiskey with our waiter who took some time to join us and welcome us to Kenya.

Everything about it was superb. The setting can make so much difference to a meal, and that was one of two meals I'd love to be able to re-do. The second was on our second to last day in Kenya. We were in the Masai Mara and got up early for a sunrise balloon ride. This was great, with hippos, lions, elephants and jackals all making a showing on the plains. We landed next to a tree (it was surprising how much control the pilots had over where we went) and had a champagne breakfast watching the sun rise over the African savanna. The guides cooked us breakfast on a gas stove and while I may have eaten better food, I've never had a better meal.
(robbersdog, Fri 27 May 2011, 15:12, 6 replies)

Was fairly skeptical
when I first heard of this but turned out to be true. Turns out theres a cult in my local area. Been there ages in this old red brick building on the edge of the village.

Well, every weekend they get together and eat this fella, BODY AND BLOOD. Jesus. Sick fucks.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Fri 27 May 2011, 15:00, Reply)

Can we all agree
That andouillette sausage, chicken's feet and Hakari fish are all disgusting, and avoid repeating these ad nauseam?* Please?

* pun intended
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:56, 9 replies)

When we were little-ish
On Saturday lunchtimes we used to make our own lunches. We weren't gourmands, but I remember making ravioli on toast with a fried egg on top and grated cheese on top. Or many variations, like cheese on toast with a fried egg on top, topped with baked beans.

Simple fare, but tasty. And filling.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:43, 6 replies)

Vegetarian Intestines
In Taiwan, among other delights they sell in the supermarket, vacuum packed "vegetarian intestines"

watch out Linda McCartney
(monkey_holding_peach, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:37, 3 replies)

Quiche
I hate quiche with a passion. It’s not so much the flavour, but the texture and consistency. The last time I tried a mouthful I felt like throwing up the second it made contact with the inside of my mouth.

I’d also like to point out that it is the food of the gays.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:34, 10 replies)

"Vegetarians", seriously:
Grow up.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:26, 50 replies)

Rotten fish
I have a good Swedish friend and his family would sometimes bring Scandinavian delicacies to him.
Surstromming and Lutfisk were the strangest and most disgusting things I have ever encountered. I did not eat them (I know that this is a little off topic but ....)the smell of either was the worst thing I have ever encountered, and eating was not really on the cards. Surstromming is essentially rotten fish and Lutfisk is prepared with causic lye.

Also please never eat Hakarl, basking shark meat, traditionally wrapped up and buried underground for a few months. An Icelandic dish. The sharks don't process urea (the poisons in piss) the same way as us and some filters out through the skin and the meat smells like piss and tastes of ammonia.

Not funny but informative perhaps....
(SlowLoris among the pigeons., Fri 27 May 2011, 14:16, 3 replies)

Spaghetti Bolognese
As a student I often liked to have a cheeky drink or two whilst cooking, so after pouring my third very large vodka and orange I thought I'd enhance the flavour of my bolognese by pouring a few 'glugs' of vodka into the mix.

Cooking was cut short because the steam of the evaporating alcohol started to burn my eyes and lungs. The bolognese sauce didn't taste too good either.

Kids, don't try this at home.
(ed-z, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:15, 5 replies)

Not the best by any means
But I'm working in London at the moment and the Deloitte canteen is amazing. The salad bar is great, with lots of nice little touches, like homemade sausage rolls on wednesday, or lamb wraps today.

Don't suppose there are any b3tans here?
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:06, 10 replies)

Cardiff in pastry
Clark's pies - bloody yummy. Better than Peter's wallpaper-pastry efforts, anyway.

ninja edit - Higgidy pies are nice though
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:06, 5 replies)

I once followed this recipe from youtube
www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4zw99VsoMA

Once youve eaten this, you have your calories for the month.

Edit: just looked up the calories for this dish..... 6085!?!?! jesus Something Phelps would be proud of.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Fri 27 May 2011, 14:03, 6 replies)

Mooncake
Not particularly pleasant, especially when your mouth is expecting What looks to be a cake of some sort, and infact is meet and egg.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mooncake

Honestly - when your brain is expecting sweet and instead gets meat - it can really confuse you
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Fri 27 May 2011, 13:54, 2 replies)

Cheese 'n' chips
For a couple of years, I held the honour (on wikipedia) of being known as the inventor of cheese 'n' chips. Specifically the dish that consists of british chips, smoothered in grated cheddar cheese, possibly accompanied by salt & vinegar, maybe some mayo.

No one has yet proved otherwise. If you wish to make a genuine claim as to when and where you came up with this dish, I will see you in the reples.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 27 May 2011, 13:49, 25 replies)

Christmas Morning Mouth Wash.
One story my brothers never let me forget about.
One very excited Christmas morning when we were kids. We were all in the bedroom opening our stockings up. This kept us busy and amused for a bit of time in the morning so that my parents didnt have to get up at 6.30am on the festive day.

I unwrapped a pretty snazzy bottle of blackcurrant juice. I mean what was Father Christmas thinking? I didn't like blackcurrant, I prefer orange!

After munching on many choccies (how could we do that as kids at 6am ?) i was feeling pretty thirsty so decided to head for the blackcurrant despite not particularly liking, and took a damned good mouth full to quench my thirst...
...
Only it wasn’t blackcurrant...

.. It was bubble bath.



I know i know, not the funniest story in the world. But one of those that was at the time, especially my reaction of utter terror and shock. Witnessed and never forgot by both brothers :)
(Boom- Clicks on NSFW links at work., Fri 27 May 2011, 13:46, Reply)

The best thing I've ever eaten
was YOUR MUM AHA AHAHAHAHAHAhaha ah...why isn't anyone laughing? Fine then.

In all seriousness the most magically delicious experience of my life was a kangaroo steak in Australia. I feel bad for the vegetarians and vegans out there; the buzz of self-righteousness is small indeed compared to the unadulterated magnificence of pushing a slab of meat down your neck one soft juicy delicious bite a time.

To be fair, a felafel and babaganoush wrap from a place I know does have that sort of culinary orgasm effect but only for a bit, while that kangaroo steak was beautiful to the last bite. Like a good wank compared to a good sexing. Poor veggies.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Fri 27 May 2011, 13:41, 4 replies)

It was hell on earth
Sprouts Mexicain.
(ScousersPet, Fri 27 May 2011, 13:38, 4 replies)

It's all bloody foreign
BEST:
South Goa, 12 years ago. In the afternoon the fishermen run along the beach dragging unsuspecting westerners to their boats to help them drag them back up the beach. But in the evening you get to eat their sizzling hot plate goodness on banana leaves. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

WORST:
Hong Kong, 12 days ago. Out for business lunch and given "Birds Nest Soup". Looks like chicken and sweetcorn without the sweetcorn. Watery, lots of white slimey bits. Lashings of pepper and mix in some Wasabi type paste makes it just about edible. Then you find out it's actually made of bird spit which is how the swallow makes it's nest!!

Uuuuuurgh!
(Designated Slagger, Fri 27 May 2011, 13:33, Reply)

The fresher the better....
I adore food. To me, there is nothing better than simple, fresh food. Living on a relatively small island, fresh food is easy to come by. I see Jersey Royal’s being advertised on TV as “straight from the field to the plate” – what a load of rubbish. Straight from the field to the plate is buying them off of a farmers wall with an honesty box to pay (yes – they still exist in some parts of the world).

My favourite meal is an exquisitely simple one and also a hugely enjoyable day. First, we (generally this meal is enjoyed with one very good friend of mine) buy a bag of small royal’s, scrub them then grab a box of beers each and a zodiac RIB (rigid inflatable boat) – pootle out about a mile or two offshore throw out a couple of fishing lines and wait for the mackerel to bite. It doesn’t usually take too long, and it’s nice to be able to pick & choose which ones we want – a couple of large ones and a few joeys (smaller baby mackerels with a beautifully delicate sweet taste), then head back in to the beach, build a barbecue out of driftwood, set the spuds to boil with a bit of mint, gut the fish in a rock-pool and stick them on the barbecue, sprinkle a bit of rock-salt over them – best enjoyed with a nice bottle of Sancerre or Mersault and a setting sun. Perfection.

I know that there are so many variations of this type of thing – buying meat directly from a farmer, home grown vegetables straight from allotment to plate, that sort of thing. It leaves me distraught when I think that there are so many people who never get this sort of pleasure – people living in inner cities when eating out means getting a McDonalds or a Chinese takeaway and whose idea of perfection would be to eat in a Michelin Starred restaurant. I’ve eaten in plenty myself and had some great experiences, but I guarantee that there won’t be nearly as many people reminiscing about them as there will be about a nice simple, fresh self-cooked meal.
( Hunter Stockton was murdered by a bicycle wielding axolotl,.,.,.,., Fri 27 May 2011, 13:33, 2 replies)

Bear on toast.


If you ever get into a fight with a bear, just let the fucker win. They taste revolting.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 27 May 2011, 13:29, 7 replies)

I was incredibly stoned, which really didn't help matters.
Several of us had piled back to the DJ's place, where he'd proceeded to sit us all down in a circle, around a deck of cards.

He went off to the kitchen, and came back with a tray of various spirits, and of condiments - vinegar, ketchup, milk, salt, mustard and so on and so on, and a pint glass.

He proceeded to deal out all the cards. The idea was, I seem to remember, that basically each person turned over a card, and took it in turns to put something in the pint glass. I believe that the Jacks pour a spirit, and the last Jack drinks.

Of course I had the last Jack.

The concoction was a light yellowy-brown in colour, with gentle swirls of mustard, and small globules of oil providing unwanted detail to a surface texture that was an accurate portrayal of what would result. It was starting to congeal.

I think I managed a gulp, which bounced straight off the bottom of my stomach and up again.

__________

Epilogue: Apparently it's very easy to load the game, and to prove so he loaded it to himself on the next round. He necked it in one and then poured himself a whiskey, the psychotic bastard.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 27 May 2011, 13:24, 1 reply)

Rocky mountain oysters
Are lovely, got some off a farmers wife (oer) cooked them in some butter and they were fantastic.

Also Zebra is fantastic
(BiggestNizzy your company name here pm for rates., Fri 27 May 2011, 13:12, 3 replies)

Worst,
I popped round to my boss's house to help out with computer woes, his wife prepped me with cuppa and a slice of cake.
Thai ladies aren't renowned for the translation of unfamiliar quantities, particularly in regards to salt levels in cakes.
The first mouthful went down fine, but the second and third caused my lips to shrivel like a slug coated in the stuff. Because I was starving I'd guzzled down most of it before I started to feel a bit queasy.
It took two days, and copious glasses of water, before I could fully open my mouth again, and a week before I plucked up the courage to try cake again! (Not hers I hasten to add!)
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 27 May 2011, 13:05, 3 replies)

Simple and best
A few years back I was terribly terribly overweight and had hit the 20 stone mark (280 lbs, 128 kilos for our US/EU chums). I decided drastic measures were necessary so went on the Atkins. Worked a treat but the first few really strict weeks were tough - not that I was hungry, there was plenty of stuff I could eat, but I wasn't allowed *any* fruit - the fructose in fruit, you see, is carbohydrate, and as such, was very strictly limited in the early stages of Atkins. Now I love fruit. LOVE it. As far back as I can remember I've had at least one piece of fruit a day, if not more. So to go cold turkey on it was up there with giving up smoking on the "man this is hard" scale of life. Although, unlike quitting the ciggies, I could console myself with the fact that I would at some point be allowed fruit again.

One month in and phase 2 of Atkins began, with a slight relaxation on carb intake. I was at a conference that day, and a buffet lunch was served. Dodging the carb-heavy sarnies, I helped myself to those chicken satay kebab skewers you only ever get at catered business events, which are neither satay, nor, I suspect, chicken. Pudding was a complete no-no of chocolatey sugary goodness. But garnishing the platter upon which the chocolate cake was being served were some strawberries. Now I had not touched any fruit for 28 days, so I selected the plumpest, shiniest, reddest strawberry from the plate and tucked in. It was perfect. Juicy, soft but firm, just on the right side of ripeness. The sweet flesh was like manna from heaven. You never realise how sweet strawberries are until you go a month with no sugar at all and tuck into one. I'm salivating now thinking about it. Its almost worth denying yourself for weeks just to really appreciate how good they are. Go on, get a punnet. Lovely lovely lovely.
( paulieg La, la, la, not listening, Fri 27 May 2011, 12:54, 2 replies)

I ate a chicken McNugget
and lived to tell the tale.
(ParaSitius is an Optimistic Pessimist, Fri 27 May 2011, 12:39, Reply)

Worse thing I ever ate
Tequila mayonnaise
(tonyhrx, Fri 27 May 2011, 12:30, Reply)

Worst thing ever
When you're sitting at home on the carpet in front of the telly eating a sandwich, and a bit of your sandwich drops out, so you reach down and pick it up (three second rule!) and put it in your mouth without looking.

Then you realise that what you picked up wasn't the bit that fell out of your sandwich but something horrible that's been on the floor for ages.

That can spoil your day.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 27 May 2011, 12:15, 4 replies)