oh god
I fancy my new key skills teacher.
I'm not sure which one's weirder, me or him.

(he is really pretty in a geeky band sort of way. and he wears glasses and a tweed jacket *sighs*)
(and now for someone completely different, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 16:41, Reply)

Jenny something...
A few years ago, when I was nowt but a lanky, spotty teen... I met a beautiful girl called Jenny. She worked opposite me in a clothes shop and I would sometimes flirt with her over the shop-link radio... Anyhoo, we ended up seeing each other and going for drinks and she seemed pretty sound, I considered my self quite lucky to be with this pretty, blonde girl.

Unfortunately at the time I was sharing a house with a tosser of a bloke, who was a big fat scouser with an ego the size of a planet. He would do everything he could to put me down and make me feel like shit. So taking Jenny back to my house wasn't really an option.

All was well for a while, until she asked me why I never wanted her to come back to my place. I eventually told her about Fat, scouse Dave and she said 'don't worry about it, we can stay out of his way and just enjoy some quiet time together'.

Great! Until she came to my house and as soon as she saw Dave, she started screaming at him, threw a cup at him and smashed up his precious porcelain fridge magnets. I had to drag her from the house and ring her a taxi...But, She was a mentalist! She ended up kicking my front door and spitting on the windows. She just flipped, one second a gorgeous young thing, the next a schizo maniac.

Dumped her the next day. Even Fat scouse Dave saw the funny side of it.

Now she has a kid with an old mate of mine from school. Phew!
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 16:28, Reply)

All men are bastards
And deserve everything they get. This is what I have learned about women. I love them, so they must be right.
(frankspencer, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 16:27, Reply)

5 years ago i dated an abusive fairy
I was 17 and she was about 15. It was just after the whole nu-metal outbreak and everyone was wearing the stupidest baggy jeans (clown trousers) that they could find.
My ex, lets call her ikkiN, was fine around me and we really got on great. She was about 5'4, long straight brunnette hair, slim, green eyes, stunning..

Except when she was out in public. Screaming abuse at anyone who looked at her (cos she had stripey black and white tights and a mini skirt and fairy wings on) and generally being loud and annoying. I thought this was quite funny most of the time, but then it got a bit irritating. When she was drunk she decided she wanted to die and tried to throw herself into the river, decided there were snakes in the bushes after her (i'm feeling some child abuse here) and tried to attack random passers by.
She ended up breaking it off with me, I was gutted as it was my first relationship, but I think she actually spared me. I hear shes now a full on Emo.
(aberdeensfinest Life* (*for a limited time only), Fri 17 Nov 2006, 16:24, Reply)

all woman are crazy, my son
It seem to be breakups that woman turn bunny boiler on me - I reckon I misread how quickly they get attached. I had one girlfriend I visited in house in the hills outside Wuppertal in Germany. Things were fine until I told her I was leaving. It started off us "accidentally" missing the train each day when I wanted to leave and ended up two weeks later with her full screaming and crying "i will not let you leave", hiding her car keys, refusing to let me change money etc. I walked out when she was in the toilet, leaving some things behind, a goretex jacket from memory, and walked for a couple of hours to civilisation. I saw her in the car looking for me a few times but managed to stay out of sight. This has happened a few times with different women in variations on this theme. Some just dont understand Im not there for a lifelong commitment and I never pretended that I was. Still, I got off pretty lightly compared to a few of the other posters
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 16:20, Reply)

Kate
Kate she liked to be called. She was a supermodel, and a mum. She was, for a time, the most desireable woman on earth for several years. I took vast amounts of heroin which somehow allowed me to pass off my mediocre ramblings as music and poetry. I became moderately successful. I gave Kate drugs, we took them together. We never had sex because my genitals were all but destroyed after 3 years of injecting smack in to them. Eventually, she was taking as much as me and to the point where she barely recognised her own daughter. I continued in my talentless quest for recognition only to end up being known for the junkie that fucked Kate up. She was beautiful and I drove her bonkers. I am a cunt of the lowest order.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 16:18, Reply)

She was stunning...
stunning good looks, size 8 body, 38D chest, still pert as well, arse to die for, and an absolute slut in bed. She had it all.

She was out of my league by about 20 leagues, but as it would turn out she was mental.

We lived 50 miles apart, but I met her in the city we both worked, after work we'd meet up and generally have sex, in the street, on the railway station platform, in pub toilets, no where was out of bounds for her, except back at hers, due, I later found out, to her body building, kick boxing, ex soldier and now prison warder husband.

After about 3 months of great sex, the 3am phone calls started. At first I wasn't bothered, she'd phone me up drunk and tell me she loved me and she wanted me to be with her, then get down to fucking herself with what ever she could find, remote controls, candles, wine bottles etc while i listened to her, and occasionally pulled one off.

But then It started to go sinister, phone calls with just silence, or calls with her accusing me of seeing someone else, and calling me all the names under the sun.

Then came the violence, no more just normal sex for us two, oh no, she bit me, and by bit I mean not a little nibble, no, she once actually bit a lump out my shoulder, about the size of a 10p.

I called it off, but the silent phone calls became more frequent, the lasted almost all night every night. I tried getting a new number from BT, but she got a hold of that from a supposed "mate", now "ex mate" of mine.

It all finally ended when I got a new job and moved away.

I met someone we both know a few months back and aparently she was raging when I left without telling her, and has since split with her husband, and has descended into drugs and drink.

Our friend offered to give me her number but I passed.

Strange thing is, through it all I still loved her, but she was too scary to be around.
(hudster, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:54, Reply)

loony
My friend Matt met this beautiful girl, and she took him home to bed the very same night. The following morning he said "I'm just going to have a shower if thats OK", so she stabbed him in the eye, hard, with a toothbrush.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:50, Reply)

Crazy little thing called love!
I went out with a girl many moons ago that was one night locked out of the house. Her mother was at a pub quiz. When her mum returned some 20 mins later, said girlfriend pulled her mum out of the car and began to beat the living crap out of her while I was trying to separate them.

A few weeks later, we were in a nightclub. At the end of the night, she went to pick her coat up and the girl behind the counter had stapled the wrong ticket to the coat. Girlfriend then leaped over the bar and tried to beat the crap out of the girl behind the counter.

End result was that she started to hyper ventilate and got a free ride to the hospital from local plod who had turned up to deal with her personally.

Final straw came when we met up in a park to have a chat. Because she didn't like what I was saying, she proceeded to pickup half a tree and attempt to beat me around the head with it.

Generally, quite a nice girl, but when she went psycho she was a total utter nutcase (she later blamed it on her parent splitting up!)
(a5972s, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:46, Reply)

Crazy Sex Calls and a Trip to Scotland
It's a long one.

Eighteen months ago or so, I was near completing an A Level English course. There was a shy girl who never really said much, but I started to become quite attracted to her. We'll call her Shy Girl. One time, I saw her walking in the street. She was wearing a low cut top and a very long, flowing skirt. Being the master of words and literacy that I am, I came up with a genius chat-up line.

"I like your skirt".

After this, we went for coffee. Three hours passed, and it turned out she was a lesbian. Gah. All this time wasted on nothing. Nevertheless, she became one of my best friends. We chatted about everything, set each other up on dates, ringing each other to chat and occasionally went on nights out, getting very drunk. Ah, the wonderful platonic relationship. Then it got a bit weird.

In 2005, Bob Geldof decided to announce Live 8. The only way to get a ticket was to answer a hideously easy music question (it was something like "Is Chris Martin [a] a singer, or [b] a pineapple). I entered the competition to go to the Edinburgh Live 8 on July 6th. Luckily, I won two tickets. Huzzah! So, I thought I'd bring Shy Girl along. She was ecstatic. I thought shed be excited to see Feeder or any other teeny bop band that was playing. But no, she was excited to see Wet Wet Wet.

To be honest, I should have noticed she was a bit crazy from there.

A couple of weeks before the event, our regular friendly phone calls were getting a bit weird. A bit.. sexy. She began saying stuff like "you know, when we share our hotel, we can play a game...". What kind of game? She didn't say.

To be honest, I should have realised she was getting a bit more crazy here. But let's continue the story.

The phone calls began getting even weirder. She started saying stuff that I usually pay 75p a minute for. Honestly? I was loving it. My attractive so-called lesbian friend was pretty much offering herself to me just for taking her along to a free competition gig that I won. Magic! Then came the day of the event itself. As soon as we got on the train, she grabbed my junk, pointed between her legs and said "tonight, this is miiiine".

Okay, now I was scared. Shy Girl was turning into Slut Girl. During The Scariest Train Ride Ever (TM), she began to say all sorts of stuff to me. What she wants to do to me at the hotel. How she wants to give me a handjob during Daniel Bedingfield (I'm glad this never happened in the end to be honest. I would kill myself if afterwards, I listen to the whining git and get aroused). She then confessed she was a virgin. Fuck's sake. This was getting weird.

Then, the hotel room came. Hmm. She started whispering kinky shit like "take off my knickers.. but only with your teeth". You guys would probably love this, but this is coming from a girl who I've established a platonic relationship with, and who wouldn't say boo to a goose. She'd never ever swore before. I was then recieving the worst blow job ever (you know.. the one where they just hold it inside their mouth). Not nice.

Then we went to the gig. She started proceeding to touch my junk as Ronan Keating was warbling his crazy Irish chanting. Urk.

We got back to the hotel after two hours of looking for a taxi, and just before she wanted to start Round Two of the Awkward Sex Game, I confessed that I didn't really want to. She was lovely and all... she was just... crap. At this news, she proceeded to be very upset. We stayed in seperate beds that night.

I woke up with her on the phone. She was talking to someone (who I later found out to be her mum), and saying stuff like "No! He used me. He humped and dumped me! He's been using me all along!"

Grr.

I got angry, and told her (and I'm paraphrasing), to "Piss the fuck out of my sight, you lesbian fucking prickface."

And that's how Shy Girl's parents found out she was gay.

Beautiful, but a fucking headcase.

(Go on.. click that you like this.. don't shun me just because of the newbieness...)
(__, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:39, Reply)

put it this way

I would've had a less stressful and more normal five years if I'd literally gone out with a box of frogs.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:34, Reply)

Oh deary deary me
A certain ex. Her name was a uncommon, but with a "y" where there could very easily be an "i". She was a hippy, and the only time I ever saw her angry was whenever somebody spelt her name with a "i" as opposed to a "y" (even happened to a poor dyslexic mate of mine on her birthday card).

On top of this, she regularly called me "The Devils Advocate" (for real) because I worked with "evil computers".

Anyway, we split up in a crazy way.

She was flicking herself on the night bus home, and demanded I'd assist her. I told her to go fuck herself (irony really, because she was) as there was people watching, at which point she climbed on top of me, her hand still lodged into her vagina, breaking her wrist. I laughed. She left me in peace, with a broken wrist and all. She never called. Even after her wrist got better.

I've got a new girlfriend now, she's ace. She never apologises for my length, and neither should you
(rhyswynne - on every social network mullarkey known to man, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:31, Reply)

I can't remember her name
she worked in a bar called Bliss in stalis, crete greece, and has done for a few summers
Whilst I was helping a friend out in a bar at the other end of stalis (coyotes) for high season and on her days off she would come and see me for a bit, we'd have a chat, this was probably due to the fact that our first meeting was her boss talking her into giving me a lift back to the bar I was working in after I'd carried his lost dog (which had wandered into our bar and was not only enormous but very un manageable) the quarter mile back to him - I think she was impressed.

She had an astounding dark beauty and enormous breasts, and an amazing sense of humour

alarm bells never rang

I somehow ended up meeting her one night with a few friends, one by one they dispersed and we were finally alone, snogging like schoolkids - she had a ferociously sensual kiss that set the heart aflame, and the libido a frenzy! We went back to mine, and began coitus.

Unfortunately I lived with two "Hilarious" flatmates that came home from the piss and hadn't pulled, so they decided to bang on my door and generally disturb us, which I thought was quite funny if not a little irritating

she did not

at his point the funny, sexy girl I'd took home changed into a strangely squirming sexbeast that was suddenly clambering away and screaming with a devilish look in her eyes of fury and hate combined

MAKE THEM STOP I did - I'm no surprise sexer

I'm talking SCREAMING "I'll fucking kill you" and trying to TEAR out of the room still naked to hurt my flatmates - who deserved it really

I calmed her down (a little) and gor her to at least put her knickers back on

my (greek) landlady was awake now and came out to see what all the commotion was about, I come out to apologise to her and warn my flatmates that they MAY SOON DIE - at this precise moment she then sneaks out of my room with a 2 LITRE FUCKING WINE BOTTLE and chases the flatmate that's standing outside his room into it - where he then stood making faces at the window, so she threw the bottle at the window - he wasn't hurt (luckily) just a little shocked at being almost bottled by a large breasted half naked brunette psychopath who obviously had "issues"


that's when I decided to get her the fuck out of there

I drove her home, it took me about 2 hours to calm her down and yes


I did still shag her

She was fucking fantastic


sorry for length etcetera - she wasn't! PLEASE CLICK "I LIKE THIS" AS THIS IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE 100 PER CENT TRUE QOTW answers YOU WILL READ
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:31, Reply)

Continuing (god this has got me thinking)
My ex used to be able to speak for hours, on the subject of the same three sentences, his dialogue was like the never ending story.

He took too much cocaine.(parts of his nose fell out...)

He used to occasionally get into 'inexplicable fights' when 'running errands'.

He used to throw a wobbler whenever i went outside.

He used to ring me constantly at work and scream down the phone at me. Coupled with the fact that i lost two stone, looked grey and he spent all my money, people at work used to get a bit worried.

He used to come to my work and shout at me.

Once i took him to a work do, he made me leave early and screamed at me all the way home because 'i was flirting with my supervisors husband' (i was talking to him about guitars).

I had the misfortune to get up the duff by him. Obviously i didnt want it (for a variety of reasons, not just because i didnt want a psycho for the father of my child). He spent the walk to the hospital for the termination saying 'i dont want you to get rid of it' and spent the whole time while i was there telling me to hurry up because he didnt like hospitals... yeah, like im totally havig a whale of a time there!!!!!

Maybe ill think of some more when i can be bothered.....
(Salbo_baggins, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:29, Reply)

Not a proper crazy, and just a girl I like...
came out yesterday with "I've started to cut stuff like you told me".

It turns out she just meant that she now cuts up the plastic bits that hold cans together, because I told her things strangle themselves with it. Still, for a second I knew terror.
( jme, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:25, Reply)

Went out with a mental girl with ADD
Turns out that because I didn't want to shag her (wanted to save it for someone else), she shagged about three other lads while I was going out with her instead!
( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:23, Reply)

sally
in the hormone drenched years, i struck up a relationship with a girl named sally. i think that the initial attraction was how she punched out her ex boyfriend in the middle of a crowded pub. i never really liked him.
anyhoo - i haven't thought about her for years - i've been with mrs host for eleven years+ now. but, everyone i was ever even remotely friendly with me kindly pointed out she was a nutter. she was chasing and actively chased by a mutual friend but wetn absolutely mental when i was even remotely friendly with the now mrs. host.
nights out were littered with her disappearing and wondering off by herself/ getting picked up by kerb crawlers thinking she was a homeless prossie and in one fateful evening, wandering out to sea whilst pissed while i was having a bit of friendly chat with the now mrs. host.
i eventually called it a day when she told me that someone male, with whom she shared a cab with one night was in her room and stole her walkman. according to her he slept on the landing and when she woke up he was in her room using the sink. yeah right.
she used to scratch me during sex because of something that happened in her past that she wouldn't tell me about and would often wake me up in the middle of the night by grabbing various bits of me.
she set herself on fire once while cooking a bacon sandwich and had a really loud laugh that i frequently had to say 'look, just shut the fuck up - you are being too loud.'
when we broke up she started seeing my brother. i put up with a good couple of years of this girl. my brother lasted one weekend.
all part of growing up, i guess.

lh
(localhost, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:19, Reply)

Body of a model, behaviour of a psycho
She was 18 & I was 24, I was a bit worried about the age difference at the time but she had a stunning models body & I hadn’t had sex in 3 years. She had just started uni so I only saw her every 2 weeks for weekends packed with sex, it was great. I was the envy of my friends and I was getting dirty weekends regular as clockwork.

It's amazing how quickly time passes when you're getting laid every other weekend and before I knew it, 3 years had passed & she was back home in spitting distance of my abode.

Perhaps I should have seen that she was mental sooner, the evidence was there if I had looked for it; the nightly phone conversations where she would cry hysterically, the time she held a kitchen knife to my cock, the threat to get pregnant if she thought I was going to dump her, the time she held a kitchen knife to my cock, all the ridiculous public-place sex she demanded, the time she held a kitchen knife to my cock, the drunken rages where she would yell "you just don’t get it do you!?", the time she held a kitchen knife to my cock...

By the time she graduated the sexy teenager with the models figure had become a fat-arsed fully paid up mentalist control-freak, and seeing her every day finally confirmed this. Enough was enough & I finished with her. A couple of days later she left a drunken voice-mail on my phone telling me she was having a miscarriage (she wasn’t) then a few days after that drove her car through some poor sods house & phoned me from the scene. For the next month or so she would phone me & give me abuse, then call the next day to apologise, then phone to give me abuse and so on.

I would love to end this with some witty conclusion about redemption and lessons learnt, but quite frankly I wasted 3 years of my life on a mentalist because I was thinking with my cock.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:18, Reply)

Weird but Cute Guy - anal sex with pets? WTF!
God this guy was a cutie but he did go on!

ok we're sitting in the pub when suddenly he blurts out:

"The WTC buildings collapsed at free the fall speed of gravity, 8.4 seconds (10 floors per second). To collapse at "Free fall" speed means that the falling building pieces had to crush concrete, shear steel bolts, and brake welds and fall just as fast as a rock dropped off the side of the building that hit nothing but air. Impossible without explosives. Each floor hit would have significantly slowed the fall! "

"..and what does that have to do with the price of fish??!" I yelped back!

he was having none of it:

"The South Tower (Building #2) fell after 1 hour; the North Tower (Building #1) fell after 2 hours.The Meridian Plaza burned fiercely for 19 hours and never collapsed. The Madrid fire in 2005 burnt for 24 hours looking like a torch and never collapsed.

Yet Scientific American, October 2001 said "The WTC was probably one of the more resistant tall buildings..they just don't build them as tough as the World Trade Center"s


NORAD successfully intercepted off course and suspected hijackings 100% of 67 times during the year prior to 9/11 (AP, 8/13/02), each time in under 20 minutes. An Air Force F-15 "scrambles" to 29,000 feet in 2.5 minutes, normally intercepting in 15 minutes. Yet on 9/11 they were four failures for over an hour each -- three after they knew the planes were high-jacked and intended mass murder. Please read, "Crossing the Rubicon", by Michael Ruppert, which indicts Richard Cheney for his involvement in the war games that diverted our interceptors from stopping the high-jacked airplanes. Contrast this to Condoleezza Rice's statement from her May 16, 2002 press briefing, "I don't think anybody could have predicted that these people would try to use an airplane as a missile, a hijacked airplane as a missile". (See Fox TV broadcast plot 6 months earlier) "Condoleezza Rice was the top National Security official with President Bush at the July 2001 G-8 summit in on Genoa. "

"WTF???????????????" says I!

This was where U.S. officials were warned that Islamic terrorists might attempt to crash an airliner into the summit, which prompted officials to close the airspace over Genoa and station anti-aircraft guns at the city's airport".


"The specifics of the fires in WTC 7 and how they caused the building to collapse remain unknown at this time."- Federal Emergency Management Agency. Chapter 5, Page 31, May 2002

The investigation of the WTC "is a half-baked farce." - Fire Engineering Magazine. Jan 2002

All of the important evidence from the disaster was destroyed, illegally, and before the investigation was even concluded, some before it began! - Fire Engineering

$600,000 was spent investigating the WTC collapses vs. $40 million on Clinton's sex life.The entire 9/11 Commission only spent $15 million while all expenditures on Clinton's indiscretion exceed $65 million.

Building 7 at the WTC, 47 floors, steel, and constructed differently from the twin towers, fell at 5:30 but it was never hit by an airplane, had no significant fire! The fires were not long enough (only 1-2 hours) to harm the steel. Yet days later, there were "hot spots" in the building that still exceeded the maximum temperature possible from jet fuel - but not from explosives.

The concrete was encased in a steel framed pan yet clouds of finely pulverized concrete and steel beams came shooting out of the buildings for up to three times the width of the building at hundreds of miles per hour - only possible with explosives.

If the force of the falling building is strong enough to pulverize concrete then the bolts and rivets would have to hold beyond that force - and then give way. Yet the force to pulverize concrete into fine powder is greater than the force that sheers or stretches steel bolts and rivets. It cannot be both ways.

Both impacts and fires in the Twin Towers did not hit the center of the buildings. That means that only two sides of the building were harmed at most and two sides were structurally sound. Building 7 had no impact or significant fires. Yet all three collapses are perfectly straight down. Only the tops of the Towers should have fallen over, not the entire building all straight down, just like a controlled demolition.

"I'm still to this day amazed that he [alleged pilot on Flight 77] could have flown into the Pentagon," according to the hijackers pilot instructor. "He could not fly at all." Yet, "The steep turn was so smooth, the sources say, it's clear there was no fight for control going on. And the complex maneuver suggests the hijackers had better flying skills than many investigators first believed."

NATIONAL COMMISSION ON TERRORIST ATTACKS UPON THE UNITED STATES, Public Hearing, Friday, May 23, 2003 : Mr. Mineta: "There was a young man who had come in and said to the vice president, "The plane [Flight 77] is 50 miles out...30 miles... 10 miles out" - Cheney knew this plane was coming at Washington and the Pentagon and yet no planes had been scrambled to protect Washington after over 1 hour since the WTC was attacked. Even at 400 miles per hour, it takes over 7 minutes to travel 50 miles, more since the plane was at altitude. Cheney knew the plane was coming when it was even farther away since Mr. Mineta had not been present when Flight 77 was first reported to Mr. Cheney. They had known this flight was missing for over an hour after the first plane crashed into the North Tower. There should have been an umbrella of F-16 and other aircraft over Washington, DC. An F-16 fighter can travel 50 miles and destroy a target in less than 2 minutes. Moreover, pictures released by the Pentagon show anti-aircraft missiles firing at an aircraft much smaller than a 757. Everything failed! Incompetence, if not guilt.


"On August 6, 2001, just over a month before 9/11 and during the "summer of threat", President Bush received a Presidential Daily Briefing (PDB) at his Crawford, Texas ranch, entitled Bin Laden Determined to Strike in the US The August 6th memo focused entirely on the possibility of terrorist attacks inside the US. In testimony before the 9/11 Commission, Condoleezza Rice, National Security Advisor to President Bush, stated to the 9/11 Commission that she and President Bush considered the August 6th PDB as just an historical document and commented that this was not considered a domestic warning. At this 9/11 hearing, Condoleezza Rice had taken an oath to tell the truth to the Commissioners. [Perjury!] "Additionally, according to the 9/11 Commission report, chief White House expert on terrorism, Richard Clarke, sent Rice an urgent memo just days after she took office stressing the severity of the terrorist threat. She did not respond. Although the national security leadership met formally nearly 100 times in the months prior to the Sept. 11 attacks . . . terrorism was the topic during only two of those sessions. The first meeting that dealt with al Qaeda did not occur until 9/4/01." Read the 9/11 widows letter on "Kindasleazy" Rice.

Rice lied that they did not anticipate hijackers using airplanes as weapons yet FEMA's cover image depicts just such an attack!

I am also appalled by the media. A Zogby Poll I commissioned reported that 66% of New Yorkers want the 9/11 investigation re-opened and 49% believe government VIP's knew ahead of time and did nothing to stop it. The New York Times thought it NOT "news fit to print". I had to pay for an advertisement to get it in the New York Times! "

we broke up soon after

APOLOGIES FOR LENGTH BUT THE GUY DID INSIST THAT THE WORLD WAS BEING LED INTO A FASCIST ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT ON THE BACK OF A STAGED TERRORIST EVENT - THROUGH THE INTERVENTION OF CHIPPED ID CARDS AND DISASSEMBLING OUR CIVIL LIBERTIES - MUCH LIKE HITLER AND THE REISTAG

get him!

anyway...back in reality....have you seen how fit Robbie looks in Heat Magazine this week!
PWOOAAAR!

.

.
(Betty Bo Bibster, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:18, Reply)

I went out with one of my cousins for a while.
She was proper fucking mental. She used to stay up all night in the garden stuffing insects up her cunt and dribbling.
I left her in the end because she got up the duff and the child was a mong.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:17, Reply)

There was this other girl I met when I was about 17
her, me and my mates went to the woods one day to play........


....actually, better not tell that one.
(you're all a bunch of twats anyway, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:15, Reply)

I met a really beautiful girl
who was mental.

When her carers werent looking I smuggled her off the sunshine coach under an old anorak. I took her too the woods and told her about the magic snake who could cry milk.

She gave him a kiss.

They've never found her.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:08, Reply)

The Ballad of L...
Psychos, eh? If I was mastermind, this would be my specialist subject... Anyhoo:

Ah, Air Cadets. I'm not proud of it, but I was one. And, as everyone knows, if you put a bunch of teenagers in uniform together, sparks will eventually fly.

And fly they did, with Me and L. We were on and off for a couple of years (On when she was bored of her boyfriend, Off when she was bored of me) and included such wonders as:

- Telling the BF about me and consequently getting my face smashed in.
- INSISTING that I sploff over her miniskirt. Which wouldn't be so bad, but she then wore it out like a fucking badge of honour.
- Screwing my brains out, and then telling me that she was pregnant about a week before I left for Uni. To get me to stay. I nearly did too - until her guilt got the better of her. Bags packed and WHOOSH - I was gone!

She was madder than a bag of ferrets. To this day I get the occasional dirty SMS - you'd think she'd have got the message after 6 years of radio silence from my side!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 15:07, Reply)

horny housemate
I had an on and off thing with a girl I was living with for a couple of years. She was quite good looking (I fancied her anyway) and G R E A T in bed. She was up for all kinds of stuff and I was encouraged to do lots of stuff I've never done with a girl before of since. And even better, she said it was all 'just as mates'. well, it worked for a bit but it soon became clear that the 'just as mates' was not all it seemed. she became very possesive, tried to stop me going out, tried to control my actions by throughing increasingly outrageous strops over little things. The day came when I met another girl, and all hell broke loose. Unbelievably though, I used to give into her and let her get her way, even to the point of me not pursuing this other girl (I didn't like her much, but that wasn't the point).

I relucantly stopped the free sex soon after, but the offer was always there. which was a constant torture, but would have been the equivilant of sticking my dick into a wasps nest.
(crumbs, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 14:58, Reply)

In my brief experience . . .
Any lass called Sarah, Lisa or Natalie, bar a couple of exceptions, should be approached with extreme caution!

If she is called Sarah, Lisa or Natalie and is a drama student remember the Boy Scouts motto, 'Be Prepared'!
( 42 Loves Teh Funphenschnaffles, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 14:54, Reply)

student *whistles*
Not actually my student, but a class I was covering and not a high school, but a private language school and she was 23. Okay? Very beautiful though, incredibly so, - great tits - and during the course of the class (Only two students and me) we were getting on VERY well, gazing into each others eyes. I suddenly realised that I was hitting on her and stopped, being married and all.
Alas it was too late. Whilst at school she'd follow me around, telling other students I was her boyfriend. When I asked her to stop, as I was married, she then told other students we were having an illicit affair. When not at school she would email me constantly and managed to get my phone number. I got an new email address, new phone, and left my teaching job to become an editor. Around about a year later, a friend from a different school phoned me and asked if I'd take some classes as they were short of teachers. "Sure" said I. They were in fact "Movie Club" and all I had to do was play a film and ask students if they understood what was going on every 20 mins. But there she was....and she was angry. Why had I moved house? (how did she know?). Why was I treating her like nothing had ever happened. She was going to tell her brother, and then she started swearing at me in her native tongue, which I understood, saying some pretty nasty stuff. I locked myself in the staff room while she was kicking down the door, eventually she was escorted out and I had to explain to my friend how nothing had ever happened between us.

End of story?

Nah, since splitting from my wife, I haven't gotten laid in about ooooooo one month. So I'm chatting with the bunny-boiler on line now. Desperate times and all that......I'm a bad boy, and as I said – great tits.
(you're all a bunch of twats anyway, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 14:54, Reply)

I suppose
everyone's had that romantic phone call every evening for a year, round about tea time, normally jsut when your food is done and in front of you. Yes, it's the love of your life, despite the fact you've seen her all day, just phoning to say hello. To say hello and then spend an hour and a half crying "WHY DOES EVERYBODY HATE MEEEEE???" down the phone. Every sodding night. For a year.

Thing was, they didn't either... There were no obvious reasons to think this...

The night she found out that her dad (who had died many many years ago) had in fact comitted suicide (something I'd twigged a long time ago)...? "Shall we go to the pub?"

Thank God for moving away to go to Uni.
( Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Fri 17 Nov 2006, 14:53, Reply)

I am Beautiful
But the voices control me. These days they speak Polish. I think they are asking if I need any decorating doing.

Will you be my friend?
(Mong The Merciless Older not wiser, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 14:50, Reply)

I am getting paranoid now..
What if any of my previous, drunken/stoned/whatever behaviour has placed me in this nutter category....?
O hang on the QOTW is beautiful but bonkers, not just plain senselessly mental....phew.
(Siouxfan I'm not staring at you, I am just short sighted, Fri 17 Nov 2006, 14:48, Reply)