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This is a question How I Skive Off Work

Admit it. No one does any work these days. It's all looking at crappy websites with your thumb hanging over alt tab incase the boss walks over. Tell us your best methods of skiving, and any resultant incidents. (Maybe your slacking off has got someone sacked, or resulted in a large scale industrial accident.)

(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 15:53)
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This question is now closed.

Work?... what's that?
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 16:09, Reply)
classroom squash
Once in an english lesson me and my best mate were very bored. We sat at the front of the room next to a wall, with the teacher behind us all lesson not looking we decided to make a paper ball and play squash all lesson, some one tried to dob us in but we just turned round and looked innocent :P shut her up!
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 16:08, Reply)
Last night ...
I woke myself up laughing.

I was dreaming of b3ta.

It's started to make me skive off sleep.
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 14:49, Reply)
I don't really skive off these days ...
But at school I used to draw pictures of people vommiting and then slip them into the plastic wallets containing other student's work ... hehe :)
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 14:40, Reply)
once in an english lesson we where watching a really dull video, so we planned the day before to bring beer into the lesson, diguised as tango.
The plan backfired when my freind fell asleep at the back of the class stinking of beer, and the teacher found out
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 14:40, Reply)
During my A-Levels I used to run away to my friend's shop
and play dress-up with day-glo cyberdog stuff, and prance around in PVC.

I'd also get paid for licking envelopes. So. Many. Envelopes :(
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 14:02, Reply)
yay to long hair
I have quite long hair, so whenever I get bored of class I just put my hair in front of my eyes and go to sleep.

Bwahahaha they'll never know.
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 14:00, Reply)
I am currently doing the above for the foreign office. It's by far and away the best way to waste taxpayers' money for your own benefit. I get paid 9 quid an hour for about 40 hours a week (usually more according to my timesheet) and my last postion involved invigilating interviews. That's right, i sit on my arse and read a paper, occassionally wandering into another room to surf a bit. However, if i want to properly skive i head for the loo and abuse myself over the girl on reception who looks stupid but entirely filthy.
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 13:46, Reply)
How to Sleep It Off Using Paperclips
This technique requires: personal office with a door, a handful of paperclips, an extra chair with wheels (maybe put some staples, hole punches and/or filing supplies on it) and a large old fashioned desk. Hangover is optional.

Stomp around office like you are mad or agitated. Act very very awake. Slam door. Now comes the preparation. Dump a box of paperclips on the floor under the desk, be careful not to bang sore head on keyboard assembly. Load up spare chair with crap that will make a loud noise if jostled or moved. Place chair in front of door, just far enough so that a loud noise and/or ruckus will be caused by someone flinging open door. Get into position: curl up under desk and sink into a blissful sleep. When you hear the "chair alarm", immediately raise yourself up and grab a handful of paperclips. Throw in a sneeze (due to dust under there) so as to explain the reddish eyes.
Raise yourself up slowly like a meercat and, with much chutzpah, ask the person what they want. If it is your boss, just do some posturing that indicates complete slavehood and acquiesence to his/her every demand.

***note*** This technique is for extreme situations only and can usually only be used a couple of times before people get suspicious.
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 13:38, Reply)
The warehouse zoo
Unfortunately, I'm a retail monkey; I don't mind because with managers like mine I can get away with anything. To pass the the time I dissapear into the back warehouse (no secruity cameras or heating, no one looks there). Recently I've discovered that pallet-wrap is great for making things; the warehouse is now filled with little animals.

I call my latest creation "Darth Penguin"

He even has his own little light-saber.
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 11:59, Reply)
not so much a skive cos i was actually in the lesson
but i took furthur maths at 6th form. i was crap at it. seems my gcse grade was a fluke. my pure teacher, mr. edwards, didnt want me to give up, so he used to help me, but the stats teacher, mr. itherald (sp) didnt care. abuot anything. apart from stats. so i spent my stats lessons drawing.

for some reason the desk i sat at in maths, was one of those old ones with the lift up lid and the inkwell (this was only 4 years ago) and the wood is so soft, so i spent 4 hrs every week defacing the table with pictures and quotes.

they still haevnt got rid of the desk...even tho you cant write on it anymore because its so lumpy. tis my gift to the college :) altho people are adding things now :)

sorry for length.
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 11:30, Reply)
IT Lessons
As I have more than basic knowledge of computers, I found a way to bypass the schools computer security whathaveyou. So: Run, cmd... an hour of solitaire. :)
Edit: I finished the work first of course... I did that in a geography lesson :)
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 10:55, Reply)
I should be at work today, but I just haven't turned up.
Instead I have sat in the sun to eat my breakfast, now tinkering with b3ta. then going to sit in the sun a bit more, then sit in the sun, maybe sit in the sun, have some fizzy pop then sit in the sun until night time (when there will be no more sun to sit in)
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 10:54, Reply)
I suspect a guy I work with is a closet b3ta reader although he'll bitterly deny it.
Anyway, he's a lazy twunt at the best of times but lately I've seen him adopt new techniques of doing nob all work, that have blatently been lifted of this.
As for how I skive, I just park up somewhere quietish(I work outside at an airport), turn on teh wireless and casually listen. If anyone drives past I look flustered and angry and pretend the choke on the van is playing up.
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 10:49, Reply)
More teachers
In sixth form we had after school lessons twice a week. One of which (Physics) was done on a Friday . Obviously, due to me discovering alcyhol (and the Marine Inn being about 40 steps from the outside of the school) meant that we judged the best time to go (late enough to avoid the normal kids going home, as they would all try and get served and refused, early enough so we can get drunk). We found that time to be 20 to 4.

As such, this teacher was always late for his lesson. Sure enough, we managed to change the clock to add 10 minutes each time.

It became a habit, we managed to change his watch too, with it still on his wrist.

He found out usually, but we paid him back big.

He was brilliant at velodrome cycling, and to qualify for the olympic trials, you need 5 people to time you racing around a circuit, for 5 distances, and take an average. He chose 5 of our class to do it. We kinda fiddled the result by changing the time so that it was below the qualifying time.

As a driect result from that, last summer, he became the oldest member of the British Cycling team in the Athens Olympics.
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 10:39, Reply)

In July of 1988 I had a job Installing automatic fire suppression systems to oil rigs in the North sea. Boring job couldn't be bothered, the rest is history.
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 10:38, Reply)
librarian work ethic
I got to work 2 hours ago, 20 minutes late, I've done my taxes, paid some bills, had a cuppa and a buttie and made arrangements to go shopping after work. That's it till lunchtime. This is the most active I've been for about a month.

To make it look like I'm doing something useful, I'm updating 17000 records in the database. Not manually obviously, but it takes a while and I can't possibly do anything else in the meantime. Oh, but because I've been reading this and not concentrating, I've just realised that I've done it wrong and will have to undo what I did and do it all again. So that's the afternoon sorted.
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 10:18, Reply)
had to add, my english teacher in year 12 would talk for whole doubleperiods when we got him going, usually with "Mr Harvey, do you believe in God?" or "Mr Harvey, how do you say purple monkey dishwasher in Latin?" and off he would go!
on thursday we would have a triple block (a double period, lunch, single period) which was about 150ish mins "work" and we managed to keep him engaged the entire time

needless to say none of us did too crash hot on our english exams but meh
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 8:23, Reply)
Not really a tip, but
Once, at work I became so disinterested in what I was supposed to be doing that without realising I tied a big (big.) bag of snakes end to end and began knitting a scarf out of the giant snake using some pencils

I can't help getting crafty sometimes
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 3:27, Reply)
not so much sciving...
... but I have recently spent the last month off work due to car accident. I think Stevie Wonder was driving the car that pulled across my path on a particularly dodgy A road. At 60mph. Needless to say I was injured in the inevitable crash and have spent 4 rather boring weeks at home. It still hurts, but I count myself very lucky. Drive carefully. Or else bad things happen. So there.
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 2:09, Reply)
Skiving College...
...was always fun. If I couldn't be arsed with an afternoon lecture there were always a few blokes on the course willing to tag along. Of course the 'few blokes' in question are of course complete stoners. So usually at lunch time we'd head to the nearest deserted place and smoke like chimneys for a few hours.

If we could be arsed with the afternoon lecture (or if there happened to be an important piece of work needing handed in) we would turn up about 20 minutes late and fall asleep in the back of the class. Either that or I'd draw weird shit. If we couldn't be fucked with the afternoon lecture however, we would head to the nearest fast food outlet (we always opted for Subway- for the footlongs and free refills) and pig out.

Apologies for length (and girth :P)
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 1:44, Reply)
my way of skiving
isnt really a skive as such.. basically i work for a small team in a large company doing dev work (in java, and a few other rare, unusual, machine specific languages). no-one else in my team (of 10-15) knows how to code. so when there is some work that needs doing, they come to me and ask how long it will take. seeing as i've not been doing the job a *long* time, i honestly don't know sometimes so mearly guess, and to be on the safe side i err high. 900% to high last time. oops.
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 1:07, Reply)
I always manage to tidy when I'm supposed to be working,

and work when i'm supposed to be tidying.

Ah well
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 0:26, Reply)
For school...
I would draw. Endless reels and pages of paper, anything but work. I would write a few lines and then flip to the back of my book to draw then quickly flip back to the front when the teacher walked over and depending on how far into the lesson i would or wouldn't get into trouble. It progressed into writing fake things when i realised they just glazed thier eyes over the books. I would write big blocks of pointless phrases such as "I enjoyed a cup of tea with the vicar on tuesday we then proceeded to batter to death the organ player with an easle"
(, Sun 1 May 2005, 23:58, Reply)
i work in 3D animation
i render. i could work even though the 'puters super slow but i prefer not to.
(, Sun 1 May 2005, 23:12, Reply)
Teacher baiting!
We did that too! There's a teacher at my school who has a massive massive repertoire of engaging stories (that are actually pretty good)...and it's hard to get her telling them, but once you have, you're home free.

One time, we learnt absolutely nothing about organic molecules; we got her talking 5 minutes into the 76-minute class period. :D
(, Sun 1 May 2005, 21:24, Reply)
...whenever I was bored at work, or whenever I wasn't for that matter too, i used to write in my blog or post on forums.

My blog has got me in trouble on a number of occasions actually, but never specifically at work.
(, Sun 1 May 2005, 21:07, Reply)
My way
is dead easy. I just sit there and don't do the work. Simple yet highly effective, especially with cover teachers.
(, Sun 1 May 2005, 20:57, Reply)
we used to do that
to a teacher at school. he was a supply teacher he was great. not only did he use a parachute and run up and down the field trying to take off on every windy day, but he was also a big fan of any outdoor pursuit possible.

we had competitions on who could make him talk for the longest. record was 43.5 mins on the subject of canoeing. in a 50 minute lesson thats not bad
(, Sun 1 May 2005, 20:46, Reply)
school skiving
Having not yet been unleashed into the world of work, we find at school (as you probably also did) that the best way to get off work is to ask the teacher about something that they're interested in. For example, 'sir, hows your new motorbike going?' Works exceptionally well on the more elderly teachers. Cue Mr Davies (about 80 we think) and a row of us holding up our hands - 'sir, how did the world begin?' 50 minutes of nodding heads and off we went. so cruel.
(, Sun 1 May 2005, 20:41, Reply)

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