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This is a question How I Skive Off Work

Admit it. No one does any work these days. It's all looking at crappy websites with your thumb hanging over alt tab incase the boss walks over. Tell us your best methods of skiving, and any resultant incidents. (Maybe your slacking off has got someone sacked, or resulted in a large scale industrial accident.)

(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 15:53)
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This question is now closed.

When I worked at the East Midlands Airport restaurant
'emptying the bins' was a three hour operation, which involved seven of us taking turns to do handbrake turns and wheel spins in the restaurant's transit van down a runway service road.

The actual placing of the bin bag into the skip was then carried out with great ceremony and reverence.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 17:26, Reply)
My boss has it worked out
he has 2 desks, one on each floor. If he isn't on our floor, he says he is on the other and vice versa.
Any time he gets caught out because he isn't at either desk, he makes up a fictional meeting with another manager. The other guy works the same scam and they cover for each other.
It's stupid really because pretty much everyone knows about it, but no one high up can be bothered to stop him.
But like the Murphy's...
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 17:23, Reply)
started a crappy temp job about 4 months ago
For the 1st couple of weeks I thought b3ta was blocked, so actually did work. But very slowly, pretending to be really dumb so that the hours spent on simple tasks were justifiable. When I finally realised i could get to b3ta I adjusted it to:
- Do most of the task really quickly.
- Dick around on teh web for as long as you want.
- Finish up when the boss finally says "how are you doing with those files"
I never come across as the most productive worker, but i don't care cos i'm leaving next week.
It also helps having 2 bosses, neither of whom talk to each other about what work they are giving me, thus allowing me to tell boss A that i am very busy with work for boss B, and vice versa. Helped me to pull a 4 hour lunch break last week.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 17:09, Reply)
Coffee Time

Great little program that makes it look like you're upgrading your machine but is in fact not doing anything.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 17:07, Reply)
When I was younger
I found an empty cupboard at work, that used to be an ideal spot in which to lie down and have a crafty nap after getting up early to go to work after a hard nights partying.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 17:06, Reply)
When I used to work in a supermarket my method was to drink lots and lots (and I mean LOTS) of water, the drinking of the water was time-consuming enough, but then when it made it's way through my system I'd spend the rest of the day pissing like a racehorse.

By the time I left the job I had it down to a fine art, I'd stop drinking water 4 hours before my shift was over, and have my last piss about 15 minutes before I went home. Worked a treat.

Apart from the time some idiot spilt Aeseptopol (bleach-type cleaner) on the draining board, and I picked up my cup, filled it with water without looking, and downed a load of the stuff.

That time I didn't have to worry about passing my time in the loo - I went home vomiting blood!
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:59, Reply)
Non computer-related skiving
In the glorious July of 1995, on summer holiday from college, a friend and I spent three mornings a week cleaning a ten storey council house block. Whilst my friend was dragged off to empty the bins and pick up litter in the gardens every day (a thankless task) I was left to my own devices to sweep all ten floors.

A typical morning for me would involve half an hour's light broom-time, a lengthy visit to the surprisingly comfortable paper-bin cupboard (lockable from the inside) to 'read' the old copies of The Sport piling up in there, followed by a trip up to the sunny roof to spend the rest of the morning making drawings of the view, smoking cigs and folding paper aeroplanes to throw down on my poor friend tirelessly cleaning the bins in the baking heat ten storeys below.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:56, Reply)
Choose the black screen screensaver,
put it on a four-hour delay, leave some bits of paper on your desk, and go home at lunchtime.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:49, Reply)
Some time ago I used to have an office to myself so I would set up an invoice or letter on the computer then have a little snooze with my finger over the return key. If anyone walked in, I'd press the key and hey, presto! a noisy old printer would spew out paper and it would look like I'd been working. Used to sleep all afternoon and never got caught, tee hee. Nearly shat myself once though when I pressed the key in my sleep.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:49, Reply)
I'm not big on skiving
Never really thought of a good long term excuse, but if anyone can find out how the hell Dave The Hat is able to support his lovely wife and make 10,000 B3ta posts a week, bottle it and i'll have some.

DTH are you unemployed, self employed or should Rob have just asked you this question rather than the whole B3ta board?
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:47, Reply)
Pretend to be ill.
Tried and proven method. Can't go wrong.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:46, Reply)
b3ta with a twist...
...My current employeer (big company, where I am at while writing this post) has a quite strict internet filter including sites such as B3ta.... Can you imagine it? Fortunately, they don't block access to some anonymous proxy servers.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:37, Reply)
I call it managment
Work in leisure attractions long enough, you become a manager. Be a manager long enough, you become the house manager. Then skiving is what you do for a living. And if you run a wine museum eveyone else is drunk.
if you get questioned mutter something about 'customers' and its accepted.

takes a while to get the thousand yard stare tho

if the alarm goes off I shout at people to get out or if i'm really bored I do it anyway
I served my time at Alton Towers (many tours there) so i'm entitled!
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:32, Reply)
Well everyone here is a computer dunce so browsing the web all day really is not too challenging.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:25, Reply)
Taking a 'toilet break'...
...then spending ten minutes on the crapper reading a paper or playing Tetris on my phone.

I wonder if they're hiring this summer...
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:24, Reply)
Well to be honest . . .
I post crap on B3TA.

Mind you I quit on Monday. Mouthing off to my Boss on the holiday topic might not have been so bad if Rudi hadn't sent it 'round to everyone.


edit --> I Should point out here that, excluding the obvious factual likelihood that it is an accurate description of a pastime in which Rudi, along with at least 90% of other males, participates, Rudi is an all round good chap and not generally deserving of the title 'Wanker'.

On this occasion I referred to him in this derogatory way because:
a) I thought it was funny to do so in my post;
b) he genuinely did forward a post, in which I called my boss a cunt, on to said boss;
c) it is in my nature to be indiscriminately offensive.

I should like to beg his forgiveness for such a slur on his name, but also to remind him that almost everything that falls out of my mouth is meant in a light-hearted way (the best way to tell is by seeing whether I am holding a blunt instrument or not).

None the less, in this situation, I feel that some single expletive sentence is required here, but in deference to the opinions of others I shall stick to expressions which describe the situation rather than an individual:


<-- /edit

I want a bike for my birthday.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:24, Reply)
Skiving from school is easy.
The nurse doesn't care. I just tell her I'm sick and go home, often stopping in the chippy for a sausage supper. Lovely. Lying in bed, watching Back To The Future and eating a sausage supper is the best.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:21, Reply)
Shirking From Home
works every time!
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:19, Reply)
I'm an evil telemarketer
Only to fund drinking through uni.
I've found that it is possible to skip through surveys and fill in the answers yourself, therefore saving valuable time that could be used for phoning people you actually like. Plus it means bonus rate is much easier to achieve, and at the end of a month when the quotas are filling up, its often possible to be sent home early.
Hurrah! More money for less than half the work!

Lizzilla speaks in a solely hypothetical manner when replying to this QOTW. In no way is she saying she has done these things, as that would be fraud
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:18, Reply)
I have this way of talking to people
while looking at them through the corner of my eye. The other eye is on whatever I'm doing. I can look as if I'm really busy, all the while my attention is elsewhere.

Hiding the more entertaining sites in time is pretty easy for me. I hear better than I see, so I can detect footsteps from a mile away.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:11, Reply)
there was the time...
I was meant to be working on the Potters bar signal system but didn't turn up...
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:11, Reply)
Trying to earn the One Fifty is my fave way
Working for five ninety three an hour means that on pound fifty, is 15 minutes and 12 secconds earnings. the game is to spend exactly that much time out of the office, in the shitter, with no time keeping devices at all. many attempts mean hours of paid time off work. if the bosses ask, i have a bowel problem. are they gonna prove me wrong?

(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:11, Reply)
Simple really.
I'm the only one that can really do the job so an hours performance from me looks like 2 weeks work. The rest of the time I spend on here or other none work related websites. And playing emulators. :-)
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:10, Reply)
I work for a company with a small, but international presence. I am the Sales Manager (please note: NOT Assistant to the Regional Manager any longer - thank you very much.) I spend a good bit of my day wondering if there will ever be boys born who can swim faster than sharks. Fortunately for me, I have a guy I work with in the UK and each and every week, we cover for one another...it all works out nicely. mwah ha ha ha!

Sic Semper Tyrannis!

PS(Dave, we are going fishing this weekend on the Bay. Too bad you havent gotten your greencard yet! :)
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:08, Reply)
i once missed a lesson in school by hiding in the classroom cupboard. i had to wait until the lesson finished before i could make my escape.

i never did that again.
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:08, Reply)
I got into a nice little situation in which i had two bosses, but each one thought that the other one was my main boss. this tied in quite nicely since they were both on differant floors. I got away with not doing any work for 2 months before they realised what was going on. Its safe to say that i don't work there anymore...
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:05, Reply)
best method of skiving?
not turning up works for me, which will probably result in the failure of my degree.
oh well...
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:02, Reply)
I dont want to skive
I'm a porn star

wahey, back to work
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:02, Reply)
i havent been to work for 3 weeks
no phone calls or anthing,
and they are still paying me :D
(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 16:00, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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