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This is a question How I Skive Off Work

Admit it. No one does any work these days. It's all looking at crappy websites with your thumb hanging over alt tab incase the boss walks over. Tell us your best methods of skiving, and any resultant incidents. (Maybe your slacking off has got someone sacked, or resulted in a large scale industrial accident.)

(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 15:53)
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This question is now closed.

Me and a mate skived Lit
to plan how we’re going to bugger the class swot senseless. As I’ve always said, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 15:56, Reply)
I worked in an ice cream van
And sometimes, when I couldn't be bothered to sell any ice creams, I made the jingle play and pretended I'd run out.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 15:36, Reply)
b3ta was blocked
so we wrote a proxy bypass in cgi!
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 14:54, Reply)
We all skive in our own way.
My son's teacher thought he caught him skiving because he had another book tucked inside his Lit book the class was reading. Instead of the fairly lightweight "To Kill a Mockingbird" (yawn), Chris was reading a comparative analysis of the works of Dostoevsky, Kirkegard, Nietche, and Kafka. He'd finished the assigned book a week earlier, and Joyce's "Portait of the Artist..." a day or two before. He also sleeps regularly in Math, where he has a 98 average.

Apologies for length, depth and probably spelling.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 14:33, Reply)
Whenever in min the mac rooms (which is most of the time)
Its 95% certain b3ta is somewhere on my computer. If I get causght, I just show my lecture my stuff on it and other peoples stuf, he chuckles, says why isnt my work as good then leaves me to it. ACE
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 14:26, Reply)
No Need To Skive
It would appear I am in a unique situation, where I have NO CHOICE but to do no work. I started at my job 9 months ago, and have done approximately 4 weeks work-which was in December. I am paid to look at b3ta, any other amusing websites, and when the boss is out of the office watch DVD's. Last week we did Oceans 12 (don't bother -it's crap) and Sideways-VERY funny. I may start a film reviewing service-HMMM?
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 14:20, Reply)
Back in school sometimes I kept awake the entire night, only to sleep in classes. Once I kept nodding off while sitting right next to the teacher, and in the end he got bored telling me to wake up and let me sleep in peace for the entire lesson :)
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 13:11, Reply)
Still on the subject of laxatives........
Eyedrops added to any drink, will produce a laxative effect!
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 12:44, Reply)
In your supervisor's water jug at meetings. May qualify as assault.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 12:40, Reply)
Spoiling Colleague Skiving..
Used to work for the MOD in testing labs where every item had a set 'test period' thanks to something called the Whitley Committee. Therefore switching the power on, checking the light comes on, and switching it off again was allotted 2 hours to complete.

Worked for an absolute twunt who treated me like his own personal slave, so... He goes on holiday for 2 weeks, I ignore the Whitley recommendations, and test/calibrate every item on his work incoming shelves, which took me 5 days, but was about 8 months work according to the rules. Cue him returning, and desperately trying to look busy for the next few months without a single thing to do. In the end it drove him barking mad and he had a month off with stress.

Serves him right.

Apologies for length, but according to Whitley this should have been 3000 words and taken 2 days.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 12:03, Reply)
wap phone + video cababilities + pr0n
its the ultimate toilet break companion.. i have about 130 megs of vids on my phone at the mo, which is a lot when you consider the max res is about 120x120 pixels, and the largest video is 500k :D
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 11:10, Reply)
I remember back in the day, school Science lessons, we sat on a desk in front of the teacher who was named Mr Mabbort, top bloke, big West Ham supporter. Blatently one of the lads who liked science for making big bangs and the cool stuff like that, then found out there was even cooler stuff you could do with science. anyway, we used to chat loads instead of doing work and sometimes he'd be like "come on then lads get on with some work" and 5 minutes later it'd be "got any jokes then lads???" if all else failed we could push the "see the football at the weekend sir?" emergency button.

Worked in a kitchen in a restaurant for 2 years after that, not much skiving can be got away with there so im making up for it these days as im my own boss fixing PCs/printers and stuff like that. AAAAAAHHHHHH its the life. its not skiving if you cant get in trouble for it
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 11:00, Reply)
I play text-adventures. They're small and don't need installing, so you can fit a couple games and an interpreter onto a floppy disk or USB drive and use it almost anywhere. The sound of intermittent typing won't signal anything is amiss, and if someone actually looks over your shoulder, they just see something resembling a complex command-prompt program. They're also inherently pause-able--no worries about minimizing at a moment's notice and coming back later.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 10:33, Reply)
I used to
have the middle button of my mouse set up to minimize whatever window I have open at the time. I've just started a new job and can't change the mouse settings, so I just resize the web browser so I can barely read it and hold the cursor over a different window.

Also, at school, one of my mates had the great idea of listening to music during lessons, so I thought I'd give it a try (during physics - crap teacher and my only lesson on a wednesday. Bastards). So I se up an elaborate system with my walkman in my pocket and my headphone wire running up my shirt and out at the collar, and I'd rest my head on my hand to hide it. Of course I got caught, so when the teacher confronted me, I just played dumb and was told to stay behind after the lesson. I stuck my walkman in the bottom of my bag and crammed my headphones into my shoe. Teacher ended up forgetting about me and I left at the end with everyone else.

The same friend is the person who installed GTA2 and Counter Strike on all the PCs in the computer suite, so when my physics teacher (yes, same one) told us if we forgot our text books not to bother coming to the lesson and I forgot mine, I decided to spend the lesson on GTA. Turns out it was a misunderstanding and when she said "don't bother coming to the lesson", she actually meant "come to the lesson anyway". She tracked me down and luckily I managed to minimise the window in time and pretend I was working.

I also once half the morning at home playing Shenmue 2. walked into school and told the teacher I slept in.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 10:32, Reply)
Until I had broadband at home
I used to spend extraordinary amounts of time trying to find ways to cirumvent the firewall and do some music downloading. Audiogalaxy was great, but that closed of course. Then I moved on to using Kazaa with a variety of firewall tunneling programs, but all the tunnelers eventually either capped the bandwidth or started charging. So I started using Oth.net to search download sites instead.

That worked fine until one day I managed to hit an FTP site that seemed to have a virtually unlimited bandwidth capacity. Being an idiot, I was just pleased to be able to do some speedy downloading. Until, inevitably, my boss came to see me. Seems my computer had be using about 75% of the pipe coming in to the office, in spite of the 1000 odd other internet users here ...

Still not sure how I didn't get sacked. I promised not to do it again of course, but what I really did was go and get myself an FTP client on which I could set a transfer speed limit.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 10:14, Reply)
Too good not to pass on
My ex-colleague has just told me on messenger about their young receptionist who came into work last Monday feeling "ill". A squeal was heard from reception before lunch & on investigation it turns out that she had followed through a bit. Claiming a bad stomach, she phones her bloke & goes home. Friday night on works night out she drunkenly tells my mate that she & bloke had been servicing her poo-chute (which she enjoyed immensely) making it a bit loose, so she skives off home, cleans up, has a bit more of the same & crap-sprays the bed. Bet her chap was well happy with that particular skive.

She's always been a bit free with this sort of info &, well, a dirty bitch too. Fnar.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 8:41, Reply)
I don't get to skive,
as my job involves photographing houses. However, bear in mind I live in Southern California, but am actually English.

I told my boss that on Thursday, as it's the general election (it's also a California holiday known as Cinco De Mayo that the Californians made up for the benefit of the Mexicans who don't actually celebrate it), I need to drive out to Temecula (middle of nowhere) to vote as I can, ahem "vote by proxy".

Of course, this is complete bullshit, I just want the day off to spend in my local with my friends getting drunk and pretending it's a real Mexican holiday.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 7:14, Reply)
back in school
we used to fill up water bottles with gin, vodka, etc. - any clear alcohol we could find, and pass it around the back of the class for shots
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 5:39, Reply)
Honesty works best
"Manager, you're a cunt. I'm having another break"

I got a permenant break for that remark
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 3:03, Reply)
has Katie D still got the uniform ??
just curious............

i was health and safety rep, first aid rep and staff council rep all at once in addition to my usual duties....result id spend a LOT of days making sure all was healthy and safe etc etc etc....
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 2:37, Reply)
i'm a big fan of putting films and cartoons on my phone and watching them at leisure whilst in work, my office isnt visble from the outside, but if anyone walks in, it just looks like i've just come of the phone to a supplier.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 1:59, Reply)
Oh, them were the days..
I used to work as a trolley gimp for Makro. Six hours out in the car park, occasionally shifting a trolley if it was in a main road or something, shooting the shit with the others. The things people left behind were odd and fun, such as a Boney M greatest hits CD, or a big huge box of Cadbury's Fingers..

Next job, petrol station. Never left the till [I was till 1, usually] so never did anything beyond ringing in goods and sassing customers. Oh, and when a friend of mine got put on the night shift in the same place, I brought my Gamecube down and we played that. And formatted some PCs for easy money.

Now, I'm in a bar, and I do repent me of my ways and actually work. Though I've started an underground skiver protest; all the smokers get fag breaks, but we non-smokers don't. So I've instigated a 'pint of water' break, where I'll go get a pint of water, and drink it in the staff room. Lovely.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 1:51, Reply)
Best dodge ever.
Trying to kill yourself and getting sectioned is still the best method of skiving. I haven't properly worked for almost two years now. I urge you all to give it a go.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 1:22, Reply)
listening to walkman in class
another method if you dont have long hair is to feed the ear piece through your shirt so it comes out of your sleeve and sit there with your head resting on your hand and the ear piece in your ear. If anyone comes near just move your hand away. Whos says you dont learn anything at school
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 0:14, Reply)
The apprentice...
Im an apprentice for a fairly largish airline company, and when im working the long shifts, i sometimes have to goto the training centre, which is 10 minutes away from the hangar. If placed with a half witted fitter, just a quick "i have to pop to the training centre", out onto the ramp, round the back of the hangar, and lie down on a grass mound which is totally invisible from everywhere until your stood on it. rarely gone for less then an hour
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 23:18, Reply)
Working in the cinema...
There's the usual standing around watching almost entire films from the side. Also, there's eating sweet popcorn in the storeroom, and my favourite: Walking around for hours on end carrying a bag of Maltesers. As long as you're holding on to something, no one questions you.
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 22:26, Reply)
SATs and b3ta
I'm spending my lovely, last night of revision time before year 9 SATs, B3ta-whoring...
Afterall, who needs a good result in Science when you have b3ta on the brain?
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 22:10, Reply)
in the good ol' days
when the office i worked for was on a modem conn to the net, we were going out to the nearby azeri cafe for our lunch, indulging in a big bowl of lamb broth and warm bread with greens.
needless to say that later after an hour of tiresome drafting the brain was deciding that it's enough.
so i was getting use of that super comfortable and expensive Steelcase office chair i was sitting on - making it as low as possible, releasing the back, driving close to the table, to let the hands reside on the keyboard and da mouse, et voila - i was deep sleeping, while looking utterly concentrated on my monitor. 40 minutes was my record, before the boss realised i was not answering her questions.
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 21:32, Reply)
more woo for the long hair
coz it means no one can see the wires from your walkman.
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 20:46, Reply)
making men out of fruit and straws and cocktail sticks
When I worked in a bar in this bistro there was no one in in the daytime, we were supposed to clean up stuff etc, Me and other like minded bar staff used to make men out of fruit and other bar stuff, the best was a orange man with a beer mat thrown and those cocktail parisols. Also I made a man from straw with working legs joints made from cocktail sticks, and we also found out that you could throw things at the desk fan and it would ping them out at random angles. Then we got into cutting up leaflets and doing old skool photoshops with them. Iv got pics on my phone but I cant be arsed to email them because im pay as u go and it costs a bomb to connect. Meh!
(, Mon 2 May 2005, 18:43, Reply)

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