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This is a question How I Skive Off Work

Admit it. No one does any work these days. It's all looking at crappy websites with your thumb hanging over alt tab incase the boss walks over. Tell us your best methods of skiving, and any resultant incidents. (Maybe your slacking off has got someone sacked, or resulted in a large scale industrial accident.)

(, Wed 27 Apr 2005, 15:53)
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This question is now closed.

at new world
(the new zealand version of tescos or sainsburys) the stacker guys get very bored very quickly. their favourite past time is to go to the one corner of the storeroom where the cameras cant reach and build forts out of rolls of toilet paper.
another great skiving subject is photography. hiding in the drakrooms looking like youre being constructive but (infact discussing the weekend) is one of monday mornings only joys.
(, Wed 4 May 2005, 6:13, Reply)
skiving on work experience
when i was on work experience in a print finishers, me and this other boy from my school would ditch whatever we were doing and go and jump in a big skip full of waste paper. they kinda got suspisious when we return with papercuts over our faces and arms. oh well...
(, Wed 4 May 2005, 3:45, Reply)
Take the delivery
I expressed an interest in taking (signing for and putting away) the deliveries of new stock at work. They think I'm keen. I see it as a good excuse to hide in the stock room for a couple of hours.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 23:31, Reply)
"I have to go home this monday
so I can wait in for the NIN tickets to arrive on Tuesday"

Fair enough. But what's that you say?

"I won't be coming back to uni til Saturday"

Oh, so you're skipping a week of lectures, and coming back for the twelve-hour Erocktion (Lots of local bands playing at three different locations)? Well done sir.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 23:05, Reply)
I don't know if someone's already said but...
If you work in a food environment, well Diarrhoea(sp?) will make them send you home in a hurry. What? You don't have Diarrhoea? They don't know that.

It looks even more impressive but slightly embarressing if you hide in the toilet for longer than usual. hehehe.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 23:01, Reply)
Not exactly Skiving
Just when at 'Chicken feathers, feet and scales PLC.', I do enjoy adding my own spiffing ideas to the mundane recipes!

Like, couple of decades ago, I was a bit knackered after a long day at the Bernard Matthews Patented Pork-lard-stuffin', re-constitutionin' vitaminin' chicken tit stuffer, when I said, 'I've had enough'.

Got all those faeces that fall off, mixed 'em up with a porker's porker, old boot, the usual old testiclés, added some of me own 'special' sauce, et Voilà!

Funny thing is, The Golden Arches Corporation bought this recipe. CHICKEN McNuggets? Don't make me laugh!
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 22:47, Reply)
Waitrose: The Supermarket for Cunts
Ahhh Waitrose Chandlers Ford, the queen of all the Hampshire Waitrose. Not the "inconvenient" Southampton branch or the "too busy" Romsey branch, Chandlers Ford was where the true waitrose customer shopped. Not a single customer on a weekend morning ever resided within the local area and fuck me, they were annoying.

After working there a year and not getting anywhere fast, I had finnaly given up on supermarket life. The managers didn't have a clue and frankly, nor did anybody else. I resorted to doing as little work as possible in the shortest amount of time. Working on the meat counter however, gave me the freedom to do this without too much hastle. As my job needed lengthy training, I was almost unsackable and could pretty much bend the managers anyway I wanted.

Average days ended up with us hiding anywhere we could, whether it be the chillers or behind the work surfaces. If caught, the customer would be our next source of entertainment. Seeing how long you could take to gut a fish was always a laugh and making the customer squirm when you cut something incorrectly was always a pleasure. If all else fails, grab a cloth. You could be sure that if you had a cloth in your hand, the managers assumed you were working. I once got away for doing this for 5 hours straight and didn't have to touch a single peice of meat my entire shift.

I now work in a electronics store chatting up young ladies all day.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 22:28, Reply)
Keeping the Boss Away
I am the Sales Manager (please note, "NOT the 'assistant to the Regional Sales Manager") for a global consulting firm based just outside DC.

If I do my job right, and this British Git we've got slaving for us does HIS job right, the Boss is out of the office...so I get to slack all day. Though, the British Git gets to slack, or skive all day because he works from his home office. So I guess HE is the true winner here. Barstard.

Though, last Friday we had an outside the office event and while the Brit Git was slaving, we were all at the pub on the piss! So thank Heaven for small victories. And beer of course.

No apologies for length. Its what God gave me.

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 22:19, Reply)

if i feel like scinving english, i just ask the teacher to go the to bog and walk 2 the furthest away ones which wastes a good 10 minutes!

sorry for lameness

(, Tue 3 May 2005, 22:18, Reply)
Not me but...
and this is also based on info passed on: Our Classics teacher once worked in a warehouse/factory/industrial-type place. When he turned up on his first day he was asked "are you new?". His response was, naturally, "yes", and with this he was handed a clipboard and left standing.

Apologies for vagueness of story.

As a student I do very little work; in fact I spend a lot of time just making animations.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 21:59, Reply)
as a student
no one expects me to do any work, and i'm not one to break tradition.

unfortunately i'll be graduating this summer.
a second degree perhaps?.....
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 21:12, Reply)
I got paid to do absolutely nothing once.
No kidding. I went to a warehouse and had no supervisor, with nobody to tell me what to do. From time to time they'd get a bit busy and ask me to move some boxes or something, but for the best part of 8 hours a day I walked round the warehouse trying to look busy. It wasn't easy either- there were people and cameras everywhere, so I had to look like I was doing something all the time. I spent my time picking up pieces of paper, walking, straightening boxes, walking, looking slightly confused, walking, sweeping the aisles, walking, moving palette trucks, walking. One of the worst jobs I had, but it's nice to know that I wasted so much money for the company, and nobody knew what I was doing there!

I worked in another warehouse for the same company. They made me clean under all the pallets when there was no work to do. That sucked. I remember getting pissed off at having to sweep the aisles every day, so when they had some visitors, I swept up all the concretey dust and made a cloud large enough to fill half the warehouse. They asked me to do not much more all day and spent the rest of the afternoon doing even less than sweeping the aisles.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 20:32, Reply)
I like to do it simply
Get absoloutley shitfaced on stella the night before and cry myself to sleep like a booze-fuelled manic depressive.

Next morning, stay in bed and watch star trek re-runs on sky one.

Going to get a bollocking for not ringing in, but as a wise man once said, "fuck it"
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 19:25, Reply)
buyer/warehouse agent for department store in Canada
I use to work as a buyer/warehouse agent for a department store in Canada. The job was particulary difficult. I had to use some hardcore math to create buying forcasts. If suppliers didn't ship on time I would have to call them and give them hell. The whole culture of the company was screwed up. Managers would insist that you be polite and diplomatic when dealing will store managers and suppliers, but they would look the other way if you told them off. The whole computer system was a 50 year old mainframe which had this "message / action" service that was not user friendly.

For example if your stocking auto-headlights, and you run out of stock and want to substitute different product, you had to use an "ALT" command. The command might auotmatical substitude the new part for the old and send the new product to the stores. Or the "ALT" command might cancel all shipments to stores and send a message for stores to reorder. Or the "ALT" command might ask stores to return the old stock. You were never really sure what the command did. Setting or changing the options was not easy.

Anyway, I got fed-up of the job and dicided I was going to come to work and PLAY! I started playing with all the order and shipping commands of the computer system. Trying this command, and that command and the other. The next day my phone was ringing off the hook from complaints from stores. I was having a good time. I was probably the only one in the whole company that was learning the function of some of the most obscure commands on or network system. Unfortunately I was doing it by trial and error. Needless to say I was fired in two months.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 19:19, Reply)
Skive, who needs to skive?!
Just have a nervous breakdown instead, get signed off by the quack and et voila paid for Trisha! : )
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 19:18, Reply)
Turn up early, leave early.

Or just leave early. Im not gonna miss 30mins pay a month am I?

Oh, I work in the cafe and we can hide in the kitchen, the dishwasher room, the sofas we have there etc. Or we pretend to take the bin out to the back, even though its empty, just do a few laps of the store, passes the time.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 19:08, Reply)
I used to work in the Tesco Extra in Bournemouth, on Castle Lane. Anyway, I was due to finish at 6, but couldn't be arsed to work until then. So I took my 15 min tea break, went to the woods just by it and smoked my shiny new quarter of weed with Ant. I went back after 3 and a half hours and just sat back at my til. "oh, is it that time already? what? 6:05? I'd better go home".

Off I trot
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 18:56, Reply)
While on a Kibbutz in Israel once...
I did a variety of different jobs. The worst one was working in the factory. They had me on a production line wiring ciruit boards. I wanted to be outside working in the fields and on my tan, so I decided to cock them up as badly as possible, they eventualy noticed and moved me.

In the end I got a very dangerous job insulating water filter components with this self expanding foam. If I was having a ciggie and accidentally set fire to it, it burned blue and smelt terrible.

They didn't keep me long in the factory.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 18:43, Reply)
getting Jan'd (apologies in advance for length)
(This would also be my contribution should b3ta ever run a 'when did you first get rascally drunk' QOTW....)
In my first year of A-levels, the AS Chemistry students (all 50 of us) were taken on an interminable coach trip to the University of London for a revision seminar. This basically consisted of sitting in a lecture hall on hard seats designed for no-one taller than about 5'3" (I'm 6'4") for hours on end listening to two examiners chunnering on about stuff we already knew. One of them was the most boring and humourless public speaker I've ever had to suffer, while the other was from Bolton (thickly accented too) and talked very loudly and enthusiastically, all the while urging us to "luke in the buke!"
Three chemistry teachers supervised us on this wonderful sojourn (one of them was also my form teacher); they had all fucked off to the pub more than an hour before the lunch-break. So I and some mates decided to follow suit - we found a pub about 200 yards from the lecture-hall and spent our lunch-break in there getting pissed. When it was time to go back, a hardcore half-dozen (self included) thought 'bugger this for a game of soldiers' and stayed there for a further two hours. I was successfully getting off my tits by alternating pints and doubles of neat whisky (ouch!) and was almost horizontal by 3 o'clock. Somehow we got back to the lecture theatre without being mown down on the roads or injuring ourselves too severely. (I can't remember what happened between then and leaving, but I do remember going for a slash, barking my shins on the door, and not even feeling it.) Anyway, we finally left at about 5 o'clock and I had a brief conversation with my form tutor (famous for his love of beer) in which neither of us understood or listened to the other, then promptly fell asleep when the coach got going.
We eventually reached the M25, and the coach was picking up enough speed to leave the road and make me feel distinctly ill - I chucked a technicolour snake shortly after, and spent the rest of the trip (another three hours) shivering uncontrollably. My form teacher later admitted that he'd found it funny (so did I, eventually), but one of the others was not best pleased and called me into the interrogation room the next day (I missed assembly - woo!!!) where I was threatened with expulsion, being reported to the police etc. (me being underage at the time an' all) while pie-eyed from a nasty hangover. Not good at all. Needless to say neither of these happened in the end, and I proceeded to get three 'A's in my A-levels (Maths, Physics, Chemistry) and am now studying chemistry at Leeds University (2nd best in the country after Cambridge) and am a proud member of the LUU Real Ale Society - so there.
Curiously enough, my old school no longer runs that trip!

First post - arf!
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 17:37, Reply)
ZORK - Text Adventures?
Is there one that is about finding sunken treasure? I found one nearby the pool I was manager of in high school (back in the 80's) that was called Cutthroats and I miss it!


([email protected])
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 17:33, Reply)
When I was in college I landed a pretty crap job as a cable technician for my Brother-in-Laws company. They were a network engineering firm and they installed the networks they designed, so I was Joe Cable Guy and had to pull thousands of cat-5 and Coaxial cables from closets to the wall jacks. It wasnt too terrible, but some days it just sucked.

So, they send me out to a job that is running short on timing and its at the US Armed Forces Institute of Pathology just outside DC. We end up getting there and start pulling cables. Well, I am on a ladder, head poked up past the ceiling tiles and I see some interesting insulation breaking off a pipe because of the friction of the cables that we were dragging across it.

I didnt scream it, but I did state it was a basso, "THere is asbestos in this ceiling." I guess they all got the sincerity in my voice because they shut the job down IMMEDIATELY until it could be inspected. So I got PAID for the ENTIRE time!

And all we did was sit 'round, breathing the potentially asbestos filled air and talked about stupid shit.

As it turned out, it was fibreglass insulation, not asbestos...but one day I feel like we might find out that fibreglass insulation causes cancer too, so I am keeping an eye on the news. :)

Sic Semper Tyrannis!

(, Tue 3 May 2005, 17:19, Reply)
PS (Personal Study)
we have a wonderful lesson once a week called PS, in which we are given the time to do coursework and the like... teachers are intensly stupid.

i've got further in zelda on my gba in that lesson than i have in any other setting...

mother of god...

(, Tue 3 May 2005, 16:59, Reply)
Requires effort but its worth it...
Creat a cock-up so massive that your supervisor needs to go on a week long business trip to head office to fix it, or contaminate your lab so badly that no one in the department can work. Either way your co-workers will thank you. Thankfully for the world at large I no longer work in the chemical industry.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 16:49, Reply)
Best method I found is to create a new Excel workbook, and run a web query. Bingo! You look like your working on a v. long spreadsheet but are actually checking on how everyone else skives off work. No need to even minimise! I've got different sheets for b3ta message boards, bbc news etc and just tab between them.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 16:43, Reply)
Skiving at school
Often at school we are in I.T rooms for lessons but the teachers will look at your internet windows in the start bar for ones badly named, so I made a site that lets you choose the tile of the webpage so you can use a few popular game site with having the suspicious title ;) My best way of skiving
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 16:42, Reply)
I just tend to..
sit at my desk wanking like a demented whore-hungry Gibbon.

Keeps people at arms length, I tell thee.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 16:39, Reply)
I can't believe that no one has said to you: "Hey Peter, what's happening? I'm gonna have to ask you to come in on Saturday. Oh, and I'm gonna have to ask you to go ahead and come in on Sunday too. Yeah, we lost a few people and we're having to play catch up."
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 16:33, Reply)
Yay for bikes
My fave method is to sleep in REALLY late, miss half of the morning at college, and, when I finally get in, say my bike broke, or something in that sense about my darn bike ( I love it really).
Once, I think I said that the pedal broke, which made a fine excuse. Apart from the fact that karma thought it would be funny if my pedal did actually break. So, fast forward one month and cue the pedal falling off. I needed new pants after that.
Also, in french, we have a hyper femenist teacher with a ton of opinions on how the world should be etc. Anyhoo, if we don't want to work, we just ask her e.g. why we should worry about equality if women got the vote in 1918-ish. From that moment on, all we hear is "Oh my GOD! You can tell he's a man." And from then on we have femenist propaganda thrown at us. Like we even care, or listen. Whenever she looks at us, we just nod and go "mmm, yeah, okay..."

(, Tue 3 May 2005, 16:13, Reply)
Database Replication
I'm fortunate (!) enough to have a small server running on my desktop. I mainly use it for storing MP3s and the like, but that's not important right now.

Downloaded a copy of Microsoft SQL Server and went hunting on the LAN for insecure databases. A few clicks later and I can schedule all of these databases to replicate themselves across the LAN onto my machine, where I promptly delete them and try again.

Result - top talker on the LAN, task manager with lots of spikey green lines and a request for a bigger and better server to be delivered. Everyone seems to think I'm really busy, yet no one has questioned the logic of transferring gigabytes of redundant data around the lan, or even asked me to produce a report on it.

I love working for governments.
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 16:05, Reply)
I've worked in a casino for the last ten years or so, and anyone who has worked in one knows you don't NEED to skive! You get a 20 minute break after every hour! And since I've reached the lofty heights of management I usually find myself trawling around looking for something to do because I'm bored. And that usually involves going and talking to birds in the bar and comping them drinks on the company...
(, Tue 3 May 2005, 16:04, Reply)

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