Probably bindun but I cant be arsed to check
Wasssssuuuuuuuuuuuuup!

Still makes me want to kill people
Anyone who was not antagonised by this immediately should have been gassed
Our world would be a better place nowadays as a result, but bloody political correctness got in the way AGAIN
Just because hitler was a bit misguided in his choice of victim DOES NOT mean the method was flawed
(robojoel, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 1:15, 2 replies)

Chemistry teachers...
They should know better.
A level chemistry (when taught by someone who "doesn't really know about all that maths stuff" and thinks physics is something that happens to other people) is a painful enough experience.
They really shouldn't use nucular.
They DEFINITELY shouldn't use nuculus.
This was the half decent teacher as well (the maths/physics clueless one was one of these "lets be happy all the time" types, who everyone got annoyed with. The other was somewhat scary at times).
Took all my self control not to make the point with acid.
Stopped mumbling the correction each time when the teacher started glaring at me.



Not that I'm much better in some ways. Whenever anyone asks me how I am the response is always "not bad", fine when its just a pleasantry, but less so when used to a doctor, when going on with back pain, and immensely annoying to parents when they are asking about said back pain. Trying to stop, but its an ingrained habit now.
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Fri 9 Apr 2010, 0:58, Reply)

WOULD OF
You fucking retard! It's WOULD HAVE! WOULD HAVE! WOOOOOOOOUUUUUULLLLLDDDDDD HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVEE!!! Understand? You goddamn troglodyte knuckle-scraping mouth-breather!
(McChinaman banned, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 0:43, 3 replies)

"Get a wiggle on."
Heard that too many times from my parents to stand hearing it.

My ex-gf says it to her kids. It;s one of the reasons she's my ex.
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 0:34, 4 replies)

Shibboleths of thickos.
"... simples."

How droll. You repeated something you saw on an advert. I bet nobody's ever done that before.

"Well, you know me, I'm totally random."

No. NO. If you collected every mug in the office, arranged them all into a gigantic Sierpinski triangle on the floor, SET FIRE TO YOUR OWN HAIR, then mumbled the word "oesophagus" 39 times before sitting at your desk as if nothing had happened, that might go some way towards being counted a little bit random. Maybe. If I'm feeling charitable.

If, on the other hand, your actions do not resemble feeding the output of a random number generator to an enumeration of every possible action you could take at each point, then using the word "random" as a descriptive tag is one of these utter nonsense things.

Such as possessing "banter", in the manner of a physical object. How, exactly? When asked, "have you got banter?" are you supposed to reply, "yes, indeed, I creep around pubs with a dictaphone hoping to record any moderately banteresque activity I spy! Sometimes I can go as long as eighteen seconds with someone quite rightfully lamping me one!"

And don't get me started - at least, not properly started - on people who try to look "corporate" in business communication. I once got an e-mail that was a solid wall of text, amounting to about 700 words in all. My answer was, "no." The original mail was a single question. Any normal person could have asked it in one line.
(Timberwolf, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 0:31, Reply)

Weegie rhyming slang
Hilarious at best, impenetrable in an emergency at worst.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T5K1HxEBCU
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 0:28, Reply)

Self-censorship
Everybody swears. In the right circumstances, a deliberately spat curse can speak a thousand words and convey a myriad of emotions. In other situations, it's just inappropriate. But the line seems to blur when it comes to the written word.

If you want to write "fuck". Write "fuck". If you don't want to write "fuck" you don't have to. If you want to write "fuck" but don't want to offend anyone please for the love of all that is good and holy don't write "f*ck" or variations around that theme; you are just insulting me. If causing offense is your issue just don't swear. I will not respect you for self-censorship. Say it loud and proud and with the force of your convictions or don't say it at all.

The same goes for shit, cunt, twat, ass, arse, bugger, and the rest of Rogers Profanisaurus.

Firefox's spellchecker is telling me that "arse" is spelled incorrectly, although shit, cunt, twat and fuck are all okay in its book.
(Rilux might be pregnant and has bum-aids, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 0:23, 8 replies)

Althorpe house, resting place of princess Diana
Where the fuck did "oltrup" come from?
(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 0:19, Reply)

GSOH
Used in abundance on dating sites and usually by someone who has no idea how to be funny.

Plus it always makes me think of Gas Central Heating which can't be right.
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 0:09, 1 reply)

Simples
but probably because it originated on an advert that I find annoying.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 0:08, 3 replies)

It's not sawdust
It's wood dust.
(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 0:05, 6 replies)

Savaners
that say berminum when it's Birmingham.
Clowns.
(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 0:03, Reply)

Pukka
Jamie Oliver is a terrible terrible man..

Pukka means "proper" "genuine" "ripe". It does not mean great/smashing/super/excellent/insert superlative of choice.

It makes you look like a twat, in my eyes, when you use it wrong, and makes me look like a twat for using it right you ignorant lazy cockmuncher.
(Cocococho, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 0:02, 2 replies)

Speaking of Hoovering up
someone I know got a Dyson and refused to say hoover up anymore, and starting using 'Dyson up'

"Tsk, look at the carpet now. I'm going to have to dyson up in here now"

twat
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 23:46, 7 replies)

The Game.
You know the one, where some attention-hoarding loser will randomly shout "I JUST LOST HAHAHAHA" followed by a mixture of others also saying "OH NOES I LOST TOO". Just bugs the shit out of me.

*shudders with discontent*
(boshalake attempted to be sober on, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 23:46, 6 replies)

Banter
"Let's have some banter!" - fuck off.
"That was wicked banter!" - fuck off more.
"Come and have some banter!" - I would rather stick pins in my eyes and genitals.

To compound this, the genuine and sensible use of the word, to mean a witty verbal exchange, has almost entirely lost its meaning for me, and whenever anybody uses it correctly, I am left with the image of a gurning, larger-soaked moron, trying to pretend that their 'fun times' were something more than drinking too much lager, and talking utter utter bollocks.

Fuck. Off.
(Serotonicity was a naughty boy on..., Thu 8 Apr 2010, 23:35, 3 replies)

Out there !
People I know where I live in the south pronounce it "ate there" - you know when its cold, they come into the pub and the first words they say "it's cold ATE there" ........Hampshire buffs. Or if its hot, similar, hot "ATE" there. Accent must be rubbing off on the husband. He called that current prick of a Prime Minister Gordon "Brain" recently.

How stupid is that ? I said you mean GB has got one ?

Mind he has had a few G&T's tonight.
( Tiggy the diver, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 23:32, 5 replies)

Any kind of typo-internet lingo
ZOMG!!!!! LULZ!!!!!

Come to think of it, OMG, LOL, WTF, FTW are equally as wank.

Hate them. Always have, always will.
(ProfessorNoShoes wishes he was better at Photoshop, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 23:28, 3 replies)

Second the motion for "chillax"
I would also die happy if I never heard women call each other 'chica' EVER AGAIN.

The worst one for me is 'my bad'. It makes no sense.
(man_d is being watched by experts on, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 23:28, Reply)

Health & Safety
These two terms have been lumped together by the Corporate Establishment. And the phrase "Health & Safety" has become so ingrained into people's vocabulary - especially those who love corporatespeak - that it appears they are not capable of speaking about one without the other.

"The ladder must be secured - for health and safety reasons".

No, for fuck's sake! The security of the ladder has BUGGER ALL to do with "health" - it's ONLY about safety.

Pisses me right off when people parrot out this phrase: it's become so worn out that it's meaningless.
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 23:27, Reply)

phrases
anyone who says "im crazy/mental" or similar is usually annoying and not funny in the slightest

peopel who use rhymes, like an area manager who used to say "time to lean, time to clean"
(funksoul, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 23:08, Reply)

The over use and out of context use of the word
'Awesome' by f*****g Americans!

When looking at a pair of shoes - 'They are totally awesome!'
When listening to gibberish one of their friends is spouting - 'That is so...like... awesome!'
When watching a US Army helicopter kill innocent civilians in Afghanistan - 'Awesome!'
(pastcaring trembling in a corner....., Thu 8 Apr 2010, 22:55, 3 replies)

"Your gleet tastes funny"

Yes, I fucking know. Doesn't everyones?
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 22:54, 3 replies)

"Chillax"
I will kill you. I may fling you through a nearest window, I may smash your head repeatedly in a door or I may even force-feed you the Oxford English Dictionary, whatever takes my fancy. But I will kill you.

Also, retards playing poker who call right down to the end with pocket twos and hit a 1.5% chance on the river before justifying their actions with the phrase "That's poker". I don't know what that is, but it's not poker.

And another one: It's always in the last place you look. Yes, I actually found it down the back of the sofa, but I looked in the attic and the bread bin just in case.
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 22:50, 6 replies)

Google it.
Mind you, it's still shorter than saying "I'm going to look it up on the internet", but I've never heard anyone say "I'm going to 'Encyclopaedia Britannica' it...
It was always "I'll look it up" and most people knew what you meant.
(DougQuaid Get ya azz to moars..., Thu 8 Apr 2010, 22:41, 6 replies)

Click if you like this

( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 22:40, Reply)

In Russia
overused catchphrase incessantly repeats you!
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 22:37, 2 replies)

dalziel and pascoe
"oh, it's pronounced dee ell" is it? really? then why, when d and l are the first and last letters of the word, are there another FIVE FUCKING LETTERS in there? if it's pronounced dee ell, then it doesn't need them.
it certainly doesn't need a fucking z in the middle of it!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 22:36, 17 replies)

Overused Simpsons quotes.
Mmmmmm...overused.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 22:33, 4 replies)