Hmmm
People who confuse its with it's

I find this even more irksome when I see it written down.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:59, 5 replies)

Nerdy VG's
I play the game Oblivion quite a lot.
I am confused when a trainer says "Let's see if we can't teach you some new things" CAN'T????, surely they mean CAN.
dipshits.
(Daisho Arseholes everywhere I turn., Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:58, Reply)

Close of Play
Even in America, play does not close, play ends. But this is not play: it is not fun. If it was fun, they wouldn't call it "work".

I suspect you mean "...end of the day..." or, perhaps even more fittingly, "End of business hours". I'll even, grudgingly, accept a TLA here if you are particularly lazy.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:55, 3 replies)

'Let Mummy zip your coat up'
I despise adults (usually mothers) who refer to themselves in the third person when talking to children. They seem to be trying to sabotage their kids' language development.

Any form of baby-talk enrages me, in fact. I spoke to my own kids in normal English with no reference to baa-lambs or woof-woofs.

With dogs though, I make allowances. They get 'Are'oo going for walkies? Eh? Eh? Walkies? Shall we put 'oo's lead on? Is'oo a good good boy for 'is Mum?'

Edit: it's often even worse than 'Let Mummy zip your coat up'. It's sometimes 'Let Mummy zip JACK'S coat up.'
Kids with parents like that'd be better off as orphans.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:54, 5 replies)

People who swear unnecessarily
It's not big, it's not clever so stop doing it you fucking cunts.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:54, 4 replies)

Frank Skinner
turns 'tour' into a two-syllable word, 'too-er'. But I kinda like it, so this post negates the point of the QOTW.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:49, 1 reply)

I mourn the passing of 'condone'
which now means approval, or at least tacit approval.

What now do we use when we really mean condone? There is no other single word.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:47, 3 replies)

When you have not even looked at something
is it possible to double-check it?

I'll check it, sure, no worries. If I've checked it and it's still broken, sure I can check it again, and I might find the problem.

Look at it another way - If I check something works and can find no problem with it, if I check it again immediately, I will still find nothing wrong because I will be checking it THE SAME WAY. If I check it a different way, it is either part of the same checks or is a completely different check.

There is simply no way to break down this phrase in a way that makes sense. Idiot child.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:43, 1 reply)

I have an iphone
And I like it, it's useful. What makes me wanna fucking break the thing is it's way of turning people into bloody mini-adverts.

"where did I put my iPhone?"
"let me put your number into my iPhone"
"did I just hear my iPhone ringing?"

ARGH! Nobody says "oh, that's my nokia 8220 beeping"
It's just a phone! Call it a phone!


This message sent from an iPhone.
(bobman500 enjoys a grope as much as the next fella, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:42, 8 replies)

"Oh Vagabond! Uncle Tim's come 'round to play again!"

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:39, 2 replies)

Pre-Order
I have a deep aversion to the phrase 'Pre-order' as I believe it is used by morons with no understanding of the English language.

Some definitions taken from a dictionary:

pre-, prefix - before (a time or an event)
order, noun - a request to make, supply or deliver food or goods

So strictly speaking, a pre-order is something done before making an order. If you are requesting something be supplied to you on the day it becomes available, it is an order, nothing more, nothing less.
(Scooby Don't, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:37, 4 replies)

B3TA
I hate people saying 'Beater' when referring to a popular multimedia website. It is 'B Three Tea Ay' you dastardly spluffbandits.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:33, 9 replies)

Birmingham New Street Station
There're many reasons to hate Birmingham, and many more to hate New Street Station (hereafter NSS). But there's one in particular that stands out.

NSS has an automated announcement system, and it has apologies programmed into it for use in the event of a late train. If a train is going to be 5 minutes late (I think it's 5), the robot voice tells you that its sorry for the delay.

This is innocuous enough: a speech act that goes through the motions of contrition. Fine. It's what we all do every day, and I don't see why it being a robot that's apologising makes a difference.

What really annoys me is that the apology program is graded. Should a train be 10 minutes late, the voice becomes very sorry. This hacks me off no end, because the word "very" turns the recording from a socially useful but otherwise meaningless speech act into something that tries to give the impression of sincerity.

Noone minds a non-sicere recorded message. But a would-be sincere one is a crime for which there are few punishments severe enough.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:31, 4 replies)

"Guesstimate"
Just fuck off.
( Droog is too orangey for crows, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:31, 4 replies)

I've fort about this
and fink that it's really annoying when people pronounce 'th' as 'f', for thucks sake.

And one I'm sure will have been covered already; using 'pacifically' instead of 'specifically'...unless maybe they do mean something big and watery?

*Edit* and pronouncing 'our' as 'are' - Zoe Ball please take note.
(RTFM May your god go with you, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:29, 3 replies)

Supermarket self-checkout robot voices.
"Please put the item in the bag"
"Please put the item in the bag"
"Please put the item in the bag"
"Please put the item back in the bag"
"Please put the item in the bag"
"Please scan barcode on your item"
"Please put the item in the bag"
"Please put the item in the bag"
"Please wait for assistance"
.....


*Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeethe*
( Droog is too orangey for crows, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:27, 12 replies)

I HATE reality TV
for inflicting the word 'Journey' on us. Davina love, the housemate has been locked in a house for three months. The biggest journey he's been on is from the diary room to the khazi. Using the word journey in the metaphorical / spiritual sense makes me want to stab you. And stab you. And stab you. "Oh. he's been on such a journey this past few months!" "It's been great, I've been on a real journey!" "We've loved watching your journey!"

HNNNNGGGGHH!


'splodes
( Droog is too orangey for crows, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:24, 3 replies)

Please let passengers off the train before boarding
It's not the actual phrase that annoys me, it makes perfect sense..

What annoys me is that it seems to be universally* ignored. Arse holes.

*by universally, I mean on the Tube
(mejt, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:24, 5 replies)

I love RAS syndrome
Sometimes people use an acronym alongside the words already contained in the acronym. Examples include:

- PIN number (personal identification number number)
- UPC code (universal product code code)
- CSS style sheets (cascading style sheets style sheets)

This is called RAS syndrome (redundant acronym syndrome syndrome).
( Curis, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:24, 6 replies)

I work for an American company in Australia
one of their common bullshit phrases that really fucks me off is, "from the get go"....just what the fuck does that mean? What is wrong with "from the beginning"?
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:17, 1 reply)

'Mr`Scarpe...
...you are forbidden from going within 200 metres of Miss Minougue'

Hearing that was bloody annoying.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:11, 1 reply)

Newspaper Speak
According to the mail times of the sun mirror, everything in the world exists in terms of slams, blasts, soars and crunches.
I think journalists should be blasted with a shotgun, causing them to soar down a staircase, and slam into the ground with a sickening crunch. While they lay there, broken and bleeding, they could reflect on how annoying they are.
(Stopitnowplease, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:09, 2 replies)

How are we going to fix this going forward?
FUDGE GOING FORWARD! what ever happened to a good old fix or even a resolution. Why going forward.... you just sound like a c*nt!
(chrisedebo has found a sentence that fits in his signatu, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:07, 1 reply)

Oh......Oh......Nearly forgot...... "Learning Curve"
Something is difficult to master....
To become better, quickly, If progress was charted, you would see a steep curve on the graph.

Local Police chief on the subject of hitherto unknown drugs.....
"It's a learning curve we have to go through".

WHAT?
( Unklian Lives in the only country where "Glass" is a verb., Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:01, 1 reply)

One we see a lot...
"Facing into".

"We're going to have to face into the challenge of getting all the work done despite the fact that we've got rid of half of the people to do it."

One we tried to get into common use in our company but oddly didn't quite take off was "bite the pillow".

"I think we should just bite the pillow on that"
( bluemeat has been best of all the animals since, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 10:55, 2 replies)

'Yummy Mummy'
I don't know why, but this phrase churns my stomach. I think it's because;
a) It's one of those phrases invented by the sort of wanker who also comes up with the likes of 'Staycation', solely for the purposes of having something to write about in their bollocks magazine.
b) 'Yummy' has only ever been used in the past to describe something enjoyable to eat. It's not possible to suddenly start applying it to people without the jarring assumption that you're implying oral sex. To then put it next to 'Mummy', for me at least, conjours up an image of The Miracle Of Childbirth. Which, when joined by the previous image... I'll stop there, sorry.
c) Nobody over the age of 6 should ever use the word 'Yummy'.
d) Or 'Mummy', for that matter.
(costas, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 10:53, 7 replies)

Snickers
I'm not that old (33), but I still call them Marathon bars. To me, 'Snickers' just sounds too European and horrible. It's almost as if you can't say 'Snickers' without some kind of French accent.

Marathon.
(spazmataz mong-a-long-a-ding-dong, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 10:40, 9 replies)

Literally....
I will literally KILL anyone who uses the phrase "literally", when they blatantly don't mean literally.

As in "he was literally running his legs off". No he wasn't. if he was, his legs would have fallen off.
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 10:40, 9 replies)

"Well....Obviously....." "Well .... Basically...."
When I ask a person a question and they start to reply with, "Well obviously......"
If it was obvious, I wouldn't be asking.
When I ask anybody a question and they start to reply with, "Well basically......"
I stop them and explain......" I'm reasonably bright, don't give me a basic answer, please give me a full answer and if I don't understand, I can ask for a more detailed explanation which I may understand."
Normal reply...... "Eh?"
( Unklian Lives in the only country where "Glass" is a verb., Fri 9 Apr 2010, 10:36, 4 replies)

Actually Dave, actually
I once worked with a man called Dave, a nice enough bloke but for one really annoying habit. Constant use of the word actually.
One day I was talking to a girl at another office, and said I am going out, call me back, if I am not here just leave a message with Actually Dave.
Aw don't be mean she said, that's not nice, so I said seriously, next time you call and he picks up, say "is that Stopitnow?" and he will say "no, it's actually Dave", I guarantee it.
She tutted and called me a git, and I thought no more of it.
The next day, she phoned me.
"You bastard" she said.
What did I do now????
"I phoned you yesterday, and Dave answered, and I said, is that Stopitnow? You know what he said?"
No, go on...
"He said no, it's actually Dave, actually. I had to hang up, I couldn't stop laughing."

Actually, ten years on, I smile now as I actually think of it, but actually at the time I actually wanted to actually stab him repeatedly in the face with a screwdriver, actually.
*shudder*
(Stopitnowplease, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 10:34, 1 reply)