When some fluffy-haired ponce on the radio calls something a "tune" (pronounced "choon".)
Yes, I know you're getting your undoubtedly ample manhood sucked by the record company to pretend that sand is water, sewage is gold, and night is day, but an endlessly annoying three-note, dirge-like hole in spacetime devoid of any redeeming features is not a "choon". And there's no way I or anyone sane will willingly pay £17.99 for a dozen such "choon"s, which is one of many reasons why the music industry is rapidly going down the shitter.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 23:40, 1 reply)

Too fucking many
Mainly, because of a bint in our Marketing department (they get pissed and occasionally update a website)that overuses these beauties...

'Fabuloso!'
'Let's draw a line under that'
'Can you get me an ETA by EOP?'
'Super pronto peeps'

What a twat

My hatred, which is not a marketing speak or jargon, is the sudden use of retard adult using phrases such as 'Me thinks I need a drink!' or 'Me need to go home' Me and Me Man are off out!'

You deserve to be smashed in the skull. Repeatedly
(Eeevil You are losers, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 23:34, 4 replies)

here come the girls
every time i hear those words being sung, i want to track down whichever fucker decided to use them for the boots ads and stab them repeatedly in the oesophagus
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 23:31, 13 replies)

hospikal
are you fucking 6?!
(DreddPirateBob has watched every scifi film ever on, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 23:28, 1 reply)

Well apart from the overuse of the word innit which i'm sure must have been mentioned many times in this QOTW, so I wont elaborate
I didnt think there was much else that annoyed me.
But catching up on the many many posts and the original question Ive realised I cant stand the word
Buzzword
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 23:00, Reply)

Uber
'Oh that's uber cool.' 'Yeah it was uber annoying.' PLEASE PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP. You are not fucking German.
Also people who add 'age' to everything. Why?
(elless, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 22:56, 2 replies)

My kids
My youngest son can't say Hospital so he calls it Hockstable, we've recently managed to get him out of saying Finshid and saying finished.

My eldest has autism and is very much into repetitive phrases, but as much as I claim to have the patience of a saint and can put up with most things but there are only so many times I can listen to him to repeating the script of Transformers before I lose patience. It's the worst when he is playing with Jazz and Megatron. All I can hear is

(Jazz voice) "You wanna piece of me you wanna piece of me?"
(Megatron voice) "No I want two pieces"
I will then hear the click of Jazz being snapped in half and then another pop as he's clicked the two halves back together and he'll say "Yay Jazz is alive" and 10 minutes later it'll be back to the beginning of the scene.

just so you know what I'm talking about.... www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4WdVfO0fVk&feature=related
( Mrs Sp@m, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 22:54, 1 reply)

Seeing as everybody has gone to bed
Now, I can understand how the contraction could've can be mispronounced as could-of (quickly as one word), but to say them as separate words just doesn't make sense.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 22:50, Reply)

V V Vs
The answer is always V.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 22:49, 1 reply)

Overheard in a shop
"I aren't getting you them trousers just for school, when I can go to Asda and get some for twice as cheap"

WTF? That doesn't make sense.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 22:47, 4 replies)

Also food
A mate's girlfriend couldn't just say bread, it had to be breadloaf.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 22:43, Reply)

my mother in law used to say
cereals.
"What do you want for breakfast? Do you want cereals?"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 22:43, 2 replies)

Goes vs Says
I haven't found any reference to this one yet (though there is such a volume of posts I may have missed it):

So he goes, "No way" and so I go, "But you have to" and he goes, "But I did it last time" etc.

How can a verb of motion equate to the verb "to say" or its synonyms? I accept that for a long time it's been common practice to say things like "cows go moo" but this is a new and rather annoying way of referring to human speech. If I'm subjected to a lecture consisting of "he goes" and "she goes" I soon decide it's time for me to go too.
(eesnahk, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 22:19, 1 reply)

You can't have your cake and eat it too
Drives me nuts when people use it but have no idea what it means.
To my former boss, no, it doesn't mean "you can't have one without the other"

For example:

Me: I've just spent six hours on this problem. It drove me insane but I've finally worked it out.
Boss: You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Aaargh!!!

It's a statement which refers to the concept of opportunity cost, foresaking one thing for another.
As in "you cannot consume or spend something and still keep possession of it"

It does NOT mean "no pain, no gain".


Learn it, love it...better yet, just stop using it!
(DougQuaid Get ya azz to moars..., Fri 9 Apr 2010, 22:19, 2 replies)

The things they say...
The way Amercians say “leisure” – pronounced [leezure] it’s just not leisurely in any way.

Also

An American friend of mine used to say “line-up” when he meant “queue.” So I told him to line-up against that wall over there. Then I shot him.
(Nitrous Nitrous, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 22:14, Reply)

anytime the letters F or V replace th
As in fink, bruvva, somefing, etc
That's more of a speech problem than a particular word or phrase.
Fanks.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 21:58, 6 replies)

Working in IT, I get this a lot.
"My Screen isn't working". You mean your monitor?
"My Box!" Your vagina?
"CPU!" Your central processor unit? The chip itself has failed?

No, you mean your computer. Just fucking say it.

Another one that gets my goat is people who don't know the difference between a hub (the box with hundreds of network wires coming out) and a server. If you don't know what you mean, describe it. I don't mind. I find it easier than trying to guess what you're talking about.
(Flap Burger hasn't really got a burger made of flaps, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 21:35, 10 replies)

Synergy
*barf*
( RarelyEvil, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 21:20, Reply)

2 wee words
I DO.

Nasty phrase.
(roysin, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 21:18, 3 replies)

Being "honest"
"I'm just being honest with you"
This on paper sounds like a reasonable thing to say, however I feel a lot of people use this as an excuse to say what they like. Which indeed they are entitled to do. However if it's really fucking offensive it doesn't matter if you are being "honest". Just don't say it!
p.s. A good retort to this might be to say that Hitler was just being honest.
(muzzvsworld, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 21:13, 1 reply)

my anoying tosspot manager
I deliver plant machinery for a living. In the morning or when he is on the phone to me he always says "THERE SCREEEEEEEMING FOR IT". Grr. I hate him.
(bendybanana, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 21:11, 1 reply)

The smiley-face which supposedly means "no offence" but implies everything but.
It's not really a phrase or buzzword, I guess. But that's what makes it so insidious. Tacking on a :) after an interweb missive clearly intended to put me in my place "politely" is guaranteed, instantly, to make me twice as miserable/enraged. But I think you know that. That's why you do it. You smug twunt :)
(lonelybadger, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 20:56, 4 replies)

Suffering from "stress"
You've got 10 seconds to defuse a nuclear bomb whilst being given a blowjob by an epileptic Janet Street Porter who has strobes attached to her glasses - that I shall accept to be stress.

For those who work in some public sector arenas and are "stressed" because they're under pressure (read: have a job to do) or because their flexi-time is under threat, or can't handle the fact that they're one of the chosen few to get a final salary pension (paid for by me and thee).

Fuck off. Get a grip on things and either do the job you're paid to do, or alternatively stop free-loading because "working for the council" seemed like an easy gravy train.

**Subnote** Not a sweeping generalisation, but seems to be highly appropriate in any of the public sector people/areas I've dealt with.

Spleen vented.
(spongtastic - Fisting midgets since 15.45, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 20:47, Reply)

Per se.
There's no need for it. What's wrong with "(in and of) itself" or "as such"? And if you insist, and then go on to write the phrase as "per-say".. [insert hyperbolic threat of violence here]
(lonelybadger, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 20:37, 2 replies)

People at work have said to me......
2 seconds, it drives me wild, just say you will be five minutes.

2 seconds to me implies that you will be actually 2 seconds before dealing with my query not 5 minutes
( discobunnywalker, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 20:35, 2 replies)

Moronic schoolchildren...
Something which happened to me frequently in senior school, then quite infrequently but still evident in sixth form was this wonderful adaptation of English:

"Can you borrow me..."
"I will borrow you..."

No. Just no. You will not. You *lend* me objects, I *lend* you objects, you borrow off of me and I borrow off of you: Something that truly makes me rage.
(Narcotic-Nightmares, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 20:25, 5 replies)

Shiny
Shiny means "Good", "great", "neat", "wonderful", etc. If you use it to describe something glittering (like a poncy vampire) you give me brief hope that you're intelligent enough to have watched and enjoyed Firefly before the flame of hope flickers and dies in my breast.

Similarly, "interesting" should be defined as "oh god, oh god, we're all going to die".

I...may need to adjust my view on the world.
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 20:16, Reply)

I hate people
who misuse the acronym 'lol', for example..

'my dog just died lol'
'I have aids lol'

just pack it in, it means 'laughing out loud', but somehow its gradually become a 'sentence enhancer'
(Lord Chode, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 20:10, 6 replies)

Foods! Must Consume!
I routinely say Foods as the plural of Food. I do it just to be annoying.

I'm hoping to start a trend - any takers?
(danalan Pretty good, for an amateur., Fri 9 Apr 2010, 20:05, 3 replies)

in pubs etc . . . .
me 'pint of Coke please'
Them 'We only have Pepsi, is that ok?'

has anyone ever in the history of anything ever said 'oh no. It's Coke or nothing'

I know they probably have to say it on pain of being stabbed, but really . . . . .
(BigAndyBee, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 19:57, 13 replies)