I once did something childish...
My mates insist that she was an adult with learning difficulties, but I still say she was child-ish.


Sorry, bindun?
(porkinator is a Rock n Roll nerd!, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:22, Reply)

While out shopping for school supplies last night
I was wandering the aisles of Office Depot and found rolls of colored paper standing in a rack. It was fade resistant paper, and the rolls were about four feet wide.

I took out a red one and carried it to where my daughter was looking at folders, and boomed out, "So, Obi Wan, we meet again" and made appropriate sound effects as I moved it threateningly.

She sighed. "Dad, you're such a geek."

No, I just spend far too much time on this goddam website.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:08, 3 replies)

A couple of years ago me and some friends were going to Glastonbury
To make sure everyone made it to the right bit of the camping area, I copied a map from off their website and doodled on it in MSPaint, adding arrows, points of interest and random sweariness straight from the Profanisaurus, which is why my friend Angela should definitely not have printed it out at work (in the same office I previously had worked in) and certainly not have forgotten that she printed it out and left it on the printer.

Apparently my old head of department was walking around the office reading out stuff like "SOAPY TITWANKS? Whose is this?"
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:06, Reply)

Whatcha Gonna Do!
I’ve just had an interesting dinner break that started out as a trip to Sainsbury’s but ended me being accused of being a sick perv and kiddie fiddler (I don’t even look that dodgy- I haven’t got the unruly facial hair or mad starey eyes that scream “kiddie catcher” either). But that’s for a future QOTW.

Anywhoo I came back to the office and rang the missus at home to fill her in on the details. While she laughed her ass off at my stupidity she also brought up this week’s QOTW and wondered why I hadn’t mentioned the Ultimate Warrior incident yet- here’s a tip wifey you want something writing on here you stop lurking and get yourself an account on here instead (Sorry to start a domestic on here).

Back in February this year I was enjoying my weekend off and had just managed to fix something in the house without using a hammer or swearing when I heard a crash from upstairs.

I ran up wondering what the hell was happening to find my kids bouncing on my bed dressed up with a number of replica wrestling belts and pretending to hit each other with metal chairs (really the pillows from the bed). Rather than tell them off for using the bed as a trampoline (And because my wife was at work that day which gives me an all out pass to act like a ten year old) I grabbed a couple of my ties, wrapped them around my arms, dabbed some of the kids facepaint on my own face and joined the fight for the world title.

After a number of piledrivers and body slams our title match was interrupted by a knock at the door. Forgetting my current state of dress I answered the door to my neighbour a nosy cow who took on the job as Avon lady just to see the interior of everyones house.

Nosy-bint had called to speak to my wife about something or other and seeing that she wasn’t there she headed off home. I turned round closed the door and then charged back to the match yelling “Better look out kids here comes The Mon!!!".

Naturally nosy-bint must have heard me and the next time she met my wife poor old wifey was told that I must be either a very bad tranny in practice or up to some crazy things while she was at work(God knows what she thought, I guessed she meant trying to be a New Romantic).

Meh I don’t care I still won the title that day (and broke our bed after my youngest attempted a dive from the nearby dressing table and missed- my wife still thinks we broke it a few nights later during sexytime- sorry)

Normally I would apologise for length but The Mon refuses to apologise…. I once powerbombed a baby!
(mon bison powered by magnets, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:04, 2 replies)

I still use the word "oblong"
intead of "rectangle", especially if I'm talking to someone I don't really know.
It makes you feel strangely self-conscious.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:55, 4 replies)

Unlocked screens
If someone in work leaves their screen unlocked, the old classic is CTRL+ALT+arrow key. This will tilt someones screen in whichever direction you choose and provide sometimes hours of fun while the person figures out what they've done.

The other boredom-killer for me is if someone goes on lunch and they haven't locked their screen, send an e-mail from them to everyone in the office telling them they now feel the need to come out of the closet but decided to do it in e-mail form as they don't want to have awkward conversations with everyone in the office about this.
It can take weeks for it to filter back to the person involved.
And you can sit back and watch the news spread around the whole company while no-one wants to mention it to the person.
(WOGAN'S WIG FIXER, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:42, 4 replies)

Makes shopping more fun!
My friends, let me tell you about one of my greatest joys in life. It is a wondrous way to pass the time. It makes life just that little bit more worth living. And it goes by the name of... Supermarket Tetris.

When you reach the checkout, you've got a lovely long conveyor-belt to load your goods on to. And your shopping is, for the most part, in rectangular packaging. It is up to you, o noble player, to load your items onto the belt in true Tetris style. Baguettes go down the long side, a box of Weetabix fits across there, fill in that gap with a tub of Flora... That's a complete row! SCORE!!

Humming the theme tune and then acting as if nothing is amiss when people look at you only adds to the childish glee.

Try it. You just might like it.

~~~~~~~~~
Other stuff:
- Playing "pull my finger" with my boyfriend
- Demanding piggybacks from said long suffering boyfriend at inopportune moment
- Tongue Jousting with Boyfriend Of Infinite Patience (pretty self-explanatory; poke your tongues out and joust with them, first one to back off is the loser)
- Not stepping on cracks in pavement
- Riding on the top deck of buses and planning my escape route across the roofs of houses for when the zombie apocalypse comes
- Trying to make the water go down the plughole the wrong way
- And much, much more!
(Elegant Lady Vee is not my real name., Tue 22 Sep 2009, 14:03, 10 replies)

I saw this and thought of you...
My son drew a chalk picture of a robot. (the one that cleans everything in Wall-e)
I couldn't stifle the laugh. The childish bit is I had to take a picture as I knew you'd like it!



www.b3tards.com/u/88f088266fccbe11388e/p090809_15.00.jpg
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:50, 4 replies)

Just a quickie..
Whenever I approach an automatic door I pretend I am a Jedi and using the force to open the door instead (ie Obi Wan Episode 2 stylee)
(ldwater otherwise known as a 'jive turkey', Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:49, 3 replies)

Crap little monkey has just reminded me...
In the pub, few years ago, before the novelty of blueteeth had worn off, a bunch of particularly miserable and grumpy old bastards were sat at their usual table. We were on the next table.

One of them had a new(ish) mobile phone.

Long story short, we send him a short clip of gay shock-pron, and we all try to act casual, while literally wetting ourselves, as they all huddled round the 'wonder of modern technology' to watch a bloke with a magnificently huge wang, pull out of a recipient's sheriff's badge, only to see a two foot double-ender follow the exit strategy.

They were absolutely lost for words for about 5 minutes.

For some reason, the more you try not to laugh, the more you need to burst. There is probably a complex but robust, mathematical equation for this.
(Superfool is going to skull-fuck your ladyfriends..., Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:46, Reply)

In my First year of University...
I had a ridiculous flat-mate who, after the first couple of weeks during which I'll admit we had a few parties, presented us with a list of "flat rules"

I still remember them as they were the most hilarious thing I've ever seen:

THe sheet started with the sentence "I own one fifth of this flat for the remainder of the year" accompanied with a pie chart demonstrating what proportion that represented. All respect for the document instantly evaporated.

The following rules have been cherry-picked but if I can find the thing I'll put a scan up.

1. No walking past [flatmates] room after 10pm (difficult as it's between our rooms and the rest of the world)

2. No laughing after 10pm (really?)

3. Only one "outsider" (she referred to anyone who didn't live in the flat as an outsider) in the flat at any one time, and they must be gone by 10pm (so much for traditional uni liasons, we thought)

There were about 15 but these are the best I can remember.

In the end we just posted her some "change of room" forms and had another party, during which we drunkenly decided to have a "who has the loudest rape alarm" contest between our female friends.

I feel bad about it but it was us or her, if the rules had been sensible it wouldn't have been a problem...
(The Sausage Tree "Snort...Huh?...Shit", Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:42, 3 replies)

Where's my...?
My five year old son runs into the kitchen while I make his sarni's for school and asks, 'Mommy, where's my dragon?' to which I respond, 'Up your bum'...
He looks at me, confused and wondering if I am serious... I start to piss myself laughing at his cute innocent little face which screws up in humour and we both end up laughing as he says, No mommy, its not up my bum! I then say, yes it is, first door to the left... he then pulls his pants down, bends over and parts his cheeks and says, No mommy seee!!!! Eeeuw Bumhole!

I have been waiting since last week to post this, my very first post. Yeehaaa!
(Barmybarny, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:36, 2 replies)

There's a restaraunt
near where I live that goes by the wonderful name of "Bonaparte's"

Each time I drive by I squint at the sign and ask my wife "What's that place called?" She dutifully replies "Bonaparte's dear". I then spend the next 5 minutes chuckling to myself, a la Beavis & Butthead, saying "She said Boner" huh-huh-huh.

I'm forty three.
(The Pesky Trout, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:22, Reply)

Sometimes I like to fart in one chamber of a revolving door,
then hide behind a potted plant in the foyer to giggle at whoever is unlucky enough to discover it.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:09, 2 replies)

Wanted...Deadly killers
Just after Wanted had come out at the cinema's (which I still bum to an unbelievable standard), me and my mate at B&Q used to stand down aisles and pretend to curve bullets at each other and you had to be shot and killed in a crazy way if they curved a bullet at you first.

Most entertaining when he's serving a customer and has to spin round with an ARRGHH before returning to the help desk as if nothing has happened.

I also do this on my own round partially open doors with the premise... If there was a guy behind that door PACHOW... dead hee hee

For some reason I've started pushing my hand out towards closed doors like Robert Downey Jr in Ironman on the hope that a huge blast flies out and blows the door apart

I love my imagination :D

P.S. First post I love you guys mucho long time xx
(Dragonpity, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:07, Reply)

I still read...
Tin Tin, The Broons, Oor Wullie, Asterix The Gaul, Garfield, Famous Five, Secret 7 etc

Not really childish, but I just enjoy the stories.

I guess the most childish things happen in the office like flipping peoples monitors upside down, pressing the lower seat lever with my foot whilst the're sitting on it. Putting post-it notes all over peoples screens saying things like "gone to pub!" and "this job sucks, I quit" etc

hohoho, the belly laughs we have when you work in the boredom that is the IT industry.

hmm, I'm 34
(scotsbloke, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:05, 2 replies)

MY gf and I where childishly sharing Love Hearts last night
until she decided to start sticking them into my nose and ears. I finaly got her to stop but she promised she would continue once I;d gone to sleep. She also started nudging my arm everytime I tried to eat a love heart so that I kept missing my mouth. When I switched arms she used her feet to continue the annoyance.

She's also in the habit of sticking her finger in my ear and up my nose and wiping it on my head. As well as having merciless tickle fights which leave me either falling off my bed or gasping for breath.

THen again I'm jsut as bad to her.
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 13:02, Reply)

Several years ago I worked in the hideously depressing industry of childrens' television.
I found in those days that I became completely incapable of saying the word "adult" and used "grown-up" instead.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:44, Reply)

I'm not sure if this counts....
...but it was a 'moment'.

I was there for the birth of my daughter, which was a long and painful battle as far as my wife was concerned and a very, very stressful day (and night) for me.

We'd had all the ups and downs, all the worries and scares, all the tears and screaming and crushed fingers (mine) and in the end the little one had to be delivered by forceps and even that proved unusually tricky (so the doc. said).

But, came that moment when the wife was lying exhausted and barely conscious, whacked out on morphine and it was I who was handed the little lass herself for the very first time.

I lent down to show our "lovely" (they are pretty ewww at first!) daughter to my wife for the first time, and spoke these words, never forgotten by those who heard them, and shattering the tension in the room for all and sundry....

"Look honey, it's a HUMAN! Winner!"
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:43, 1 reply)

Wedding Service
We had 3 hymns/songs and determined to pick songs people knew and would actually sing to we chose (my wife chose the first 2 and i was "allowed" the last)

1. Jerusalem (pretty dark old set of words in there)
2. All things bright and beautiful
and my choice
3. Lord of the Dance.

It made me feel about 7 years old, and had to keep it together as the Vicar (looks like H Shipman, the murderer of the old not the fish spread maker) was about a foot in front of us singing his ass off.

It had been a while since he had dropped any E's i would imagine, but his face said he just might of done - you know, to get closer to God and that.
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:40, 1 reply)

Cars
When i was a kid i loved playing cars.... Now i'm 38 i still love cars...The other day at my mother in laws i spied a tub of cars on the side which my daughter of 5 years had been playing with earlier. I waited till everyone else had left the room and then took my chance. Running over i picked a favourite from the tub,(Alfa Romeo Spyder, Flame Red),and proceeded to brumm it on the table with a long drifting skid put here, u-turns, flips and 360's ...Fantastic...Love it.
No one knows and they never will.....HA hA ha ha...
(whuppingboy, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:37, 1 reply)

Black is in this year
Back to rail enquiries days. One ancient system was used primarily for train running but could be used for timetable enquiries. One of our colleagues shunned the other timetable systems and wouldn't even log into them. He pops out for a break. We change the settings to black text on a black background. He comes back and hits the button to start the calls flowing again without looking at his screen. The supervisor who listened into the call told us it was a journey that was a nightmare even with a computer. Pershore to Dumfries on a Sunday with a couple of buses thrown in style. He dug his timetables out and was flicking backwards and forwards through them and we knew we had really rattled him when he started calling the customer "madam".
(jvz, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:11, Reply)

Singing- I love it!
It may be childish, and possibly the weird side of eccentric, but I don't remotely give a shit. I'll happily sing songs that are in my head in public, sing along to the radio, or sing along with Mum as we drive along with the car.

I will make paper aeroplanes and throw them in public. I will happily glide around on supermarket trolleys. I will, at some point, make the Oyster card Harry Potter wand and say "Expelliarmus" at the ticket gates. And with a smile on my face as I do it.

In fact, it's not childish, it's an expression of joy. Anyone who wants to talk that down can quite frankly insert themselves into an elephant's cavernous arsehole.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:57, 3 replies)

We moved to a bigger house last year
and finally, I've got a "Doctor Who" room.
Something I've wanted since about 1966!
(greatoldone Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl f'tagn, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:48, 6 replies)

Man vs Machine
Whenever I approach automatic doors in shops or government buildings, I tend to put my head down and leg it as fast as I can in an attempt to beat the sensor, thus crashing headlong into the still closed doors.

This is why I am no longer allowed in Camden Morrisons.
( SpankyHanky, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:40, 2 replies)

Four steps to utter public childishness...

Follow these instructions:

1) Obtain oyster card and remove chip carefully.
2) Obtain 'harry potter wand' toy and dismantle carefully.
3) place oyster chip in wand and re-assemble (You may need an adult to help with the gluing).
4) use wand in place of oyster card at every opportunity.

Extra credit awarded for use of magic words, loudly, in public.
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:33, 17 replies)

God bless the 80's
Does it count that I bought an Atari ST last week, and spent 5 hours last night playing treasure island dizzy whilst wearing a Thundercats T shirt and eating a big bag of White chocolate Mice.

Im 27 :(
(Obi wanker nobi Its not a bug, its an unexpected feature, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:25, 11 replies)

I haven't posted on QOTW for quite a while...
Those of you who have seen Bill Bailey: Part Troll, will know that around the start of his act Bill discusses the gigantification of British confectionery. A little while ago I decided to act upon his advice, with the following results;

Preparation

Execution

and finally...

One man, no cup
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:24, 14 replies)

Always lock your computer!
Aside from the usual giggling at farts, gliding round on trollies, or slowing down in front of cuntish tailgaters as mentioned earlier, I find myself getting up to a lot of things which in retrospect lead me to question whether or not I should actually be trusted out in the big wide world. Frankly, I'm the least mature person I know. Not that I consider it a bad thing, but sometimes, I do worry.

I work in an office, with a lot of like-minded people. That is, people who are just as immature as I am. All happily getting drunk on school nights, re-arranging keyboards and hiding each other's hot lunch in the cupboards. It's not a lunchbreak if you don't end up playing hunt-the-butty.

As part of working in an office, we all have computers. And we all have childish senses of humour. And we all make sure we lock our workstations as a result, lest a fruity email be sent out, with our signature attached to it. Most of the time, it's pretty tame stuff such as "I want your collective lengths up my Hershey Highway" kind of stuff. However, one day, the office joker (we all have one) left his computer unlocked whilst on a lunchbreak. How foolish of him.

Here is the email that was sent:

"As I'm sure you're all aware, I'm having a party this weekend. However, the theme of the party has changed. It will no longer be a barbeque with BYO booze. Instead, the first person to arrive will need to untie me, as I will be alone, in my room, naked and covered in taramasalata, handcuffed to the bed.

PS. Bring your own sheep".

It took him a little while to live that one down, poor bastard. Until he got into my computer and sent round an email offering to piss into peoples winking browneyes for a nominal fee.

Git.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:16, Reply)

your
mom




sorry about that. also don't know why but it had to be spelled like a merkin.
(teasus likes tea, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 11:08, Reply)