the phrase 'what for' is common around where i grew up
example
Mother : 'you'll get what for if you don't cut that out.'
My grandmother,in a moment of self-mockery,once told me at the age of eight to quit whatever-the-hell-i-was-doing by saying 'you'll stop that or you'll get what for.'
we looked at each other for a moment,her sternly staring at the brat i was,me staring back defiantly at this stern old woman,and then we both fell about laughing.
(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Sat 18 Oct 2008, 12:54, Reply)

Portsmouth
To be fair, lots of Pompey folk are perfectly decent (Although the Pompey Boy accent makes cockneys sound sophisticated).
Then there's places that drag the average right down.
I'm looking at you Paulsgrove. And you, Somers Town.
(Big D, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 12:33, 1 reply)

Pork Scratchings
and speaking whilst eating on the phone!

Scrunching and not folding the Bathroom Tissue!
(thecuda If you can read this you are the resistance..., Sat 18 Oct 2008, 12:28, 5 replies)

low foreheads
i can't quite justify this one,so i'm not going to try.but i've met many,many people in my time and the biggest difference i can find between the 'upper-crust' (hahaha,ever read any de Sade?They get up to worse than the peasants) and the 'chavs' is a certain shape of the forehead.I don't wish to sound like a racial classifyer,but there may well be good grounds for identifying 'chavs' by their forehead size.Male and female alike have the kind of foreheads that i've only ever seen in the National Geographic supplement on early hominids.
Am I wrong?Has it always been this way?I'd like to know.someone tell me!

EDIT: i didn't realise this sounded like phrenology until someone pointed it out.i'm not being racist,or accusing chavs of having criminal tendencies,i just wondered if it was something to do with inbreeding.or whatever.i was only pointing out something i noticed.or didn't.maybe i was looking for it.i need to go back to bed.good boo.
(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Sat 18 Oct 2008, 12:27, 12 replies)

Common as Muck……
This QOTW reminds me of a family I know. Bunch of complete inbreds who claim hundreds of thousands in state benefit each year, including housing benefit for about six properties, some of which they don’t even occupy. Not one of them has got a real job, nor do any of them actively seek work.

The grandmother, who masterminds the benefit fraud operation, has no discipline over the antisocial behaviour of her offspring, but what hope does she have when her husband is a psychopathic bigot given to racist outbursts at the drop of a hat.

Her children all have broken marriages behind them, except for the one whose token marriage is only a cover-up for his being a shirt-lifter. One of her boys hooked up with a slapper who was sleeping her way round every third bloke in the country, until she copped it while out joyriding with a pissed-up mate and one of her “johns”, but he didn’t mind, as he’d been slipping one to some old bint who used to be his baby-sitter all the while anyway. Another of her lads was shafting some cheapo porn actress, but ended up with a chavette-to-end-all-chavettes, and he’s regularly been pulled up for taking and driving away (not just cars, but bloody jets, FFS). The daughter ran off with a squaddie, but ended up back on the money-for-nothing scam.

The grandchildren are generally piss-heads, potheads, and closet Nazis.

Whoever would want to live in Windsor??
(b3ta_demeter, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 12:26, 7 replies)

People who are proud of their ignorance
Watching the England v Kazakhstan match last week, I heard numerous shaven headed knuckle-draggers going on about how they had never even heard of Kazakhstan. This is not something they should be pointing out, it's not something to be proud of.

Probably the same kind of person who exclaims proudly that they never read books, don't need to, I read the Mirror/Mail/Sun.
(hutchers, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 12:23, 5 replies)

I'll let the photo speak for itself.
Here is the Republican candidate for Vice President and her daughter.

I really can think of nothing to add to this.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Sat 18 Oct 2008, 12:13, 3 replies)

Just thought of story
from last December. I was waiting for a bus at the clock tower (I live in Brighton) and overheard a conversation between mother and stroppy teenager.

"Do you want us to have a nice Christmas?! Well do ya?! Do you want us to have a nice family Christmas?!!" Mother bellows at the top of her lungs. They were not even that close to me but I could hear every syllable.

Teenage son hangs head, shuffles and probably mumbles a yes.

"Well then stop being such a fucking arsehole!!!"

Laughed my arse off. Too many things wrong and ironic with that whole situation to point out. Love it when people feel the need to scream like banshees and argue in public.
(Eldoofus, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 12:10, 1 reply)

Common Kids
We all know the ones. Those that hang outside of McDonalds and drop their greasy litter despite there being a bin three feet away.

Or those that walk past random strangers and burp in their faces.

Far too common.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 12:05, 1 reply)

This QotW has really opened my eyes...
I thought I was quite a nice guy, but reading these lists of what people find common, I see that I am in fact common scum.
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 11:56, 3 replies)

I'm common
and couldn't give a flying fuck
You may look down on me, but don't expect me to look up to you.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 11:55, 1 reply)

Overheard Commonness
woman (screaming) "you don't love me!"
man "Of course I do, I fucks you and buys you chips don't I ?!"
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 11:52, 4 replies)

I'm from Plymouth.

( Nathanial Hornblower, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 11:39, 4 replies)

TV
Not turning the TV off when someone comes round to your house. My in-laws are guilty of this - they don't like me much because they think I'm a bit snobby, but it's ok because I think they're a bit common*, so it all works out in the end.

It's ok to watch tv when people are visiting, but only if you've talked to them a bit first and you've all agreed to watch the programme. There's nothing more common than just leaving the tv on all day and ignoring your guests.

* as in "I'm just going to Tescos and then I'm going to see Nan". They also don't eat at the table - they don't *have* a table.
( Peapod Has returned to the fold on, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 11:38, 3 replies)

the general public in public
Eating: really, are you SO hungry you can't wait to be indoors before stuffing your face, or chewing some indigestible blob of artificially sweetened plastic? Drinking too - there was a time when folk could survive without a bottle of water in their hand - remember - or perhaps it was before you were born? In fact anything that parades animal needs in public is sooo common - this includes masticating, pissing, shitting, vomiting, masturbating and yes, dammit, breathing, why the fuck does everyone have to breathe so much... it... is.... so..... common!
(head explodes)
(in-knock-you-us, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 11:30, Reply)

starter for 10
-tracksuit bottoms and shoes (not trainers, shoes)
-playboy accessories
-wearing burbery scarves (esp in summer)
-kids who hang around in the fields, by the shop, behind the garage drinking diamond white and smoking and swearing
- the parents who dont give a fuck where there offspring are and what they are doing (see above)
-kids who swear in public and have no regard for others, especially authority and old people
- dark roots and too much make up
- soverign rings
- chipped nail varnish
- motorised scooters and quad bikes on the roads (usually fucking chavs with no licence and no helmet)
- bad teeth (ffs yes its expensive but a smile says everything)
- old football shirts - man u 'sharp' etc...

this is more than 10 but i could go on and alot of the things i think have been posted a million times

-big fucking earrings ,so big they stretch the ear.
-elizabeth duke
- playing music through your phone on the bus - no i dont want to listen to fucking NeYo, thanks very much
- rockports with trakkies tucked in

you get the picture
(jenko83, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 11:29, Reply)

I have nothing against smokers
its fine, its your choice; smoke em up Johnny. However, I can't stand people who smoke around/over prams and pushchairs. Why inflict it on little lungs? Its just not very nice and doesn't give much hope for little Chardonnay hacking away in her pram.

On another note I also hate it when people yank their dogs on leads when the poor things are trying to have a shit. Sounds weird but I've seen it so many times. Let them do their business- hoiking them away from the scene while still in mid dump does not erase your responsibilty to pick it up!!!

2 very common sights.

Rant over
(Eldoofus, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 11:27, Reply)

I blame the parents...
White kids dressing like little latino pimps and pretending to be gangsta rappers that only eat junk food that think WWE is real.
Schoolgirls dressing like whores and chewing gum wearing jewellry from Argos.
Any overweight people wearing sports leisurewear.
Watching football on TV in the pub.
Eating whilst shopping or any other public activity.
Using soap and shampoo in the swimming pool showers.
Saying all wine tastes the same when you've never spent more than a fiver on a bottle in your whole life.
Abusing public transport facilities.
Thinking you have a right to smoke despite being in a hospital.
Not bothering to reprimand your offspring or publicly humiliating them, either way it is bad parenting.
Smoking whilst driving, especially with children in the vehicle.
Not using coasters to protect real wooden furniture (if you have any).
Duvet covers that never get changed or washed.
Continuing conversations whilst using the lavatory.
Not washing your hands.
Asking for tomato sauce or vinegar in restaurants.
Frequenting the local pie shop.
Wearing socks with sandals.
Ever worn a snake belt.
Owned a snorkel parka.
Having a takeaway every weekend.
Eating chips in the street.
Brewing your own beer.
Breaking wind in public.
Belching in public.
Wiping your nose on your hand.
Scratching your pubic region (and sniffing your fingers)
Applying make-up whilst travelling.
Talking loudly on your mobile amongst strangers.
Thinking pictures on readymeal food packaging looks appetising.
Not going to the dentist.
Buying the cheapest forms of alcohol.
Asking the waiter the price of every item on the menu because you can't really afford to dine there.
Not knowing how to eat in public.
Thinking that all foreigners don't understand English while you abuse them in full earshot.
Wearing baseball caps.
The list could go on...
(minky, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 10:54, 7 replies)

Beneath common
In a village of commoners we had one family that were beneath your average common scum.

They had a patch of carpet for show at the front door and the living room was wall papered with copies of the Racing Post.

It was generally acceptable behaviour to hate them as collectively they were a proper cunt soup.
(i anglepoise, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 10:18, Reply)

I've got one!
I have a bit of music (4gb?) on my pc at work shared with my boss. We're security guards so it's not like it matters, but he just asked me to delete some of it, because when he logs in he gets a pop up: "WARNING! LOW ON VIRTUAL MEMORY!"

I mean, come on!!1!
(suicidalducky has too much time on his hands, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 10:17, Reply)

im an old lady
I proudly do the following.

I fart

I belch

I slurp down a cup of tea

I lick crumbs off a plate

i strech out on the couch when company is around so nobody else can sit next to me

I dont get out of bed untill 10 at the earliest



Am i common?



yes yes i know its a big pic but im a bit of a luddite so go easy ok?
(welgar, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 10:12, 2 replies)

Readers Digest presents: this thread.
Poor people! Ha ha ha!

But not because they're poor.

My parents worked really hard.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 9:49, 1 reply)

Putting Wine In The Freezer
rather than chilling it properly is so common.






And so is what happens to it when you forget.

This accident brought to you courtesy of Mrs Legless.


Cheers


EDIT: BTW - thats a metal topped wine bottle. The pressure just blew straight through it.
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 9:48, 9 replies)

Sitting in the pub ...
... taking your shoes off and picking your feet, absent-mindedly ...

Talking loudly in restaurants (inc swearing)

Burger King and Maccy D's

Reverse snobbery where ignorance is paraded as a badge of working class authenticity (see 'Tam Cowan' the Scottish 'restaurant critic' and 'personality')

Bling

Chelsea Football Club

etc
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 8:45, 1 reply)

What Lies Below
I was living out in the bush in the far north of Australia many years ago. You have seen movies set in this sort of place I am sure. Crocodile Dundee type stuff but toned down to reflect reality (I hope you have made the effort to track down the wonderful film Ten Canoes btw).

Anyway, one night I was drinking in a pub in a small town in the back end of nowhere. The majority of patrons were farmers and bushies and there were also a significant number of aborigines who had come in from their bush camps to get alcohol. In addition tourism was establishing itself as a local industry at the time and there were a few visitors from an American run tour group in attendance. There was one woman in this group of well-to-do tourists who was in her 50s, flashy smile, well structured, a bit sexy, some innate dignity. She was probably a lovely person in her natural habitat but she was over dressed for an outback pub and out of place. She had the designer khaki, the Timberland boots, the earrings and flashy pearl necklace, the expensive bush hat draped behind her; all together more posed than functional. But bless her – she was trying at least.

She might have been trying a bit too hard though. She wandered over to a high mileage, wizened, gap-toothed aboriginal elder who happened to be wearing around her neck a string of crocodile teeth laced with a leather thong. The visitor wasn’t trying to cause offence I am sure but she managed it anyway by saying ‘Oh, how lovely. Your people must value crocodile teeth as much as my people value pearls’. The aboriginal woman considered her for a moment then slowly shook her head and turned away saying scornfully ‘Any cunt can open an oyster’.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 6:27, 4 replies)

about an hour ago
iv just got back from doing some shopping at my local mall. I dont particulary like it as its a bit downmarket but it is the closest so sod it.
Anyway i popped into the branch of "The Warehouse" whilst there. For the Brits its a bit similar to Woolworths but bigger.
As i was looking to see what they had in the way of cheese knifes i passed one of the bargin bins.

Two obese teenage girls were having a rummage through. The following is the conversation as i heard it.
" OOh look some condoms"

"You should get them for you and Wayne " (Yes really Wayne!!)

"Yeah there cheap innit"

"Its cos the box is open and two of "em have been nicked"

"Still its cheap for ten of 'em"

"So?"

"fuckit why not i was going to fuck Wayne tonight anyways"

2 questions here
1 ) Who the hell buys their contraception from a bargin bin ? And an unsealed packet at that!

2) Will Wayne be the real father of little Tiffany chantrel bacardi breezer when she makes an innevitable apperance in nine months time?

Do we have a winner here?
(welgar, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 6:12, 1 reply)

GRRRRRRRR
Soap operas.
(BHMM, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:55, Reply)

"What did you have for lunch?" "A meta pastiche, from Greggs"
All this talk of poshness and commonness has reminded me of a story my Granddad once told me.

You see, his father was a vaudeville promoter in 20s America and remembers one act in particular, a family act, the bread and butter of a promoter’s troupe back in the day. The father of the family makes the introductions

“British huh? I like that, you got ten minutes” cracks my Great Granddad.

The family pull off boiler suits to reveal their costumes; white Kappa tracksuits, stained with ketchup, grease and cooking oil. The father throws himself into a DFS easy chair, his tracksuit top pulling back to reveal a hairy beer-gut. He opens a can of warm Stella and a bag of crisps then turns on the television. The TV blares while the man spits obscenities and Dorito fragments at the screen, pausing from time to time in order to fart loudly, breathing in his own aroma.

Meanwhile the daughter and mother share a WKD while waiting for the teatime Pot Noodles to cook, “4 for a pahnd from Asdas, innit?” the elder female correctly asserts. The second television screen in the room is tuned to QVC, the mother phones the network to order false nails while her illiterate youngling looks at the pictures in Heat.

The youngest member of the family has relieved himself of his tracksuit and is covered in nothing but grime and cigarette burns. The nude boy tears around the staged lounge, high on Panda Pops, he knocks over his father’s can of lager. Incensed, the pater familias lunges at his son, screaming out “Get ere now Logan, I’m gonna fookin stripe yoh!”.

The scene ends, my Great Granddad is speechless for several seconds, he speaks;

“So, whaddya call this crazy act then?

The father waddles forward;

“The Aristocrats” he jangles

Bada ba chada cha
(GrimbleGromble, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 4:02, 3 replies)

Newspaper
.
Specifically, newspaper in the toilet in place of proper toilet paper. Common,common,common and one of my pet hates.

In my student days I knew a fair number of people who practiced this abomination including one guy who would steal a load of extra copies of the student newspaper for his weekly supply.

"If you're going to steal something" I told him "Why don't you steal bog paper from the loos?"

"I like something to read when I'm on the crapper" was his reply.

Pleb.

Soft toilet paper is one of the necessities of life. I'd happily go without food rather than do without decent loo roll. All a man needs in life to be happy can be summarised in the line"

"Loose shoes, tight pussy and a warm place to shit...."


And while we're on about loo roll I'll share my advertising slogan for Andrex with you. Why they don't use it instead of those fucking puppies is one of life's mysteries.

"ANDREX. Gets the shit off your arse and your fingers don't go through it!"

It'll be a winner I tell you.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 3:58, 4 replies)

The word in question is 'daiquiri'.
I'm from the east end of London but currently living up north. My accent has softened greatly since I came here but it comes back again if I'm angry, drunk, or tired. So we moved from a pub to a cocktail-bar\club hybrid one night and I said to the bartender,

"Awright mate, can I get a banana dai-query?"
"A what?"
"A dai-query." I read from the menu about it being a martini based banana cocktail.
He laughs and laughs and then says "You mean a dackary?"
"Nah, I said dai-query, but fuck it, I'll have a dackary instead."

Well, I got one...
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 3:35, Reply)