So when I was 18 I started hooking up with M (who was 38)
and we had fun for a few months, and then he told me about his boyfriend K (34), who wanted to meet me. So then we three had lots of teh sex. Blah blah blah, time passes etc, and we three have fallen in love.

Woo for three-party relationships. People who limit themselves to one partner don't know what they're missing.

Not funny and not even that entertaining, but there you go.
(Ay, Why, Kay, Jee, Oh, Tee, Ell bcdefhijmnpqrsuvwxz, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:50, 6 replies)

A kid at school...
He was 16 or 17 and had it off with his friend's newly-divorced mum. I never met her but apparently she was quite fit in a pneumatic tits and peroxide kind of way. They were at it on her bed and the young lad looks up, sees his friend in his school uniform beaming at him from the photo-frame beside the bed, and without her noticing reaches out and quietly turns the picture face-down. It's the little details that make it for me.
(Whizzer, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:49, Reply)

Me and...
...YOUR MUM!


(in an attempt to nip that particularly inevitable response in the bud).

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:48, 4 replies)

I'm 51
My gf just turned 30. She's blonde and fit, and I'm wearing reasonably well, considering. And we've just had a baby. True story.
( shrinking man Been away a while, time I ventured back, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:48, 2 replies)

Paypal Pull
I was catching up with a couple of old school friends a little while ago. I went to a private school because I got a bursary, and then had to adjust to all the very Englishy Horsey types. There were some lovely lovely people there though. However, due to family connections and bits of talent here and there, some of our old school friends are now in the movies, which just makes you think "Erm,,,so what am I doing with my life?!" And so the conversation goes:

"Hey Hampster, have you heard about Tully?"

"What, no, what's she up to right now? Last time I saw her I was in the cinema which was mainly full of 13 year olds..."

"She's getting married next week..."

"What?!"

"No, wait, you have no idea - he's one of the founders of paypal, is in his forties or something, is in the middle of a divorce and has five small children. They met eighteen days ago. Apparently it's luuurve *vomits*"

"Oh god. She did it for the children, didn't she?"

"Yeah - babies without birthpangs"

"Stupid stupid stupid girl!"

....I haven't heard anything since :S
( Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:48, Reply)

Hmm...
I turned 40 in September. At the time I was shagging a 17 year old.

And the other week, I ended up in bed with an ex of mine's 18 year old daughter...

I'm older than both of their combined ages FFS.
( snee held his breath since, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:44, 27 replies)

I lost my V plates to my mums best friend.
I was a newly minted 16yr old, she was thirtysomething, and I used to babysit for her. I, for some reason, decided to clumsily flirt my little ass off... and it worked! That lady taught me things that have made me the man I am today.
Little Mr.Ons is a rather girthy fellow, and she made loud and vigorous reference to this, leaving my ego undentable for months...


And then my mum found out.

Fun times, fun times.
( Mr.Ons knows you can hear him, Earthmen., Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:38, 3 replies)

john
i was 19, he was 43. he was handsome, charming, debonair, sexy, worldly-wise, witty, well-hung and rich. he made me feel like a queen.
he was also married.
ah well, it was fun while it lasted.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:37, Reply)

My wife
is 27.

I am 41.

She is youthful, blonde and sexy.
I am ageing, bearded and flabby.

Wh'appen?
(daddypigsaw Geddinthebackothevan!, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:34, 1 reply)

My Dad
was 52.

My sister was 17.

They went out for a quiet catch up over an Indian meal.

Halfway through their meal a bloke walked over to the table, pointed his finger at my dad and said, 'You fucking disgust me.'

He shook his head and walked out.
(Waspard has your wank bank account details, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:31, 9 replies)

Go forth and multiply
I had a threesome with a 23 year old and a 22 year old when I was 31.

Either that's a doubly-impressive bit of cradlesnatching on my part, or their combined age of 45 means I got me a four-legged, four-armed, two-headed, two-cocked sugar daddy.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:28, 10 replies)

A friend of mine
who I was at uni with was 20 or 21 and seeing an older gent of 42.

After her description of him I was sadly disappointed to find that he didn't look anything like Eric Clapton or Steven Spielberg, but just like any other 40s, bearded, balding fat bloke.

She was an odd girl.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:28, Reply)

Pearoast I'm afraid...
...but I was 35ish and she was 19. I'm buggered if I'm typing it again though.

jelly.b3ta.com/questions/worstsex/post82210
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:27, Reply)

I am 30
My lass just turned 21.

*WINS*
I do like 'em young and bendy!

Although, I don't like it when she points out she was potty training when I was in my first year at senior school :(
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:24, Reply)

When I was 15
I was seeing someone who was 24.

His mum used to call me 'Jailbait', as in 'M, Jailbait is on the phone for you!'.

*dies*
(missc, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:22, 1 reply)

1st one short and sweet.
Me 31
Him 19

A very good looking student who called me his dirty women during sex and almost, (accidently), strangled me as he got more turned on. Also tried to impress me with the fact that his trainers cost nearly £100.

Also my record breaking pick up of approximately 10 minutes from entering the bar. I think my pick up technique consisted of sitting on his knee and saying how's about it then.
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:22, Reply)

Not so much 'age gap' as 'not gap year age'.
I was staying in a youth hostel recently as I'm stingy and convinced that being a young-looking 32 makes me youthful. I was chatting to a pleasant Australian girl, early twenties, who was on a two month tour of Europe. We were swapping the usual stories about work, travel and boyfriends.

"So you don't live with your bloke?" she asked.

"Nope," I replied. "He lives about ten miles from me. He's got a place just round the corner from his ten year old. Y'know, I never thought I'd be with a guy who had a kid but she's amazing and we get on so well."

"That's nice," replied the Aussie. "I don't get on with my stepmum."

I look like a stepmum.

I'd weep but I don't want to risk any more wrinkles.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:18, 11 replies)

Currently in an
8 year age gap relationship.

I'm 24.

Giggety.








(No, she's not 16...)
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:16, Reply)

Senior's Night
Before settling down with for a relationship with a housemate (bad move for any student), Joe was a bit of a Desperate Dan when it came to women. I'd known the lad for a couple of years and seen him bounce from teenage crush to teenage crush without getting a single go at sexyhappyfuntime inbetween.

In these cases, you undertake in what all unattractive, culturally deprived singles with personalities of knobrot do: you go clubbing on a Saturday night in Birmingham city centre.

Many pubs and many drinks later, Joe is chatting up a pretty fit lass. At least she was from a distance. The closer I got to the couple, the older the woman got. It eventually dawned on me that this bird was 60 going on 20. As I had skipped the voluntary sign language course at secondary school, I couldn't recite the sign for 'prehistoric slapper'. Hell, I couldn't even do the semaphore version despite having some fully-functional glowsticks at the time.

Needless to say, I retreated back to my student halls in the wee hours chuckling away at the inevitable coffin-snatching that would be happening in the next room later on. With the aching taste of kebab and still fully plastered, I'm awoken by the sound of an 18 stone rugby player gargling a litre of mouthwash and screaming at how stupid he was (not simultaneously, otherwise I would've given him another standing ovation).

Turns out this kinky minx had decided to boast at how good she was at the old oral pleasure by offering a 'demonstration' right there on the dance floor. The first step was to remove her false teeth. The poor lad ran a good 4 miles home to purge the mouldy saliva from his gums.
(FoxyBadger (try saying it backwards), Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:16, Reply)

Young and foolish
When I was a young and foolish 22 years old, I married my boss...

He was 36, but acted a lot younger. I soon realised the errors of my ways when he turned out to be a screwed up, alcoholic, wife beater.

I left him when I was 23 and set about having a far better sex life with men my own age.
(etak, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:15, Reply)

Good god.
Sheesh, what a thing to be known for... *laugh*

Well, aside from the story of how I met my friend...

I tend to go for older women as a rule anyway, and always have. No idea why. So I suppose it shouldn't be a surprise that I ended up with Rabbit.

(That's a nickname that she was given many years before I met her, by the way- she loves bunnies, and as a child instead of seeing a face in the moon she saw the profile of a rabbit. Go take a look at the next full moon, and you'll see it too.)

She's a sweet lady, eleven years older than I am, and I met her through a class I was taking. I had been separated for a year or so at that point, but not divorced.

We certainly had a good time together, and were compatible in most things, and excelled in others. She's a wonderful cook and taught me quite a few things about food, very creative and talented, and an excellent lover.

Only thing is, her daughter is less than ten years younger than I am.

Now, really, that's not a problem for me, and wasn't a problem for her per se- except for the fact that I wasn't yet divorced, Nurse Ratched was constantly calling me, and the kids were pretty demanding. Ultimately she couldn't handle the chaos that was my life, so we split up.

I haven't seen her in at least a year now, but at least we're still on good terms with one another...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:13, 2 replies)

Hmmm....
Nothing outrageous to report.

However, I have a yen to write some smut. Watch this space.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:09, 7 replies)

Me 18

Her 53

16yrs ago

Long story short:

I walked out of the night club (the Mersey view in Frodsham) fairly worse for wear at closing time .

My mates were no where to be seen so I asked this lady if she had a light, she sad 'yes, in the car' so I followed her to said car and she said you might as well get in till it pops out (the lighter!) anyway we start chatting and one thing leads to another and we end up shagging in the back of her 5 series BMW tourer.

Had a good time and all, I'd recommend the older lady to anyone.

Come to think of it, she probably did the same thing every week with random strangers, Ho Hum!



(Kip, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:02, 6 replies)

OMG!
Where do I begin.

I'll be back.
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:02, 1 reply)

AND
I got on the first page!!!

Ha ha!!

Small things.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:01, Reply)

My dad had an affair with a 16 year old girl
Well, step-dad.

My dad was gay.

Wonder why I occasionally have issues with men eh.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:00, Reply)

Um...
I accidentally posted as a reply to Wookie.

Or else that would have been second.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 13:59, 1 reply)

Occult American
Eleven years ago, when I was a mere stripling of 20, I lived in France for a year on my year abroad for uni. Nice enough little town (Bourges) but not a greal deal to do. However, I met the only other English assistant in town and we became friends.

One night, when her boyfriend was over (who was a good laugh and liked going out on the pop), we spent a boozy night on said pop in one of the town's "pubs" (Le Scottish Pub- a less convincing French impression of a pub you've never seen). After kicking-out, we were outside in the street pissing about, when some woman storms over and starts berating me loudly in French. Turns out she thought we were having some sort of fight, but in the end we resolve the misunderstanding and it turns out she's actually American.

After we chat for a while and the other two go home, me and l'americaine slope off back to the flat of a friend where I was staying (he was away at the time and my willy's spidey sense was most definitely tingling). It transpires this lady is 34 ("wow, old" I think) and she's travelling round France in a car with her dog. "Hey, stay the night", I say. Yeah, good idea.

She goes and finds her car, with the dog inside, and brings it back to the flat. Fuck my hat, did the dog stink. You see, it was a lady dog and was very much in heat, so the car reeked of hot dog fanny, was fucking covered in dog hair and the dog herself was hyped up to buggery.

She insists on bringing the dog into the flat - fair enough I suppose, it can't stay in the car all night - but this ain't my place and pets are definitely not allowed. We go into the flat, me desperately trying to keep the dog quiet but she's having none of it and barking her doggy tits off. Oh yeah, I'm very allergic to dogs too, which wasn't helping the situation.

We eventually get into bed (plus the fucking dog, which kept crawling up between us and getting rancid essence de dog minge all over the place) and the American promptly launched into a wild-eyed tirade. She gave me some mental long speech about how "no means no" (we hadn't done anything, and I certainly hadn't tried anything on), demanded full anal (eh?), asked me if I thought she was a goddess and wanted me to call her that, and then topped it all off by telling me she was a genuine witch from Salem and gave me a hair-raising account of all the mental witchy bollocks she got up to. I was fucking petrified.

So not the most successful inter-generational coupling I've been involved in. Morning couldn't come quickly enough and fortunately I managed to give her dummy contact details the next day and get the hell out of Dodge.

The fucking stinking dog ate my socks too.
(Crayola Oblongata Is it Monday?, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 13:59, Reply)

First!
Winnar!

I gots nothing to say though. Tits.

EDIT:

Oh fuck it, let's go with something tenuous.

There's one single nightclub in Maidenhead, and it's not a very good one. Despite this they have a fairly strict dress code and therefore it's always a bit of an effort for a scruff-bag like me to get in - the place is dreadful and if you were planning a big night you'd be off to Reading, so we only ever wandered along by drunken accident. This precluded the necessary shoes etc being worn, though occasionally concealing one's trainers beneath exceptionally baggy jeans would get one past the doorman.

All this is irrelevant anyway, except for the fact that because the place is such a shithole, you never really expect to see anyone you know in there. Certainly my young friend F wasn't expecting to see anyone familiar. It was only the expression of dawning horror on her face that drew our attention to the unexpected fellow attendee - her drunken mother, dancing on the pole in the centre of the dancefloor, to Nelly's "Hot in here".

I should add that as a result of the somewhat more mature crowd who frequented this venue, we attempted a "Pull the oldest woman" contest. It is a testament to our overwhelming lack of social skills that not only did no-one pull anyone particularly old, but in fact none of us managed to pull at all except for one lucky chap who achieved a full-on tonsil-hockey gropefest with the aforementioned friend's mother until said friend tore him away and applied a swift ardour-dampening knee to his activity centre.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 13:57, 6 replies)